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  • Re: Bridesmaid Dress Issues- Is Bride Asking too Much

    ericamkohn said:

    Any advice? Is her expecations reasonable/unreasonable? Is my response reasonable/unreasonable? 
    Her expectations of her bridesmaids are unreasonable - she should have asked for your budgets before selecting the dress. (Sounds like your expectations of your bridesmaids were unreasonable too - help & participation aren't required.)

    Your expectations of the bridal shops are unreasonable - unfair as it is, they can only carry a limited number of sizes for clients to try on. PP had great advice about shopping online. I avoid real stores & dressing rooms as much as possible.

    Here's my proposed response:
    "Sister, the dress you have selected is $80 over the highest end of my budget and the alteration costs would be much more expensive than expected. I've found several other purple dresses that are within my budget, for example X one and Y one, but if this specific shade is required I will need you to cover the additional cost."

    She may respond that your dad has already offered to cover the additional cost so this is a non-issue, at which point you'd need to decide if that makes you uncomfortable enough to step down as bridesmaid.

    - Do not bring up her behaviour at your own wedding or her bitchy personality or her expensive tastes or her own wedding budget. Irrelevant.
    - Do not get involved in your nieces' dress issues. Unrelated.
    - Do not go ahead and buy a dress from another line and "make her deal with it." Immature.
  • Re: Invitations and RSVPs

    MandyMost said:
    Yes, sending every person over 18 their own invitation is technically correct, but it doesn't always make sense in practice. Some of my relatives would have totally balked at multiple invites going to the same house, and thought we were just throwing away money and showing off how much money we have to throw away.
    Who cares? I mean, some people might balk at a hosted bar, or having enough chairs, or serving a meal during meal time, or properly sending invites. Just because those people don't understand what's polite doesn't mean hosts should skirt the rules. 
    I don't (personally) think those things are on the same level. Technically it might be polite to send everyone over 18 their same invite, but I don't think it's rude if you know your guests' preference. I sent most of my adult cousins living at home their own invite, but there was one family I knew would be like WTF if they got 4 of the same (plus their mail is super sketch and they'd probably come on different days!) so I put all of the kids on that one. I don't think this is the same level infraction as not hosting the bar or not having enough chairs, and maybe open a little bit to interpretation, based on the guests.
    I think she was making the point that some folks might view a hosted bar as another example of showing off how much money you have to throw around, but that shouldn't impact your decision to do so.
  • Re: Invitations and RSVPs

    for a single parent and teenager, how do we indicate that the plus one is for the teenager but not the parent?
    Does this mean you're not extending +1s to single parents or am I misunderstanding?

    You're not obligated to extend +1s to everyone, but I can imagine some hurt feelings if one person on the invitation got a +1 and the other didn't!

    If the teenager is 18 or 19, send them a separate invitation. Once they hit adulthood they become their own "social unit" regardless of who they live with. If they're under 18 I'd go with the following:

    Ms. ParentFirstname Lastname and Guest
    Mr. TeenFirstname Lastname and Guest
  • Re: Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

    ashleymay44 said:

    I'm really not understanding the "entitlement" argument- I'm not saying you're wrong,  I'm just saying I don't understand how that's what you're getting from this.


    we do have our vision of our venue and honeymoon, and I'm not letting [consideration of my guests' time, money, and feelings] take that from me. 
    Does that help you understand?

    Look, you asked for advice on how to avoid surprising your guests with the lack of meal. Folks offered additional advice on how to avoid offending your guests with the lack of meal.

    You've since stated you now know how to avoid the surprise and you don't care about avoiding the offence, so what more is there to say?
  • Re: Is this okay?

    FFIL's probably right about vendors upping the prices for weddings but I doubt that calling it a "celebration of marriage" would make a difference to them anyway.

    The caterer at your reception doesn't care if you got married 1hr ago or 24hrs ago. They know you still want the day to go perfectly and that they can charge you for it!

    Glad that talking through the root of things helped you guys come to a better understanding, it almost always does :)