Does Your Age Matter To You?

[Deleted User]

So I turned the big 3-0 yesterday and today everyone is asking me the same question: "do you feel older?" I don't really feel any older, but it is a bit strange realizing my 20's are done. I still think of myself as just out of college and one of the young ones at the office. I'm certainly not mortified about my age or anything though. To me it just feels like a time of reflection and a chance to start a new chapter fresh.

What was your last milestone birthday? Have you had any birthdays that felt tougher than the rest? At what point do you feel you've transitioned from a kid to an adult? Do you most associate yourself with people your own age or younger/older?

psychbabe314

Last milestone birthday was 21.

My 17th birthday was the toughest. My grandma was passed away shortly after my 16th birthday and it was hard knowing that she was not going to call and sing happy birthday to me over the phone. It was just kind of a downer day for me.

The transition into becoming an adult has been slow going. I think it is something that has been developing and continues to develop.

I usually associated better with older people

[Deleted User]

psychbabe314 said:

Last milestone birthday was 21.

My 17th birthday was the toughest. My grandma was passed away shortly after my 16th birthday and it was hard knowing that she was not going to call and sing happy birthday to me over the phone. It was just kind of a downer day for me.

The transition into becoming an adult has been slow going. I think it is something that has been developing and continues to develop.

I usually associated better with older people

I'm so sorry about your grandmother's passing. My grandparents call me every year and sing - so I can imagine what it will be like the first year that doesn't happen.

katieg520

I am 32. My last milestone birthday was 30, obv. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm 32. I feel younger than I've felt in years. The year I turned 30 was the worst year of my life. My fiance passed away.

But, I am aware that I'm no spring chicken anymore. I do want to have one more child and my fertility is a big concern. I never wanted to have children in my 30s, so it's a passing thought I have at times that my children are going to be at least 10 years apart.

But with the passing of my former fiance, I am aware of how precious life is. I will live my life each day as a gift, because it is. We aren't granted tomorrow. We never know when our time will be up.

psychbabe314

@allusive007 - It is really the thing I miss the most. I know that someday I want to do that to my own grandchildren! I am going to call and sing to them every year. My grandma was funny though, because she spent the weeks leading up to her death writing out birthday cards to everyone who's birthday she was going to miss. Everything got one for the birthday after she passed away. It was really sweet :-) A cousin also got a congratulations card for when her baby was born a few months after my grandma passed.

buddysmom80

My last milestone birthday was 30 (I'm now 33). It was a crappy birthday because my then-BF stood me up so I was left to just drink alone in my apartment with my cat. My birthdays are much better now, and I always say I'm going to start counting backwards for my birthday, but I feel comfortable for my age. I think I transitioned from a kid to an adult when I graduated college, got a job and moved out. I associate myself with people my own age and a few years younger, I think it depends on each person's maturity level. I have a friend who's 33 that acts like she's 103 and I have friends who are 23 that are probably way more mature than I am.

AprilH81

I'm almost 33 and 30 wasn't a big deal to me, turning 31 was more "traumatic" but still not that big of a deal.

loves2shop4shoes

I turned 25 in March.  That was sort of a milestone.

Honestly, in a lot of ways, I feel older.  I've been completely financially independent since I was 17/18.  I'm married.  I have a fur child. 

In a lot of ways, I wish I could turn back time and change certain things.  I feel like by 25, I should have a handle on my career, and I most certainly do not.

CLoGreenEyes

Happy belated birthday, Allusive!

Let's seeeeee. My last milestone birthday was 21. It was unexciting because I don't get all worked up about alcohol like that.

Tough birthdays seem to be most of the ones since I turned 10 or 11 or so. My family hasn't been the most close-knit for quite some time, so usually birthdays and holidays are just awkward forced family time. I think the worst was probably my 22nd birthday (I'm 24 now). My parents had just separated a month before, my brothers were both in rehab, and my dad and I weren't speaking at the time. So my mom took me out to dinner, and I think BF made me a card or something, and that was it. Luckily, things have greatly improved in our family since then, so birthdays are getting happier. They never have the same magic of childhood, though. Plus, BF haaaaaates making a big deal out of stuff like that, so I've had to forgo some of the celebrating I have always enjoyed when it comes to him.

