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Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:If I were "freaking out" as you have so eloquently put it, I'd probably have stayed put to await more responses nagging at me to research requirements and their thoughts on a "secret ceremony", but alas, I did not. As I have said multiple times, I have thoroughly reviewed the requirements, yet it is still being made a topic. To address this, here we are:
I am fully aware of the requirements of a destination wedding in Ireland. I will not be having a "secret ceremony". I have been to Ireland multiple times in the last few months and have discussed these requirements with the proper parties. I will be following their requirements. Thank you for the concern but it is not needed. My fiance, his family, and some of my family are citizens.
While I am in complete understanding of the purpose of social media, one does not post on a cooking website and expect to receive questions about the medication one's grandmother is prescribed. There are topics on this site for a reason, and if I had needed advice on destination weddings, that's where you would find me.
Thank you to those who responded about the question I, the original poster, had asked. I truly appreciate it!
Your analogy makes no sense. If you posted on a cooking website regarding a recipe, you might also get some comments/responses regarding cookware, appliances, or even health and nutrition. Neither your grandmother or her medication would factor in whatsoever.
Your post touched upon showers, invitations, guest lists, and a destination wedding in Ireland. It makes perfect sense that people would comment on any or all of those topics.
walgrrl said:Hi everyone. I am the maid of honor in an upcoming wedding. The bride has chosen not to register, as she and her fiance are already living together and have everything they need for their home. They've made it clear that the only thing they would like is money toward the honeymoon. I'm not 100% sure, but I think they may have set up a honeymoon registry.
The problem is, the other bridesmaids still want to throw her a bridal shower and I'm sure the bride is expecting one. Honestly, I would love to throw her a bridal shower, but I'm not sure how that works if you're not registered anywhere. I mean, the thought of inviting people to a bridal shower and just requesting cash seems so rude and seems like such a breach of etiquette to me. Also, I thought the whole point of a bridal shower was to watch the bride open up gifts. If people are giving to a honeymoon fund, there would be no gifts to open.
The other bridesmaids seem to see no problem with sending invitations out requesting cash gifts and/or donations to the honeymoon fund. I just can't get behind it. But at the same time, I don't want to cause a problem and I don't want the bride to not get a shower. I don't know the other bridesmaids well at all and I don't want to make anyone mad or upset.
I've been trying to think of ways around this. I've tried hinting to the bride that maybe she wants to create a small registry just of things she'll need for the wedding. She could register for picture frames and albums for wedding pictures, a cake topper, toasting glasses, cake serving set, guest book or signature frame, aisle runner, etc. That way guests who want to give a physical gift can do so. I'm also thinking that if her registry is really small people will probably take the hint that she mainly wants cash, do you think so?
However, I don't know if the bride will go for this idea. She seems adamant about no registry. So if she forgoes the registry, what are my options? It seems they're going ahead with the shower with or without me and I really don't want to let the bride down. Is there any less rude way of doing this? Maybe we can send invitations out with no registry info, no mention of cash or gifts at all, and then if people ask we can tell them, "Oh, Bride has not actually registered, but she is saving up for a honeymoon!" Something along those lines maybe? Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated! I really want to make everyone happy without being rude to the guests!
Not having a registry makes it almost impossible to host a shower, which is by definition, a gift giving event. Dictating to guests that they may only bring one designated cash gift is the HEIGHT of rude and improper.
People can and often will gift cash as a wedding gift, but showers are for physical gifts. If the bride does not want to create a wedding registry, she should forego a shower. Explain to the BM's that if they throw such an incredibly tacky shower, it will reflect poorly on the bride. No one in their right mind would want to do something that makes their friend look rude and tacky.
If they insist on having a shower with no registry, explain that the bride may end up receiving gifts for which she has no need or interest. Why would they waste the time and money of the bride's nearest and dearest?
Knottieb268693631c25ddc said:For Pete's sake. Obviously we will be fulfilling the requirements. Is that even a thing? People try to get married on a DW without following that country's requests?
Not that it has ANYTHING to do with this topic, but yes we are both well aware of the requirements. My fiancé is not originally from the states and his family still lives there. We have been to Ireland five times in the last three months alone. Our "nearest and dearest" will be there THANKS TO the wedding being a DW.
Please, if not about the question I asked, do not reply. I too am quite capable of Googling marriage requirements of any country, but fortunately I have had many opportunities to discuss and plan those details with officials IN Ireland.
Because it does happen, we do feel compelled to comment regarding the thoroughness and/or integrity surrounding destination weddings, particularly ones that occur in countries with more strict requirements.
Finally, when you post on public forums, you have to be willing to accept any and all comments, whether expressly invited or not.
You could purchase a coordinating frame and stand it alongside the lantern....
or find a frame with a similar pattern to coordinate with the lantern.
You were getting ready to leave. You made the comment on your way OUT. It was unnecessary to comment.
ETA....I was going to say my brief "piece" and walk away. However, the more I reread these responses, the more frustrated I get.
Parent shaming, regardless of the "issue", is just wrong. There is an incredible amount of judgment and self righteous justification in these responses. "I used a totally normal conversational tone". "The mom did nothing". It's OK for you to "ignore that nonsense" that came from mom , but you put yourself in this situation because you could NOT ignore a child's nonsense.
Assuming the parent has bad manners because she referred to a complete and meddling stranger as a bitch is equally unjustifiable.
Depending on the situation, ignoring IS an effective tool. Sister's constant chiding of the brother could be the exact issue that continued to set brother off. Sister "asked him at least 4 times to stop", and EVERY time she did, he gave a short yell". If anything, as the mom, I would have quietly signaled to the sister to ignore as well.
Should you have to listen to it? Absolutely not. But should you be judging and admonishing a young kid and parent shaming his mom? Nope.
FWIW, we have also used extremely casual dining experiences, such as fast food restaurants, as starting points to teach restaurant manners. My expectations are extremely realistic in environments when one can dine alongside a giant slide and ball pit.