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Wedding season is starting. Time for new, bad, invites. UPDATED

auriannaaurianna member
First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
edited June 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Just got an invite in the mail.
I had to go to work today so I'm feeling cranky and snarky.


Invite:

The parents of the bride and
The parents of the groom
Request the pleasure of [our] company
at their children's church wedding.
At 2pm
Three months from now

Adult Only Reception to Follow
Semi-Formal Attire


In addition to the RSVP card (which has an RSVP deadline almost 6 weeks prior to the wedding), there are three inserts.
One is hotel accommodations and a link to their wedding website (incorrect URL. Ouch).

The next card is directions to the reception with this written on it:
"Venue is Cash Only. There is no ATM on site."
I have to wonder what I'll be needing cash for... I'm tempted to contact them and ask just so I know how much I'll need.

Third card is my favorite.
The top of the card lists their three registries (their wedding website also has a link to each one on the main sidebar of their website. So the link to Williams-Sonoma is as big as and above the link to "Guest Information").
It then mentions two more times how it's an adult only reception but extends the invite of the kids to the ceremony.
Coffee hour starts at 3:30. Cocktail hour at 4:30. Dinner at 6. So a 2+ hour gap. But at least it's hosted (unless those are the things we need cash for).


What gets me is they came to our wedding... which managed to be kids-free without mentioning it in the invite and where they managed to find our registry without its being in the invite. It also didn't matter if there was no ATM on site (though there was) because they needed cash for nothing at our wedding. And we managed to have a Catholic wedding that went immediately into the 1-hour cocktail hour.
We went to a wedding with them once where cocktail hour was two hours long and we sat at the table just being soooooo bored, with their complaining about it way more than us. They were also pissed the the bar turned cash after cocktail hour so if the cash they expect us to bring is for the bar, I'm even more wtf.
So this sort of boggles my mind.


Someone should invent a bad invitation drinking game.


ETA:
I added the breakdown on a later post.
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Re: Wedding season is starting. Time for new, bad, invites. UPDATED

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    cruffinocruffino member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    There are way too many rules and requests associated with this invitation. Decline for me, unless it was family, then I might still decline.
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014
    We already bought the plane tickets when the STD came out. We're definitely going so we can see some of our other family (like our nephews the night before and morning of).
    They are family and we like them a lot... This kind of invite from them really surprises me, honestly.
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    Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    Thanks for sharing - made me giggle on this Saturday night!

    image   image   image

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    HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    The only part of that train wreck that I like is that you know how tacky it is.

    And you're going, so we are guaranteed updates on it!!

    Otherwise, yes, that sucks. :(
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    AllOnOneDayAllOnOneDay member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    I admit, we will send invites out early. Around 12 weeks. With the RSVP card including a website. However, we will most likely have a number of international family, so we need the time to make sure everyone gets the invite. Granted, the VIPs from that group have already gotten dates and booked rooms. But, we'll still send invites early and I'll do the follow ups to remind when people forget because we sent invites too early.

    I've given up on adult only. Granted, to me, if an invite is "DF and AllOn" without mentioning DD, I plan for DD to have a sitter. If it's DF, AllOn and Little Miss, honestly, I confirm they really mean to invite her because she is young and not a perfectly mannered robot child. But, I know too many people don't get that and figure all invites are a free for all.

    If there's à cash bar, I drink water. If I'm charged for that, I leave.
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    hyechica81hyechica81 member
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    since they are family can you find out ahead of time what they would nee cash for. if its a cash bar thats very tacky and if its cash for the meal thats even worse.. at that point i wouldnt even give a gift of money.


    cash anything is tacky at the wedding people know enough that the open bar has a tip jar and if you have some singles you should give a tip those tips go to the bartenders at the end of the night
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    hikebikebemerryhikebikebemerry member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    hyechica81 said:
    since they are family can you find out ahead of time what they would nee cash for. if its a cash bar thats very tacky and if its cash for the meal thats even worse.. at that point i wouldnt even give a gift of money.


    cash anything is tacky at the wedding people know enough that the open bar has a tip jar and if you have some singles you should give a tip those tips go to the bartenders at the end of the night
    As a well-hosted guest, you should assume that your hosts will be properly tipping the bartenders, hence there is no pressure to leave additional tip money or to always remember a couple extra dollars specifically for a tip.  If you want to because the bartender was great,  go crazy.

