Too young for MOH

chicklet1587 · December 2009

I would love for my younger cousin to be my MOH but she will only have just turned 21 when I get married in a little less than 2 years from now. Is that to young for the role of MOH? I don't really have anyone else I am close enough to that I would like to be my MOH.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

Why on earth would that be too young? At 21, she's capable of buying a dress, walking back & forth down an aisle, holding flowers, straightening your train, signing your marriage cert as a witness, and even planning a shower & bach party if she chooses to do so.

BUT - don't ask her for another year. Don't ask ANYONE for another year.

mbcdefg · December 2009

MOH just needs to be your dearest friend, not a certain age. I don't see why you think she's too young.

blackfire5th · December 2009

When my DH older sister got married, his younger sister was the MOH and was only 18. Actually, her entire wedding party was under 20. Half of my bridesmaids were under 21. My MOH was my little sister and was 19, my SIL was 20, and my cousin was 17. All that matters is that she is the person who is closest to you.

crissy89 · December 2009

Ditto to all of the above. I was 19 when I was MOH for my best friend in August. I was so excited/proud to have the role and did everything I could to make sure she felt like a princess.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

I've known women who've had their teenage daughter be MOH (if she's not an adult, it would be maiden of honor, not maid). Why on earth would 21 be too young? The only issue that comes into play with age and MOH is finding someone else to sign the license if she's under 18.

But don't even think about your wedding party for another year. Relationships can change a lot in that time, and so can your wedding plans. There's really nothing your WP needs to be doing before the six month mark or so, no need to choose much earlier.

trix1223 · December 2009

I'm really curious about why you think that she's too young. Details please.

megk8oz · December 2009

My MOH is 19.

When my one friend got married 2 years ago, her MOH was 19.

When my mother got married the first time, her MOH was 17.

It's not like voting or buying alcohol. MOH doesn't have an age limit. It's supposed to be whomever you're closest to.

jenn.daniel · December 2009

Unless you need your MOH to rent a car for you, 21 is fine.

jeannigirl · December 2009

Thats a bit of an odd question however I am sure that you have your reasons to ask that. Their is no duties that one needs to do. She is old enough to get her attire and walk the aisle and such.

My suggestion is to wait a little longer before you make that decision to choose your BP.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

A MOH must get the dress, walk down the aisle, stand (or sit) quietly during the ceremony and smile for photos. If she can handle that, she's old enough.

I know 8 year olds that can handle the job.

chicklet1587 · December 2009

Alright, wasn't quite the response I expected but whatever! I just didn't know if it might be too much for her because she is in school for nursing right now and she may or may not continue to go to school when she graduates in 2011. I don't know I am just trying to look out for her because she is the closest thing I have to a sister.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

If its too much for her, then she will tell you. It is an honor to be asked, even if you have to decline, so I'd say just go ahead and ask her. Don't anticipate her response and preclude her as MOH because of your perception of what is going on in her life. I understand you don't want to burden her, but you won't be burdening her if all you ask is for her to stand up next to you in a pretty dress and sign the license.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

Plus, wait a while to ask. No need to have a MOH more than 2 years out. Most wedding parites are picked 6-8 months out. Lots can go on between now and then. Just let it be and when it gets closer to time, do her the honor of asking her.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

FWIW, My MOH was in nursing school also. She was going to school full time, working quite a bit at her clinical jobs, and quite busy with her own life. She still managed to find the time to order the dress and make it to the wedding.

Like others have said, it's not a good idea to ask anyone to be in your wedding party until at least a year out. It's better to wait until about 9 months out. People change, relationships change, but once you've asked, you can't kick them out. Also, there's nothing for WP to do until you start looking for attire, about 6 months out.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

Too young and too busy are completely different issues. If you really want her to be your MOH, then ask her when the time comes. She can decide for herself if she can't handle it.

cassc1 · December 2009

Perhaps we're missing the point of the OP. What are you looking for in your MOH? Do you want and/or need someone to help you make decisions, plan the wedding, organize showers etc? If you do it's fine and a 21 year old depending on her maturity is probably up for the job, but may not be depending on the type of wedding your envisioning. Remember it's ok to name one person MOH but delegate important tasks to other friends/family memebers. But there are plenty of 21yr olds getting married themselves (and planning awsome events) so I wouldn't worry!

