Informal Ceremony question HELP

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:1a2220ca-61eb-48fb-bfeb-6c69321a3532">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I don't have insurance.</strong> You do not know if I have reasoning to obtain insurance or not, so it is really not your concern. it is really funny to see such rude comments followed by a super cute picture of otters(which that pic is adorable by the way), little doves, funny quips and countdowns on everyone's signature. Honestly, we are doing what is right for us. We will be married. We have already had a longer relationship than most of yours, for that I am certain. We will continue to be happy with our son, our friends and our familiy, as I hope you all will be with yours. I have requested to have my account deleted, I am not a fan of the way this "etiquette" board responds to questions.  Please leave this thread alone.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<div>This does not change my point.  You can (a) decide having insurance is more important to you than having a big fancy princess party, and have a scaled-down wedding right away or (b) decide the princess party is more important than insurance, and wait to have your wedding.  Having both is rude, entitled, and ridiculous.  Your situation is not unique, my dear.</div>

AubreyBotsko

chumlee. . . . you can honeslty tell me that if someone came on here and wrote that they were going to do a red and white wedding in july with all silk flowers that people would stop themselves from saying that they are tacky and cheap? Of course you would. You all get off on being belittling. It is fine. I did request that they delete my account as I do not want to engage in this kinds of back and forth bull sht, Get real. I did not realize that you are all Marth Stewarts amongst hill people.

Becca. . . you cannot assume someone would respond kindly to unkind words. You are not lacking in the rude department either. As per being entitled, I am nothing of the sort. That doesn't even pertain to any of this conversation. At least I have tried to throw some sort of positive notion in my responses. I cannot say that for most of you. I am over myself, I laugh at myself all of the time. and I am a downright gem. As are we all. Apparently, we just don't chose to act like it all of the time.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:e419eb88-aa57-421c-804a-cbc47b00a771">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]chumlee. . . . <strong>you can honeslty tell me that if someone came on here and wrote that they were going to do a red and white wedding in july with all silk flowers that people would stop themselves from saying that they are tacky and cheap? </strong>Of course you would. You all get off on being belittling. It is fine. I did request that they delete my account as I do not want to engage in this kinds of back and forth bull sht, Get real. I did not realize that you are all Marth Stewarts amongst hill people. Becca. . . you cannot assume someone would respond kindly to unkind words. You are not lacking in the rude department either. As per being entitled, I am nothing of the sort. That doesn't even pertain to any of this conversation. At least I have tried to throw some sort of positive notion in my responses. I cannot say that for most of you. I am over myself, I laugh at myself all of the time. and I am a downright gem. As are we all. Apparently, we just don't chose to act like it all of the time.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, if you'd taken even five seconds to read anything ever posted on this board, you'd see we're perfectly nice to budget brides who use silk flowers (or, gasp! no flowers at all!) and don't particularly give a cr@p about wedding colors.  This board is about <em>etiquette</em>, which has to do with being polite to your guests and making sure their comfort and convenience is your priority as hostess.  </div><div>
</div><div>We're not Martha Stewart wanna-bes, we're just people who care about how other people are treated.  And making a big fancy show of yourself <em>a year</em> after your wedding (and having the nerve to describe the ceremony in which you get married as "not a real wedding") is rude and disrespectful <em>to your guests</em>.  Apparently, you've talked to your guests and they don't care if you're rude to them, so go for it, but don't get butt-hurt at us for telling you what etiquette has to say about it.</div>

leglesspirate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:e419eb88-aa57-421c-804a-cbc47b00a771">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]chumlee. . . . you can honeslty tell me that if someone came on here and wrote that they were going to do a red and white wedding in july with all silk flowers that people would stop themselves from saying that they are tacky and cheap? Of course you would. You all get off on being belittling. It is fine. I did request that they delete my account<strong> as I do not want to engage in this kinds of back and forth bull sht</strong>, Get real. I did not realize that you are all Marth Stewarts amongst hill people. Becca. . . you cannot assume someone would respond kindly to unkind words. You are not lacking in the rude department either. As per being entitled, I am nothing of the sort. That doesn't even pertain to any of this conversation. At least I have tried to throw some sort of positive notion in my responses. I cannot say that for most of you. I am over myself, I laugh at myself all of the time. and I am a downright gem. As are we all. Apparently, we just don't chose to act like it all of the time.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>But you keep going.</div><div>
</div><div>And trolling is so much fun.</div><div>
</div><div>You ARE entitled, which is why you want your PPD and are using your CHILD as an excuse to be married.</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

