Does Your Age Matter To You?

katieg520

Furthermore, my parents were very upset when I got married at the age of 22. I was already graduated from college and had my degree, but they just felt like I was too young. I don't feel like my marriage failed because I was young, it failed because the person I married and I just were too different when it came down to it. In hindsight, I should've known better!

Swazzle

katieg520 said:

No one would look at me funny at all. Here where I live, in the deep south, it varies by the person. I know people who had kids in high school, college, 20s, 30s, and even 40s. For me, I never wanted to be an older mom. I wanted to be young enough to enjoy my kids. I also wanted to be young enough to enjoy my retirement and grandchildren. Not that I feel old now, but I do feel like, oh great, I'm gonna be 43 with a ten year old, and that makes me cringe. For me, though, I have always been more mature than other people my age. I never felt the need to party, act wild, etc. I never saw the point. I was always ready to get out of school, have a career, family, marriage, etc.

I might be being overly sensitive but this really rubbed me the wrong way. 

It's possible to go to college, get good grades, graduate, get a good job out of school, pay your bills, etc. while still going out and "partying". Just because someone goes out and has a good time doesn't mean they're immature. 

beanbot2002

katieg520 said:

No one would look at me funny at all. Here where I live, in the deep south, it varies by the person. I know people who had kids in high school, college, 20s, 30s, and even 40s. For me, I never wanted to be an older mom. I wanted to be young enough to enjoy my kids. I also wanted to be young enough to enjoy my retirement and grandchildren. Not that I feel old now, but I do feel like, oh great, I'm gonna be 43 with a ten year old, and that makes me cringe. For me, though, I have always been more mature than other people my age. I never felt the need to party, act wild, etc. I never saw the point. I was always ready to get out of school, have a career, family, marriage, etc.

For what it's worth, when I'm 43, I'll have a 21 year old and a 9 year old. Does that thought kinda make me go "Whoa!"? Sure. But I'm interested to see how 43 year old me handles a 9/10 year old, compared to 33 year old me.

tuarceatha

beanbot2002 said:

katieg520 said:

No one would look at me funny at all. Here where I live, in the deep south, it varies by the person. I know people who had kids in high school, college, 20s, 30s, and even 40s. For me, I never wanted to be an older mom. I wanted to be young enough to enjoy my kids. I also wanted to be young enough to enjoy my retirement and grandchildren. Not that I feel old now, but I do feel like, oh great, I'm gonna be 43 with a ten year old, and that makes me cringe. For me, though, I have always been more mature than other people my age. I never felt the need to party, act wild, etc. I never saw the point. I was always ready to get out of school, have a career, family, marriage, etc.

For what it's worth, when I'm 43, I'll have a 21 year old and a 9 year old. Does that thought kinda make me go "Whoa!"? Sure. But I'm interested to see how 43 year old me handles a 9/10 year old, compared to 33 year old me.

My mom had a 23 year old, 16 year old and a 7 year old the year  she was 43.

tuarceatha

My age matters to me. I feel it is my age, on top of where I am in life, that makes me want to be a mom so.freakin'.badly. This year--this milestone year, seems like the one that broke the camel's back. I'm done with preventing pregnancy and all about switching from this person to a mom person.

doubleSS07

Swazzle said:

katieg520 said:

No one would look at me funny at all. Here where I live, in the deep south, it varies by the person. I know people who had kids in high school, college, 20s, 30s, and even 40s. For me, I never wanted to be an older mom. I wanted to be young enough to enjoy my kids. I also wanted to be young enough to enjoy my retirement and grandchildren. Not that I feel old now, but I do feel like, oh great, I'm gonna be 43 with a ten year old, and that makes me cringe. For me, though, I have always been more mature than other people my age. I never felt the need to party, act wild, etc. I never saw the point. I was always ready to get out of school, have a career, family, marriage, etc.

I might be being overly sensitive but this really rubbed me the wrong way. 

It's possible to go to college, get good grades, graduate, get a good job out of school, pay your bills, etc. while still going out and "partying". Just because someone goes out and has a good time doesn't mean they're immature. 

