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Ideas about hiring a security guard...

LeilanithorLeilanithor member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So to give an extremely long drawn out family drama mess of a story short, let's just say my mom does not and will not ever get along with my aunt and uncle on my dad's side.  My uncle has a mental illness and is living in a nursing home since I have been young.  He has had no part in our family and that has been on purpose on both sides, since he is violent and has been harmful to family members in the past.  My aunt has also had really no relationship with me or my family and is extremely selfish and inconsiderate.  With that being said, she is supposed to show up to my wedding, and I am extremely worried that she will bring my uncle with her and/or get into it with my parents.  We also have other family drama going on with another family and mine because of the lack of respect that was shown towards a deceased family member at their funeral earlier in the year.  With all of this going on, and everyone being in one room, I do not want a fight to happen, words being said or someone to be brought to the event that is not invited or wanted there.  Please help with ideas of if we should think about hiring a security guard or hope that everyone is an adult that day!  I am so overwhelmed and stressed out, and this is making me panic!  Embarassed
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Re: Ideas about hiring a security guard...

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    edited June 2012
    Does your venue require you to pay for an on-duty police officer?  I think it varies state by state, but mine requires that, so first check that out.

    Do you really think that your aunt and/or uncle will cause a scene at the wedding?  Why do you think she will show up if she has no relationship with your family?  Was she invited?  Could you have your dad talk to her or keep an eye on her if she shows up?
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ideas-about-hiring-a-security-guard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fc026b5-ed21-4552-b0b9-088b478e74edPost:d7bb66bf-ef29-4d2b-92c1-b9cfe0f4748d">Re: Ideas about hiring a security guard...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate when they don't come back.  OP, send your crazy aunt a fake invitation with a date two weeks after the actual wedding.  Voila.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    Eagles for the win!

    We had two off duty officers at our wedding.  They were guests - one was my uncle and another was a good friend - but we explained the situation to them and they kept an eye out for us.  It ended up all for naught; none of the stuff we expected came to fruition.
    Report Reply
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    My venue has their own security that is included, check with your venue to see if they have the same before hiring someone.  I agree with PP, I wouldn't invite her.  It doesn't sound like you're worried about offending her or anything.
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  • futuremrsbrunofuturemrsbruno member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    Are there other people in the family that would be able to handle the situation if it occurs? I feel like if you hire a security guard and these people show up, you may end up with a bigger scene if they flip when they see you've hired security to handle them.

    I do sympathize. My FI's father left his mother when FI was under a year old. He divorced her and remarried and fathered FI's halfsister, who is only a year and change younger than he is. Over the last 27 years, FI's only had contact with his father maybe a dozen times, even when his mom allowed for joint custody in the divorce. FI's older brother and his gf have tried to work on their relationship with that side of the family in the last few years. They were able to find FI and myself on fb, through FI's brother's page. Basically, we've been getting messages from the stepmother and halfsister since we've gotten engaged. FI  does not want any of them at the wedding. He even had his last name changed to his mom's maiden name this year because he felt no connnection to his father and felt he shouldn't use that last name. We are hoping they have not found out about this and since they can't actually see our fb pages, won't know when the wedding is.

    We discussed what to do if they would show up. FI didn't want to hire a security guard on either the off chance they came or because it would just cause a scene. Instead, his uncles have said they would take care of things and we wouldn't even know what was going on. I think if someone from the family would be willing to keep an eye on things, you may have a better time if anything does happen. It seems that when you know the person telling you to leave, people act a lot calmer.
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  • LeilanithorLeilanithor member
    First Comment
    Thank you for all the advice.  I talked about it with a close friend and she agreed that hiring a security guard may make the situation worse, if anything were to happen.  I will ltalk to a couple of close guy friends about the situation and let them know to keep an eye on them.  It just stresses me out that people have come out of the woodwork or have been adding a bunch of drama to my life just for this wedding. 
    Report Reply
  • LeilanithorLeilanithor member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ideas-about-hiring-a-security-guard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7fc026b5-ed21-4552-b0b9-088b478e74edPost:2e126fb1-e224-4bd6-bde3-5d4f3bbae52b">Re: Ideas about hiring a security guard...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are there other people in the family that would be able to handle the situation if it occurs? I feel like if you hire a security guard and these people show up, you may end up with a bigger scene if they flip when they see you've hired security to handle them. I do sympathize. My FI's father left his mother when FI was under a year old. He divorced her and remarried and fathered FI's halfsister, who is only a year and change younger than he is. Over the last 27 years, FI's only had contact with his father maybe a dozen times, even when his mom allowed for joint custody in the divorce. FI's older brother and his gf have tried to work on their relationship with that side of the family in the last few years. They were able to find FI and myself on fb, through FI's brother's page. Basically, we've been getting messages from the stepmother and halfsister since we've gotten engaged. FI  does not want any of them at the wedding. He even had his last name changed to his mom's maiden name this year because he felt no connnection to his father and felt he shouldn't use that last name. We are hoping they have not found out about this and since they can't actually see our fb pages, won't know when the wedding is. We discussed what to do if they would show up. FI didn't want to hire a security guard on either the off chance they came or because it would just cause a scene. Instead, his uncles have said they would take care of things and we wouldn't even know what was going on. I think if someone from the family would be willing to keep an eye on things, you may have a better time if anything does happen. It seems that when you know the person telling you to leave, people act a lot calmer.
    Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

    Im sorry to hear about your situation!  I hope everything turns out well!
    Report Reply
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