chumlee7478

In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP:[QUOTE]chumlee. . . . you can honeslty tell me that if someone came on here and wrote that they were going to do a red and white wedding in july with all silk flowers that people would stop themselves from saying that they are tacky and cheap? Of course you would. You all get off on being belittling. It is fine. I did request that they delete my account as I do not want to engage innbsp;this kinds of back and forth bull sht,nbsp;Get real. I did not realize that you are all Marth Stewarts amongst hill people. Becca. . . you cannot assume someone would respond kindly to unkind words. You are not lacking in the rude department either. As per being entitled, I am nothing of the sort. That doesn't even pertain to any of this conversation. At least I have tried to throw some sort of positive notion in my responses. I cannot say that for most of you. I am over myself, I laugh at myself all of the time. and I am a downright gem. As are we all. Apparently, we just don't chose to act like it all of the time. Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

No, going after someone's wedding style is not something that's done. If someone had silk flowers because they wanted a memento of their wedding that wouldn't die, go for it. And since I'm in a red, white and navy wedding in July for a friend who's fiance is a marine getting back from Afghanistan, no, I don't think its tacky. That's what they want. If she does silk flowers, great! All for it. If my friend suddenly decides to get married in a small ceremony, then have a huge reception later and call that her real wedding, then yeah, I'm not going to be thrilled with it. Wedding style and theme/color are one thing. Blatant disregard to etiquette is another thing.

AubreyBotsko

honestly, I don't really argue with many people in my life. . . so this is stress relieving and inducing at the same time.

Becca, you clearly are not a mother. So I will ask you to not talk about my child. Regardless of whatever else is said, that is not your place to speak of the relationship I have with my child. THAT is tacky.

Have a good night, kids. It's been real. I am going to go read a tacky Dr. Seuss book with my tacky family and sleep peacefully in my tacky bed with my tacky fiance.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:ab4483cc-60fa-4997-ab29-48d675693e14">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]honestly, I don't really argue with many people in my life. . . so this is stress relieving and inducing at the same time.<strong> Becca, you clearly are not a mother. So I will ask you to not talk about my child. </strong>Regardless of whatever else is said, that is not your place to speak of the relationship I have with my child. THAT is tacky. Have a good night, kids. It's been real. I am going to go read a tacky Dr. Seuss book with my tacky family and sleep peacefully in my tacky bed with my tacky fiance.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<div>So, in your universe, people are not allowed to speak about children if they don't have children themselves?  Even if the other person (i.e. - you) brought the child up first?  Are you fvcking kidding me with this bullsh!t?!</div>

leglesspirate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:abe70981-c810-49c2-8bb7-6c80f0b943e8">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP : So, in your universe, people are not allowed to speak about children if they don't have children themselves?  Even if the other person (i.e. - you) brought the child up first?  Are you fvcking kidding me with this bullsh!t?!
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

<div>No, because she really doesn't get what is wrong with this whole thing!</div>

AubreyBotsko

100%.

It like this - If you call your sister a btch out of frustration or something, it's ok because she is your sister and you know you love her. However, if someone else called her a btch, wouldn't you be upset?

Seriously, for future reference, you really don't want to talk about other peoples kids in a negative light. I don't think there would be a mother on this board that would disagree. I know you were only referring to a previous comment, but it was in a negative way. You just don't do that. Anyone would agree.

crash2729

Is a red and white wedding in July a no-no?

OP, If you don't want people commenting on your kid, you should have left the kid out of it.

mkrupar

IIRC, DJ, a pretty regular poster had silk flowers and no one's said boo about it.

Look, I had a JOP wedding in a VA courthouse in front of a large wall mural portraying the settlers landing in Jamestowne. Do you think that was my ideal location for my wedding? No, but it was my real wedding. We did have a vow renewal about a year and a half later (long story), which actually contained a lot of traditional wedding elements. Some ladies around here don't agree with that, but I at least own the fact that my wedding was in the courthouse. And you calling it a "wedding" IS offensive, to me, and probably others in that situations.

I don't care what your situation is. I really don't. Just don't get upset when others point out your seemingly insensitivity to those of us who just had "weddings" at the JOP.

chumlee7478

In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP:In Response to Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP : So, in your universe, people are not allowed to speak about children if they don't have children themselves? nbsp;Even if the other person i.e. you brought the child up first? nbsp;Are you fvcking kidding me with this bullsh!t?!Posted by StephBeanWed61502No, because she really doesn't get what is wrong with this whole thing! Posted by BeccaHJoshS[/QUOTE]

Of course she doesn't, because its pretty rainbows and sunshine in her world, where everyone tells her everything she does is perfectly ok.

