Bachelorette Party

aevenson_23 · June 2010

I've always wanted to go to San Diego for my Bachelorette Party, but I'm worried with a big group of girls it will be a lot of cattiness and drama. There are a few of the girls that don't get along so I feel that asking them all to go out of town together is unrealistic and unfair. I live in AZ so I was thinking of just doing an in town night out and then going to San Diego with the wedding party, but I feel bad basically asking for two parties. What should I do, please help!

alehayes · June 2010

If it's in your budget, you could have your 'maids throw the "official" bachelorette party in town, and you could help finance th San Diego trip. Depending on what you're wanting to do, how long you plan on staying and how many people are going, it could actually be pretty affordable.

Also, depending on your bridesmaids, you could pay for the whole trip as your gift to them.

Good luck!

quotequeen · June 2010

You shouldn't be asking for any parties. What do the hosts have in mind? Have they asked you what you would like?

jedaniel · June 2010

I think it would be fine to have 2 parties but you would most likely need to pay for the san diego trip. And like the pp said that could be your gift to your bridemaids.

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

The bachelorette party is a gift from whoever throws it. You don't ask for anything.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

Wait for your BMs to bring it up and ask what you'd like, then see if any of this is even within their budgets or if they people actually hosting the party think it's a good idea. You don't plan your own b-party.

duckie1905 · June 2010

why not wait until someone offers to throw you a bach party. You do not throw one for yourself, let alone two.

aecappelli · June 2010

pp's beat me to it!

MyNameIsNot · June 2010

What they said. You don't plan or ask for anything. How rude!

sazatronic · June 2010

Well, not all mohs actually ask about it. Not all of them know what's expected of them. I know that you can't always just wait around for it to be planned for you. And besides, if there's something you really want to do for your shindig, you should be able to say so. I know that I'm going to be the one paying for my party, so I dont' find it rude to ask my MOHs about what they want to do. They're not paying for it, they're just planning it. Just talk it over with them, and there's nothing wrong with two parties if you have two very different groups of friends. Just have one be the "official" party, and the trip can be "unofficial" you don't even have to tell the people you don't want to invite about it if you just want to take a trip with your closest buddies.

donnamarie02 · June 2010

BS! not that I've done it but I don't think there is anything wrong w/planning your own party. Who knows better what you want than you. If someone offers to gift it to you great but if not and you (like every bride) wants to party w/your girls have a party!!!

JudieN · June 2010

I don't know why this popped up -- it is been awhile since anyone posted on this...but I wanted to comment.

I think it 100% depends on your friend group. Me and my friends planned my upcoming bachelorette party together. I also didn't expect to, nor are they paying for any of my party. We are going to the beach, and it is me and my closest friends, most of whom are in the wedding party. Traditionally speaking maybe you aren't supposed to "ask" for a party or plan your own. But I think it is BS that you have to sit around and wait for your MOH to bring it up. These are my closest friends, we all knew we would have a party and we planned it together.

You know your friends the best -- I think etiquette has changed, and is different amongst every group of friends.

And also for the record. I am having a second "party" -- not as much of a party but where me and all my friends, many of whom are not coming out of town with us, are going out downtown were we live the weekend my FI is having his bachelor party. We are going to go drink & dance.

jaclyndoherty · June 2010

I think it is totally acceptable to have an in-town and out-of-town party. And is it perfectly fine to say you want to go to San Diego. However definitely make sure it is within everyones budget. A good time in San Diego can be expensive. I live here! I told my friends I want to go to Vegas and I got the hotel room. They are planning everything else.

CarlyGal · June 2010

When my best friend got engaged, I was her MOH and I already knew what she wanted to do for her bachelorette party because we know each other that well. The first thing I did was book a suite in Vegas and ask the other bridesmaids to help me pay for it (in my opinion the bride should never pay for her bachelorette party or shower). Then I planned everything else without her knowing any of the details. I just told her what time to show up at the airport. She trusts me though and I pulled off an amazing party. Your MOH and bridesmaids should do the same for you. If you want to go to San Diego then you should get to go to San Diego. Maybe perhaps mention that you want to start talking about good dates and then they'll get their act together. But never ask for anyone to throw you a party, it's tacky and rude. Also, two parties is way overboard. You could stay in-town and go out with your friends and don't nescessarily need to call it a bachelorette party, just go have fun. As a prior bacheloreete party planner, let me tell you it's a lot of work and a lot of time, effort and money go into the planning so you can't make too many requests and a second party is just selfish.

BexTom · June 2010

I'm the MOH for my friend and myself and the other BMs took her to Vegas for her bachelorette party. We asked who she wanted to invite and we kept it small, just the bridal party. Two of them lived in other states so they didn't mind travelling. It was a blast!
But then I offered to throw her one back in our hometown so she could invite local friends who weren't invited to the Vegas one.
So I don't think there's anything wrong with having two, but I agree with the others in that you need to wait for one of your girls to ask you about it.
Good luck!

aevenson_23 · July 2010

Thanks for all of your feedback! This was all helpful. Just to clarify, they had asked what I wanted and I knew we could do San Diego very affordable so I had mentioned that, but it seemed like a few of the BM's would have a hard time financially so we have ruled out an out of town bach party, and they will just be hosting something in town.

I know it will be a great night!

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