He doesn't want my brother's as his groomsmen

rachel342 · December 2009

My FI and I have been having disagreements about the BP. He really doesn't know my brother's that well. One of them has lived in Hawaii for two years, and my FI has only met him a hand full of time. He says when you have too many people in your BP that it "dilutes" the importance of the other people. I feel he has a point. I tell him that the meaning of a wedding is the joining of two families, and having them as his groomsmen is a symbol of that. It makes me upset to think that my brothers are not part of the BP, but I think he should be able to choose who he wants. In order to compromise, I suggested having them both as ushers, but I feel this is not the same. I just wanted someone else's thoughts on this subject.

mbcdefg · December 2009

Have your two brothers stand up on YOUR side. They are still included in the wedding party as you want, but your FI is not forced to choose them as his own attendants just because they happen to be men.

Problem solved.

megk8oz · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_doesnt-want-brothers-his-groomsmen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4bbebe7a-0de4-4c9c-8f5e-94e4a08852b9Post:5e9240ed-ce2a-439d-96d0-271bb3c59794">He doesn't want my brother's as his groomsmen</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I have been having disagreements about the BP. He really doesn't know my brother's that well. One of them has lived in Hawaii for two years, and my FI has only met him a hand full of time. He says when you have too many people in your BP that it "dilutes" the importance of the other people. I feel he has a point. I tell him that the meaning of a wedding is the joining of two families, and having them as his groomsmen is a symbol of that. It makes me upset to think that my brothers are not part of the BP, but I think he should be able to choose who he wants. In order to compromise, I suggested having them both as ushers, but I feel this is not the same. I just wanted someone else's thoughts on this subject.
Posted by rachel342[/QUOTE]

Why don't you have your brothers stand on your side? Sides are allowed to be mixed gender. They're also allowed to be uneven.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

I agree. They can either stand on your side or be ushers. Either is fine.

emilyinchile · December 2009

Ditto PPs. It sounds like you really want your brothers in the WP, and having them on your side is the best way to do that.

banana468 · December 2009

Ditto the other ladies. Why not have them be your attendants?

liz745 · December 2009

if you want your brothers in the WP have them stand on your side. The point of a WP is to have the people the care about most stand up next to you. Your brothers are probably not those people for you FI. I think that having your brothers be ushers is fine, but if you want them to stand up there you should have them stand on your side.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

Have them be bridesmen. Done and done.

mags0607 · December 2009

I know that I am echoing the pps, but they are absolutely right.

You can't control who your Fi asks to stand up for him. Like they said, your BP should be the people in the world that are closest to you. Many brides start out thinking that sides need to be even, or that girls go on the bride's side and men on the groom's no matter who they are closest to.

That is a common misconception, and it causes stress to a lot of brides. Ask your brothers to be on your side and to stand up for you at the wedding. Let Fi ask those who he wants standing up for him.

Who cares if you have one more or less on your side? Who cares if you have 2 guys up there with you? What matters is that you are celebrating with the people you care about most and that you are marrying your Fi.

mwhitson14 · December 2009

My brother is going to be an usher if he makes it. You're overthinking this.

duckie1905 · December 2009

You don't get to pick his attendants so if it means that much to have your brothers in the WP have them stand on your side.

mrsamyjones · December 2009

ditto the above...either have them stand on your side or be ushers...lyou cant force your FI to have them be his attendants

jenn.daniel · December 2009

FI isn't asking my brother to be a groomsman, nor is he asking his own brother.

Have your brother escort your mother down the aisle.

jeannigirl · December 2009

He doesn't have to he gets to pick who he wants to stand along side him. If you really want your brothers then have them on your side or let them be ushers.

jeannigirl · December 2009

He doesn't have to he gets to choose who he wants on his side. Put your brothers on your side if you want them that badly to be in the WP. or have them being Ushers. Ordeal over

RaiKai · December 2009

Repetitive but....you don't dictate who your FI wants to support him. Why you would expect him to have people on his side he does not know very well is beyond me.

And they certainly don't need to be added into his side just to be used as symbols to demonstrate you are uniting two families. Figure out another way to do that, or just recognize most people can figure that out for themselves without using people as props.

If you want your brothers in the wedding party, invite them to be on your side of the wedding party.

trix1223 · December 2009

Ditto all the other wise ladies. Have your brothers as part of your party, and the problem is solved very easily.

But I do want to comment on the "merging of families" thing. A wedding is between two consenting adults. Your families don't merge: you and your FI come together. It's a lovely and romantic notion that both families will become one giant happy family, but more often than not, it simply doesn't happen.

I have two simply wonderful children-in-law, a DIL and a SIL. I can be cordial to their families, but their families are NOT my family. They are my son and daughter's family.

My DD's new MIL keeps saying that now we're all family. Not in a million years. Not in a trillion years.

I hope that your brothers and your FI develop a relationship over the years. That will be wonderful. I simply adore my BIL who is one of the best guys I know. But the relationship has grown over the years.

You can't and shouldn't exert pressure on your FI to make your brothers part of his WP if he's just not that close to them now.

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