No one contributing to our honeyfund..??!!

littlemissnico

Hi everyone,

We are getting married in a month, have a honeyfund set up, put the info on cards ioncluded in our invite with the directions to the venue and NADA. One person has donated. Whuuuuuu? We didnt do a website (we SHOULD have) because we were both too busy and now Im wondering how I can flag it for people or basically say "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund...!! Dont forget about it!" Help!

-Honeymoonlesss Bride

Maggie0829

nberthelot said:

Hi everyone,

We are getting married in a month, have a honeyfund set up, put the info on cards ioncluded in our invite with the directions to the venue and NADA. One person has donated. Whuuuuuu? We didnt do a website (we SHOULD have) because we were both too busy and now Im wondering how I can flag it for people or basically say "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund...!! Dont forget about it!" Help!

-Honeymoonlesss Bride

Probably because honeymoon funds are rude as fuck.  And you included it in your invite.  Double whammy or rudeness.

So basically you want to know how to go up to people and tell them to buy things off your rude HM fund?  Yeah, I don't think you are going to find that kind of advice here.

vsgal

nberthelot said:

Hi everyone,

We are getting married in a month, have a honeyfund set up, put the info on cards ioncluded in our invite with the directions to the venue and NADA. One person has donated. Whuuuuuu? We didnt do a website (we SHOULD have) because we were both too busy and now Im wondering how I can flag it for people or basically say "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund...!! Dont forget about it!" Help!

-Honeymoonlesss Bride

Nobody is giving you money because what you have done is truly tacky and classless.  No one is required to pay for your honeymoon.  You are not guaranteed one.  I for one, would never pay for someone else's vacation.  Then you put the info in the invites, which is just as tacky. 


You need to delete the honeyfund immediately.  You need to not expect your guests to buy you gifts.  You need to plan a vacation you can afford.  And for the love of bacon, DO NOT flag anyone or remind people that you are demanding money.

NYCMercedes

Oh no! Whatever will you do? Will you even be legally married without gifts or a honeymoon? I suggest pray that everybody forgets your breach of good manners. Put a smile on your face and enjoy the dat, regardless.

carliealissa

nberthelot said:

Hi everyone,

We are getting married in a month, have a honeyfund set up, put the info on cards ioncluded in our invite with the directions to the venue and NADA. One person has donated. Whuuuuuu? We didnt do a website (we SHOULD have) because we were both too busy and now Im wondering how I can flag it for people or basically say "Hey, we have a honeymoon fund...!! Dont forget about it!" Help!

-Honeymoonlesss Bride

Come on!  This must be a joke.

tcnoble

Is this a joke? 

littlemissnico

Rude? We did it in LIEU of a gift registry. Is it rude to ask for ridiculous lists of things you dont need around the house? These replies are vicious, whats wrong with you people? I come here for advice, never having had a formal wedding in my family before and you shit on me and my wedding. Ok, thanks.

zitiqueen

nberthelot said:

Rude? We did it in LIEU of a gift registry. Is it rude to ask for ridiculous lists of things you dont need around the house? These replies are vicious, whats wrong with you people? I come here for advice, never having had a formal wedding in my family before and you shit on me and my wedding. Ok, thanks, bitches.

You got advice. SHUT IT DOWN.

manateehugger

nberthelot said:

Rude? We did it in LIEU of a gift registry. Is it rude to ask for ridiculous lists of things you dont need around the house? These replies are vicious, whats wrong with you people? I come here for advice, never having had a formal wedding in my family before and you shit on me and my wedding. Ok, thanks, bitches.

Yes, you were technically rude.  You said "I don't want stuff, so just spend money that you were going to spend by writing a check to a middle man who will take a cut and then write me a check." 

Registries are a guide for knowing a couple's tastes. I get your invite, decide I want to give you a gift, ask you where you are registered or do an online search for your registry (because, according to etiquette, you didn't mention it to me first or via invitations), decide that those towels you wanted are in a beautiful color, and buy them for you. It's a list of suggestions for a guest who has already expressed interest in getting you a gift (the streamlined version of someone asking "What do you want for a wedding present?"). What honeyfunds do is tell everyone you just want their money sans fees. 

