Wedding Stuff You Hadn't Realized Prior to TK

GreenPepperBurger · January 2011

Let's sound off - what wedding traditions/etiquette were you not aware of prior to joining TK?

1. I didn't realize the vast amount of people who pay for their own weddings. I always thought that the parents (usually the bride's, sometimes with help from the groom's) foot the entire bill. I realize now that this is common in my circle, and is actually not the norm.

2. Cocktail hours - again, in my circle, the cocktail hour is almost the most lavish part of the entire affair. Passed hor'dourves and several action stations (like a carving station, sushi bar and ethnic stations like Chinese, Italian) are the norm.

3. Every wedding I've been to has had a full open bar.

4. I had never heard of a dollar dance.

How about you?

CASK85 · January 2011

1. First looks - never heard of it. Now I plan to do it.

2. Not inviting non-wedding guests to pre-wedding events. I get it, I just never heard of this ettiquite. Of course, where I come from, napkins at dinner were considered fancy. . .

heyimbren · January 2011

I had never heard of HM registries.

Like Chiano said, I wasn't aware of the "etiquette" of only wedding guests to pre-wedding events. I get it now, but it was honestly something I had never thought of one way or the other.

I didn't realize there were so many varying views on favours.

I never realized so many people try to kick out WP members. Honestly, I didn't realize how silly some people make out wedding planning to be.

bethsmiles · January 2011

1. First Look - I really like the idea of doing this
2. Cocktail Hours - None of the weddings around here have one
3. Non-matching BMs - I love it but I've never seen or heard of it being done at a wedding before TK
4. Dollar Dance

paintgirl · January 2011

GPB - I didn't know parents still paid for weddings!

bsidebella · January 2011

I had never heard of a dollar dance, either. Or a boudoir photo shoot.

Also even though I'm Jewish I'm not entirely clear on a lot of the Jewish wedding customs. I've never been to a Jewish wedding before. But FI is starting his conversion classes later this month, and our rabbi suggested I go with him, so I'll probably get all the education I need.

GreenPepperBurger · January 2011

I love Jewish weddings.

[Deleted User] · January 2011

I still don't know what a first look and a dollar dance are.

GreenPepperBurger · January 2011

First Look = when the bride and groom see each other for the first time, prior to the ceremony.

Dollar Dance = a few songs at the reception where the guests pay to dance with the bride and groom.

Ember01 · January 2011

I didn't know that people had weddings withOUT the dollar dance

It's mandatory in my circle, but I always thought it was slightly tacky.

michellep1 · January 2011

1. First Look - call me old fashioned but I never heard of anyone letting their FI see them in their dress before the walk down the aisle! I even password protected the folder on my computer that I'm keeping pictures of me trying on various dresses in haha. Not that I think hes snooping, just in case he accidentally stumbles on it.

2. Not doing favors-I didn't realize this was so widely accepted, but I'm considering not doing them now after reading of so many that didn't. I can't remember a wedding favor I've ever received that I really did anything with.

3. Bridesmaids not being helpful - I had no idea so many people had so many problems with their bridesmaids! I don't know if I happen to have excessively wedding oriented friends, but all my close girlfriends love to talk about anything and everything wedding related, which occurred before anyone was even close to being engaged as well.

GreenPepperBurger · January 2011

Perhaps I'm just bratty and self-entitled, but I never knew of "if no one offers to throw you an engagement party/shower/bachelorette party, then you don't have one." I'd be super pissed if I didn't have any pre-wedding parties. There, I said it.

coastiegrl25 · January 2011

1. First look, I've never heard of it.

2. I've always seen even sides of the wedding party. For some reason in my mind I always thought it would have to be even. Glad to know it don't have to be.