Ditto. I finished school while working 2 part time jobs, completeing a 2 year internship, had an apartment, a car, etc and went out at least 2-3 nights a week.  I don't feel like it was me being immature.  It was meeting people, dancing, having a few drinks learning about myself and life and having a good time.  I don't regret anything about having a great time in my 20's NOT settled down with kids and a husband.  I try really hard not to side-eye the young mothers, even when they tell me they wished they'd waited and had a great time in their 20's because you know what different strokes.  Just as it would not be fair for me to say that you made a mistake by NOT going out and having a child young, it's not really fair to generalize the women who do choose to enjoy the nightlife/partying lifestyle as immature.

Sakalicious

My last milestone birthday was 25...and I'm 26 now.  I feel like the little old lady that happens to be youngish. 

ShallowSeas

My last birthday milestone was 25. It was kinda rough. When I turned 25 I was going through a divorce, had just moved into my own apartment by myself, and felt like I was completely starting over. It was depressing. At 25, I had pictured myself happily married, talking kids, looking at houses...and I ended the exact opposite. I felt way behind all my friends who were married, had kids, were buying houses, and had their shit together.

Even though 25 was rough, I did gain a lot of independence. I was living on my own, depending on only myself to get the bills paid, and was responsible for finding my happiness again, which happened. I definitely feel more independent and strong. I'm proud of what I did for myself.  I definitely feel older than I am considering all I have went through.

beanbot2002

Swazzle said:

katieg520 said:

No one would look at me funny at all. Here where I live, in the deep south, it varies by the person. I know people who had kids in high school, college, 20s, 30s, and even 40s. For me, I never wanted to be an older mom. I wanted to be young enough to enjoy my kids. I also wanted to be young enough to enjoy my retirement and grandchildren. Not that I feel old now, but I do feel like, oh great, I'm gonna be 43 with a ten year old, and that makes me cringe. For me, though, I have always been more mature than other people my age. I never felt the need to party, act wild, etc. I never saw the point. I was always ready to get out of school, have a career, family, marriage, etc.

I might be being overly sensitive but this really rubbed me the wrong way. 

It's possible to go to college, get good grades, graduate, get a good job out of school, pay your bills, etc. while still going out and "partying". Just because someone goes out and has a good time doesn't mean they're immature. 

Agree 100%. Even as a mom, I go out every once in a while and have a great time. I don't see anything immature about a woman (mom or not) who goes out, has a few drinks, lets her hair down and gets a little crazy.

Sakalicious

@beanbot2002 I love when you let your hair down and double fist whiskey

Peaseblossom55

My 30th bday was four years ago.  I was a little freaked out I was still single and felt like I was no way near where I wanted to be in life so I felt a bit down. Two weeks after my 30th bday I had my first official date with FI and I felt like life was really coming together.  I love being in my 30's.  I feel so much more confident about who I am what I want out of life. 

The only dislike is the rush after getting married to start TTC. I wish we had more time before we started a family.   Oh well....

beanbot2002

Sakalicious said:

@beanbot2002 I love when you let your hair down and double fist whiskey

And I love it when you let your hair down, drink all the beers, and come up with the absolute best CAH combinations/answers.

[Deleted User]

Sorry I was MIA in this thread yesterday afternoon - work got super busy and I couldn't get back. Thanks for all the birthday wishes ladies!

It's so interesting to hear everyone's perspective on their age. I completely agree with Tiger's assessment: most of us become "dissapointed" with our age because of the expectations we've put on ourselves. I can't say I'm guilt free of that. I always expected to have a career, own a home, be married and have kiddos before 30. I've hit 3 of those milestones...but looking back I'm actually glad I don't have kiddos yet. H and I have been able to spend the last 7 years on ourselves - traveling and doing whatever we wanted to do. Now when we have kids, I won't feel like I'm giving up other things I wanted in my 20's. I'm ready to be more settled now...and have all the joys that that time in life brings!