Sometimes I wonder if I really qualify as an adult even at this point in life. I would say that I have mostly made that change, because now it's more important to me what I do and contribute to the world each day, instead of waiting to find out what's going to happen to me. The fact that I am able to do things for myself and for others now is very empowering, and that's a good thing! That didn't seem to come with age so much as education, experience, and maturity.

I mostly hang out with folks a few years older than me at work and in school. I have a group of friends from college that are right around my age or maybe 1-2 years younger, but I'm finding that I don't have quite as much in common with most of them anymore. I have always been "older," though - never been clubbing, never been a partier, etc. I guess I would have liked to have that part of my life, but my focus has always been on the things I really want in my future - a happy marriage, a healthy family, a nice house, and plenty of traveling and fun with the people I love. Not that partying or having fun prevents that, but at this point I see no reason to change my focus solely to get that other stuff checked off the list.

KeptInStitches

I guess my last milestone birthday was my 21st, which was oh sooo exciting.

Tough birthdays? Probably when I turned 22 - my brother was hospitalized, I was doing senior design (sleeping an average of 2 hours a night, eating an average of .75 meals per day), my town was flooding, and my grandma died 3 weeks later. I probably don't get to count all of that, but ... it just all blurred together. It was hell.

I think I'll feel like an adult when I have a real job, ya know, one with benefits. When I'm out of school and transitioned from the sweet bureaucracy of school to the sweet bureaucracy of the workplace.

I've always related better to people who are older than me, but I'm hanging out with younger (and some more immature) people lately.

labro

I'm not sure if 25 counts as a milestone or not but I'm 26 now. I didn't really feel a lot different then. When I turned 26 I finally no longer qualified for my parent's health insurance so I now officially count myself as completely independent. I've been financially independent for a long time now but that was the final thing that separated me from their support. I still don't feel old...although I think about how people in their 20s used to seem really old when I was a young teen or a kid and now it's no big deal. 30 isn't so far away and that doesn't seem old yet either although there are some days I feel like I am running out of "young and energetic" years to do all the things I want to do. I sometimes wish I could rewind while keeping all of the knowledge and self-confidence I have now and have the first half of my 20s back again.

Swazzle

My last milestone birthday was 25. 

25 was actually pretty hard on me. I was like "Ok I'm getting older and I don't want to".

I felt most like an adult when I turned 26. I think I started acting like it the most then too.

For the most part, I feel like age is just a number. Two of my best friends are not my age. One is a couple years younger than me and one is a couple years older than me. We have our super goofy, immature moments and we have our serious, adult-like moments. 

ETA: Happy, happy birthday, @allusive007!

CLoGreenEyes

TwoDimes said:

I'm in the same boat as Shoes: I'm 25, and career-wise, I'm not really where I'd like to be. But then again, I'm still not sure what I'd like to do as a forever-career. I toss around the idea of going back to school for a graduate degree, but I worry that I'd be wasting money on a degree when I don't really know what I want to do. I feel like I shouldn't make such a huge financial investment in any graduate program when I'm not totally sure about any one field being the right one.

I find it slightly scary that I always said I'd like to be married with my first kid by age 24... and now I'm 25, not married and no kids. Granted, I've changed my thinking since then, and I'm glad I'm not married with kids yet. But it's still scary to think I'm already past the age that I once considered the "golden age."

I know, right?!?! I expected so much more of myself by now when I was a kid - I was gonna be the president, a pediatrician, an architect, AND a dog breeder by now! Clearly I am not the overachiever I used to aspire to be. :P

[Deleted User]

Well I guess it was kind of when I graduated college and I was 22 then and I felt like that was a huge milestone in my life. I felt like the year before I graduated and the year after I grew up a lot. So I would say ages 22-23 (I'm 24 now). I learned a lot learning how to support myself financially and I also went through a lot of different life experiences during those times that taught me a lot.

This is not to say I feel in anyway "old", I still feel very young and that I have a lot ahead of me. I just had so many new experiences that hit me within a short period of time and it changed me a lot as a person and I felt more like a grown woman rather than a young woman.

GoldenPenguin

I had a big issue with 30. I didn't like it at all. I've never been a planner - aka I never (EVER) said "I need to be married by this age, have a house by this age, be here in my career.." etc. however, I don't think I was where I thought I would be at 30. It was super confusing to me because of those feelings. I've never felt a lot of pressure to get married or anything like that, but I guess I just always thought I would have been before 30. 

