Informal Ceremony question HELP

AubreyBotsko · May 2012

My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We have a 15 month old son and I am a stay at home Mom. My fiance just got a new job with benefits and such, so we plan on having a ceremony now so my son and I can be puton his benefits and also because we want to be legally bound to one another

So, we decided to do a vow ceremony now and have a larger party/reception in a year or two. Well, what started out as just a few friends and close family as witnesses has turned into 50 of our closest loved ones. We have advised them a million times not to bring gifts and to just dress comfortably. We are getting married in a nearby park and have decided to all go out together afterwards to a bowling alley. Since this isn't our "wedding" we thought it would be a fun and cheeky activity to do. There a pool tables, a bar, people who want to bowl can bowl. It will be fun.

The issue is, since we initially planned on it just being a few of us, we didn't plan on spending anything. We have told our friends that it is informal, just witness us saying our vows then we will go have some silly fun. My question is, do we have to pay for everyone's bowling or for drinks and such? We in no way eluded to the fact that we would do so, but I don't want people to seem surprised the night of.

Please help! Thanks!

RupertPenny · May 2012

Just have one wedding. Problem solved.

HockeyFan4 · May 2012

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:589f4561-a788-4c20-a55d-457b02ee1eb3">Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We have a 15 month old son and I am a stay at home Mom. My fiance just got a new job with benefits and such, so we plan on having a ceremony now so my son and I can be puton his benefits and also because we want to be legally bound to one another :) So, we decided to do a vow ceremony now and have a larger party/reception in a year or two. Well, what started out as just a few friends and close family as witnesses has turned into 50 of our closest loved ones. We have advised them a million times not to bring gifts and to just dress comfortably. We are getting married in a nearby park and have decided to all go out together afterwards to a bowling alley.<strong> Since this isn't our "wedding"</strong> we thought it would be a fun and cheeky activity to do. There a pool tables, a bar, people who want to bowl can bowl. It will be fun. The issue is, since we initially planned on it just being a few of us, we didn't plan on spending anything. We have told our friends that it is informal, just witness us saying our vows then we will go have some silly fun. My question is, do we have to pay for everyone's bowling or for drinks and such? We in no way eluded to the fact that we would do so, but I don't want people to seem surprised the night of. Please help! Thanks!
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

Actually, it is. Your wedding is when you get married. If you don't want to host some kind of reception to thank your guests then stop inviting people to witness your vows.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:589f4561-a788-4c20-a55d-457b02ee1eb3">Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We have a 15 month old son and I am a stay at home Mom. My fiance just got a new job with benefits and such, so we plan on having a ceremony now so my son and I can be puton his benefits and also because we want to be legally bound to one another :) So, we decided to do a vow ceremony now and have a larger party/reception in a year or two. Well, what started out as just a few friends and close family as witnesses has turned into 50 of our closest loved ones. We have advised them a million times not to bring gifts and to just dress comfortably. We are getting married in a nearby park and have decided to all go out together afterwards to a bowling alley. <strong>Since this isn't our "wedding"</strong> we thought it would be a fun and cheeky activity to do. There a pool tables, a bar, people who want to bowl can bowl. It will be fun. The issue is, since we initially planned on it just being a few of us, we didn't plan on spending anything. We have told our friends that it is informal, just witness us saying our vows then we will go have some silly fun. My question is, do we have to pay for everyone's bowling or for drinks and such? We in no way eluded to the fact that we would do so, but I don't want people to seem surprised the night of. Please help! Thanks!
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

Um, yeah, it is your wedding because you are getting married that day. What you want to do a year or two from now would be a vow renewal NOT a wedding.

Since so many people want to come to your wedding why not just make that your one and only wedding (since you only get one anyways).

Snippylynn · May 2012

Ooooh ffs.

Snippylynn · May 2012

You know what? In a REAL question, which part of you saying your vows and signing papers is NOT your wedding? It's the legal start of your married life. He will call you wife, you will call him husband. In WHAT WAY is this NOT your wedding?! If it's not a wedding, please, PLEASE explain to me what it is. I mean, same sex couples have been fighting for this very thing you are so flippantly disregarding as your wedding. So are you saying they shouldn't? Are you implying that because it's not your 'wedding' you aren't 'married' and therefore not entitled to your FI's insurance benefits? WHICH, by the way, is something that same sex couples are... guess what? NOT ENTITLED TO HAVE.