3. Trash the dress. I will be doing this the day of right after the ceremony.

bethsmiles · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-stuff-hadnt-realized-prior-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ccf55744-1719-4384-ae6e-fb183c837133Post:3099a27f-fe6c-47bc-b619-e9d6d4b3fd27">Re: Wedding Stuff You Hadn't Realized Prior to TK</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps I'm just bratty and self-entitled, but I never knew of "if no one offers to throw you an engagement party/shower/bachelorette party, then you don't have one." I'd be super pissed if I didn't have any pre-wedding parties. There, I said it.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

I would be disappointed too but I would get over it. It wouldn't be the end of the world or worth ending any of my friendships over

GreenPepperBurger · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-stuff-hadnt-realized-prior-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:ccf55744-1719-4384-ae6e-fb183c837133Post:b15e5f4e-750b-4fbb-a54c-7c4f6d3b69fb">Re: Wedding Stuff You Hadn't Realized Prior to TK</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Stuff You Hadn't Realized Prior to TK : I would be disappointed too but I would get over it. It wouldn't be the end of the world or worth ending any of my friendships over
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

No, I wouldn't end any friendships over it either - and actually, in my circle it's common for the families to host/initiate the pre-wedding parties, with the help of the WP. I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't be upset if I didn't have any, though.

heyimbren · January 2011

Beth, I think that's how I feel about it too. Disappointed, yes. And GPB, I would hope that my friends would want to host one for me. But I'm not sure I'd dwell on it either. I guess it's hard to say without experience.

I didn't realize how many people have fundraising parties. I know they're called different things depending on where you live, but you know what I mean. The irony is that they're very common in my area, and I guess I just never paid attention until I started reading on TK.

eliza261 · January 2011

All of the things that are involved in planning! all the vendors and contracts..
I had never heard of fund raising or dollar dances..
I didnt realize what an issue it was for other people to wait between cerimony and reception- i wasnt really aware of a cocktail hour...
I wasnt aware of save the date cards.. or how long you had to order a dress in advance- though these things all make sense.. i was just never wedding girl before we stared talking about it...

orangecrush32 · January 2011

1. The first look.
2. That people actually pay for their own weddings (I've heard of people contributing, but the parents paying the majority.)
3. Uneven sides
4. Don't have to have open bar
5. HM registries

There's probably other things I've learned from TK.

TheMutleys · January 2011

In my circle...

NFT.

desertsun · January 2011

I never realized it was bad form for family to throw showers and such. I still don't really get why that's a thing. Showers by nature are gift-giving sorts of occasions. Doesn't really matter who throws them.

Simply Fated · January 2011

Before the knot I had never heard of the dollar dance or a honeymoon registry.

I have also never heard of uneven bridal parties, but it never made sense to me as to why they had to be even, so I'm glad I've found out that it's all a load of hooey.

I had never heard of not doing favours. I can't imagine not having them, even though they get left behind.

I also didnt' know that it was ok not to do the bouquet/garter toss. I mean, I knew your marriage would still be legal, but it never occured to me that people won't die of shock if it doesn't happen.

In my circle, it's "understood" that the MOH organizes the prewedding parties and the bridal party helps. I never knew it didn't "come with the title." When I told my friends this, they side-eyed me. True story.

I had never heard of the term "Side-eye" before. I like it.

I have heard of brides and grooms seeing each other before the ceremony, but I didn't know there was an actual term for it.

The very first thing I learned here, though, was that if the bride makes you wear the jewelry she bought for you as a gift to her wedding, it's not really a gift. I mean, it is a gift, since she gave it to you, but it's not right to then dictate to you when you have to wear the gift.

fraycou · January 2011

1. Dollar Dance

2. Cocktail Hour is not typical in my circle.

3. WP being uneven...and I like it

4. Trash the dress...and I don't like it

GreenPepperBurger · January 2011

I don't like the Trash the Dress concept either.

bethsmiles · January 2011

I like the trash the dress concept and I'll probably do it. I don't think I had heard of it before coming on TK though.

loopy82 · January 2011

I feel like I have been on here for so long that I can't remember what I didn't know before coming around here.

There are a lot of acronyms that I didn't know. I also didn't know it was "bad" to peruse wedding ideas and gather ideas for your one day wedding. It's something that virtually all girls I know IRL do.

Before visiting TK boards I had never heard that not having an open bar was like the worst thing evar!

I never knew that people thought that the bouquet/garter toss were trashy.

Overall I have come to learn that there each region and even group of people have different norms when it comes to weddings.

I didn't know that so many couples pretty much plan on getting engaged together. Everyone I have known to get engaged it has been up to the guy to propose and for the girl to be suprised. I felt bummed out to know it was coming, but that seems to be the norm around here.

tafft1 · January 2011

We didn't have any pre wedding parties or showers nor expect one from anyone - and it didn't bother either of us. I don't think it's a reason to get pissed about personally - to me it shows lack of etiquette towards family and friends almost like saying " this is supposed to be all about me". But we're all different and find different things "important".

