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Invites to people we know won't attend

jenjenazjenjenaz
100 Comments
in Second Weddings

happy monday all...
we're having a fairly small wedding in las vegas and there are a number of older relatives that we know aren't going to be able to attend.  i'm struggling with what to do regarding invites. 
part of me doesn't want to invite them because it would seem like asking for a gift and we really don't want gifts.  really, we don't.
the other part of me was thinking that if they found out that i got married and they weren't invited, they might be upset. 
i was thinking that i could send a note with it that said something along the lines of 'i know you won't be able to attend, but i wanted you to have this anyway.'  but if i got that, i would still send a gift.  well, lets be honest, no matter what someone says, unless i really, really don't like them, if i get an invite, they get a gift.
how would you handle? 
(and yes, i'll probably post in Etiquette too...)

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Re: Invites to people we know won't attend

  • mybooboosmybooboos member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd invite them.  It's always good to make people feel thought of and wanted.  It's up to them if they want to send a gift.
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I did not invite the people that I did not think would attend.  If they asked, I just said, "Aw, you know, its a second wedding and all, we are keeping it small."  ~Donna
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  • lindaloulubbocklindaloulubbock
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've found it's a fine line.  My family is almost annoyed at being invited to a second wedding, so for them it would have been better to not invite them.  The opposite was true for FIs family.


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  • iluvmy0341iluvmy0341
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    See we're doing a vow renewal ceremony and I was debating this too, but then I figured I might as well just invite them so I don't have to hear about it at Christmas as to why they weren't invited. My family lives all over the country and only comes home on Christmas, so I'm not expecting any of them to come, but my family are those people that will hold a grudge for years and continue to bitch and moan about the fact that they weren't invited. We have made it perfectly clear (via word of mouth) that we don't want gifts/ or money that it's basically just a get together celebration. It's up to you, I guess depends on what "type" of family you have.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you would like them to attend, then by all means send invitations to them.  If you would be uncomfortable if they choose to attend, don't send invitations.  Do you have announcements ready to mail from Vegas the day after the wedding?  That might be the better way to go.

    As an aside: Why do you think some people equate receipt of a wedding invitation with a gift request?  I don't think of it that way at all, but you are not the first person on TK to mention this.  Thanks.
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  • jenjenazjenjenaz
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_invites-people-wont-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:3aece44a-93a0-49fa-8ee3-c77c998295b2Post:1725d12e-f1a5-4b4d-8d4e-90e0cc79309d">Re: Invites to people we know won't attend</a>:
    [QUOTE]As an aside: Why do you think some people equate receipt of a wedding invitation with a gift request?  I don't think of it that way at all, but you are not the first person on TK to mention this.  Thanks.
    Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

    i don't particularly know why people do it, but i can tell you that this was the way that i was raised.  you get an invite, you send a gift.  period.  i just don't want people to feel that way with us....
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_invites-people-wont-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:3aece44a-93a0-49fa-8ee3-c77c998295b2Post:7813b6f5-f39b-467e-b72c-3c06c5f74705">Re: Invites to people we know won't attend</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invites to people we know won't attend : i don't particularly know why people do it, but i can tell you that this was the way that i was raised.  you get an invite, you send a gift.  period.  i just don't want people to feel that way with us....
    Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]

    Alright, then go with what you know.  Don't send invitations if you're sure they won't attend.  Do you know if they will be offended if the do not receive invitations?  As PP stated, it's a fine line.  Good luck!
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