But what the hell do I know? I had a brooch bouquet at my wedding, which could get judged on here since it wasn't real flowers.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:c9465aed-f626-4a4a-9d06-ef169a8893ee">Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP: Of course she doesn't, because its pretty rainbows and sunshine in her world, where everyone tells her everything she does is perfectly ok. But what the hell do I know? I had a brooch bouquet at my wedding, which could get judged on here since it wasn't real flowers.
Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]

<div>We were totally mean to you about your lack of real flowers, weren't we?  Oh wait, no, we weren't.  Because we aren't the a$$holes in this thread.</div>

AubreyBotsko

I never said anything about the JOP! I think brooch bouquets are gorgeous and unique! I understand this is my wedding and we will have a larger celebration later. I was just giving an example of the absurdities that go on here. I think it is histerical how worked up all of this has made you guys and you don't even know me. It is so strange. I wish everyone told me everything is perfectly ok. I understand reality. The reality is I am a great Mom, I have a great family and wonderful friends. I am marrying my best friend. That is all that matters. I stopped caring what you all thought a million posts ago but I am so baffled about the continuing discussion. Go ahead, waste your time.

leglesspirate

I just think it's funny that they ONLY reason I brought her child into this is to tell her to stop using him/her as her reason and to keep him/her out of it....which is what she told me to do. W.o.w. 

For the record, most of my flowers were bought at Hobby Lobby and designed by me. Centerpieces? I did myself. Church decorations? Again, myself. Invitations? Bought from 123print.com and were very simple yet classic and beautiful. I'm getting married June 9. My colors are purple and light orange...colors normally filed under a fall wedding.

Not for one second would I think any person would judge me on here because I'm not having a tens of thousands of dollars wedding. Wake up. We can't all have that. And the girls on here have all had different weddings. My wedding is going to be real, personal, and mean just as much to me as a more expensive wedding meant to anyone else. Why? BECAUSE MY MARRIAGE TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND IS WHAT MATTERS, NOT THE PARTY AFTERWARDS. 

I don't need to validate my reason to marry my FH other than we love each other and we are both ready to spend the rest of our lives together. End of story.

QueerFemme

*smh*  I tried...  there are a thousand ways to deal with this... insurance, weddings, celebration, etc. etc. without being rude to your family/friends/guests.  You are choosing any of those things, because it benefits you financially not to. 

You get to be married now, get all the financial benefits (insurance, tax breaks, whatever else), and you aren't even going to spring for a game of bowling and some stank ass used rental bowling shoes for the people witnessing your marriage? 

Then, next year... or the year after, you are going to have your real wedding.. where you will act like its a do-over. 

You came on an etiquette board and then wondering, based on that scenario, why people think you are tacky & rude? 

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:9321729e-02e7-4a97-b9fe-5e6a706071b6">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I never said anything about the JOP! I think brooch bouquets are gorgeous and unique! I understand this is my wedding and we will have a larger celebration later. I was just giving an example of the absurdities that go on here. I think it is histerical how worked up all of this has made you guys and you don't even know me. It is so strange. I wish everyone told me everything is perfectly ok. I understand reality. The reality is I am a great Mom, I have a great family and wonderful friends. I am marrying my best friend. That is all that matters. I stopped caring what you all thought a million posts ago but <strong>I am so baffled about the continuing discussion.</strong> Go ahead, waste your time.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]
Why are you still coming back then?

StephBeanWed61502

For the record, Aubrey, nobody here ever said you were a bad mom and nobody said anything bad about your child.  Alll we said was that you were using your kid as an excuse to justify your own rude plans.  That's a statement about you, NOT your child.  Work on your reading comprehension skills - I hear Dr. Seuss is helpful for that.

AubreyBotsko

Do you think if your fiance read this entire thread he would agree 100% with you? Probably not. I think DIY weddings are so wonderful and personal, truly. You do not know all of our circumstances, my famliy, our financial situation, our goals/dreams/wishes for the future. I never asked you to validate why you were getting married. I would never do that. I am happy for you and your fiance. I would never insult two people who love each other and want to get married. All I said was don't talk about my kid. There are so many reasons why we are doing this how we are doing this. I defended the bits that were picked at, so if it seemed I focused on insurance or my child - there you have it. There are obviously other reasons why we are getting married. I mean, really? Really. Relax. Focus on your own day.

leglesspirate

Lol, but you need to stop using excuses to validate your bad behavior!

Stop pinning this on others, hon. It's ALL on you!

And yes, since I've come here I've learned proper etiquette and have taught my FI a lot. He WOULD agree with me from an etiquette standpoint.

You really are dense, are you not?