What you are doing here is SO incredibly DISRESPECTFUL to all the people out there who have tried and tried to be called married and are legally not allowed. Shame on you. Have some respect, and think about what you are saying and what it means to other people.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

This is really dumb, for real.

Your "vow ceremony" is your wedding. The end.

AubreyBotsko · May 2012

The "celebration" that we would like to have in a year or two may be labelled a "vow renewel' . . . pardon me, I thought we were here to discuss and offer advice, not argue semantics.

We told guests, no gifts. We have family in other parts of the US that we celebrate with us when we have our more traditional celebration. At this time, we cannot afford a large caremony with a formal reception. We are gearing towards that, just not now. We have discussed that fact with family and friends and they all feel that it makes perfect sense. Taking into consideration the amount of family and friends that we have, the amount of folks joining us that evening is small.

midgetthemighty · May 2012

Go Snippy! Nothing else can really be said.

myname1234 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:e1cf1b77-8066-4969-b869-538184338d8a">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what? In a REAL question, which part of you saying your vows and signing papers is NOT your wedding? It's the legal start of your married life. He will call you wife, you will call him husband. In WHAT WAY is this NOT your wedding?! If it's not a wedding, please, PLEASE explain to me what it is. I mean, same sex couples have been fighting for this very thing you are so flippantly disregarding as your wedding. So are you saying they shouldn't? Are you implying that because it's not your 'wedding' you aren't 'married' and therefore not entitled to your FI's insurance benefits? WHICH, by the way, is something that same sex couples are... guess what? NOT ENTITLED TO HAVE. What you are doing here is SO incredibly DISRESPECTFUL to all the people out there who have tried and tried to be called married and are legally not allowed. Shame on you. Have some respect, and think about what you are saying and what it means to other people.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

You are my new hero!!!!

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

Because this issue gets tossed around on this board often enough I think I'll sit this one out. I don't have the patience for this garbage today.

RupertPenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:708b2900-eeaa-4d87-b786-a18331ac0b73">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]The "celebration" that we would like to have in a year or two may be labelled a "vow renewel' . . . pardon me,<strong> I thought we were here to discuss and offer advice, not argue semantics. </strong>We told guests, no gifts. We have family in other parts of the US that we celebrate with us when we have our more traditional celebration. At this time, we cannot afford a large caremony with a formal reception. We are gearing towards that, just not now. We have discussed that fact with family and friends and they all feel that it makes perfect sense. Taking into consideration the amount of family and friends that we have, the amount of folks joining us that evening is small.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<div>Ok, lets have a discussion about how your plan is silly and then I will advise you to only have one wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and I love arguing semantics. I think anyone here will tell you that. </div>

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:589f4561-a788-4c20-a55d-457b02ee1eb3">Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have been together for 8 years. We have a 15 month old son and I am a stay at home Mom. My fiance just got a new job with benefits and such, so we plan on having a ceremony now so my son and I can be puton his benefits and also because we want to be legally bound to one another :) So, we decided to do a vow ceremony now and have a larger party/reception in a year or two. Well, what started out as just a few friends and close family as witnesses has turned into 50 of our closest loved ones. We have advised them a million times not to bring gifts and to just dress comfortably. We are getting married in a nearby park and have decided to all go out together afterwards to a bowling alley. Since this isn't our "wedding" we thought it would be a fun and cheeky activity to do. There a pool tables, a bar, people who want to bowl can bowl. It will be fun. The issue is, since we initially planned on it just being a few of us, we didn't plan on spending anything. We have told our friends that it is informal, just witness us saying our vows then we will go have some silly fun. My question is, do we have to pay for everyone's bowling or for drinks and such? We in no way eluded to the fact that we would do so, but I don't want people to seem surprised the night of. Please help! Thanks!
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

The day you exchange vows IS your wedding. If you are inviting people to witness this event you need to "thank" them somehow. It can be as simple as pizza in the park or at the bowling alley, but the two of you need to pay for it.

krizzo17 · May 2012

Snippy ftw!

Snippylynn · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:708b2900-eeaa-4d87-b786-a18331ac0b73">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]The "celebration" that we would like to have in a year or two may be labelled a "vow renewel' . . . pardon me, I thought we were here to discuss and offer advice, not argue semantics. We told guests, no gifts. We have family in other parts of the US that we celebrate with us when we have our more traditional celebration. At this time, we cannot afford a large caremony with a formal reception. We are gearing towards that, just not now. We have discussed that fact with family and friends and they all feel that it makes perfect sense. Taking into consideration the amount of family and friends that we have, the amount of folks joining us that evening is small.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

I'm not arguing semantics, I'm arguing reality. The REALITY of your situation is that you are getting MARRIED. END.OF.STORY.

