Wedding season is starting. Time for new, bad, invites. UPDATED

LondonLisa

Chipmunk415 said:

LondonLisa said:

Fi and I received an invite in the mail that says:

"We know it's traditional to write a list

But in this case there is a slight twist

Our home is complete with the usual stuff
And the things that we have are good enough

Our dream is to honeymoon in a foreign land
And walk along the beach hand in hand

We hope you don't think of us as being rude
And that our request is not misconstrued

But a contribution to our honeymoon pot
Would be appreciated such a lot

But the most important thing to say
Is that you are there to celebrate our day!"

oh trust me, that request is very "misconstrued" with lots of eye-rolling  and declines amongst invitees. 

Time to bust out the beloved haiku again...

No no no no

No no no no no no no

No no, no.

Evil Chipmunk would also throw a line in there about where precisely they can stick the poem once they recover from their severe case of crainial-rectal conjoinment

haha- or my response limerick:

I know it must have been quite the prohibitive toll

to register for a china plate, cup and bowl

but you knew you would get more

if you begged "alms for the poor"

And certified to your friends you are a complete A-hole

aurianna

So here's the update:

The good:

• Delicious dessert cupcakes.
• Wine and beer were actually hosted! (I don't actually like wine, but that didn't stop me from having 7 glasses...)
• And no tip jar at the bar.
• The three hour gap was hosted with a coffee/tea hour and a cocktail hour.
• Something I did really, really like... The head table was huge because they included everyone's dates. Ushers and their dates there too. It was really pretty.

The bad:

There was still a three hour gap, hosted or not. And what we didn't know until we got there, was that it was outside. And this was pretty much the hottest day of the year so far in this part of the country. So no one was actually drinking the coffee and a lot of the desserts for the coffee hour were melting. Just as the guests were. My SIL went home first to check on her kids and the babysitter and I asked her if she could bring my deodorant back with her.

Not really an etiquette faux pas but... so they had assigned tables, which I normally love. But they separated us from my husband's brother and his wife, which was sad because we only get to see them 2-3 times a year. It was like, "the groom's cousin table is full, so let's put Aurianna and hubby at the overflow table." Also at the overflow table was a cousin and his wife who hubby isn't nearly as close to because of the large age difference (rather, this cousin is closer to my BIL, who again, not seated with us). Also at our table was a set of cousins from the bride's side and a set of no-shows. So it was even weirder for them since they knew absolutely no one.
So maybe they had reason behind the seating chart... but it really felt like they just threw it together sort of lackadaisical. We're big boys and girls so we managed to get through dinner, but still annoying regardless.

There was a late night taco bar. Which I'd normally put in the good... but they never announced it. Hubby and I didn't even find out about it until after they'd packed it back up. We were bummed.


The ugly:

While they did host beer and wine, the liquor was on display in full (and there wasn't an excuse of its being a permanent bar and the liquor always being out; during cocktail hour it was a temporary bar and they purposely put it out). There was also no courtesy sign about what was hosted so hubby had to awkwardly ask. Cocktails... $8 per drink. I had one (only because hubby ordered it before he realized it was $8) and then stuck to wine.

The bride had a personal attendant. I don't think she even got to process down the aisle. And she definitely wasn't announced at the reception (maybe she didn't come at all? I don't know). But she was in the program.

Something happened and I didn't realize at first what was going on during the ceremony. After the parents and bridesmaids had already walked past, a grown woman just started walking down the aisle and was randomly handing dead-looking flowers to random people seated near the aisle. She looked very uncomfortable. And I mouthed to my SIL "What the hell is this?" And then we looked in the program. "Flower Maiden." What?

I mentioned the outdoor gap-event already... what I didn't mention, though, is that there were four round tables with chairs, covered by tents. The tents didn't stick out much farther than the tables though. So you were either at the tables, or you were out in the sun. There were 32 chairs. By the time cocktail hour got going, there were 200 guests. I was lucky enough to get their early and stayed planted in my little chair (though SIL and I still commented that parts of us were sweaty that should never be sweaty). Dozens of guests though were crowding around the ends of the tent, trying to stand under it. All the women were sinking into the grass in their heels. I felt sort of guilty for having the chair and shade while others didn't... but oh well!

And the winner as far as my personal discomfort went... well the couple didn't do a receiving line (good. I hate those). But they didn't do table visits either. Instead, the DJ announced, "It's time for you to spend time with the bride and groom by participating in the dollar dance! Give the couple LOTS OF MONEY!"
Ok fine. Some people do it. Whatever. But very few people were going up there to dance. SIL and I were sitting by our tables softly talking about how we don't like the dollar dance and think it's sort of tacky. Well, then our FIL came up to us.

Him: You know they're doing the Dollar dance right now
Me: Yes, I know
Him: Why aren't you up there?
Me: Oh, it's ok, we already gave them a nice gift.
Him: Do you want me to give you money?
Me: No, that's ok.

Then I excused myself to "go to the restroom" but I was bad and lied and just hung out in the lobby for a while, hoping to wait out the dance. But then FIL found me and asked what I was doing and at this point I was sort of drunk so I didn't sound very convincing (the glass of wine in my hand didn't help).

"I'm looking out the windows..."
"Why?"
"I... wanted to look out the windows? And I signed their guestbook"

I followed him back in and by then the lines for the dance were pretty long. So I imagine he wasn't the only one pressuring people. In the line was my husband who apparently gave them $5 which annoys me on principle. But oh well.



