Informal Ceremony question HELP

Snippylynn

Oh, and your use of "quotation marks" is douchey.

adamar15

You forgot to say you feel sorry for our husbands.

RupertPenny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:a6acf0c0-bf4f-40bb-abdc-d507120f5fde">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]myspace? wow, haven't even looked at that in about 4 years. <strong>Obviously you all have more time on your hands than I do.</strong> Good luck with that. I did not realize this is such a catty and contrived little environment. I will be deleting my account. Do a virtual victory dance. You can all cyber high five each other while I step away from the computer, go sit with my husband to be and play with my son.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Au contraire. I only had time to plan one wedding. 

</div>

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:708b2900-eeaa-4d87-b786-a18331ac0b73">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]The "celebration" that we would like to have in a year or two may be labelled a "vow renewel' . . . pardon me, I thought we were here to discuss and offer advice, not argue semantics. We told guests, no gifts. We have family in other parts of the US that we celebrate with us <strong>when we have our more traditional celebration</strong>. At this time, we cannot afford a large caremony with a formal reception. We are gearing towards that, just not now. We have discussed that fact with family and friends and they all feel that it makes perfect sense. Taking into consideration the amount of family and friends that we have, the amount of folks joining us that evening is small.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

WTF is your more traditional celebration? Wouldn't you feel silly walking around in a huge white wedding dress and cutting cake and firsts dances after you have been married for two years? This sounds like a terrible party. Save up a couple bones and pay for some cake a punch in the park and call it a day.

leglesspirate

I agree with everyone else. And I'd also like to point out that the very first reason you listed to get married was...health insurance. While insuring ones health is important, a marriage (not a wedding) is the most important relationship of your life. If you are getting married merely for the benefit of insurance, you are not mature enough to understand that two years down the line, there will be no PPD because you will have already divorced. I suggest some soul searching. Also, talk with people who have been in long-term marriages. Getting married because you need benefits and have a child together are not the right reasons to marry. This will only end is disaster and misery.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:c3ffe254-1060-4164-98d6-1ef0613801c9">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP : Don't you mean "douchey"?  ;)  Right on Snippy. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]
Why indeed I did. "Thank you" for correcting me. ;) hahaha

Snippylynn

Liatris, you need to keep on reading there. She said husband to be.

AubreyBotsko

Ladies, I would like to say that you have all given me a glorious representation of women supporting women. For those who asked, in regards to marrying for the insurance, it is not as though we were together for a month and got knocked up and I need to find an HMO. We have been together 8 years, have a 15 month old and would like to have him covered by good insurance. His new job with excellent benefits came along unexpectedly and we couldn't be happier. We want to take care of our son as best we can. That is why we are expiditing the day we get married. For health benefits for our son. I am not a bad person, nor am I douchey. As mentioned, I am not finding something bad in everyone is saying, most of you are saying things not in a frank manner but a mean spirited manor. When we have a second celebration, it will be for those who couldn't make it on short notice. At that time I will not wear white or a huge gown, I am aware of the situation. I am 31, we have been together 8 years and have a kid - the jig up. It will just be a bigger reception, with more notice, where will will provide music, food, drink and the good company of all of our loved ones.

I am sorry if I misunderstood or took offense to anyone who was not purposefully trying to offend me. This was the first time I have asked this sort of question on a public forum and should've have realized people are much more brash via the internet.

So, I will enjoy my meager and modest cermony with my close friends and family. I certainly hope you all have happy marriages and become less harsh to those you do not know, as feelings of strangers get hurt and there is no reason for that on a wedding forum.

Cheers, "ladies"

quotes and pun intended.

aragx6

Why do you have to get married in order for your son to be covered under your FI's insurance? Yours makes sense of course, but I don't understand why he couldn't just put his child on his insurance for now if that's really what is driving this. Then you could save for a year or so and have the wedding you clearly want.

Otherwise you'll have to choose because we don't always get everything we want. The way I see it you have three choices:

1. Marry now and be done with it after a small celebration with your nearest and dearest

2. Wait until you can afford and can give your out-of-town guests enough time to travel

3. Do what you're currently planning, offend many of your friends and family and be talked about for years as an attention whore.