People like you piss me the fluck off. Your entitlement to what you FEEL will give you the RIGHT to say you are married is a hallmark of everything that is wrong with society. Can't afford the white dress and fancy reception? Sign the papers now, have the party later!! It doesn't mean anything, doesn't make any difference!!

Gabrielle76 · May 2012

Yes, that celebration would be a vow renewal.

You are planning on getting legally married soon, so that will be your 'wedding', and you must host those who attend in some way, even if that's just cake and punch after the ceremony. What you do later should follow the etiquette of a vow renewal, meaning no first dance, registering, cake cutting, bridal party, etc.

chumlee7478 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:e1cf1b77-8066-4969-b869-538184338d8a">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what? In a REAL question, which part of you saying your vows and signing papers is NOT your wedding? It's the legal start of your married life. He will call you wife, you will call him husband. In WHAT WAY is this NOT your wedding?! If it's not a wedding, please, PLEASE explain to me what it is. I mean, same sex couples have been fighting for this very thing you are so flippantly disregarding as your wedding. So are you saying they shouldn't? Are you implying that because it's not your 'wedding' you aren't 'married' and therefore not entitled to your FI's insurance benefits? WHICH, by the way, is something that same sex couples are... guess what? NOT ENTITLED TO HAVE. What you are doing here is SO incredibly DISRESPECTFUL to all the people out there who have tried and tried to be called married and are legally not allowed. Shame on you. Have some respect, and think about what you are saying and what it means to other people.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

Snippy, this is everything I wanted to say every time I see one of these "but this isn't the REAL wedding" posts, and I've never been able to put it into words.

THANK YOU FOR THIS!

crash2729 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:2e3e41a8-da89-48ea-b863-ba530bb6c96a">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP : I'm not arguing semantics, I'm arguing reality. The REALITY of your situation is that you are getting MARRIED. END.OF.STORY. People like you piss me the fluck off. Your entitlement to what you FEEL will give you the RIGHT to say you are married is a hallmark of everything that is wrong with society. Can't afford the white dress and fancy reception? <strong>Sign the papers now, have the party later!! It doesn't mean anything, doesn't make any difference!</strong>!
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]
Right.
This doesn't make any sense. You're married. End of story. <div>
</div><div>It's your wedding. Congrats!</div>

AubreyBotsko · May 2012

Ok, "Snippy" . . . . First of all, my Mother-in-Law to be is in a same sex relationship and has been for 18 years. I love her and her wife dearly. Sorry if I am not using the words that you find appropriate. Quite frankly, implying that someone is against gay rights or is homophobic is totally offensive. We have been dotating to the HRC for years. You do not know anything about me, my loved ones or my life. Most of the people that will come to witness our vows are gay and are in total support of us having a vow ceremony and then a wedding reception at a later time. I find it absurd that you would use this question to get on your soap box. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Our ceremony may be lacking taste, it may be tacky, but respect - it does not lack respect. The only thing lacking respect is someone throwing around rude and nasty opinions on a wedding board. Grow up, people. Its a wedding board. You can be kind and still get your opinion across. This was my first post, simply asking a question about the day I marry my fiance and the separate day that I have a 'renewal' and a reception for ALL of our loved ones, some who live hundreds of miles away and cannot attend our official "wedding."

Thank you to those who were polite and shed some light on the situation. For those of you who decided to turn a simple question into a hate crime, please take the time and effort to contact your local legislature and voice your opinions.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:708b2900-eeaa-4d87-b786-a18331ac0b73">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]The "celebration" that we would like to have in a year or two may be labelled a "vow renewel' . . . pardon me, I thought we were here to discuss and offer advice, not argue semantics. We told guests, no gifts. We have family in other parts of the US that we celebrate with us when we have our more traditional celebration. At this time, we cannot afford a large caremony with a formal reception. We are gearing towards that, just not now. We have discussed that fact with family and friends and they all feel that it makes perfect sense. Taking into consideration the amount of family and friends that we have, the amount of folks joining us that evening is small.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/14/15/4ee47492-b503-4d60-9fb6-5412eac65743.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/14/15/4ee47492-b503-4d60-9fb6-5412eac65743.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

Well I guess we found that one special, entitled snowflake that deserve a pretty princess day no matter what etiquette rules she breaks or how badly she will get side-eyed for doing it.

