Read DP's response!!
Dear Prudence,
I'm going to marry my boyfriend of six years in a few months, and we are excited about starting a family. We were best friends during college, and our relationship has matured into a very loving and supportive one. There is one issue that bothers me: his alcohol consumption. We are both moderate drinkers, but he will go through phases of binge drinking that lead to unsavory results. I find his slurring and stumbling unattractive, and he has broken promises to me about drinking with his friends. Last night he soiled himself on his walk home, something he's never done before. He has a family history of alcoholism and is defensive about this issue. Whenever I discuss my dissatisfaction with his drinking, I come off as judgmental, so I go the route of forgiveness. But I'm feeling angry about his behavior, and I'm even starting to get cold feet. I don't want to police his drinking habits, but I don't know how to make him understand that I'm not comfortable with his recent antics.
—Concerned
Dear Concerned,
What a coincidence—this email, dated April 2020, just landed in my inbox:
Dear Prudence,
My husband got arrested last night for drunken driving. It's not his first arrest, and this one means he's going to lose his job. The only good news is that he didn't have the kids in the car with him—he has driven with them after having too much to drink. I have stayed home since the children were born, so I don't know how I'm going to find a job that can support us. When he's not drinking, my husband is the man I want to spend my life with—but the times he's not drinking are fewer and fewer. If only I could go back to before our marriage. I wish I had told him that I'm postponing the wedding until he acknowledges he's an alcoholic, goes to A.A., and shows that he can stay sober. But I didn't want to be preachy, and the wedding invitations had gone out, and I'd already bought my dress. At the wedding, my brand-new husband got drunk and spilled wine all over my dress, which should have told me something. The ruined dress no longer matters; I'm terrified that I've ruined my life and my kids' lives. Prudie, what do I do now?