RealHappyGal

AubreyBotsko - you have a PM

StephBeanWed61502

Aragx already said this, but it makes absolutely zero sense that you have to be married for your husband to add his child to his insurance.  I've dealt with multiple insurance companies over the years, and I've never, ever heard of such a rule.

Coghoot12

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:8c945d12-b63e-4ddf-85d0-a6d1b72b164f">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Ladies, I would like to say that you have all given me a glorious representation of women supporting women</strong>. For those who asked, in regards to marrying for the insurance, it is not as though we were together for a month and got knocked up and I need to find an HMO. We have been together 8 years, have a 15 month old and would like to have him covered by good insurance. His new job with excellent benefits came along unexpectedly and we couldn't be happier. We want to take care of our son as best we can. That is why we are expiditing the day we get married. For health benefits for our son. I am not a bad person, nor am I douchey. As mentioned, I am not finding something bad in everyone is saying, most of you are saying things not in a frank manner but a mean spirited manor. When we have a second celebration, it will be for those who couldn't make it on short notice. At that time I will not wear white or a huge gown, I am aware of the situation. I am 31, we have been together 8 years and have a kid - the jig up. It will just be a bigger reception, with more notice, where will will provide music, food, drink and the good company of all of our loved ones. I am sorry if I misunderstood or took offense to anyone who was not purposefully trying to offend me. This was the first time I have asked this sort of question on a public forum and should've have realized people are much more brash via the internet. So, I will enjoy my meager and modest cermony with my close friends and family. I certainly hope you all have happy marriages and become less harsh to those you do not know, as feelings of strangers get hurt and there is no reason for that on a wedding forum. Cheers, "ladies" quotes and pun intended.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

Why do people make this argument everytime their horrible idea is shot down?  No one is going all "Mean Girls" on you.  Just because you are a woman doesn't mean automatic acceptance for crappy ideas.  If the people on this forum let you carry on with your plan without pointing out why it's such a shiiitshow then that would be showing a lack of support. 

What you see as petty judgment is actually truth trying to set you straight before you spend a lifetime being side-eyed by everyone involved in your "not real wedding-2 years later PPD". </div>

goobersinlove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:8c945d12-b63e-4ddf-85d0-a6d1b72b164f">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Ladies, I would like to say that you have all given me a glorious representation of women supporting women. For those who asked, in regards to marrying for the insurance, it is not as though we were together for a month and got knocked up and I need to find an HMO. We have been together 8 years, have a 15 month old and would like to have him covered by good insurance. His new job with excellent benefits came along unexpectedly and we couldn't be happier. We want to take care of our son as best we can. That is why we are expiditing the day we get married. For health benefits for our son. I am not a bad person, nor am I douchey. As mentioned, I am not finding something bad in everyone is saying, most of you are saying things not in a frank manner but a mean spirited manor. When we have a second celebration, it will be for those who couldn't make it on short notice. At that time I will not wear white or a huge gown, I am aware of the situation. I am 31, we have been together 8 years and have a kid - the jig up. It will just be a bigger reception, with more notice, where will will provide music, food, drink and the good company of all of our loved ones. I am sorry if I misunderstood or took offense to anyone who was not purposefully trying to offend me. This was the first time I have asked this sort of question on a public forum and should've have realized people are much more brash via the internet. So, I will enjoy my meager and modest cermony with my close friends and family. I certainly hope you all have happy marriages and become less harsh to those you do not know, as feelings of strangers get hurt and there is no reason for that on a wedding forum. Cheers, "ladies" quotes and pun intended.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

Like Steph said, there is absolutely NO necessity for you to get married for HIS SON to gain the benefits of HIS insurance.  Now for YOU to get on his insurance, you would of course need to be married. Do you see the difference?  So knowing that your son can have health insurance right now without you being married, does that change anything?

leglesspirate

You asked for help on an etiquette forum. What did you honestly expect?

Summer2011Bride

I don't see why FI couldn't put his own child on his health insurance. Has he looked into this? Because then your problems are solved. He can put your son on his insurance, your son has health coverage, and you can wait and save up and have ONE wedding in a year or two when all your guests can make it, you can afford to host a reception of some sort, and you can skip the renewal altogether. Win-win!

AubreyBotsko

I do understand that. My fiance and I discussed it and he would really like me to be covered as well. So, that is why we are getting married so quickly.