OP, do what ever the fluck you want, but don't expect us to validate your plans because they are so far beyond wrong.

ski2play · May 2012

I have no words,

Just when I think there are no more "special snowflakes" in the world, another fall from the sky.

Aubreybotsko, while you are rethinking your informal ceremony, change your screen name also tp something that is not your name, it took me all of two minutes to find your myspace profile with pictures of you and your FI at the bowling alley in NJ.

RupertPenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:c71b9b5d-865d-486e-ac0e-3e6da2fde26b">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, "Snippy" . . . . First of all, my Mother-in-Law to be is in a same sex relationship and has been for 18 years. I love her and her wife dearly. Sorry if I am not using the words that you find appropriate. Quite frankly, implying that someone is against gay rights or is homophobic is totally offensive. We have been dotating to the HRC for years. <strong>You do not know anything about me, my loved ones or my life.</strong> Most of the people that will come to witness our vows are gay and are in total support of us having a vow ceremony and then a wedding reception at a later time. I find it absurd that you would use this question to get on your soap box. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Our ceremony may be lacking taste, it may be tacky, but respect - it does not lack respect. The only thing lacking respect is someone throwing around rude and nasty opinions on a wedding board. Grow up, people. Its a wedding board. You can be kind and still get your opinion across. This was my first post, simply asking a question about the day I marry my fiance and the separate day that I have a 'renewal' and a reception for ALL of our loved ones, some who live hundreds of miles away and cannot attend our official "wedding." Thank you to those who were polite and shed some light on the situation. For those of you who decided to turn a simple question into a hate crime, please take the time and effort to contact your local legislature and voice your opinions.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>lol

</div>

Gabrielle76 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:c71b9b5d-865d-486e-ac0e-3e6da2fde26b">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, "Snippy" . . . . First of all, my Mother-in-Law to be is in a same sex relationship and has been for 18 years. I love her and her wife dearly. Sorry if I am not using the words that you find appropriate. Quite frankly, implying that someone is against gay rights or is homophobic is totally offensive. We have been dotating to the HRC for years. You do not know anything about me, my loved ones or my life. Most of the people that will come to witness our vows are gay and are in total support of us having a vow ceremony and then a wedding reception at a later time. I find it absurd that you would use this question to get on your soap box. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Our ceremony may be lacking taste, it may be tacky, but respect - it does not lack respect. The only thing lacking respect is someone throwing around rude and nasty opinions on a wedding board. Grow up, people. Its a wedding board. You can be kind and still get your opinion across. This was my first post, simply asking a question about the day I marry my fiance and the separate day that I have a 'renewal' and a reception for ALL of our loved ones, some who live hundreds of miles away and cannot attend our official "wedding." Thank you to those who were polite and shed some light on the situation. For those of you who decided to turn a simple question into a hate crime, please take the time and effort to contact your local legislature and voice your opinions.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

Weather or not you yourself are homophobic, taking advantage of your legal right to marry the person you love, but not calling it your 'wedding' is offensive to those who desperately want that basic right but are denied it.

RupertPenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:4727b119-6f2a-460b-96c3-808b03105322">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I have no words, Just when I think there are no more "special snowflakes" in the world, another fall from the sky. Aubreybotsko, while you are rethinking your informal ceremony, change your screen name also tp something that is not your name, it took me all of two minutes to find your <strong>myspace</strong> profile with pictures of you and your FI at the bowling alley in NJ.
Posted by ski2play[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ha! Myspace! This just gets better and better.

</div>

QueerFemme · May 2012

have your wedding at the park. (it IS your wedding). Grab a picnic table and host a quick cupcake/punch "reception" after the ceremony. Tell everyone you are going bowling after, and say "you are welcome to come if you'd like". If you "invite" them to come to bowling, you gotta pay. You can't host a bowling party and then ask folks to pay for a party that you want to throw, but can't afford to host.

In 2 years, have an anniversary party... provide food and plenty of beer/wine, wear a cute summer dress and celebrate. But, it will not be a reception/wedding, etc. Don't wear a big white poofy ball gown. Don't have a first dance or cake cutting ceremony. Those ships will have sailed.

