Problem Guests

alanataylor90

Hello Ladies!
So far everything has been going great, except I stress about one problem guest and need your opinions. I really dislike my fiance's brother's girlfriend. Even before I was dating my fiance, we hated each other. There have been numerous family incidents and drama, and yet she is still openly accepted by my future MIL. My problem is, we want the brother in the wedding, but I don't want her there. What should I do ?
Thank you in advance

Viczaesar

alanataylor90 said:

Hello Ladies!
So far everything has been going great, except I stress about one problem guest and need your opinions. I really dislike my fiance's brother's girlfriend. Even before I was dating my fiance, we hated each other. There have been numerous family incidents and drama, and yet she is still openly accepted by my future MIL. My problem is, we want the brother in the wedding, but I don't want her there. What should I do ?
Thank you in advance

You invite her because she's your fiance's brother's SO and it's rude to invite only half of a couple.

VarunaTT

Grow up, get over it and invite her.  Maybe start being nice, since she might end up your future SiL.  I doubt you'll even notice her that day.

thejucheidea

You deal with it. I hate my sister's fiance more than most things that I hate, but that jackass was still at the wedding. He wasn't in any formal pictures because I didn't want him in family pictures, but he was still physically there. He actually managed to screw up a few good pics because he kept holding aloft the laptop that we were using to stream our wedding to my family in California.

emmyg65

Suck it up. Fortunately, you'll probably be very busy, so you'll just have to briefly say hello and thank her for coming and then you can move on.

KatWAG

You sack up and invite her. Or don't invite FBIL and GF. Its an all or none type of thing.

dharmabunny

Cordiality to people you don't like is an immensely important life skill.

Yes, she needs to be invited. Yes, you're likely to be so busy and bum rushed from one place/guest to another, you aren't going to have too much time to interact other than pleasantries.

If she's that disruptive (like violent, belligerent drunk, bringing in illegal activity, etc) to where she's going to be bad for all your guests, you can give the heads up to your coordinator or some not so deeply vested third party to keep an eye on her behavior and intervene if needed.

sarawifenow

Sorry, you gotta invite her. Just be the bigger person and move on.

*Barbie*

I want to hear more about these "family incidents and drama"  - why do you hate her so much? is it Jerry Springer - worthy?

barring some sort of extreme situation (like, she stabbed you, or your FI cheated on you with her), I'm in agreement with everyone else - she's your fBIL's girlfriend, and could even be your SIL one day. You might be dealing with her for a very long time, so just suck it up and be the bigger person. 

alanataylor90

Thanks for the advice Ladies!
The incidents are pretty brutal, but everybody seems to be able to look past them because they dont want my future brother in law to cut them out.
I guess I just have to be as forgiving

thejucheidea

My sister's fiance is a (former?) ecstasy dealer who has a felony drug charge on his record.

He doesn't believe in psychiatry, so he made my sister stop taking her meds for bipolar disorder.

He doesn't have a job and made my sister sell her car to make rent one month, so now she's dependent on him for transportation.

He has a kid that is like eleven (my sister is 24), and on the weekends that he has custody, he has my sister entertain the kid instead of taking care of her himself.

When my husband's cancer survivor grandma was still alive but very ill, he openly mocked us for going to Shoney's for Thanksgiving dinner because she was so sick that she didn't have the energy to host dinner.

A few times, they went to our house and 'borrowed' BluRays, only to never return them again and claim that they never had them in their possession.

Et cetera, et cetera. So I'm interested to see what's so 'brutal' that you feel like she can be cut from a guest list.

PrettyGirlLost

thejucheidea said:

My sister's fiance is a (former?) ecstasy dealer who has a felony drug charge on his record.

He doesn't believe in psychiatry, so he made my sister stop taking her meds for bipolar disorder.

He doesn't have a job and made my sister sell her car to make rent one month, so now she's dependent on him for transportation.