We are going to a nice park, saying our vows, having a champagne toast and then going home to change clothes and meet whoever would like to join us for some silly fun and a few beers. We told everyone to not bring gifts, to not worry about rearranging their schedules, that if they can make it or if they would like to join us they can. Everyone that is coming knows that we are having a small ceremony now and a larger reception later. All of our friends and fam are 100% behind it and trust me, they do not mind speaking up when they don't agree with something.

AubreyBotsko

also, I understand that everyone is used to the frankness of these public forums, I guess it just isn't my cup of tea. So, since I can't take the heat I will get out of the kitchen. I requested to delete my account.

leglesspirate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:fd285b42-7e48-4b03-afdc-c6436647503b">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I do understand that. My fiance and I discussed it and he would really like me to be covered as well. So, that is why we are getting married so quickly. We are going to a nice park, saying our vows, having a champagne toast and then going home to change clothes and meet whoever would like to join us for some silly fun and a few beers. We told everyone to not bring gifts, to not worry about rearranging their schedules, that if they can make it or if they would like to join us they can. Everyone that is coming knows that we are having a small ceremony now and a larger reception later. All of our friends and fam are 100% behind it and trust me, they do not mind speaking up when they don't agree with something.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]



Quite frankly, your family and friends are encouraging tacky behavior and are thusly tacky themselves. As are you. You have the right to ignore proper etiquette, but don't get offended when others point out how tacky you are.

StephBeanWed61502

Honestly, if your friends and family "are 100% behind" this and you're going to do it regardless of whether or not it's against proper etiquette, why did you even bother posting this question? 

ETA:  And I call total bullsh!t on the "oh, we're doing this for our son so he can have good insurance" song and dance you tried to sell in your original post.  This has nothing at all to do with your son's insurance - it's 100% about you.  Own that, instead of using your 15-month-old to try to get our sympathy.

polichik

In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP:[QUOTE]Honestly, if your friends and family "are 100 behind" this and you're going to do it regardless of whether or not it's against proper etiquette, why did you even bother posting this question?nbsp;ETA:nbsp; And I call total bullsh!t on the "oh, we're doing this for our son so he can have good insurance" song and dance you tried to sell in your original post.nbsp; This has nothing at all to do with your son's insurance it's 100 about you.nbsp; Own that, instead of using your 15monthold to try to get our sympathy. Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]Yeah, I've been seeing a whole lot of back pedaling going on. It's making me dizzy.

AubreyBotsko

You have no idea what it has to do with. It is rude to infer that I am using my son for anything. I don't know if you have kids or not, but if you did you would probably be offended by that. I am not trying to get sympathy from anyone.

Honestly, the tackiest thing here is how all of you sound. Plenty of people get married and then have a large reception within a year or two. It is done quite often. It is personal preference due to circumstance surrounding that particular couple.

I am surprised you all can hear me so high up on those horses!

It is hard to believe that from one question I have learned that I am a tacky homophobe who doesn't care about her family/friends and uses her kid for sympathy.

If you only knew, ladies.

AubreyBotsko

Also, why are you wasting so much time on this thread. It is getting out of hand. Just leave it alone. It is obviously not worth it. Go pick at someone whining about using red for their summer wedding or silk flowers instead of real ones.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:09615e18-a7f2-4838-a743-105e9e448f41">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]You have no idea what it has to do with. It is rude to infer that I am using my son for anything. I don't know if you have kids or not, but if you did you would probably be offended by that. I am not trying to get sympathy from anyone. Honestly, the tackiest thing here is how all of you sound. <strong>Plenty of people get married and then have a large reception within a year or two. It is done quite often. It is personal preference due to circumstance surrounding that particular couple. I</strong> am surprised you all can hear me so high up on those horses! It is hard to believe that from one question I have learned that I am a tacky homophobe who doesn't care about her family/friends and uses her kid for sympathy. If you only knew, ladies.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

I don't know where you're from, but seriously?  "Plenty of people do this"?  No, actually, plenty of people do NOT do this.  Plenty of people plan for and have the ONE wedding that they can afford, instead of turning their wedding into a reason to have multiple parties, or using "but you don't understand, I need health insurance <em>right now</em>!" as a lame excuse to justify being rude.  My insurance is significantly better than my FI's, and he could really use improved insurance, but we wanted to have a big wedding that all of our friends and family would be able to attend, so <em>he's waiting a year to be added to my insurance </em>while we save for and plan our wedding.