I know I'm just bitching. Once I got inside in the AC I actually had a nice time and the wine sure made the dancing fun.
But peeps wanted an update. And there were definitely some low points that lurkers could stand to read the reaction towards.

beethery

aurianna said:

Something happened and I didn't realize at first what was going on during the ceremony. After the parents and bridesmaids had already walked past, a grown woman just started walking down the aisle and was randomly handing dead-looking flowers to random people seated near the aisle. She looked very uncomfortable. And I mouthed to my SIL "What the hell is this?" And then we looked in the program. "Flower Maiden." What? 

LMFAO that is some Miss Havisham kind of bullshit. Grown-ass flower maiden. Oh my god.

PrettyGirlLost

aurianna said:

And the winner as far as my personal discomfort went... well the couple didn't do a receiving line (good. I hate those). But they didn't do table visits either. Instead, the DJ announced, "It's time for you to spend time with the bride and groom by participating in the dollar dance! Give the couple LOTS OF MONEY!"
Ok fine. Some people do it. Whatever. But very few people were going up there to dance. SIL and I were sitting by our tables softly talking about how we don't like the dollar dance and think it's sort of tacky. Well, then our FIL came up to us.

Him: You know they're doing the Dollar dance right now
Me: Yes, I know
Him: Why aren't you up there?
Me: Oh, it's ok, we already gave them a nice gift.
Him: Do you want me to give you money?
Me: No, that's ok.

Then I excused myself to "go to the restroom" but I was bad and lied and just hung out in the lobby for a while, hoping to wait out the dance. But then FIL found me and asked what I was doing and at this point I was sort of drunk so I didn't sound very convincing (the glass of wine in my hand didn't help).

"I'm looking out the windows..."
"Why?"
"I... wanted to look out the windows? And I signed their guestbook"

I followed him back in and by then the lines for the dance were pretty long. So I imagine he wasn't the only one pressuring people. In the line was my husband who apparently gave them $5 which annoys me on principle. But oh well.

LURKERS- This^ is why having a dollar dance is a horrible idea.  Most people, including your family, find it rude and tacky, and NO ONE wants to be pressured into participating.  If you choose to have a dollar dance, DO NOT allow your DJ, your parents, or your bridal party to go around and "guilt" people into participating.

AddieCake

At least there were some good parts, but holy hell, how awkward with that FIL!

pinkshorts27

AddieCake said:

At least there were some good parts, but holy hell, how awkward with that FIL!

I would be sooooo embarrassed if anyone did that to me (not that we are having a dollar dance). 

Also if FIL was harassing me, there would be no way I could bite back a sarcastic or snarky retort about how my parents taught me better manners than to beg for money

aurianna

I love my FIL a ton and hubby's parents have always been very kind and generous to me so I didn't want to be rude.

But I already paid $500 for plane tickets. I already wrote them a nice check (since nothing left on their registry was under $200). I'm paying $8 for cocktails.
If the bride or groom cared enough that I was there they'd stop by and say hi rather than expecting me to pay even more money to awkwardly dance with them for a minute.
Maybe it's a silly hill to die on but it just rubs me wrong.

So yeah... I tried to quietly evade. But then I felt even more awkward when I got caught. So just bleh.

LadyMillil

beethery said:

aurianna said:

Something happened and I didn't realize at first what was going on during the ceremony. After the parents and bridesmaids had already walked past, a grown woman just started walking down the aisle and was randomly handing dead-looking flowers to random people seated near the aisle. She looked very uncomfortable. And I mouthed to my SIL "What the hell is this?" And then we looked in the program. "Flower Maiden." What? 

LMFAO that is some Miss Havisham kind of bullshit. Grown-ass flower maiden. Oh my god.

Pinterest thinks it's a great idea to use the grandmas as flower girls. I'm guessing this was a spin off of that.

beethery

LadyMillil said:

beethery said:

aurianna said:

Something happened and I didn't realize at first what was going on during the ceremony. After the parents and bridesmaids had already walked past, a grown woman just started walking down the aisle and was randomly handing dead-looking flowers to random people seated near the aisle. She looked very uncomfortable. And I mouthed to my SIL "What the hell is this?" And then we looked in the program. "Flower Maiden." What? 

LMFAO that is some Miss Havisham kind of bullshit. Grown-ass flower maiden. Oh my god.

Pinterest thinks it's a great idea to use the grandmas as flower girls. I'm guessing this was a spin off of that.

But like... my grandma is an old lady? She likes to sit down and not... throw flower petals. I don't understand. WHO WOULD DO THIS. WHO WOULD DO THIS TO THEIR SWEET DODDERING GRANDMA?!?!??!

alpacalunch

beethery said:

But like... my grandma is an old lady? She likes to sit down and not... throw flower petals. I don't understand. WHO WOULD DO THIS. WHO WOULD DO THIS TO THEIR SWEET DODDERING GRANDMA?!?!??!

SITMFB

To be honest, if my Grandma was still around she would have been all over that. Doddering was not her style. Golden Girls-wise, she was Blanche with a little Sophia. I think the idea is cute, but it's moot for us anyway.

This wedding sounds fabulous (snark-wise). I can't wait to hear all about it!

beethery

LOL I just had the best mental image of a little boy (even though 22 is not a little boy at all) hucking peppers at people, that is hilarious!

slothiegal

beethery said:

LOL I just had the best mental image of a little boy (even though 22 is not a little boy at all) hucking peppers at people, that is hilarious!