I hope this is the right forum to ask this question. I'm starting to plan my wedding. We are in college, getting married right after graduation (June 2014), and my parents are paying for the wedding and reception.
My list is about 115 in its everyone-and-the-kitchen-sink form, could be cut to 90 or a bit under with no problem, and could be trimmed more if need be. I asked my fiance to get a guest list for his side so we can do things like pick a reception venue, find out what kind of food is within budget, etc. He sent me a long, not prioritized, not specific (e.g., "Chris & family") list. It has 108 names and 26 "& family"s.
I asked him to prioritize his list into groups (have to be invited to avoid WWIII, really really want, would be nice). He, after consulting with his mother, informed me that the list can't be cut in any substantial way--his network of extended family and friends all have to be invited. But he says probably 60% of them won't come (the wedding will be 600 miles away from most of them, and his mother wants to have a local second reception).
I get that family politics are crazy, but it puts me in a kind of tough spot. People do sometimes come to weddings that you would never expect to come, and I know planning that everyone will come is the smart thing to do. But he's telling me he should get a 40% yes rate. I don't want to pay for, and in fact probably can't afford, a room big enough to hold 100 extra people just in case they RSVP yes. It will be unnecessarily expensive and if they don't come, the room will be empty. On the other hand, I am having nightmares of everyone showing up and people having to eat peanut butter standing up. And I don't want us to cut our close friends so that Great-Aunt Marsha can be invited when she doesn't want to come.
What do you do if your guest list and expected response rate are off by a huge factor? We're talking about sending out invitations to 300 people and expecting 175 of them to show.