FMIL advice

abo1031 · December 2012

Does anyone else have a less than perfect relationship with their future mother in law? I have a horrible relationship with mine, and no matter what Ive done to change that, it remains that way. She is always talking about me behind my back (to both my Fiancee and my future sister in law, who I get along with really well), blaming things on me and honestly seems to be extremely childish (drama queen)... But what really irritates me is she has a close relationship with my FI's ex wife, this bothers not only me but my FI as well and she just doesn't get that it's not ok with either of us. Honestly, one of the only anxiety's I have thus far about the wedding day is that she will do something to ruin it. We have been together for two years and the relationship seems to have only gotten worse... I guess I'm asking for advice. Has anyone had an issue like this and found a way to solve it? I understand this is his mom, and always will be and I don't want a lifetime of arguing or bad blood between us. Even my FI's relationship with her is strained because in his words "she's crazy"..... Help!

ftrmrsw · December 2012

I'm sorry youre going through this. I dont have any advice for you unfortunately.

APDSS22 · December 2012

You might try family counseling, if you can get her to agree to it. I know a couple of people who say that it really helped them.

GoofyAssChick · December 2012

I can't really help you either. My FMIL is a kind decent loving woman. She is on disability and is not able to contribute as much to the wedding as she would like but she's VERY talented. She's able to devote a lot of time to making things like favors and stuff. She's always been very crafty so it's a gift that is irreplaceable in my opinion. We get along really wonderfully. With my own mother passing away in 2004, I really value the opinions of all the "mothers" that are willing to chip in like my FMIL, my stepmom and my FI's stepmom. But my FMIL is always thoughtful. For that matter, she is the ONLY person that sent us a congratulations card on our engagement. It was thoughtful and meant so much to me.

I would try to talk to your FMIL. Maybe sit down face-to-face just the two of you and have a heart to heart about what is going on and your feelings. To me, honesty is always the best policy and there is an off chance that she may not know she is hurting you. If the heart to heart doesn't help I'm not sure what would be the next step.

BUT... if you think you've got problems... check out this post on the Ettiquette Boards. It's very long and lengthy but it might make you feel better to know it could be a lot worse. I feel really sorry for the daughter in law.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-issues-1

abo1031 · December 2012

Wow... That is crazy! But the sad part is that she sounds like she could be my FMIL's long lost sister. I envy you all that have great relationships with your in laws. It sucks because every relationship I was in before FI, I got along wonderfully with their families.. Of course just my luck once I find the man I want to spend forever with, his mom can't stand me and she isn't my favorite person either. I've thought about counseling but sadly I don't think she will go for it because "she does nothing wrong"... I've tried face to face talking with her, goes in one ear and it the other. Sadly its going to be her who losses out. If it gets much worse my FI and I are ready to walk away. Hope it doesn't come to that but sadly I don't see any other option.

FMIL advice

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