South Asian Weddings

My Mother Unhappy about a Cambodian Ceremony Weekend Before Actual Wedding

I need some help on this one. My FI is Cambodian-American and shortly after we got engaged, his mother mentioned she would like us to have a traditonal Cambodian ceremony. I'm not Cambodian but knowing how important this tradition is to her, my FI and I agreed to it. I also figured it would be something special since how many brides can say they participated in a cultural ceremony. Also mind you, this would take place the weekend before my  "real" wedding. The Cambodian ceremony would also be scaled down since it's pretty long and will not be official.

Well I told my own mom about this idea and she became so upset to my shock! Growing up, both my parents stressed the importance of respecting one anothers cutures and to appreciate it. When I asked my mom why she was upset about it, she said that to her, my FI and I will be "married" and she will miss out on it. I forgot to mention my mother lives 3000 miles away and doesn't have a lot of money to travel back and forth. I told my mom that it's not our real ceremony and we're just doing this to honor his culture. My mom still felt upset about not being a part of it .

So here I am in this dilemma and I don't know what to do next. I did think about compromising by having the ceremony the morning of my wedding but that will only entail an exceptionally long day for everyone involved and I don't want to be exhausted by the time I  get to my reception. My FI and I have pretty much decided we want to have the ceremony the weekend before and I haven't talked to my mom about it since she got upset with me. Others seem to be on my side about this but I also don't want to hurt my mom's feelings. Any suggestions?
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Re: My Mother Unhappy about a Cambodian Ceremony Weekend Before Actual Wedding

  • Good News Laughing I talked to my mom today and she brought up the Cambodian wedding ceremony and seemed to come around to it. She said she will come and in fact, started pouring her ideas about how the ceremony should be!

    I guess if you give others time to absorb and process your ideas, they seem to be more agreeable (usually)
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  • Glad that things are working out!

    It's true that people are often okay with things once they have time to get used to them.  My mom, who was pretty sophisticated in a lot of ways, objected strongly to us having a Hindu wedding AFTER the Christian one.  I was surprised because I felt that she was getting what she wanted so why should she care?  People (especially moms) often have a picture of a wedding in their minds and want to have exactly that picture.  In the end, she was absolutely fine with it (even enjoyed it).
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