Look, if you've never had a formal wedding in your family, that's understandable and fine (lurking may benefit you greatly!) I would take down your honeyfund (since no one is contributing anyway). No registry in wedding guest world is the polite signal for saying, "We don't need stuff." Some guests may go ahead and give you random stuff, but most will simply give you a check or a gift card that you can then use as you please - including for a honeymoon. 

Edited for clarity. 

Do not mention gifts or contributions to yourself UNLESS someone asks. If someone does, simply express how kind it is of them to think of you and state that you are saving up for a house or a vacation or whatever else you might be saving up for. 

meggles1215

I don't understand why everyone is getting so heated. Honeyfund is one of the most popular registry services in the country. It's not like she put the registry info front and center on the invites, it was included in the suite. The rudeness is unnecessary ladies.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's a good way to remind people about your registry without seeming greedy. Womp! People probably just missed it in the invites and are planning on giving you money.

Don't let the haters get you down, girl!

littlemissnico

Thanks Meggles. I knew it wasnt a bad thing to set up a honeymoon registry in lieu of a gift registry! And I guess we'll end up getting checks probably.

But the way you women TEAR each other down is absolutely horrible. Honestly. Im asking an honest question here and expect "community" and some of you are just vile. Way to empower each other. Good luck on your weddings (or if youre already married, I dont understand why youre trolling here) and being a general c*nt in life.

manateehugger

nberthelot said:

Thanks Meggles. I knew it wasnt a bad thing to set up a honeymoon registry in lieu of a gift registry! And I guess we'll end up getting checks probably.

But the way you women TEAR each other down is absolutely horrible. Honestly. Im asking an honest question here and expect "community" and some of you are just vile. Way to empower each other. Good luck on your weddings (or if youre already married, I dont understand why youre trolling here) and being a general c*nt in life.

Yes, listen to the one person who said "Rah, rah!" instead of the large number of others who said, "This is a bad idea." 

And I am SO glad the married ladies are here; I would have been lost without their guidance. Would you plan on asking your friends who has never had a child questions on pregnancy when you become pregnant? If it was just brides, it would be all of us who have never had a formal wedding in our family trying to guess at the best options. 

littlemissnico

Well, thanks, I wont mention it then.

MNVegas

nberthelot said:

Thanks Meggles. I knew it wasnt a bad thing to set up a honeymoon registry in lieu of a gift registry! And I guess we'll end up getting checks probably.

But the way you women TEAR each other down is absolutely horrible. Honestly. Im asking an honest question here and expect "community" and some of you are just vile. Way to empower each other. Good luck on your weddings (or if youre already married, I dont understand why youre trolling here) and being a general c*nt in life.

You received honest answers from everyone, well mostly everyone. Honestly what you are doing is extremely inappropriate. We are just telling you the truth which you apparently don't want to hear or care about. If you want to embarrass yourself in front of your family and friends by setting up a silly registry asking for cash, well that is on you. 

Seriously do you think your guest are really so stupid that they don't already know cash is a great gift? 

littlemissnico

What exactly is inappropriate about a honeyfund in lieu of gifts? No one has explained why that's inappropriate.

vsgal

nberthelot said:

What exactly is inappropriate about a honeyfund in lieu of gifts? No one has explained why that's inappropriate.

It is inappropriate because you should never ask people for money as a gift. You never expect gifts. It is rude to plan a vacation that you cannot afford and demand that other people pay for it.  Would ask your friends to pay for your annual vacation to the Grand Canyon?  No.  It is ridiculous. 

manateehugger

nberthelot said:

What exactly is inappropriate about a honeyfund in lieu of gifts? No one has explained why that's inappropriate.

Actually I did, in my admittedly long-winded post. In a nutshell: a registry (that you don't advertise) is a guideline for a guest who wants to help you furnish your home; a honeyfund is a guideline saying "give me money less fees." Suggesting someone fork over cash is always in poor taste.

AddieCake

You called posters bitches and cunts because they don't like honeymoon registries and told you how they feel about them? Maybe your guests think you're a bitch for having one, and that's why none of them are contributing to it.

MNVegas

nberthelot said:

What exactly is inappropriate about a honeyfund in lieu of gifts? No one has explained why that's inappropriate.