    I think that I read somewhere that technically it could be a dig at the host.  You're essentially saying that you don't think that the staff is being taken care of by the host.  Someone please correct me if I'm wrong here.  For me, I know that our bartender(s) are going to be well taken care of, so there is no need for my guests to leave a tip.  (FWIW, I would not be offended if a guest tipped the bartender.)

    ETA: Above, I'm talking about a hosted bar, not cash bar.  Plus, there shouldn't be a tip jar out as it is not the responsibility of guests to pick up the tip portion of the tab.
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    antotoantoto member
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    Really looking forward to the updates!!!



    image
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yeah, we didn't have a tip jar out at our wedding.
    My mom paid for my wedding so I don't know if she tipped the car valets or the coat check peeps (I assume though??) but those would be the only things I think anyone would have tipped for at our wedding. So I don't know.

    Side note... I'm checking out the registries... they have a $600 blender on here. What? I could be biased because we've used our blender once in three years (and it was only $70)... but who on earth needs a $600 blender?
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    saacjwsaacjw member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    aurianna said:
    Yeah, we didn't have a tip jar out at our wedding.
    My mom paid for my wedding so I don't know if she tipped the car valets or the coat check peeps (I assume though??) but those would be the only things I think anyone would have tipped for at our wedding. So I don't know.

    Side note... I'm checking out the registries... they have a $600 blender on here. What? I could be biased because we've used our blender once in three years (and it was only $70)... but who on earth needs a $600 blender?
    Not me. I use our blender pretty frequently, especially in the summer, but spent less than $40 on it. I don't think I have anything in my kitchen that cost $600 except several sets of china. 
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    AllOnOneDayAllOnOneDay member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    I've got a high powered blender and other than turning ice to snow, the thing is awful. It's heavy, bulky, and way too powered. I want salsa, not tomato soup. My $40 Target version does just fine.

    Yes, I've got expensive kitchen items. Bought on my own. And I will never buy a blender that costs more than my beautiful, wonderful, all kinds of loved stove with six burners, gas, can use two burners at once. That glorious hunk of metal was $550 as last years floor model.
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    classyduckclassyduck member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    aurianna said:
    Yeah, we didn't have a tip jar out at our wedding.
    My mom paid for my wedding so I don't know if she tipped the car valets or the coat check peeps (I assume though??) but those would be the only things I think anyone would have tipped for at our wedding. So I don't know.

    Side note... I'm checking out the registries... they have a $600 blender on here. What? I could be biased because we've used our blender once in three years (and it was only $70)... but who on earth needs a $600 blender?
    Who? Why, everyone, we all do. You poor dears, you have not had the pleasure of experiencing a vitamix, have you? It will blend shit into gold, your pay-stubs into completed tax returns, and naughty children into prim little angels. Sorry, but yes, it was worth every, exorbitant penny. ~.^

    ... but, to actually respond to the OP's post, I had a very small panic attack as you highlighted "pleasure of your company" but then calmed myself when I realized it was likely in reference to a church wedding. Mine is not a religious ceremony, nor in a church, so I'm guessing this language is acceptable...

    Anyway, as other have requested... updates, please, to entertain us. :)
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    classyduck said:
    aurianna said:
    Yeah, we didn't have a tip jar out at our wedding.
    My mom paid for my wedding so I don't know if she tipped the car valets or the coat check peeps (I assume though??) but those would be the only things I think anyone would have tipped for at our wedding. So I don't know.