Of course now, two - almost three - years later, I realize that 30 really wasn't such a big deal. I'm in such a better place now than I was at 30, in all aspects of my life. I'm in a wonderful job where I have a lot of responsibility, and am where I think could be my long-term career job; I have an amazing boyfriend, who I know I will marry (someday); I have a beautiful apartment in a part of the country I could stay in semi-permanently (even though I NEVER thought I would live here beyond my one-year internship, and I still want to move back to New England); I have the most amazing friends in the world... I'd say post-30 has been far more successful than pre-30. I wish I had known three years ago that 30 really wasn't that big of a deal. 

phira

My last milestone birthday was 25. It felt like a pretty big deal to me, and for me, it really signaled the end of the post-college binge drinking and the real start of adult life. It used to be that I was preparing to be an adult, whereas now I feel like I AM one, and I just suck at it.

One of the reasons 25 felt so big was that I broke up with a friend of mine (LONG STORY), then had orthopedic surgery, and then started graduate school. I had also lost a lot of weight (had to stop taking the pill prior to surgery), and so I felt as if I was this whole new person in a new body, with a new career.

My toughest birthday was probably my 20th. My best friend in college and I were drifting apart (good news--we're best friends again YAY), and it was at the time in my life where everything still felt So Big All the Time. A week before my birthday, a friend of mine half-jokingly said that his 20th birthday was so tough because you couldn't blame anything on just being a stupid teenager. Up till that point, I was super chill about turning 20, but for the rest of that week, I just felt TERRIBLE and afraid.

I have two sets of friends, age-wise. I was one of the older people in my class growing up, so the majority of my friends from school (including grad school) are younger than I am, even if we're the same academic year. But a lot of the friends I've made outside of school are 5-6 years older than I am. I like having some friends who are older, mostly because it's validating to see that when I'm in my 30s, life won't be much different.

csousa1

I'll start by saying I don't think I have ever truly considered myself an adult, nor will I likely ever do so. I will never have all my shit together, be super organized, or be completely on top of things. But I don't think those things are all that necessary for me to be happy, so that doesn't really bother me.

I definitely thought when I was younger that I would probably be a "real grown-up" by the time I was 28, or at least approaching 30. Nice career, married, house, starting a family. I like my career for the time being and I am content, but I have none of the other things. When Jon and I first broke up, this made me panic for the moment. I kept thinking, "This is terrible because now I feel so much farther away from the life plan I have always wanted." What I didn't realize at the time was how much closer I was getting to it every day, through every panicked thought and painful moment I was pulling closer to where I was really meant to be.

In the past year I have learned so much about myself and life in general, things I had NO IDEA I still had yet to figure out at the time. I have learned to let go of unnecessary anxiety, how to embrace every moment as it comes instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. I have learned how to live in the moment and how to let things go. I don't mean tell myself I am "letting it go" to maintain the peace or avoid an argument, I mean REALLY letting it go and not  hanging onto things or letting them bother me, be they big or small.

I have learned that if my car dies or I lose a job, it's not the end of the world and with a little hard work and faith in myself, it really will all work out. I have learned that if I so chose, I would have every right in the world to hate Jon's guts and blame him for "ruining" everything - and that this wouldn't help a damn thing. I can say I wish him the best and hope he is happy, and I really and truly mean it, without it having anything to do with me. I can accept my role in it and change things for the better in my own life, whether I ever get an apology or not. I have accepted that I am perfectly happy being on my own, and feel far more at peace with that than with being with the wrong person.

I have learned that real friendships don't come in neat packages of regular hang outs and never disagreeing - sometimes they are across states and consist mostly of either discussing or causing bodily functions and are built on laughter. I can say that even though saying goodbye to my sister for 2 years will be one of the hardest things I will ever do, when I search my heart there is not one jealous or resentful bone in my body and I am simply filled with happiness and pride in her very brave adventure.

I can say that everything that happened in the past year happened for a reason and accept it, without guilt or anger or ulterior motive in the back of my mind. I have learned how to be happy, no matter what the circumstances in my life are at the time - happiness is a CHOICE, and I wake up and choose it every day. I've learned that it's not about trying to make everything perfect, but about accepting everything for what it is and enjoying the ride.

