Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Wedding roles, reversed

I need some advice about planning my wedding. Me and my fiancee are trying to plan our wedding to be as traditional as possible but we have a slight twist. The roles for the bride and groom are going to be reversed where I am going to be the bride and she is going to be the groom. We have talked about it for awhile and we have both agreed to do have the wedding like this.

Basically, I am the one wearing the engagement ring which is a women's design and size and I'll wear the wedding ring as well which will also be a women's design and size. For the ceremony, I'll walk down the aisle wearing the wedding gown and during the ceremony I'll say the traditional vows that are normally said by the bride. I am looking for any advice, positive or negative.

I should note that this is our first wedding, we both know that it should be her special day and not mine, she has hinted that she is actually excited that we are doing it this way; I think its just so I can have first hand experience with what a bride goes though when planning a wedding.

Re: Wedding roles, reversed

  • You are looking for advice? Change your plans.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-roles-reversed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5ae177a-a21e-4ddb-823c-30b5497a542dPost:8b4bc653-4535-4196-a9c5-6649d6b05649">Re: Wedding roles, reversed</a>:
    [QUOTE]This can't be real.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    Exactly what I was thinking.
     
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  • I'm so incredibly fascinated by this. It's like a car accident. 

    But I really hope that it's not real. Because it's a really bad idea. 
    japrincess24
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You're both going in drag to your own wedding?  And expect it to be serious?

    No. Can't possibly be real. No one in their right mind would want this kind of spectacle.
    japrincess24
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-roles-reversed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5ae177a-a21e-4ddb-823c-30b5497a542dPost:10acdff6-65ad-476d-92e0-49d58d08f800">Wedding roles, reversed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need some advice about planning my wedding. Me and my fiancee are trying to plan our wedding to be as traditional as possible but we have a slight twist. The roles for the bride and groom are going to be reversed where I am going to be the bride and she is going to be the groom. We have talked about it for awhile and we have both agreed to do have the wedding like this. Basically, I am the one wearing the engagement ring which is a women's design and size and I'll wear the wedding ring as well which will also be a women's design and size. For the ceremony, I'll walk down the aisle wearing the wedding gown and during the ceremony I'll say the traditional vows that are normally said by the bride. I am looking for any advice, positive or negative. I should note that this is our first wedding, we both know that it should be her special day and not mine, she has hinted that she is actually excited that we are doing it this way; <strong>I think its just so I can have first hand experience with what a bride goes though when planning a wedding.</strong>
    Posted by Icemaster[/QUOTE]
    You can get that experience without having to wear a dress.
    Unless you want to wear a dress. Hey, if drag is your thing, go for it. I don't judge that. But based on your post, it sounds like this <em>isn't</em> something you two do often.
    It sounds almost like a mockery of some sort.


    If you want to experience what a typical bride goes through when planning a wedding... then play a part in planning the wedding. Wearing a dress on your actual wedding day has nothing to do with that.


    On a sidenote, I'm not sure your wedding day is the best time to go out in public for the first time wearing different gendered clothing. You might want to ease into it. There are online groups you can talk to and go to for advice if this is really something you're interested in. GL!
    image
  • Why? That's my question. It's one thing if you're more comfortable in dresses and she's more comfortable in pants. It's another thing too if you're just uncomfortable with traditional gender roles and want to put everything on a more neutral ground, but this is not that. This sounds like a weird halloween idea. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My advice: if you are wearing sandals or open toe shoes, make sure you get those hairy toes waxed. Same with your legs if you are doing a garter toss.
                       
  • Your wedding is a representation of the two of you, and if you don't dress in drag on a regular basis, it makes no sense to do it at your wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-roles-reversed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5ae177a-a21e-4ddb-823c-30b5497a542dPost:10acdff6-65ad-476d-92e0-49d58d08f800">Wedding roles, reversed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Basically, I am the one wearing the engagement ring which is a women's design and size and I'll wear the wedding ring as well which will also be a women's design and size. Posted by Icemaster[/QUOTE]

    So the ring you are wearing doesn't even fit you?  I'm so confused but all of this... 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-roles-reversed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5ae177a-a21e-4ddb-823c-30b5497a542dPost:e7562d24-4cd7-45c3-b063-1b38d7bbf17c">Re: Wedding roles, reversed</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why? That's my question. It's one thing if you're more comfortable in dresses and she's more comfortable in pants.<strong> It's another thing too if you're just uncomfortable with traditional gender roles and want to put everything on a more neutral ground</strong>, but this is not that. This sounds like a weird halloween idea. 
    Posted by saacjw[/QUOTE]

    I would actually get the opposite impression from the OP's statement. The bride's role is so different than the groom's role that he has to do something wacky to "experience" it? That's not a very gender-neutral thought. Trust me, my husband and I had the same experiences planning the wedding. We made decisions about venue, food, invitations, music, colors, decor, transportation and cake together. He wore what he wanted and I wore what I wanted. The end. We had a great day enjoying what we had planned.
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  • I'm assuming this is fake...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_wedding-roles-reversed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:a5ae177a-a21e-4ddb-823c-30b5497a542dPost:2637221f-1dd5-4227-a586-39cd4859f2f1">Re: Wedding roles, reversed</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know about you, but at my wedding, my H and I said the same vows. In fact, I'm pretty sure at every wedding I've been to the bride and groom say the same vows, unless they are written by the couple, of course.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    I think that he's referring to the very old versions of the Book of Common Prayer where the husband promised to "love, honor, and cherish" and the wife promised to "love, honor, and obey."  And I HAVE actually been at a wedding (as a vendor, not a guest) where these vows were used, and where the minister in fact gave his sermon on the "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands" passage. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Why do you want to do this?  Are you and your fiancee regular cross-dressers?

    II'm not into "zany" for zany's sake and if I wasn't expecting it, it would be very off-putting for me, not "cute," "funny," "hip," or whatever you're trying to get out of it.  If you are inviting people who feel the same way, they won't enjoy it either.  So I'd skip it.
  • Pretty clumsy attempt at trolling, in my opinion.  Even the machoist man knows that the dress and rings doesn't make a bride.  Those are just things.

    Also, the most doltish of men also know that a wedding isn't something to turn into a joke, or a big political statement.  Nobody is that thick.

    So, troll.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Lame troll
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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited October 2012
    Icemaster, any thoughts on the advice and posts, or did you just want to start something?
  • ASSUMING you aren't a troll...


    I say do it. You guys are paying for it, it's your wedding and it's going to be your marriage. Do what you want.


    ....AS LONG AS you won't offend your families. I'm a pretty offbeat, open mined person, so I would think this was great, but as other posters on here have demonstrated, some people aren't ready to turn tradition on it's head to this degree. I'd advise you to stay away from the know and check out a website more like off beat bride though.
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