As I get older, I'm learning to accept my life where it's at. I haven't done any of the things in my life when I expected. Some things came earlier and some things still have yet to come. I'm happy in my life, and that's all that I can ask for.  

KeptInStitches

Serious question: why does everyone consider 25 to be a milestone birthday?

loves2shop4shoes

@katieg520, I will caution you here.

I know what you're saying is not at all coming from a place of wanting to be rude or offensive, but what you are saying is probably offending a lot of people on this board. I understand that cultural norms in the Deep South/Bible Belt are not necessarily cultural norms for the rest of the country, and you are shaped by the culture you were raised in.

However, the overwhelming majority of the women on this board do not have plans to have children before 30. And when you make statements like, "I want to be young enough to enjoy my kids," the implication is that a woman bearing a child in her 30s or 40s is not young enough to enjoy her kids, and is thus not going to be as productive of a mother as a 20 something. I know that's not how you intended it, but that's how it's coming across.

Sakalicious

Stitches, my only rationale is...halfway to 50

loves2shop4shoes

KeptInStitches said:

Serious question: why does everyone consider 25 to be a milestone birthday?

For me, I could finally rent a car without paying ungodly fees for it.

Sakalicious

loves2shop4shoes said:

@katieg520, I will caution you here.

I know what you're saying is not at all coming from a place of wanting to be rude or offensive, but what you are saying is probably offending a lot of people on this board. I understand that cultural norms in the Deep South/Bible Belt are not necessarily cultural norms for the rest of the country, and you are shaped by the culture you were raised in.

However, the overwhelming majority of the women on this board do not have plans to have children before 30. And when you make statements like, "I want to be young enough to enjoy my kids," the implication is that a woman bearing a child in her 30s or 40s is not young enough to enjoy her kids, and is thus not going to be as productive of a mother as a 20 something. I know that's not how you intended it, but that's how it's coming across.

Thank you for this.  For those of us pursuing professional degrees and won't graduate until the age of 27, having kids before 30 isn't necessarily reasonable.  I want to be comfortable in my career before I even consider having kids and as a neuroscientist, that takes a damn long time.

cowgirl8238

If you count 25 as a milestone then that wouls be my last one.  I am currently 26, and I don 't really feel "old" at all.  I tend to believe that age is a number and that your state of mind is more important.

I think my worst birthday was 16.  I had invited all of the girls over for a party and it rained.  Only two of them showed up so we just went to a movie instead.  In hindsight it was NBD, but at that point I felt like no one loved me and I had no friends.

I can't pinpoint an exact point where I grew up.  I think being an adult is about learning life lessons and maturity, so in that sense I am somewhere near the top 75% of it.  I feel like we never fully grow up as we are always learning from our past and maturing well into our 90's (if we make it that far!)  The last three years though are when I felt a shift from kid in college living at home to adult supporting her own car payments, rent, and two fur children.  Also landing a  "real" job helps.

When it comes to friends I have a gender preference.  For women pretty much all of them have always been younger then me. I think I enjoy being the "older and wiser" friend that my friends come to for advice.  I don't mean that sound full of myself but I really think that is my reasoning.  For men I prefer older friends.  I think this stems from the idea that men reach maturity later then women do, idk really.  I just notice these things!

GoldenPenguin

katieg520 said:

leia1979 said:

I'll be 34 in a little over a month (wow, really?). I think I'm a little in denial. Partly because I thought I'd be a little further along with things by now...you know, like a stupid freaking house. I do always think people with kids are older than me. It's starting to weird me out when they aren't. I was also bummed to learn that my current boss was born the same year as me. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

30 really didn't mean more to me than any other birthday. They all depress me a little. December in general stresses me the F out.

@katieg520, I find it odd when people say they don't want (or at least didn't want) to have kids in their 30s. Only one of my high school friends had a kid before 30. Heck, half of us didn't get married before 30.

I just never wanted to be an older mom. I was ready for kids at 22, lol. I love being a younger mom! But now, I'll get to experience being an older mom too!

Even if you had kids at 35, you wouldn't be an "older mom." 