    Side note... I'm checking out the registries... they have a $600 blender on here. What? I could be biased because we've used our blender once in three years (and it was only $70)... but who on earth needs a $600 blender?
    Who? Why, everyone, we all do. You poor dears, you have not had the pleasure of experiencing a vitamix, have you? It will blend shit into gold, your pay-stubs into completed tax returns, and naughty children into prim little angels. Sorry, but yes, it was worth every, exorbitant penny. ~.^

    ... but, to actually respond to the OP's post, I had a very small panic attack as you highlighted "pleasure of your company" but then calmed myself when I realized it was likely in reference to a church wedding. Mine is not a religious ceremony, nor in a church, so I'm guessing this language is acceptable...

    Anyway, as other have requested... updates, please, to entertain us. :)

    Yeah, it's a Church wedding so I highlighted it just to be a nit-picky witch. Not everyone knows that subtly I guess. But I would think the people who made their invites would let them know. They're pretty intricate. Inner envelope and some sort of pocket to hold all the inserts... Whatev. Really not a big deal but definitely another thing wrong with it.

    And yes, it's a Vitamix. They do a lot of running, so I figured maybe they'd use it for shakes/smoothies... but then further down the registry I found a $170 milk shake & drink mixer. There's also a $400 food processor...

    And ha. Last night I said to my hubby, "If you put straw into it I bet it blends it into liquid gold!!!"


    Man. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I like these people a lot. I just have the gossip bug in me today. I should go sit in a corner and think about what I've done.
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    Simky906Simky906 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I feel you with the bad wedding invites. FI and I got an invite last week for his cousin's wedding. The wedding is in late June with an RSVP date two and a half months before the wedding. On their wedding website the specifically request cash gifts. Oh, and they're already married. At least everyone knows they're married because they emailed out their wedding video when they legally tied the knot.
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    mcgarci2mcgarci2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    A very close friend of mine got married last year and she began planning prior to being engaged because she was determined to have her wedding in that exact month.  Well she left herself a lot to do because she hadn't saved up all that much money towards it and refused to have it the next year. 

    I love her dearly, but when asked if we would be attending, I had to ask if we were going to receive an invitation as it was about a month out from the wedding and we had no details.  She said she didn't realize I wanted one was going to send it soon, but that they needed to buy postage in rounds and couldn't afford to send them all at once.  Some of her family hadn't received invites yet either at this point because of the postage situation.

    We did eventually receive it, with the Macy's registry card stuck in there.  This little card also happened to have a hand written, "and Target" on it.  Lovely.  There was no RSVP card, I'm guessing because it was always expected that we would attend?

    The wedding started an hour late, though this wasn't her fault (the previous quince ran long).  The live music provided by the church band stopped playing midway through the bridesmaids walking down and they finished walking to silence.  There was a two hour unhosted gap.  The reception venue was quite a drive from the church (but I guess we had two hours to get there huh?)  I arrived on time for the reception start, though I was one of maybe 10 that did of out around 300?  Not to mention maybe 60 people were at the ceremony, but close to 300 would be at reception.  Nice.

    The food wasn't served for another 2 1/2 hours at which point I was ravenous and inhaling my Hershey's kiss favors.  Keg beer ran out before dinner was served and someone had to buy more.  Food was made by family, cold, but super delicious (best part).  Kids were jumping on the dance floor and messing with the uplighting.  I clearly remember a child running into a couple as they were dancing and she was sent flying across the dance floor and proceeded to scream her lungs out.  They did a money dance.  The music was so loud my ears hurt, with no exaggeration necessary.  There was drama with siblings drinking too much and much more.

    Quite the event I must say.
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    happywigglehappywiggle member
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    RebeccaB88 said:

    Someone should invent a bad invitation drinking game.