Back on track -

First look - Never heard of it but SO glad we decided to at the last week before the wedding! It allowed us some great weather and intimate pics together as well as was very relaxing so we enjoiyed the actual ceremony that much more.

Trash the dress - Not for me but I think it's an awesome idea ! I still MAY do it eventually just haven't been inspired yet

Garter toss trashy ? I still don't get this. If you wanna do it , do it If not , that's cool too.

Open bar controversy - We didn't have an open bar - and there were no complaints or lack of beverages available. We bought wine and champagne for the reception and our guests covered the rest. I should mention we had a small intimate wedding and reception of 20ish people at a high end restaurant - however I don't think it's necessary.

Proposal faux pas - Apparently to some picking out the ring with your BF is a bad thing and totally ruins the surprise and therefore is invald. Yeah..right.

leia1979 · January 2011

I didn't know invitations had to say "and guest." I don't think all my friends know this either. I was invited to two wedding with just my name on the invite. To the first, the bride asked afterwards if I was bringing someone (I wasn't). On the second one, I asked the bride if I could bring someone (and it was okay with her). But now that I've been on here, people make it sound like an unforgivable sin.

I'd also never heard of dollar dances or Jack & Jill showers, nor that it's bad to throw your own party. And that makes no sense to me, since I'm throwing my own wedding. (FI was annoyed that he threw an engagement party for his friends and no one did anything for us--they barely acknowledged it at all.)

I've also learned that people really fuss over silly things.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I was surprised by how many people's parents pay (or people expect their parents to pay), and I was surprised how many women change their names.

zipis1 · January 2011

I actually had never heard of thank you notes. Seriously. Never heard of 'em, and almost everyone I've ever been friends with (aside from BF's mom) have never done them (and quite a few had never heard of them, either, until I said something), and I've never received one (obviously).

As a result, I don't really understand why people think they're such a big deal. I know the reasons, but they just don't resonate with me. However, I understand that they are important to some, so I'll still do them when I get married. But for me, personally? Just say thank you in person or over the phone (or even email) and save the stamp and paper.

Aside from that, I didn't know it was considered tacky to:

1. Have a cash bar. I still really don't think so, as long as some beverage is served.

2. Put registry info in with invites. Personally I love it when people do this. I know some see it as gift grabby but I just feel it cuts out the middle-man.

3. To put "No kids," or something on the invite.

I had also never heard of save-the-dates.

Daisy125 · January 2011

In Response to Re: Wedding Stuff You Hadn't Realized Prior to TK:
[QUOTE I didn't know that so many couples pretty much plan on getting engaged together Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

I didn't realize this was the norm either, but I'm actually glad to know that it's pretty common. This is what's right for me and BF, and to me it feels like I have more control over my own future rather than leaving it up to the guy and then just saying "yes" or "no" whenever he feels the timing is right to propose.

Also, I'd never heard of a Dollar Dance, although in my area some people do Dollar Trees (guests pin money to a small, usually fake, potted tree). I think they're both trashy.

jemmini6 · January 2011

The first time I heard of a HM registry was when FI's friends had one last year and I thought it was an amazing idea. I never considered thinking that it would be 'tacky' until I came to TK. I don't care, I still like the idea and I'll still probably have one.

I'd never heard of NOT doing a dollar dance. I've never been to a wedding where they didn't have one. I still don't like the idea though, but my mom seems pretty insistant on it and since she's paying for nearly half the wedding, I might let 'her' have it...

I also only recently went to a wedding that had a full hosted bar, so I had no idea it was 'taboo' to not have one. I've almost always had to pay for drinks at some point during a wedding and it never phased me as rude or unusual. The only wedding (prior to the recent one) where I didn't, was my sisters...and only because they had ice chests full of soda/water and a keg with klassy red cups for beer. (not exactly what I'd really call a 'hosted' bar)

tuarceatha · January 2011

Just how freakin' long the checklist of "wedding stuff to do" is! I haven't spent any time trying to get familar with this checklist, but I am looking forward to checking things off of it!

And I'd never heard of a First Look or a Dollar Dance until this conversation.

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