Sakalicious

BriSox81 said:

katieg520 said:

leia1979 said:

I'll be 34 in a little over a month (wow, really?). I think I'm a little in denial. Partly because I thought I'd be a little further along with things by now...you know, like a stupid freaking house. I do always think people with kids are older than me. It's starting to weird me out when they aren't. I was also bummed to learn that my current boss was born the same year as me. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

30 really didn't mean more to me than any other birthday. They all depress me a little. December in general stresses me the F out.

@katieg520, I find it odd when people say they don't want (or at least didn't want) to have kids in their 30s. Only one of my high school friends had a kid before 30. Heck, half of us didn't get married before 30.

I just never wanted to be an older mom. I was ready for kids at 22, lol. I love being a younger mom! But now, I'll get to experience being an older mom too!

Even if you had kids at 35, you wouldn't be an "older mom." 

You'll still be a mother when you're 70.  I'd say that's an "older mom."

suzie211

My last milestone birthday was 30, and I really didn't feel it was a big deal. 31 was horrifying for me though, but only because I had pictured a life one way and put pressure on myself to have it by a certain age. 31 hit and I hadn't done anything on my list. I cried about it for one night, and then let it all go. I decided to go without a plan and see where it took me. Best decision ever!

I was able to let go of the image and just be me. I learned a lot about myself. I had a fling with a younger guy because he was fun, and not because I needed to be dating so I could eventually get married. I spent a lot of time on my career, and made sure it made me happy(well most of the time anyway) and I could comfortable support myself. I found me! If I hadn't done that, I would not have been ready for a relationship with H.

I turn 35 in February, and am working on not letting plans or pictures of where I should be get in my head. Society likes to say women having children at 35 and over are old. I don't feel old. I'm more fun now than I was in my twenties. So I'm pretty sure I'll be a pretty fantastic mom. I may be starting later than some, but by doing so I'll have a fantastic sense of me. I'll be able to share my experience while raising my children.

I'm actually looking forward to what 40 and beyond brings. Well, everything except the wrinkles!

desertsun

My last milestone was 30. I'm turning 32 in January.

My early 20s were tough. I was struggling with depression and was basically having breakdowns while other college kids were out partying. So, I'd say 21 was my hardest birthday.

I have a husband, a baby, and a house, and I feel like a bona fide grown up now. But not b/c I have those things. I feel like I have those things because I grew up. I figured out who I am, I grew to truly respect myself, and THEN I learned how to have a healthy, mature relationship. I took my first year of marriage to learn about being married and grow into marriage with my husband, and I'm so glad we didn't jump into TTC right away. (That was right for us, but a different choice is equally valid for other people/relationships.)

That doesn't mean I have things all figured out. I'm still learning and growing, but my 30s are my best decade so far b/c I feel so comfortable in my own skin.

As far as attaching expectations to a certain age or milestone, I think that's something I let go of in my 20s. My college experience was not what I expected and I felt like a huge failure. I didn't finish my degree until I was 26. I worked retail for a long time before moving into an office job. And I never expected that my career would matter far less to me than my family. I wasn't sure I wanted kids for a long time. I didn't expect that I would work part time and be a SAHM.

I do care about my age. It makes me happy when people think I'm younger than I am. My looks also matter to me. I'd like to be one of those moms who's still active, healthy, and young looking. That's vain and superficial, I know, but it's also honest.  

I also sort of hear Katieg on the mom age thing. Going ahead with TTC was a big, scary decision, and wanting to be in my 50s as my kids graduate HS was a factor. I want my H and I to be able to retire and have a good many long healthy years together after our kids leave the nest. (assuming many things here obvs, but that is the general long term plan/hope)

I feel like my 30s is good timing for me to be having kids. I feel mature enough to handle the responsibility, and young enough to have the energy for it. But I do think it's a bit insensitive to make generalizations about old/young moms without mentioning that everyone is different, and there are always pros/cons to having kids at ANY age. I like to think of it in terms of having the timing that is right for YOU as opposed to THE perfect time or THE right age. 

desertsun

^ I'll be sitting next to @csousa1 at the chatty bitch table

csousa1

desertsun said:

^ I'll be sitting next to @csousa1 at the chatty bitch table

Best seat in the house!