Or.... if you WANT the big white poofy dress... postpone your wedding and reception until you can pay for it.

myname1234 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:c71b9b5d-865d-486e-ac0e-3e6da2fde26b">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, "Snippy" . . . . First of all, my Mother-in-Law to be is in a same sex relationship and has been for 18 years. I love her and her wife dearly. Sorry if I am not using the words that you find appropriate. Quite frankly, implying that someone is against gay rights or is homophobic is totally offensive. We have been dotating to the HRC for years. You do not know anything about me, my loved ones or my life. Most of the people that will come to witness our vows are gay and are in total support of us having a vow ceremony and then a wedding reception at a later time. I find it absurd that you would use this question to get on your soap box. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Our ceremony may be lacking taste, it may be tacky, but respect - it does not lack respect. The only thing lacking respect is someone throwing around rude and nasty opinions on a wedding board. Grow up, people. Its a wedding board. You can be kind and still get your opinion across. This was my first post, simply asking a question about the day I marry my fiance and the <strong>separate day that I have a 'renewal' and a reception for ALL of our loved ones, some who live hundreds of miles away and cannot attend our official "wedding."</strong> Thank you to those who were polite and shed some light on the situation. For those of you who decided to turn a simple question into a hate crime, please take the time and effort to contact your local legislature and voice your opinions.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

ooooooh, i see. So instead of being how you don't want to toss in a few bucks for bowling, now it's about how your guests can't afford it. That's very kind and gracious of you to not have a REAL wedding so they can afford it later.

(where is that 'vomit' icon when i need it)

AubreyBotsko · May 2012

myspace? wow, haven't even looked at that in about 4 years. Obviously you all have more time on your hands than I do. Good luck with that. I did not realize this is such a catty and contrived little environment. I will be deleting my account. Do a virtual victory dance. You can all cyber high five each other while I step away from the computer, go sit with my husband to be and play with my son.

chumlee7478 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:a6acf0c0-bf4f-40bb-abdc-d507120f5fde">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]myspace? wow, haven't even looked at that in about 4 years. Obviously you all have more time on your hands than I do. Good luck with that. I did not realize this is such a catty and contrived little environment. I will be deleting my account. Do a virtual victory dance. You can all cyber high five each other while I step away from the computer, go sit with my husband to be and play with my son.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

It's not catty and contrived. It's honest and forth coming. If you can't handle it, get out.

But to be totally honest, I'm not really seeing how you can say you can honor your FMIL's relationship with her wife and then say what you and your husband to be are doing is OK. It's not. If that were my brother and his boyfriend, and I was doing what you were going to do as far as not calling what you're doing a wedding, I'd expect my brother and his boyfriend (and all of my friends in same sex relationships) to slap me. I'd deserve it. We're lucky to live in a state that embraces same sex marriage, but we're in a minority as far as that goes. I honor the privilege I have to marry in any state I choose, but people close to me don't have share that privilege.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:a6acf0c0-bf4f-40bb-abdc-d507120f5fde">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]myspace? wow, haven't even looked at that in about 4 years. Obviously you all have more time on your hands than I do. Good luck with that. I did not realize this is such a catty and contrived little environment. I will be deleting my account. Do a virtual victory dance. You can all cyber high five each other while I step away from the computer, go sit with my husband to be and play with my son.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

The poster who mentioned Myspace was trying to be nice and let you know that having your real name as your username on here is not a good idea because, like she did, anyone can find information about you through a simple Google search. She was trying to be nice and helpful but apparently you are a peach and no matter what we say to you, you will take it as something hateful.

Snippylynn · May 2012

Listen. I am not calling you homophobic. I am saying that you are blatantly disregarding the struggle that other people go through by saying 'wedding' like it doesn't actually exist. And hey, guess what? Most of us have friends and family that live across the country or across the world. That's why you plan, save, and make choices and decisions about what is more important to you.

My wedding was planned while I was living in Europe, with the rest of my family in the US. They are spread from Michigan, Kentucky, Georgia, and Arizona. That's just FAMILY. My H and I made a decision about where when and how the wedding took place, and went with it. We gave information and planned appropriately and had the wedding we could afford with the people who could attend. You make it sound as though it's the biggest deal in the world and you're the only person who has family other than in the immediate vicinity.

Go ahead and think of yourself as having a unique case. All it does is give you an excuse for your selfish disregard of legal rights and every person who has ever made rational, adult decisions about how to get married.

Informal Ceremony question HELP

Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP

Choose Another Board

Search Boards