Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Church congregation invitation issues
Ok so my fiance and i attend a church where he is the "associate pastor". We recently got engaged and our senior pastor was so excited, he annouced it that Sunday morning.
Consequently, we've had NUMEROUS people approach us telling us they can't wait til our wedding! We super appreciate their support and desire to celebrate with us, but without inviting our congregation (which is upwards of 400 people) we're looking at a guestlist of about 250 people.
How do we not offend them? How do you say they're not invited? Some are really sweet and closer than others. Is it rude to invite them to the ceremony only? If not, how do you tell them they aren't exactly invited to the second half. I feel really bad not inviting them seeing as how my fiance is a part of the "pastoral staff". I don't want any hurt feelings.
******
4/5 Thanks guys! It appears everyone pretty much has the same opinion. I have no problem with them being there during the ceremony, it's the reception I can't invite them all to.
The reception will be taking place elsewhere at a downtown venue. I just hope it's not too awkward when i have to explain why they're not invited to the reception (yes we can think of some people that WILL ask)... perhaps we'll just rent a chapel downtown to avoid all the awkwardness...
Consequently, we've had NUMEROUS people approach us telling us they can't wait til our wedding! We super appreciate their support and desire to celebrate with us, but without inviting our congregation (which is upwards of 400 people) we're looking at a guestlist of about 250 people.
How do we not offend them? How do you say they're not invited? Some are really sweet and closer than others. Is it rude to invite them to the ceremony only? If not, how do you tell them they aren't exactly invited to the second half. I feel really bad not inviting them seeing as how my fiance is a part of the "pastoral staff". I don't want any hurt feelings.
******
4/5 Thanks guys! It appears everyone pretty much has the same opinion. I have no problem with them being there during the ceremony, it's the reception I can't invite them all to.
The reception will be taking place elsewhere at a downtown venue. I just hope it's not too awkward when i have to explain why they're not invited to the reception (yes we can think of some people that WILL ask)... perhaps we'll just rent a chapel downtown to avoid all the awkwardness...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Church congregation invitation issues
You can invite some members of the congregation and not invite others. No one should automatically assume they're invited; that is rude. If someone confronts you about not being invited to the wedding just politely explain to them that you can only invite X amount of people.
The only situation that I could imagine it would MAYBE be okay for people to just go to the ceremony is if there is a precedent (sp?) set for that in your church; as in, people expect to attend the ceremony of other members of the congregation but not the reception. That's still not an ideal situation, though...
My Chart
In this case, we did not receive an actual invitation to the ceremony, but it was listed in the church bulletin. I'm sure those invited to the reception received normal invitations.
I haz a planning bio
Do not mail invitations to anyone who is not invited to the reception.
Churches are public spaces. Anyone can attend and witness a wedding. Sometimes members of the congregation will read the wedding announcement and go to see the ceremony. These people make that choice to attend on their own and do not expect an invitation to the reception.
[QUOTE]Consider asking the girls on Christian weddings what they think. Do not mail invitations to anyone who is not invited to the reception. <strong>Churches are public spaces. Anyone can attend and witness a wedding. Sometimes members of the congregation will read the wedding announcement and go to see the ceremony. These people make that choice to attend on their own and do not expect an invitation to the reception. </strong>
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
Everything mica said, especially the bolded parts. If you mail invitations to only those who are invited you should be OK.
My Planning Bio!
If this happens at your church, then I would assume that the people who mentioned this probably are not expecting a reception invite and are assuming they can just attend the ceremony.
But I would invite those people that you are closest with to both and explain the situation to anyone else who approaches you about it..if they even do. Easier said than done, I know because I have to go through the same thing and I know how people can be. In the end, they'll understand though.
I kind of find the whole 'anyone can drop by and watch' thing kind of presumptuous. I would never dream of crashing a wedding ceremony like that. Even if it is a public place, I can't imagine how someone would think that is okay. But, apparently it is okay in some areas. I still wouldn't do it.