Honorary BRIDESMAIDS!!! ?????

stevens23146 · August 2012

I came up w/the term from being influenced by "honorary Pallbearers" lol...I know, I know a little strange! But If you can do it for Funerals, why not for Weddings....?

I have a large family. 5 cousins whom are basically my sisters. Plus a few close friends and 1 real sister whom I've been connecting with and gettinf to know for the past 6yrs................... I DIDNT WANT TO HURT ANYONES FEELINGS by not includint them....

So I chose 2 friends & 2 of my cousins as BRIDESMAIDS to stand at hte alter and walk w/a groomsman..

And the other 4 are "Honorary BM"

They have the same "duties" they'll participate in the partying as well..They'll all walk down the aisle HOWEVER, "Honorary BM's will sit on the reserved front/2nd row.. aLSO, THEY WILL HAVE THE SAME DRESS AS A "BM" just diff. color"

I dont have enough groosmen for 8 girls besides I dont wsant it to look a hot mess w/1000 ppl standing up at the alter...

ALL OF A SUDDEN, THEY ARE STARTING TO ACT FUNNY...AGREEING TO ONE THING THEN CHANGING THEIR MINDS AFTER DECISIONS ARE ALREADY MADE... (we were suppose to purchase BM dresses this month, now that the store can only order them which means no LAYAWAY...The girls are giving me problems...THEY PICKED THE DRESS AND THE PRICE..... NOT ME!)

IM BEGINNING TO GO CRAZY! I understand why women turn into "BRIDEZILAS"

What should I do abouT this situation?

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

vk2204 · August 2012

Well first off, you shouldn't have honorary bridesmaids. I personally think that is rude. "Hey sorry you aren't good enough to be a real BM, but I don't want to hurt your feelings so you can be honorary. It's only because I am more concerned about how things will look, but don't worry you can still help throw me parties and do all the duties"

Secondly, you don't need even sides. I have 10 ladies total standing up with me; 8 adults and 2 young girls. My FI won't have that many. So according to you my wedding ceremony will be a "hot mess". Whatever, I am okay with it, they are my best friends and I would rather have them there than not.

Third, if someone asked me to be an honorary BM and expected me to buy a dress and go the whole 9 yards I would tell them 'thanks but no thanks'.

erbear84 · August 2012

What vk said, exactly. Sorry, but the title "honorary bridesmaid" is rude to me.

FutureMrsKupko · August 2012

I would get rid of the honorary bm title and bump everyone up to fullon bridesmaids and maybe everyone will be on the same page again. It's not going to look bad to have an uneven wedding party. Remember what's most important, its you and your FI getting married and celebrating with your friends and family. That's the whole purpose of all this. :

Christine9866 · August 2012

Ditto PP, they are already going the whole nine yards with buyings the dress and participating in the parties. I would just make them bridesmaids. You don't need to have the sides even, I have 6 girls FI has 7 guys, and two flower girls and one junior groomsman. I think it might just make your life easier having the girls in the same dress color, and maybe putting the MOH in the different color.

bdpbride · August 2012

Sorry hun but I would have to agree - I sure don't think you intended to hurt anyone's feelings but in retrospect, I have a feeling that's what happened anyway. And now it kind of going to be tough to get past that. Even if you make everyone bridesmaids now, there was still the initial separation of the two.

But I think it would be best to tell everyone, 'hey i made a mistake. I thought we had to have even sides so I was trying to figure out a way to keep everyone I love most as part of the wedding party without making things lopsided when it comes to the bridal party at the altar. But you are all important to me and I want all of you standing up for me so im dropping the silly title of 'honorary' and everyone is a bridesmaid"

Besides being a bride-to-be myself I work with weddings frequently and very often sides aren't even anymore - there are grooms women, bridesmen, and uneven numbers all the time. There are lots of creative arrangements for almost any number in the wedding party and while that wasn't the 'norm' for awhile, its perfectly okay to do what works best for you two - if that means you have more standing up on your side then no big deal! Its great to have so many friends and family you care enough to have at your side!

Best of luck!

shipsinthenight · August 2012

Yeah, um, no...just no...The only way you can do "honorary BMs" is to not have them buy co-ordinating dresses or walk down the aisle. If they're buying dresses and walking, even if they're not standing, they're BMs. Either get over the even sides or get on you fi to find some more GMs, because what you're planning won't work. It's just confusing! I had a couple of younger girls I wanted involved, so they're going to be accolytes. Don't forget you might want a guest book attendant as well. There are other places to include people without having them be BMs. But at this point, with the dresses being the same, I would just have them all be BMs. bdpbride has a great way to handle the wording.

ChiGirl2013 · August 2012

So.... you expect them to shell out money for a dress and to participate in/potentially help host your pre-wedding parties, but they're not good enough to stand up next to you as you say your vows? That's one of the rudest things I've ever heard of in my entire life. "Your money is good enough, but you're not. Sorry, go sit in the 2nd row and shut up." If you asked me to be an honorary bridesmaid (never heard of that until just now, nor have I heard of an honorary pallbearer - you either ARE or you AREN'T.) I would have told you to shove that dress where the sun doesn't shine. Seriously.

If they're not important enough to you to stand up next to you with the rest of the bridesmaids, don't milk them dry and make them shell out money for a dress and parties. Just call them guests - which is basically what they are, only you're telling them what to wear and making them spend money on parties for you. Rude, rude, rude.

stevens23146 · August 2012

Thank you guys fro your opinions...I really do appreciate all of your thoughts. Its easier now to understand the "other) side of thigns when yuo hear it from complete strangers. I will figure something out... Which ever I may choose, I hope works out... Again, thank you for your feedback...

IM STRESSED OUT!

bdpbride · August 2012

Sorry things kinda backfired on you - I can kind of understand where you were coming from but hopefully you can smooth it all out and not make a big deal of it the rest of the time. Just some thoughts on the uneven sides

As far as processional
- you could just have all the bridesmaids walk down on their own - the guys come out with the groom before hand and all just stay up at the altar.
- You can have a groomsmen walk down with two bridesmaids at a time
- You could have the first 4 walk down on their own and then the last 4 walk with a groomsmen.

While standing up at the altar
- if your ceremony site has steps at the altar you could have the girls form two rows of four so that they aren't spread out so much more than the guys

For group pictures (if you have a good photog they should be able to figure this out anyway but a couple of suggestions)
- B&G in the middle, 2 groomsmen on either side of you and all bridesmaids in a row behind you (or the guys can all take a knee if there are no steps)
- If multiple steps - B&G in the middle, all guys closest to you on the multiple levels and then all the girls on the outside of the guys on the multiple levels creating a half circle or pyramid type formation
- Straight line of BM, BM, GM, BM, GM, BM, Bride, Groom, BM, GM, BM, GM, BM, BM

stevens23146 · August 2012

Thank you for those great ideas..I will let y'all know how it goes....

Honorary BRIDESMAIDS!!! ?????

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