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Ring and ceremony questions....

My soon to be fiance had been putting money down on an amazing ring that he really wanted me to have when he asked me to marry him.  I told him that I didn't need anything fancy but then he found this ring and asked me to look at it and wow.  Recently his son has told us he wants to come live with us, which is going to mean a court fight with his mother so I told my guy to go get the money he had paid on my ring for lawyers.  He didn't want to but we knew it was right to do.  Now I am looking at something cheap just so that we can finally officially say we are engaged (because he won't ask until I have a ring).  My question about the ring is this....is it ok if I want something with a citrine stone as an engagement ring?  I know that later down the line I will have the diamond he wants to get me but in the mean time I think the ring I found will be pretty and on my ring finger still says taken.  Am I wrong? 

My second question is about the actual wedding.  My beloved is in the Air Force and is stationed 8 - 13 hours from any of our family.  It is our understanding that we have to get married here in our state for it to be recognized and asking everyone to travel here is kind of a lot.  We are thinking about getting married here in a very small ceremony and then in a year having a wedding and reception.  I fear people won't come if they know we are married already, but my future in-laws say we don't have to tell anyone we already got married ... so confused. 

Re: Ring and ceremony questions....

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    1- I have to congratulate you. What you did was very nice and not many women would do that for their FH, much less care about his kids in that manner. 

    2. my engagement ring is sapphire as the main stone and then two diamonds on the side... It's your ring... You can do whatever you want with it. You're the one that's going to wear it:]

    3. I don't see why people wouldn't go to the wedding after one year. If they didn't participate in the wedding at all, it's like it didn't happen. I think it will be fine. And it's also a plus because it gives you more time to  save money for it.
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    Your ring can be anything you want it to be.  I think you are going to make an awesome step-mom.

    I'm a little confused. Why do you think you have to be married in your state for the wedding to be recgonized?  If you are heterosexual adults with no close blood ties your marriage will be recognized in all 50 states.  That being said it is not uncommon for mitlitary couples to do the small JOP civil ceremony and then later do the the big church ceremony and reception when the training/deployment/leave schedule works out a little better.  But do not lie to people and say you aren't married.  That is when they get upset about being invited to a "fake" wedding.  Instead of inviting them to your "wedding" invite them to a "vow renewal" or "religious blessing" of your marriage.  

    You should come join us on the Military Brides Board. 
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    There is nothing wrong with getting an engagement ring that is not a diamond. What make a ring an e-ring is what it symbolizes not what it is made of. It is so common to see e-ring that have all sorts of different stones in them so you are fine if your e-ring does not have stone in it.

    As for the wedding. FI and I live in LA but I am from Ohio and he is from Wisconsin. We know if will be difficult for all of our friends and family to travel here so we will have a small wedding here with what family is able to come out and them go back to our home towns and have a reception for all who was not able to make it. However everyone will know we are already married, please don't lie to your friends and family they will be really hurt if they found out. People will be more than happy to celebrate with you after the fact.
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    Before you go spending a lot of money on lawyer fees you should make sure that you actually have a good chance at getting custody. It is not easy to take custody away from a biological mother and your FI being in the air force won't be around to actually take care of his son on a day to day basis. I would not think the odds are in your favor.

    Don't lie about being married. I also think it is silly to select a ring today with the thought of getting a real diamond in the future and getting married now but planning a real reception in the future. Do the best you can do now.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_ring-ceremony-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:83fd1e93-d7c7-4394-8c2e-3dce2a82e40ePost:7080bd2f-2f30-4158-b0dd-bb4f0025d932">Re: Ring and ceremony questions....</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you are heterosexual adults with no close blood ties your marriage will be recognized in all 50 states. 
    Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]


    This is true. 

    Your engagement ring can be anything you want it to be (or nothing at all)!  Citrine rings are very pretty.
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    I agree w/ PP posts--make your ring anything you want.  However, keep in mind that one reason diamonds are common is that they are durable.  I have an amethyst ring I wear daily, and it has taken quite a beating.  I don't care, but it started looking pretty scratched up after a year.  When I went to see a jeweler about it, he said that was pretty common with most colored stones.  Cubic zirconia's are much cheaper, and very durable.  What a generous thing you are doing for your step-children!

    As for getting married out-of-state--you can live anywhere (in the US), and get married anywhere else (in the US), and it will still be legal.  Don't let having to have it out-of-state stop you from having a traditional wedding.  Goold luck!

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    My engagement ring is a band!  It's a ygold/wgold band with Egyptian hieroglyphs that say, "my queen I will love you, be faithful and truthful to you forever".  I get asked a lot if I'm married or get werided out looks from people when I tell them it's my e-ring.  I don't care!  I love it and it means something to me and to my FI.  I'm not even Egyptian and neither is he!  I have a passion for ancient Egyptian mythology and history.  His dad is up in arms over the fact it's a band and not traditional but oh well!  My wedding ring will be a band of diamonds or a band of lapis to go with my e-ring. I work in healthcare....so wearing a traditional e-ring really isn't practical anyway!

    As far as the wedding, I have a few friends that have done the JP wedding and when he was on longer leave they did a wedding.  A specific couple I know already had kids and had the kids included in the wedding.  Don't worry about being traditional.  It's you and your FI's day, not any one elses, don't lose sight of that.  If that is how you want to do it, DO IT!  If I worried myself about following all the traditions, I would have put myself in the ground by now!
    ?My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep. The more I give thee, the more I have, For both are infinite.?
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