    We'd all end up with alcohol poisoning.
    What about bingo games?
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    LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Fi and I received an invite in the mail that says:
    "We know it's traditional to write a list
    But in this case there is a slight twist

    Our home is complete with the usual stuff
    And the things that we have are good enough

    Our dream is to honeymoon in a foreign land
    And walk along the beach hand in hand

    We hope you don't think of us as being rude
    And that our request is not misconstrued

    But a contribution to our honeymoon pot
    Would be appreciated such a lot

    But the most important thing to say
    Is that you are there to celebrate our day!"

    oh trust me, that request is very "misconstrued" with lots of eye-rolling  and declines amongst invitees. 
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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    LondonLisa said:
    Fi and I received an invite in the mail that says:
    "We know it's traditional to write a list
    But in this case there is a slight twist

    Our home is complete with the usual stuff
    And the things that we have are good enough

    Our dream is to honeymoon in a foreign land
    And walk along the beach hand in hand

    We hope you don't think of us as being rude
    And that our request is not misconstrued

    But a contribution to our honeymoon pot
    Would be appreciated such a lot

    But the most important thing to say
    Is that you are there to celebrate our day!"

    oh trust me, that request is very "misconstrued" with lots of eye-rolling  and declines amongst invitees. 
    Come on, you all!  You know that a blatant request for cash is always okay when it is couched in a cute, little creative poem! (Sarcasm).
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    abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Okay - someone help me - you don't request the pleasure of someone's company on an invite...? I'm confused....

    Registry I get, cash bar I get, adult only reception I get - all no,no's and exactly why. I think I've just never heard the pleasure thing before...
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    MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014
    The words "pleasure" and "honour" are used to indicate ceremony location.  You request the pleasure of someone's company when the ceremony is being held in a non religious venue.  The honour of someone's company indicates that the ceremony will be held in a house of worship.

    ETA:  The invitation in the OP read, "Request the pleasure of our company
    at their children's church wedding.  They should have used the word, "honour" since the ceremony is being held in a church.  The use of the word "our" is also wrong, BTW.
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    AllOnOneDayAllOnOneDay member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just got one, wedding is April 12th, website RSVP and registry card. Website has a bad address, so I just wrote that we "regretfully" decline. We actually already have plans, otherwise I'd go for entertainment value. I know we'll use web RSVP, but we're dealing with international mail that's taken 8 weeks to get a letter before and sending invites at 12 weeks is bad enough, I'm not trying 20 weeks. I really dislike it, but oh well.

    Plus, it's a PPD. They got married with a small gathering and reception before he deployed. Now they want the huge wedding.

    I hate PPD more than cash bars and dollar dances combined.
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    abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    mobkaz said:
    The words "pleasure" and "honour" are used to indicate ceremony location.  You request the pleasure of someone's company when the ceremony is being held in a non religious venue.  The honour of someone's company indicates that the ceremony will be held in a house of worship.

    ETA:  The invitation in the OP read, "Request the pleasure of our company
    at their children's church wedding.  They should have used the word, "honour" since the ceremony is being held in a church.  The use of the word "our" is also wrong, BTW.
    Thank you! Will keep this in mind when working on the wording of our invitations!
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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    LondonLisa said:
    Fi and I received an invite in the mail that says:
    "We know it's traditional to write a list
    But in this case there is a slight twist

    Our home is complete with the usual stuff
    And the things that we have are good enough

    Our dream is to honeymoon in a foreign land
    And walk along the beach hand in hand

    We hope you don't think of us as being rude
    And that our request is not misconstrued

    But a contribution to our honeymoon pot
    Would be appreciated such a lot

    But the most important thing to say
    Is that you are there to celebrate our day!"

    oh trust me, that request is very "misconstrued" with lots of eye-rolling  and declines amongst invitees. 
    Poems, making rude shit less rude since...never.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    ashleyepashleyep member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    abbyj700 said:
    mobkaz said:
    The words "pleasure" and "honour" are used to indicate ceremony location.  You request the pleasure of someone's company when the ceremony is being held in a non religious venue.  The honour of someone's company indicates that the ceremony will be held in a house of worship.

    ETA:  The invitation in the OP read, "Request the pleasure of our company
    at their children's church wedding.  They should have used the word, "honour" since the ceremony is being held in a church.  The use of the word "our" is also wrong, BTW.
    Thank you! Will keep this in mind when working on the wording of our invitations!
    It's actually "honour of your presence" vs "pleasure of your company" for church/non-church weddings. It's more than just one word.
    Anniversary
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