He has a kid that is like eleven (my sister is 24), and on the weekends that he has custody, he has my sister entertain the kid instead of taking care of her himself.

When my husband's cancer survivor grandma was still alive but very ill, he openly mocked us for going to Shoney's for Thanksgiving dinner because she was so sick that she didn't have the energy to host dinner.

A few times, they went to our house and 'borrowed' BluRays, only to never return them again and claim that they never had them in their possession.

Et cetera, et cetera. So I'm interested to see what's so 'brutal' that you feel like she can be cut from a guest list.

What a total, utter fuckwad!  I'm so sorry ><

I love your signature pic, btw.

serena569

The best man's wife has been best friends with my FI's ex-wife for almost 30 years.  Both women are very mean spirited and snarky but we invited her because they are a couple.  And because I like to think I'm the better person.

That being said - I'm sure she'll be texting and sending pics to the ex all day long.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

I just get elements of snark but nothing has been said to my face (Probably because they are scared of me, lol).  Sometimes there's a guest you just have to deal with, but it's okay.  Im sure you won't see much of them.  As the bride, you can choose to have her edited out of photos ^_^

My FI's uncle butted into our wedding, more or less.  He called his sister (my FI's mother) and complained and basically forced my FI's hand.  It was rude, but I'll just stick them in a corner or something.  FI agrees with this and there's more too it, but whatever.

My MIL is being aggravating too.  "Why is your wedding in November?  Isn't it going to SNOW?" "Won't it be cold?"  "What if it snows?"  "There wont be leaves on the trees."  "Can we bring a friend for your brother?" "I can't wear a flower!"  "I can't have flowers at my table."  "Fruit AND chocolate in your cupcakes?  I don't like that."  Silk flowers it is.  Fine, no one gets flowers at that table.  Yes, it'll be cold, wear a sweater or something.  You don't have to eat that cupcake then....  Sheesh.

biggrouch

Wow. It worries me that people are implying that it's rude to not invite someone even if they've been violent, as if TK-approved etiquette is the highest moral value above, IDK, personal safety and integrity. No one should feel unsafe at their own wedding or knowingly invite their friends and family to a place where a violent person is. So if the "incidents" and "drama" involve violence or threatening behavior -- and you use the word "brutal" so it seems possible -- I personally think your fiance should just give your BIL a neutral-toned explanation of why she's not invited, and both of you would need to graciously understand if he decided to decline as a result -- but you should not feel obliged to cut him out because she's violent, or to invite her just because she's in a relationship with family. (BTW, if she's violent and your fiance doesn't support uninviting her, then you might want to reconsider whether he has your best interests at heart and whether you're safe marrying into a family that condones violence in the interest of keeping the peace.)

But if it's just that she's mean or bitchy sometimes, yeah, suck it up.

HisGirlFriday13

biggrouch said:

Wow. It worries me that people are implying that it's rude to not invite someone even if they've been violent, as if TK-approved etiquette is the highest moral value above, IDK, personal safety and integrity. No one should feel unsafe at their own wedding or knowingly invite their friends and family to a place where a violent person is. So if the "incidents" and "drama" involve violence or threatening behavior -- and you use the word "brutal" so it seems possible -- I personally think your fiance should just give your BIL a neutral-toned explanation of why she's not invited, and both of you would need to graciously understand if he decided to decline as a result -- but you should not feel obliged to cut him out because she's violent, or to invite her just because she's in a relationship with family. (BTW, if she's violent and your fiance doesn't support uninviting her, then you might want to reconsider whether he has your best interests at heart and whether you're safe marrying into a family that condones violence in the interest of keeping the peace.)

But if it's just that she's mean or bitchy sometimes, yeah, suck it up.

We have always said that violence or threats of physical danger are grounds for not inviting someone.

But if the person is just a bitch...suck it up.

StefA8

Invite her and then Kill her with kindness. It makes people squirm and wonder what the hell is going on.