Right now I am 28, I have a decent job, a fairly crappy car, I live with my little sister in an apartment house that my grandmother owns, and I have to do my laundry at my parents' house. And I feel more like an adult than I ever have in my life.

 

 

csousa1

^^^ Look at this chatty bitch

cu97tiger

My last milestone birthday was 30... eight years ago. Before that birthday, I was totally freaked out about turning 30... I was renting a room in someone else's house, didn't have a boyfriend, no kids, and not where I wanted to be in my career.

On my 30th birthday, I woke up and realized I felt exactly the same way as I did when I was 29. My body wasn't falling apart, I wasn't old and decrepit, and now I could surprise people by saying 'Yes, really, I'm 30!' Ever since then, my age hasn't bothered me much at all. 

The main thing that I'm reading in everyone's posts is that they've put expectations on different ages. Whether it be career or relationship or babies, we've set those expectations for ourselves, and then we feel bad when we don't hit them. I hope this is a wake-up call that a better idea may be to have a goal and work towards it, at whatever age it may happen.

Also, I totally identify with those younger than me. About 10 years younger than me. I'm actually kind of looking forward to 40 so I can say 'Hell yeah, I'm 40... surprised you, didn't I!'

GoldenPenguin

csousa1 said:

^^^ Look at this chatty bitch

Who are you? 

csousa1

BriSox81 said:

csousa1 said:

^^^ Look at this chatty bitch

Who are you? 

I know where you live

Hummingbird125

I'll be 27 in 3 months and it is scaring me a little, just because it "sounds" so grown up to me - like I'm in my mid or upper twenties now - not young twenties.

I think I've felt most "adult" this past year, at age 26. BF and I moved from our first apartment into a new one which we'll be happy in for several years, we raised our puppy together, I bought a car, and I quit a bad job without having another one (which I think of as either risky/insane or super brave, depending on the day).

I know I shouldn't stress about age, because my life is more certain and settled than I ever expected it to be at this point (except for the momentary full-time-joblessness), but I do occasionally fall into the trap of counting backwards, i.e.:

-I want to have my first child no later than 30, but ideally earlier.

-This means I should be pregnant by 29

-And I want to be married for a year before we start trying to get pregnant.

-which means I should get married before or shortly after turning 28

-and I want a year - year-and-half engagement.

So, I guess I wanted to be engaged by like, last month. However, I know that BF has his own schedule for things, and we need to compromise. So far, milestones in my life/relationship have seemed to always happen at exactly the right time, so I'm just trying not to stress about my relationship timeline OR my job situation, and just trust that things will work out the way they should as long as I continue to be the best GF/job hunter/Etsy seller/person I can be :-)

doubleSS07

I suppose my last milestone would also be 30 even though I just turned 35 3 weeks ago.  30 was sorta rough but only because I also had ideas of where I "thought" I'd be and I wasn't there.  The last 5 years have been where I finally feel like an adult...it sucks.  Don't grow up...ever. 

I have to say in all seriousness though that I am loving my 30's.  I am mature enough to handle my business but young enough to still be enjoying life.  Most of my friends are 40-45 and I look at them and think "oh thank god you are still hot" because 40 doesn't look so bad these days.  I'm newly married, in a new state, witha new job and ready to strat the process of buying a home and having a baby.  I had a blast in my 20's but in a different way.

500days

I agree with @cu97tiger that having so many expectations for every year is a recipe for disaster. It reminds me of when I was younger and said that if I didn't get my license at 16 that my life would be "lame&oveeeeerrrrrrr".

@hummingbird125 I am turning 28 this year and I totally hear ya on how 26 is quite the year. I just felt like more of my friends had grown-up and I was changing my attitude, style to be more mature. 

What was your last milestone birthday?

I would say 25 was the last milestone year. My car insurance bill lowered substantially.

Have you had any birthdays that felt tougher than the rest? 

My 26th birthday was the first time that I did not have a "night out" with my friends. I ate Indian food with FI and watched my epic collection of movies (girls just wanna have fun, troop beverly hills, labyrinth, and the neverending story). The party (pahty) train stopped this year.

At what point do you feel you've transitioned from a kid to an adult?

I think 24-25. I traveled a lot, hung out with ALL of my friends, ALL of the time. I think having my masters was really the slap in the face that said "get a job, you're an adult now."