ETA: Answered more ??

mkrupar

Ummmmm you calling your actual wedding a "wedding" is pretty much bringing any JOP wedding in to the discussion. Lots of people make the decision to get married for insurance, health issues, military orders, etc, and do it at the JOP (or have it in a pretty park like you're doing). You use of quotations around wedding and not calling it your real wedding is basically saying others that got married in the same fashion you are didn't have "real" weddings, and that's just not the case. THIS IS THE MAIN POINT EVERYONE WAS TRYING TO MAKE TO YOU!

chumlee7478

In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP:In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP: Of course she doesn't, because its pretty rainbows and sunshine in her world, where everyone tells her everything she does is perfectly ok. But what the hell do I know? I had a brooch bouquet at my wedding, which could get judged on here since it wasn't real flowers.Posted by chumlee7478We were totally mean to you about your lack of real flowers, weren't we? nbsp;Oh wait, no, we weren't. nbsp;Because we aren't the aholes in this thread. Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]


Yep, pretty much.

AubreyBotsko

Ladies. I understand this is my wedding.   We will be having a larger party/reception/vow renewal a couple years from now. I get that. I stated that quite some time ago.

CRFB, I was saying to Becca that she didn't need to validate her wedding. I never said anything about anyone needing to validate.

I totally get what everyone is saying. You all think it is a dumb idea to have a small ceremony now and have a large party or reception within a few years. You all think it is tacky and rude.

That is fine. I am taking it all in. I am a smart woman, contrary to popular belief. I simply disagree with you.

leglesspirate

I guess when your profile is deleted they keep the threads you posted? I think she's gone now.

ETA: I was wrong. Darn.

AubreyBotsko

it deletes within a few days.

leglesspirate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:c8f5c15e-6e1f-4adb-bd7a-a0a248e2f30c">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies. I understand this is my wedding.   We will be having a larger party/reception/vow renewal a couple years from now. I get that. I stated that quite some time ago. CRFB, I was saying to Becca that she didn't need to validate her wedding. I never said anything about anyone needing to validate. <strong>I totally get what everyone is saying. You all think it is a dumb idea to have a small ceremony now and have a large party or reception within a few years. You all think it is tacky and rude</strong>. That is fine. I am taking it all in. I am a smart woman, contrary to popular belief. I simply disagree with you.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You don't get it because it's not just our opinion, it's what proper etiquette dictates.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

leglesspirate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:f0421140-ad35-4cfe-8d92-f465400f34d5">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP :<strong> I'm pretty sure threads stay after a posters account is deleted.</strong> I know they go away after a banning, but I think a TK pip deleting is different. Actually, no one thinks it is tacky and rude.  They think that putting the word wedding in quotation marks implying that you don't feel it is your actually wedding is rude.  You really need to read what people are typing. ETA:  Having a party as a anniversary type thing is totally fine.  As long as people admit that it isn't their wedding.  You kinda did that but then got off on to other tangents and took things very personally.  People are just trying to tell you want etiquette says.  They also find it rude to call the small ceremony your " 'wedding' ".  It isn't a wedding in quotation marks, it is your actual wedding where you will get married to your FI.  HUGE difference.  And putting it in quotations implys that you look down on small weddings or JOPs.  That is all anyone was trying to tell you in the beginning. Also, I'm starting to think MUD.  OP has said many times that she is going to go read to her child, but always comes back.  I don't know, I just think that is eyebrow raise worthy.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>Ah, I see.</div>

AubreyBotsko

Wait, you are all this pissed about me misusing the word wedding? Wow. That is insane. I think I clarified myself about 47 pages ago.

Again, don't bring up my child or my caring for my child. He is bathed, fed and in bed.

Sorry that I keep finding my way back to the board. I have just made a transition from being insulted and misunderstood to entertained and enlightened. Clearly we all have nothing better to do.

Congrats.

crash2729

Threads will stay if The TK gods delete the account.

I'm starting to think that this is MUD too. She jsut keeps coming back too many times to make this even real.

RealHappyGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:7cfa8492-de66-42b2-b425-e86e566770ee">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]have your wedding at the park. (it IS your wedding).  Grab a picnic table and host a quick cupcake/punch "reception" after the ceremony.   Tell everyone you are going bowling after, and say "you are welcome to come if you'd like".  If you "invite" them to come to bowling, you gotta pay.  You can't host a bowling party and then ask folks to pay for a party that you want to throw, but can't afford to host. In 2 years, have an anniversary party... provide food and plenty of beer/wine, wear a cute summer dress and celebrate.  But, it will not be a reception/wedding, etc.  Don't wear a big white poofy ball gown.  Don't have a first dance or cake cutting ceremony.  Those ships will have sailed. Or.... if you WANT the big white poofy dress... postpone your wedding and reception until you can pay for it.   
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Somehow this post got lost in the shuffle when I was reading throught this extremely long thread and I think its the best advice listed  :)