You're not going to explode from having less-good insurance while you wait to have the wedding you really want.  OR, if you actually ARE going to explode from having less-good insurance, then scale back your wedding expectations accordingly, since the insurance is more important to you than the wedding.  What you're doing right now is trying to have it both ways, and the only way to do that is to be rude and tacky.  If you and everyone you know is cool with that, fine, be rude and tacky.  But if this is truly the case, again, why did you need to ask an etiquette  board about it in the first place?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Getting married is not the only way to get insurance. In fact, since you don't work and you have a child, you might qualify for state programs.

I also think less people than you assume will travel from out of state to see your fake wedding. Why bother when it's a fake wedding? Have fun planning an event most people won't come to. Sure, they say they will now, but when push comes to shove, they won't. They're saying they'd love to come to placate you.

AubreyBotsko

I don't have insurance. You do not know if I have reasoning to obtain insurance or not, so it is really not your concern. it is really funny to see such rude comments followed by a super cute picture of otters(which that pic is adorable by the way), little doves, funny quips and countdowns on everyone's signature. Honestly, we are doing what is right for us. We will be married. We have already had a longer relationship than most of yours, for that I am certain. We will continue to be happy with our son, our friends and our familiy, as I hope you all will be with yours.

I have requested to have my account deleted, I am not a fan of the way this "etiquette" board responds to questions.  Please leave this thread alone.

QueerFemme

If your fiance got such a great job with such great insurance, doesn't his new employer offer domestic partnership health benefits?

You don't have to be gay to use domestic partner health benefits.  You just have to pay the imputed income taxes on those benefits, since you wouldn't be legally married.  You could do THAT, and avoid the super tacky two weddings thing.

RealHappyGal

Aubrey... did u see my PM?

chumlee7478

In Response to Re:Informal Ceremony question HELP:[QUOTE]I don't have insurance. You do not know if I have reasoning to obtain insurance or not, so it is really not your concern. it is really funny to see such rude comments followed by a super cute picture of otterswhich that picnbsp;is adorable by the way, little doves, funny quipsnbsp;and countdownsnbsp;on everyone's signature. Honestly, we are doing what is right for us. We will be married. We have alreadynbsp;had a longer relationship than most of yours, for that I am certain. We will continue to be happy with our son, our friends and our familiy, asnbsp;I hope you all will be with yours.I have requested to have my account deleted, I am not a fan of the way this "etiquette" boardnbsp;responds to questions. nbsp;Please leave this thread alone. Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

Oh please. You have no clue how long people on here have been in relationships, so don't get snotty about things. No one judges red for summer weddings or silk flowers. And no, plenty of people do not have a small ceremony and then a huge reception years later. That's a small group of people, and no one on here, or in my life, supports that idea.

You came on an etiquette board to get etiquette advice. You were told its a bad idea. I'm glad people in your life blow sunshine and rainbows at you and tell you what you want to hear. That's not how it works outside your bubble.

Have fun doing what you're planning.

RealHappyGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:9e8773d6-1da7-4837-83f8-5c2b89113d66">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]Jesus, RealHappyGal.  You're RealUpHerAss. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

yup, smells good here :)

leglesspirate

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_informal-ceremony-question-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dfe7322c-946c-4d58-8e14-e070f10ed191Post:1a2220ca-61eb-48fb-bfeb-6c69321a3532">Re: Informal Ceremony question HELP</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have insurance. You do not know if I have reasoning to obtain insurance or not, so it is really not your concern. it is really funny to see such rude comments followed by a super cute picture of otters(which that pic is adorable by the way), little doves, funny quips and countdowns on everyone's signature. Honestly, we are doing what is right for us. We will be married. We have already had a longer relationship than most of yours, for that I am certain. We will continue to be happy with our son, our friends and our familiy, as I hope you all will be with yours. I have requested to have my account deleted, I am not a fan of the way this "etiquette" board responds to questions.  Please leave this thread alone.
Posted by AubreyBotsko[/QUOTE]

<div>Congratulations. You're entitled, rude, tacky, and a downright gem.</div><div>
</div><div>By the way, you have only a year and a half on my FI and me. Get over yourself.</div>