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Etiquette

Gift Etiquette

Do you normally give a gift both at the bridal shower and the wedding? I usually do both, but I am wondering what everyone else does or what is considered "proper".
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Re: Gift Etiquette

  • I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Ditto.
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    grumbledore
  • I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
  • Both.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I do both if I attend both. If I'm invited to the shower but can't make it, I usually just send a card.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    mollymcclelland24
  • I give a gift for a shower and then cash for the wedding
  • I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    What the...... just speechless.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    doeydoeileenrob
  • If I attend the shower I bring a gift. And I also do a gift for the wedding. I'm not a huge fan of giving cash but love to buy off a registry.
    doeydopinkshorts27chibiyuiMarzipan13
  • Yes quite literally cash. 

    Registry is on wanderable.com and include:

    Cash for Honeymoon - not even hiding it as in buy us a dinner here or there it's literally like $5000 limit and you can gift towards it. 

    Target gift cards up to $2000

    Cash towards a King size mattress $2000

    Cash towards furniture up to $5,000


  • I have to say it has made me feel a lot less generous. Due to the cash registry I had planned on giving her a check at the wedding. I refuse to play into the online ATM scam that is this wedding registry. 

    I honestly didn't think I would be invited to the bridal shower, but now I am a little perplexed as to what type of a gift to give. Do I write 2 checks? 

    SO AWKWARD!
  • I have to say it has made me feel a lot less generous. Due to the cash registry I had planned on giving her a check at the wedding. I refuse to play into the online ATM scam that is this wedding registry. 

    I honestly didn't think I would be invited to the bridal shower, but now I am a little perplexed as to what type of a gift to give. Do I write 2 checks? 

    SO AWKWARD!
    A gift is always at the discretion of the giver. So if her rudeness has made you feel less generous, then no, of course you don't have to give two checks. Or split your less generous (however you define that) budgeted amounts into two checks if you really feel compelled to present her with something - but you are absolutely not obligated to play into her gift-grabbiness.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


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  • I only give one gift, even if I go to the bridal shower (when that's the case, I give it at the shower). I don't feel bad or defensive about it. I just figure, "I am getting [couple] a gift for their wedding." It's easier to give boxed gifts at showers than it is at weddings.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    hutchslBlue_Bird
  • Honestly? I wouldn't go to the shower.  And I'd write a check for the wedding.  If you absolutely want to go to the shower, pick a thoughtful gift.  Some of my favorite gifts at my shower weren't off my registry.
    RebeccaB88lc07
  • Honestly? I wouldn't go to the shower.  And I'd write a check for the wedding.  If you absolutely want to go to the shower, pick a thoughtful gift.  Some of my favorite gifts at my shower weren't off my registry.
    This is actually what I have been thinking, just not go.
    csuavegrumbledoreRebeccaB88
  • Honestly? I wouldn't go to the shower.  And I'd write a check for the wedding.  If you absolutely want to go to the shower, pick a thoughtful gift.  Some of my favorite gifts at my shower weren't off my registry.
    This is actually what I have been thinking, just not go.
    I don't think you'd be in the wrong to decline. Just because she wants to be a pig about what she registers for doesn't mean you have to go along with it! (But if you go please come back and tell us how much of a shit show it was)
    MrsMarendecowgirl8238
  • It depends. I would either give two smaller gifts - one at the wedding and one at the shower, or give one larger gift for both wedding and shower. How I would decide which to do would be based on what I thought the B&G would need.
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  • I would not attend this train wreck at all! How gift grabby! 

    Is it to late to decline? I'm with PP- if I went, I would get something big, multicoloured and engraved! 


    eileenrobgrumbledore
  • I normally give a physical gift off the registry at the shower and then cash at the wedding.  In your particular case, where your friend registered for cash, I'd either decline the shower and give my usual cash wedding gift, or give a gift card at the shower and no gift at the wedding.  I'm not giving cash twice I'm not her suga-momma!
  • Shower = boxed gift

    Wedding = $$

    And I'd 100% decline a cash shower.
    eileenrobgrumbledore
  • I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    There is such a thing as a cash registry????  This hurts my heart... I'm sad.
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  • antoto said:
    I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    There is such a thing as a cash registry????  This hurts my heart... I'm sad.
    Is she just going to sit around and open envelopes full of $$????
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    antotogrumbledore
  • I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    In that case, if I attended the shower at all, I'd get her an odd colored toaster with no gift receipt
    I was going to suggest the same thing.
    Anniversary
    grumbledore
  • No way would I bring cash to a shower. I was invited to a "personal shower" (a term I learned yesterday on TK!!) and the bride was registered for honeymoon panties (think $100 lace thongs). I refused to buy that. So I got her a GC to Urban Outfitters and some sunscreen or something. Along with a note to buy herself some fun sundresses for her Hawaiian honeymoon. Put it in a cute little bag.

    She loved it and I got to not buy her panties. 
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    eileenrob
  • I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    She registered for CASH???  In my head, I'd think all the more reason to settle on a nice bath set.  I'm way more inclined to offer cash if it's not requested, and I think that's a little tacky.

    grumbledoreMrsMarende
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