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OP, in case you're still lurking, what is really the worst that will happen if your MOH doesn't show up the day of the wedding? All she is supposed to do is stand next to you during the ceremony! (And don't stress about having even sides; your wedding party isn't a set of props.) If it should happen that way (which I doubt), call her, make sure she's OK, and go on with your wedding!
I'm willing to say that I can understand your frustration here - to a degree. You're having an exciting big life event, and you want to share that experience with your best friend! It is a shame that it's not going the way you envisioned. However, your friend also has some luge stuff she needs to share, even if it isn't so fun. She probably could still very much use your understanding and support, even though it's been three years since she lost her boyfriend. She's probably super scared to have been alone again so suddenly, nervous about starting to date again, feeling all kinds of guilty for moving on - so many possibilities. If you care at all about this person, I think you really need to try and understand how her life is still being affected by this tragedy. Feel how you feel, because it does suck. But your feelings do not invalidate hers.
Friends grow apart, it sucks, and it happens all the time. It isn't wrong to feel this way. I think your error is that you went against your instinct and asked her to be MOH because you thought you were supposed to, not because you felt a real genuine closeness with her. What's done is done. If you were to tell her this part ("Friend, our lives are so different now that I don't feel the same friendship we used to have"), just know that it is going to be another loss in her life that will hurt and create even more grief for her. I'm all for honesty, but in this case, I really feel like the kindest thing to do is leave your bridal party as it is, lower your expectations of your friend, who is clearly still unpacking a lot, and enjoy your wedding regardless of what happens with that. If you continue to see less and less of each other afterward, fine. But there isn't really a graceful way to deliberately end this friendship, in light of what you've shared.
lovesclimbing said:I can't decide if sewing is a hobby or not. I get frustrated with it easily when I do things wrong. It doesn't help that I learned how to quilt from someone, so I know the basics, but I never had anyone teach me to sew clothes, which is VERY different. Teaching myself to sew clothes results in doing lots of things wrong and taking hours just to figure out the pattern and cut the fabric.
Other than piano, my hobbies are:
Composing music (nothing super good yet, though)
Writing fiction - I wrote a novel last year for funsies, and now that I know I can, I've started a second one that is actually better
I really want to start crocheting again. I bought all the stuff and then got lazy and never touched it, lol.
This list makes my life sound so much fuller than it actually is. I do this stuff at least a couple of times a week, but never for huge chunks of time. I feel like I have such limited energy for being constructive, and then the rest of the time it's watching Property Brothers and browsing Pinterest.
I've fallen in love with gothic themed wedding cakes lately. Maybe with black and white icing, some red roses, and some sugar skull cake toppers? Pinterest has a bunch for the perusing.
@ahoywedding, yeah, the timeframe isn't the greatest. It's a rather short engagement and the bride wasn't totally sure she wanted a party and just got back to me this week about it. The week before Thanksgiving isn't ideal for sure, but I work nights and unfortunately that also made it hard to narrow down dates, with many shows already being sold out. At least with 2ish months to go, hopefully everyone can have plenty of time to make arrangements and RSVP, and the grand majority of b-party guests are local.
Thanks, all! I will go ahead and call the mystery people and see what they can do for us. I'm pretty stoked! (Not about dressing in costume for this, that's not my forte, but I'm due for a good mystery and girls' night!)
Well, hell. I'm going to a wedding soon, bought the happy couple some stuff, and already freaking wrapped it to bring with me. I can see the logic in sending gifts and will most likely do so in the future, but hopefully karma will show me mercy this time considering it was, you know, meant to be a nice thing?
Rule or no rule, rude or not rude, this is one instance where literally everyone can just grin and bear it, however the gift gets where it's going. This is the definition of a first world problem.