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_young-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a3ce8da0-08b8-4676-b94d-877fe0195a52Post:4150bfea-f5a2-4c28-b37a-6fe909207121">Re: Too young for MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you want and/or need someone to help you make decisions, plan the wedding, organize showers etc? If you do it's fine

Remember it's ok to name one person MOH but delegate important tasks to other friends/family memebers. Posted by cassc1[/QUOTE]

It is fine if you need that help. But expecting your MOH to do it is not ok. If you and your FI can't do it on your own, you need to hire a wedding planner or cut back.

It's not ok to delegate important tasks to anyone that you aren't paying. WPs are not unpaid labor.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_young-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a3ce8da0-08b8-4676-b94d-877fe0195a52Post:4150bfea-f5a2-4c28-b37a-6fe909207121">Re: Too young for MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps we're missing the point of the OP. What are you looking for in your MOH? Do you want and/or need someone to help you make decisions, plan the wedding, organize showers etc? If you do it's fine and a 21 year old depending on her maturity is probably up for the job, but may not be depending on the type of wedding your envisioning. Remember it's ok to name one person MOH but delegate important tasks to other friends/family memebers. But there are plenty of 21yr olds getting married themselves (and planning awsome events) so I wouldn't worry!
Posted by cassc1[/QUOTE]

The ONLY person required to help you plan your wedding is your fiance. You are welcome to ask the wedding party if they would like to help, and they are welcome to volunteer to help, but you absolutely should NOT expect your MOH or bridesmaids or anyone else (except your fiance) to be your unpaid laborers.

Also, it does NOT make them bad friends if they would rather not help. Some people just aren't into dress shopping or party planning--and that is okay, they are still the awesome friend that you have always had.

The ONLY duties for bridemaids and maids of honor are to buy the dress, show up clean and sober to the wedding, walk down the aisle, stand quietly through the ceremony, and smile for pictures.

mbcdefg · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_young-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a3ce8da0-08b8-4676-b94d-877fe0195a52Post:4150bfea-f5a2-4c28-b37a-6fe909207121">Re: Too young for MOH</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps we're missing the point of the OP. What are you looking for in your MOH? Do you want and/or need someone to help you make decisions, plan the wedding, organize showers etc? If you do it's fine and a 21 year old depending on her maturity is probably up for the job, but may not be depending on the type of wedding your envisioning. Remember it's ok to name one person MOH but delegate important tasks to other friends/family memebers. But there are plenty of 21yr olds getting married themselves (and planning awsome events) so I wouldn't worry!
Posted by cassc1[/QUOTE]

1. MOH is an honor, not a job. Emphasis on Maid of Honor, not Maid of Honor.

2. Nobody ever "needs" someone to help her plan a wedding. It's fine to ask people to help out ... but if the bride has gotten to the point where she "needs" help, then it means that she's planned a wedding too extravagant for her means and needs to scale it back. Or needs to get her FI to help out more (since he's the only other person required to help plan besides the bride, not the bridesmaids). Or she can hire a planner and work her to her heart's content.

3. It's really snotty and selfish to delegate jobs and tasks to your loved ones. That's a good way to come across as a Bridezilla.

4. You'd really advocate NOT naming your closest friend as MOH just because you think she can't plan a shower for you or won't be able to help out with wedding planning? "Sorry, Cousin, I know we're super-close but I don't want you as MOH because you won't be able to do enough work for me or throw me a party. So I'm picking someone else who IS able to work for me because that's more important to me than our friendship." Scummy way to treat a friend, don't you think?

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