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Still talking about your wedding? (slight vent)

MrsBMMrsBM member
100 Comments
in South Asian Weddings
Hey Girls

So of the married ladies...do you feel that people talk about your wedding even though it happened x months ago?

How are you dealiing with it?  Who does the most gossiping/talking?
Does it bother you?

Of the to-be married ladies?  Do you think you want to hear about your wedding after it's all over?  All the stuff that was great and the stuff that could've been better?
How will you deal with it...

Vent: My mother STILL talks about aspects of the wedding.  (I can sort of understand where she is coming from.)  But seriously...its done I want to move on with my life with my hubby and I don't want to hear about all the stuff that could've been better. ugh
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Re: Still talking about your wedding? (slight vent)

  • temurlangtemurlang member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    LOL!  Most people, but especially old ladies, just love to talk and gossip!

    My situation is a little complicated... we got married in November, first here, then in India.  In January, my mom passed away very suddenly.  I think because of that some people laid off about the wedding.  My mom definitely had her list of "could have been better" things about it.

    The things that get the most air time:  as I posted in your other thread, the badly behaved kids are my fault, and some really questionable outfit choices by guests come up a lot.  The other thing that everyone mentions is my MOH because she didn't do what she was supposed to.    I don't really mind since I don't feel like I was responsible for any of those things.

    Any wedding is a big focus of gossip until the next wedding.
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  • AquarianDragonAquarianDragon
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm anticipating people are going to talk about the fact my family will not be making a great showing.

    My parents are divorced and I'm estranged from my dad (and the rest of his family). One of FI's aunt was trying to talk me into inviting him, his wife, and kid anyway. Eventually, she left me alone because she finally got that my wedding was not the time for such a reunion.

    The male relatives from my mom's family aren't coming.

    My mom, sister, aunt, two cousins, and my cousin's kids are coming.

    I might have to borrow an aunt and uncle from FI to sit with my mom in the mandap.

    The "good" thing is FI's family will not make commentary to me about this stuff, but we already know his family will talk about.

    The family is still talking about the Chicago wedding that happened in June... about being served pizza and soda for mehndi night and Subway sandwiches for wedding day lunch. Talking about how the priest looked like a fool.

    The family still talks about the Toronto wedding from October... the room for the mehndi and sangeet was too small. Talking about getting food boxes for wedding day lunch.

    Lots of other details out there.... FI and I are trying to be mindful about all the items of gossip from past weddings.
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  • raangoliraangoli
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    @Aquarian - I don't see a problem with pizza and soda for the mehndi night, but that's because I had the same thing! I am a low key person and my family knows this, so it was held at my parents house and it was just family, not a big deal at all. It was what I wanted and I was more than happy with it :)

    I am not sure if people are "talking smack" about our wedding and I frankly don't care. I know my dad keeps talking about it because he is so happy, so that's more than fine with me. He keeps telling me that the people at the dialysis center keep talking about it, too, so it's a source of pride for him I guess.

    Desi people (and non-desi people, too) will always find something to nit-pick on until the next big event or wedding comes along.
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  • DFWIndianDFWIndian
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I already get this. My sister's wedding was apparently perfect and mine will not be. They have already said this. Oh well, I can't really do anything about the talk. You know I had issues with my BMs and certain family members already talking about random crap. I just ignore it. Honestly, if I went 27 years hearing this stuff.. what's another few months? Like you guys said Indian people always find something negative to say about you.
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  • MrsBMMrsBM member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it just bothers me that the chitchat is coming from my mom...oh well I'll learn to get over it :)
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  • DFWIndianDFWIndian
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_still-talking-wedding-slight-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:430Discussion:7ab50727-619e-45ef-8d1c-e9887b1e16c8Post:87bac460-df02-41eb-b651-ef06b30583b7">Re: Still talking about your wedding? (slight vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it just bothers me that the chitchat is coming from my mom...oh well I'll learn to get over it :)
    Posted by MrsBM[/QUOTE]

    See my mom is the worst! She was the one who called me fat yesterday. I hope your mom gets better.
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  • temurlangtemurlang member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_still-talking-wedding-slight-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:7ab50727-619e-45ef-8d1c-e9887b1e16c8Post:f6ec8e20-1609-40e6-9708-58bf62ba4d2f">Re: Still talking about your wedding? (slight vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Still talking about your wedding? (slight vent) : See my mom is the worst! She was the one who called me fat yesterday. I hope your mom gets better.
    Posted by DFWIndian[/QUOTE]

    My mom was like that too.  She often told me I was fat, had a bad complexion, bad hair, and didn't know how to dress myself.  I actually couldn't let her come with me to get ready for the wedding because she would  probably criticize me so much.  Most of her issues with the wedding were about people who were not really "my problem," like relatives or DH's friends, which made that part better.

    DFW -- you might get compared to your sister now, but after the next girl cousin's wedding, your mom will probably LOVE yours!
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  • kpwedkkkpwedkk member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    How come all moms are like this??  I got a whole lotta feedback for all of the events that I hosted as well, mehendi, haldiwaan, the wedding, and reception...  It was a 75k wedding, and people still find the need to gripe/gossip/find something negative about the whole setup...

    My only responses are,
    "We brought in food (catered) and my relatives took it upon themselves to fly from out of country to be here, and cook you food, for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 4 days, do you think you had enough to eat??"

    Here I just lay on the guilt, it pretty much shuts up the person in question... Now they only say the good things - like the decor, and the flowers, and how the food tastes so nice, etc... the lighting etc...

    I get a lot that what I wore to my wedding outdid anyone... Um hello I was the bride?  LOL...

    Another one was "Such and such was so rude to me..." 
    I'd ask, "So what time in the morning did you talk to them?  Did they have their coffee yet?  And who here has gotten at least 8 hours of sleep in the whole ordeal?"

    It really puts it into perspective.  We had east coast, west coast, and international people on different timezones.  It really puts it into perspective sometimes... I mean the gossiper could have been the one that was out of line...

    I find that no one has anything to do, they start either the rumor mill, or try to recall what happened in the wedding, and reception, or try to recap the event that has already past...

    I'm getting quite the backlash now, that yes, I on my own spent so much money on a wedding, and all we did is end up separated.  And now the gossip mill spins "but you had such a nice wedding."  Um... you think I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life, just because we had a nice wedding?

    After a point, I don't listen anymore.  There will be more weddings, more babies, more life events... life moves on.  If people feel like they want to keep harping you about you shoulda coulda woulda in your wedding, what's done is done. 

    You are married, and you are living your life with your husband.  You can not help it if what happened negatively, happened. You can't go back and fix it, so why is there so much effort to hear someone's opinion, that the priest wasn't good, or he didn't explain things, or I didn't get a good seat, or I didn't get to dance with you or talk to you... none of those things matter...

    If I saw all that, I would be, I came and blessed the couple, and thoroughly enjoyed myself.  And that's the main thing...

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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  • bridetobeeebridetobeee member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I am going to tell you what my mom told me when I was stressing about this. At the end of the day, you are getting married to your husband and that is ALL that matters. Whether it is at a 5 star hotel or a backyard with 20 people, the end result is that you are happy and married. Who gives a crap about all those people who complain? Just let them. They have nothing better to do and they will complain regardless of whether you throw a 10 million dollar bash or a $1K bash so please yourself and forget the rest. Stay strong! As long as you loved it, that is all that matters
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