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Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Walk with FI Down the Aisle - Advice?

I've already decided I want to walk with my FI down the aisle.  He likes the idea too.  I envision coming from the back left of the room and he from the back right and us meeting in the middle and walking together to the front.  To me it's like we are walking together into this new phase and are a unit not two single people anymore.

But, I don't think my family likes this idea.  I don't have my parents anymore and was raised by my grandparents.  I've never felt extremely close with them, especially not my grandfather.  We are on good terms, and I love them, but I don't want my grandfather to walk me down the aisle.  My FI and I are not interested in doing a lot of traditions in our wedding - we are not having any religion involved, no parent child dances, it's going to be cocktail style, etc.  My grandparents are also not very mobile and walking would be difficult for both of them - they are not in wheelchairs but use walkers and have health problems that make it very difficult to walk.  That's not the reason why I don't want him to walk me, it's just another piece of information to consider.

Anyway, a couple months ago when my grandparents were asking us all sorts of questions about the wedding, I mentioned how we are going to walk each other down the aisle.  They were silent and I could tell my grandmother was hurt.  We still have a little over a year until our wedding, and I KNOW this is going to come up again.  I know I just have to find a nice way to explain all this, but I'm dreading it.  I don't want it to become an argument and we do argue very easily.  FI and I are paying for the wedding completely ourselves, so it's not like they really have a say.  I just really want it my way but I feel bad hurting them. 

Any advice?  If you walked yourself down the aisle or with your FI, how did you break it to your family?  Sorry this was a long post.  Thank you.
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Re: Walk with FI Down the Aisle - Advice?

  • I wouldn't bring it up to them again. If they bring it up to you, simply tell them, "This is what FI and I decided to do." Then try to change the subject. You don't have to explain your decisions, no matter how much they dig you for details or try to guilt you. Just say no.

    Also, stop discussing details with them and definitely don't "announce" anything.

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  • I wouldn't worry about it with all this time you have.  If they bring it up again I'd explain it as you have to us that it's symbolic for you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walk-with-fi-down-the-aisle-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4f464bdd-09ad-45b5-9992-9981bbf55d52Post:c81846b6-f51a-48b0-8d97-cb697a39a14b">Re: Walk with FI Down the Aisle - Advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't bring it up to them again. If they bring it up to you, simply tell them, "This is what FI and I decided to do." Then try to change the subject. You don't have to explain your decisions, no matter how much they dig you for details or try to guilt you. Just say no. Also, stop discussing details with them and definitely don't "announce" anything.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    I'm definitely not bringing it up - I'm just thinking of what to do when they ask.  I didn't "announce" anything.  They were asking us questions.  I know it's really early but some family members are asking me lots of questions about how my planning is going.  They already think I am a private person and think I keep things from them (which I really don't).  I can't just not tell them anything if they ask me - they are excited for me and want to feel included and know what's going on.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walk-with-fi-down-the-aisle-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4f464bdd-09ad-45b5-9992-9981bbf55d52Post:c2d43416-fdee-404e-8fae-d99d4839aa9e">Re: Walk with FI Down the Aisle - Advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't worry about it with all this time you have.  If they bring it up again I'd explain it as you have to us that it's symbolic for you.
    Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

    Yeah tha'ts my plan.  I'm just a worrier <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
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  • This is funny.  I considered walking down the aisle by myself, but I know my dad really wanted to walk me down the aisle and it wasn't that big of a deal to me.  I was telling my mom that sometimes brides and grooms walk down together (which we never planned to do) and she was horrified and I couldn't figure out why.  She's not normally that judgemental, but she had a harsh reaction to it.  Maybe it's just too modern for some people?

    I agree that you shouldn't worry about it and just let it go.  On the day of, they'll realize that you're walking down together!

    May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_walk-with-fi-down-the-aisle-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4f464bdd-09ad-45b5-9992-9981bbf55d52Post:1770eb5b-3ec9-4a29-831a-83daef29211b">Re: Walk with FI Down the Aisle - Advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Walk with FI Down the Aisle - Advice? : I'm definitely not bringing it up - I'm just thinking of what to do when they ask.  I didn't "announce" anything.  They were asking us questions.  I know it's really early but some family members are asking me lots of questions about how my planning is going.  They already think I am a private person and think I keep things from them (which I really don't).  I can't just not tell them anything if they ask me - they are excited for me and want to feel included and know what's going on.
    Posted by acj928[/QUOTE]
    I didn't mean to imply you had announced anything, but you had asked us how people reacted when news was broken to people. Breaking news, letting people know, announcing things... there is never a need for it.<div>If they ask for information you could try, "We don't know, yet." or 'We haven't decided yet."</div><div>
    </div>
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  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea, and almost did this myself.
    Ended up walking down alone, which I thought was a real statement of independence.
    And I don't think you should dread your grandparents' asking about this again.  They have already asked and they got an answer.  No need to ask again.
  • Thanks everyone! I feel a lot better now.
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  • My advice is for you and your fiance to make a firm decision about how you'd like things to go (it sounds as if this part is done) and do it.  Why tell your family?  Let them enjoy the events as they unfold.  Remember, this is your wedding.
  • im Catholic, and the traditional catholic wedding ceremony actually says that the groom and bride process together.  however, it is rarely done it seems.  i had wanted us to walk together and was delighted when i discovered that thsi was actually the proper format.

    my H and i did opt to walk together and it was great.  i didnt like the symbolism of being "given away" (i was nearly 31 when i married and had been on my own for quite some time).  the other added bonus is that we were able to get ready together and do all our pcitures before which alloowed us more time with our guests.

    we also were able to say hello to people and got to see who was there rather tahn the bride just staring at the groom.

    i say do it.
  • In Response to Re:Walk with FI Down the Aisle Advice?:[QUOTE]It's a power thing for parents.nbsp; Ignore it and do what you wish. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    This. You're challenging their view of your relationship with them and their importance in your life/wedding. Do what you want.
  • edited January 2013
    In Response to Re:Walk with FI Down the Aisle Advice?:This is funny. nbsp;I considered walking down the aisle by myself, but I know my dad really wanted to walk me down the aisle and it wasn't that big of a deal to me. nbsp;I was telling my mom that sometimes brides and grooms walk down together which we never planned to do and she was horrified and I couldn't figure out why. nbsp;She's not normally that judgemental, but she had a harsh reaction to it. nbsp;Maybe it's just too modern for some people?I agree that you shouldn't worry about it and just let it go. nbsp;On the day of, they'll realize that you're walking down together! Posted by melb2013 I think it's weird to walk down with your Fi. It takes away from the emotions of him anticipating you walking down. It's such an amazing and special moment when he is waiting there and smiling... I always like to see the reactions on the groom's faces. Walking down together I feel takes away from that.
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  • I think that idea sounds lovely-- I would bet that most parents, gradparents, etc may scoff the idea at first because it is not "traditional."  I'm sure the day of they will see how beautiful it is and will love it.  
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