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How to Include Friends

Andrea02192010Andrea02192010 member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids

I have 4 friends that I want to really include in my wedding.  Because of the small venue we only have room for one person each to stand up with us.  Therefore, I plan to have my best friend as my matron of honor.  What can I have the other three girls to do?  I've come up with the following:

1) Guestbook attendant
2) Reader during ceremony
3) Give the toast at reception (but she would not be included in the program because it will be at the reception)

Also, my photographer is my friend.  Is it ok to put "photographer and friend of the bride" on the program? 

And another question I've thought of...we have two nieces and four nephews between us.  Is it wrong just to have the nieces in the wedding?  I just wanted them to walk down the aisle, drop flowers and then sit down with their parents. 

Thanks!

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Re: How to Include Friends

  • pixiedust84pixiedust84 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it's fine to put the photographer in the program if you'd like.

    Please don't make your friend a guestbook attendent. That's a job and a sign could do it  - it isn't an honor and will probably just make her feel like a second class friend.

    Why not have them all read? I have people that I know I'll want to include in the ceremony that aren't in the wedding party. I don't want to give them a "job" though - I want to honor them - not make them work!  I think I'm going to ask 1 FSIL and two cousins to come up together during the ceremony and each read a quote about love. I think it's okay to include all of your friends in the ceremony by asking them to read or sing (do they sing?) or something. Then you're honoring them and not putting them to work!

    If you want your two nieces in the wedding that's totally fine!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It is fine to put photographers name on program, ours is a family friend who also did my senior pics.

    You could have one of your girlfriends be responsible for bustling your dress, doing your make-up unless you are doing in professionally, decorating the church/reception unless your florist is doing it. These are just some ideas that popped into my head....
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  • aecappelliaecappelli
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Pixiedust, you want to honor your friends not put them to work.  Ever seen the episode of Sex and the City where Miranda is in charge of the guestbook (yeah, it sucked for her).  Readings are a great idea!  You could even offer to let them pick it out for the two of you.
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Please, please, please do not ask your friend to be a guest book attendant. That's a job. It's not an honor. Pixie nailed it.

    You can definitely list your photog as also a friend of the bride, that is very sweet.
    You can only have your neices and not your nephews. That's your choice. I'm pretty sure little girls will enjoy it more than little boys anyway.

    You could have one of your girlfriends be responsible for bustling your dress, doing your make-up unless you are doing in professionally, decorating the church/reception unless your florist is doing it. These are just some ideas that popped into my head....

    From above, once again, please NO! These are jobs, they aren't honors, your friends aren't vendors, so don't ask them to do this either.

    Either have them read or have them attend as a guest. Being a guest is an honor as well.

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  • pixiedust84pixiedust84 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls!

    And Amen xoxob - don't make them do a job!! Don't have your friends do anything that you would hire someone to do - i.e. decorating the church, make up, or hair! Unless your friend is a hairdresser and you hire them or they offer. Bustling your dress is not an honor either - who is going to even know they did that?

    Having friends be BMs, read or attend as guests are great ways to honor them.
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  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ooooo I love the idea of having friends help you decorate, I would LOVE that honor!
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf3385ab-0c74-4a72-a251-0364525c2868Post:2cf27af7-0d57-47f5-9b9d-640596dc7f94">Re: How to Include Friends</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ooooo I love the idea of having friends help you decorate, I would LOVE that honor!
    Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

    Is that sarcastic?

    How is working for someone without pay an honor?! What? Did you like decorating for prom? I sure as a flappin' pig didn't. You are one in a million, cassers.
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  • Andrea02192010Andrea02192010 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is what facinates me about this site!  So many opinions!!!  I've alway thought that being a guestbook attendant was an honor.  I am from a small town and all weddings have guest book attendents.  The only duty they have is to stand and ask people to sign the book.  I never thought of that as actual work.  So this is all eye opening to me!  

    So other than reading and being a bridesmaid...does anyone else have any other suggestions?  Our ceremony is so short that two readings probably wouldn't make sense.

    I appreciate everyone's input!   
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE] I've alway thought that being a guestbook attendant was an honor
    Posted by Andrea02192010[/QUOTE]

    Did you ever watch Sex and the City? (The show, not the movies)
    In an ep, Miranda was put in charge of the guestbook and she HATED it.  And towards the end, she abandoned it saying, "it's a guestbook, people know what to do with it".