 Do you most associate yourself with people your own age or younger/older?

I associate with people that are slightly older. My coworkers are all in their 30s or 40s. 

phira

@hummingbird125 I also wanted to have my first kid before I was 30. Now I just want to finish grad school by the time I'm 30 so I can start earning actual money so we can maybe even have any kids at all.

bethsmiles

@allusive007 - Happy Birthday!

I guess my last milestone birthday would've been when I turned 21. As much as I enjoy my birthday I've never felt like birthdays were a huge deal so I've never felt like any were tougher than others (of course that could be because I'm so young!)

I don't know at what point I'll feel 100% like an adult. Most days I feel like an adult but then there are some days when I feel like I really am still a kid. I think I'm in the transition period right now.

I've always associated myself with those older than me. I really felt like I fit in with my peers in high school  or college because I was never interested in the same things as them. For example most of my co-workers are my age and love to go out and party every weekend. That never appealed to me and the older I get the less it appeals to me. I'd much rather have a quiet weekend in with BF or a good book than go out and get wasted. Even at 23 I don't feel like I fit in with most 23 year olds...I'm still waiting to get to the age where I'm finally like hey I'm doing the same things as everyone else!

bethsmiles

@allusive007 - Happy Birthday!

I guess my last milestone birthday would've been when I turned 21. As much as I enjoy my birthday I've never felt like birthdays were a huge deal so I've never felt like any were tougher than others (of course that could be because I'm so young!)

I don't know at what point I'll feel 100% like an adult. Most days I feel like an adult but then there are some days when I feel like I really am still a kid. I think I'm in the transition period right now.

I've always associated myself with those older than me. I really felt like I fit in with my peers in high school  or college because I was never interested in the same things as them. For example most of my co-workers are my age and love to go out and party every weekend. That never appealed to me and the older I get the less it appeals to me. I'd much rather have a quiet weekend in with BF or a good book than go out and get wasted. Even at 23 I don't feel like I fit in with most 23 year olds...I'm still waiting to get to the age where I'm finally like hey I'm doing the same things as everyone else!

beanbot2002

Last milestone birthday was 30. I'm now 33. For me, I've never had a fear or bad feeling about turning any certain age. I actually love turning another year older each year. I don't know if I'll always feel that way, but I've always said that I plan to embrace each year that the universe/god/whatever gives me.

leia1979

I'll be 34 in a little over a month (wow, really?). I think I'm a little in denial. Partly because I thought I'd be a little further along with things by now...you know, like a stupid freaking house. I do always think people with kids are older than me. It's starting to weird me out when they aren't. I was also bummed to learn that my current boss was born the same year as me. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

30 really didn't mean more to me than any other birthday. They all depress me a little. December in general stresses me the F out.

@katieg520, I find it odd when people say they don't want (or at least didn't want) to have kids in their 30s. Only one of my high school friends had a kid before 30. Heck, half of us didn't get married before 30.

katieg520

leia1979 said:

I'll be 34 in a little over a month (wow, really?). I think I'm a little in denial. Partly because I thought I'd be a little further along with things by now...you know, like a stupid freaking house. I do always think people with kids are older than me. It's starting to weird me out when they aren't. I was also bummed to learn that my current boss was born the same year as me. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

30 really didn't mean more to me than any other birthday. They all depress me a little. December in general stresses me the F out.

@katieg520, I find it odd when people say they don't want (or at least didn't want) to have kids in their 30s. Only one of my high school friends had a kid before 30. Heck, half of us didn't get married before 30.

I just never wanted to be an older mom. I was ready for kids at 22, lol. I love being a younger mom! But now, I'll get to experience being an older mom too!

katieg520

No one would look at me funny at all. Here where I live, in the deep south, it varies by the person. I know people who had kids in high school, college, 20s, 30s, and even 40s. For me, I never wanted to be an older mom. I wanted to be young enough to enjoy my kids. I also wanted to be young enough to enjoy my retirement and grandchildren. Not that I feel old now, but I do feel like, oh great, I'm gonna be 43 with a ten year old, and that makes me cringe. For me, though, I have always been more mature than other people my age. I never felt the need to party, act wild, etc. I never saw the point. I was always ready to get out of school, have a career, family, marriage, etc.