OnceUponAVine

I'm 24 and my last milestone birthday was 21 - it was a fantastic time. I don't know if my past few birthdays have necessarily made me feel "older" but my job definitely makes me feel like an adult instead of that typical college mentality. I work as a nanny and realizing I am considered the responsible adult was kind of a shock (I was about 20 when I realized that).

natswild

My last milestone was 40, now I'm 45. Toughest birthday was 42, feeling like I would never find someone to want me, never mind spending my life with! At that point I had been single for over 17 years. 3 months later I met the man who would become the love of my life!

psychbabe314

katieg520 said:

leia1979 said:

I'll be 34 in a little over a month (wow, really?). I think I'm a little in denial. Partly because I thought I'd be a little further along with things by now...you know, like a stupid freaking house. I do always think people with kids are older than me. It's starting to weird me out when they aren't. I was also bummed to learn that my current boss was born the same year as me. I wonder what I'm doing wrong.

30 really didn't mean more to me than any other birthday. They all depress me a little. December in general stresses me the F out.

@katieg520, I find it odd when people say they don't want (or at least didn't want) to have kids in their 30s. Only one of my high school friends had a kid before 30. Heck, half of us didn't get married before 30.

I just never wanted to be an older mom. I was ready for kids at 22, lol. I love being a younger mom! But now, I'll get to experience being an older mom too!

A girl I went to high school with decided she wanted kids young too. Personally, I can't imagine being in her shoes, but to each their own. She works full time at walmart as a sales associate and is getting ready for her 4th child. She is 21/22 years old.

smalfrie19

I think guys may have a new NEY'er on your hands Dropping in and weighing in again: 

My last mile stone was also 21 (I will be 23 in March) But I think it was for a lot of reasons. I have lived out of my parents home since I was 19, but right before my 21st I broke up with my BF/FI of 4 years and started seeing my now FI (hes 36) and being with him has really matured me. I just feel like we are on the right track. 

 Career wise, I am still feeling it out, but I feel stable. My last job I was at for 2 and a half years and I felt like there was no room for growth for me despite that I was the senior member of my team and was praised for my ethics outside of my department. So, I started interviewing and found my job that I am currently at and gave my two weeks. I have been at this job for 4 months now and I feel like it gives me more opportunities since its a smaller company and moving from department to department will not be so difficult. I have also given some thought into legitimately becoming a wedding planner/coordinator because I feel like it would be something I could enjoy and excel in, but not until after FI has gotten into his chosen field of work and NOT until after we are married ourselves..

FoxandBunny

I feel a little strange posting on this one because of how young I am. My last milestone birthday was 18 or 20, depending on how you count them. 

It's kind of scary, as I have no idea what-so-ever what I want to do with my life, and it freaks me out. I have this plan in my head of eventually getting married and having kids and a house and yadda yadda, but life rarely follows the plan you have and that scares the crap out of me. I also thought that by this time in my life I'd have some idea of what I would want to do with my life, and not having any clue is very scary. 

I also feel like I'm wasting my college life away. I don't do any of the normal college things like go out and drink and/or party, and I rarely get together with anyone outside of class besides BF. I feel so far away from adulthood because I feel like I haven't even had a "let it go" period, and I feel like I haven't had much chance to grow at all. I feel like I don't know myself like I thought I would at this point, and the older I get the more I realize this. 

I defiantly associate more with older people. I just converse better and seem to get along better with them than I do with people my own age or younger. I can talk to my professors easier than I can talk to my classmates, and it's always been that way. I can talk to my classmates just fine, but I always feel out of the loop when they talk about things like partying and such and that's just not something I'm into so I feel left out. It also doesn't help that I'm already thinking about how I can get money to afford a house and a life and blah while no one I interact with seems to have those same thoughts and is more interested in having a good time. I know not everyone my age is like that, but it seems like those surrounding me are. 

Yikes. Just get all the emotions out there, brain, huh?