    LOL.  I personally know people that have had to do it and it wasn't a good time.
    Just place the guestbook somewhere people will see it and it's all good.

    Readings are MUCH more of an honor.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Guestbook attendant, bustle maker, cake cutter, punch pourer, personal attendant are all, IMO, pity positions that scream 'You're the second string.  You didn't make the WP cut, so I'm going to have you stand by the guest book and tell people who know how to pick up and pen and sign their names how to pick up and pen and sign their name".  That way you'll feel important.

    Let them be a guest.  That is an honor, and it's a lot more fun than cutting up and plating cake.


    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • KnibletKniblet member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]cake cutter, punch pourer,
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    For some reason, I read the above sort of weird.  I swear I thought it said cake PUNCHER.  And I wondered who punches a cake?  LOL.
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  • Andrea02192010Andrea02192010 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Wow!  I guess I need to rethink my friendship with all those that I have been their "guestbook attendent"!  lol  I think we will just have the book available and hope everyone knows what to do with it!  Thanks ladies for the suggestions and laughs!

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  • lca315girllca315girl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf3385ab-0c74-4a72-a251-0364525c2868Post:cf3aff02-7e81-4cfa-acd5-6f1530774ef8">Re: How to Include Friends</a>:
    [QUOTE]I swear I thought it said cake PUNCHER.  And I wondered who punches a cake?  LOL.
    Posted by Kniblet[/QUOTE]

    Maybe an anal dentist that is set on saving every smile in America, one sweet at a time.
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf3385ab-0c74-4a72-a251-0364525c2868Post:cf3aff02-7e81-4cfa-acd5-6f1530774ef8">Re: How to Include Friends</a>:
    [QUOTE]For some reason, I read the above sort of weird.  I swear I thought it said cake PUNCHER.  And I wondered who punches a cake?  LOL.
    Posted by Kniblet[/QUOTE]

    Seriously though, I thought it said cake puncher, but I've had 2 margaritas and 3 glasses of wine. I did read it that way, though!
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf3385ab-0c74-4a72-a251-0364525c2868Post:8024e3bd-c326-446e-ba7b-9dfe60155f80">Re: How to Include Friends</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow!  I guess I need to rethink my friendship with all those that I have been their "guestbook attendent"!  lol  I think we will just have the book available and hope everyone knows what to do with it!  Thanks ladies for the suggestions and laughs!
    Posted by Andrea02192010[/QUOTE]


    Good call.
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  • Schroeder246Schroeder246 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf3385ab-0c74-4a72-a251-0364525c2868Post:82dee0d3-7a83-4e99-bd4f-2415be2b7f99">Re: How to Include Friends</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Include Friends : Maybe an <strong>anal dentist</strong> that is set on saving every smile in America, one sweet at a time.
    Posted by lca315girl[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ok, cake puncher was funny, but the way I read THAT was hilarious.</div>
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  • tommyandytommyandy member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Take them out to a fancy hotel bar (a better class of wino than the local watering hole) & try out signature cocktails & possible appetizers.  Give them the power to veto super tacky stuff or to tell you that you are being a bridezilla.  I would have loved this position when my roommate got married.
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_include-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cf3385ab-0c74-4a72-a251-0364525c2868Post:3c14daf7-6855-4420-87fb-24746fc59041">Re: How to Include Friends</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to Include Friends : Ok, cake puncher was funny, but the way I read THAT was hilarious.
    Posted by Schroeder246[/QUOTE]


    I too, totally pictured an sphincter with teeth.
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  • hildeedeehildeedee
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    i have my sister (MOH), FSIL and two closest friends as BM, but i have a lot of close girlfriends that i am inviting them to come get ready with us and munch on some good food and hang out and get special photos if they want...the getting ready together part is by far my favorite thing to do during the wedding and i think it will be fun for us to all get together!
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  • AngusgalAngusgal
    First Comment
    I guess she is a 2 in a million. My friends came to me as a group and asked if they could help decorate (I never approached them). They were absolutely overjoyed when I said "Of Course". They are planning to carpool to the reception site bringing a stereo with their favorite music a cooler full of our favorite refreshments. Of course I may be biased but I think I have the best group of friends in the world!!!Cool
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