Actually several people explained why it is inappropriate. You obviously did not read the responses thoroughly or chose not to understand what people are trying to tell you.

Maggie0829

So you want to get a check from a middle man minus a 7% fee? You realize that is what you get right? You don't get an excursion or dinner booked for you. Your family an friends aren't purchasing you anything. All you get is a check for less then the amount your guests actually paid.

Honeymoon funds are also rude because the only person(s) responsible for paying for your vacation is you and your FI. If you can't afford one then you just don't go on one. It isn't the end of the world.

lyndausvi

Your wedding is not for another month. Most of the gifts I received (cash or otherwise) was given at or after the wedding. FWIW - I always give cash/check to the couple via an envelope at the wedding.. Quite possible that people are doing the same. Oh and I'm anti-honeyfunds. Why would I want to log into a site, give a credit card and subject myself to someone stealing my information when I can give the same amount via a check or cash. No fees for anyone either?

theartistformerlyknownas

People here are impatient when there are a billion threads and stickies explaining why honey funds are rude. If you come ask the SAME QUESTION again, you appear obtuse and bluntness is necessary.

Not everyone gets a honeymoon. Such is life.

CMGragain

I didn't have a fancy honeymoon because we couldn't afford it at the time.  Planning for a honeymoon that you cannot afford it tacky.  Expecting people to give you money to pay for part of your wedding experience is tacky.
What most people do is to plan a honeymoon that they can afford without expecting money from their guests.  The very fact that you posted about not getting the money you expected indicates what a terrible idea this is.  What will you do if you don't get the money?
Asking for money as a gift is rude.
Any honeymoon funds are rude.
Mentioning gifts in any way within your invitation envelope is rude.  This would include "No gifts, please."  You never mention gifts.
Calling other posters "bitches" is rude, and is against the Knot TOS you agreed to follow when you signed on.
No one was rude to you.  You are being rude to us by calling us names (very childish) and to your guests by asking them for money (very entitled and greedy).

MrsHarris323

Also alot of TA's offer payment plans for no extra charge we booked with $1000 down and are paying on the rest as people give us $$ gifts. Def helped us afford it 

nicnak22

I usually don't comment on these but decided I should add my two cents... I just got married and my sister in law is getting married in a few months. My husband and I paid for our entire wedding and honeymoon ourselves because we could and felt that it was the responsible thing to do. During my wedding my future brother in law asked if I was gonna donate some money to his honeymoon fund and I ignored him however, I wanted to tell him how incredibly rude it was! We work hard for our money, save and are very responsible which allowed us to pay entirely for everything so I was extremely offended to be asked to contribute to someone else's vacation!

Honestly if you are planning a honeymoon you can't afford you probably aren't mature enough to get married in the first place.

People that would prefer give you money will and that is fine but in no way shape or form should you direct them to contribute to a vacation.

littlemissnico

Ok. I didnt register for anything for the home because we dont need anything. Weve lived together for years, do I want another food processor or vacuum? No. A honeyfund isnt rude. Im not asking for out guests to take us on some spoiled worldwide trip. We actually paid for the wedding ourselves and were going to pay for the honeymoon, but when people started asking about registries, we looked into the honeyfund because we dont need new towels or pots and pans and lord knows how many people told me "cash is rude"...so what the eff am I supposed to do? Judgey women everywhere!

littlemissnico

Also, I dont spend every waking hour on this site as I see some of you do. So Im not up to what goes on in every thread on this community board? So what. Is that a reason to jump down a "newbie's" throat and be so RUDE? Ironically... 

CMGragain

...so, you didn't even bother to read my post?  All of the recognized etiquette experts, including Emily Post, who is very liberal, caution brides against honeymoon registries because so many people regard them as being rude.

@KnotPorscha

jenna8984

I just don't get this- when people told you asking for cash is rude you said you yourself "ok cool I'll think of something else" but when people are telling you the honeymoon fund is rude you are like "no it's not!!!". It basically is the same as asking for cash or even worse because sometimes people can't even afford their own vacations so they don't want to contribute to yours. 

Some people have explained it like this before- if a friend says to you "Hey, your birthday is coming up, can I take you out to dinner?" You wouldn't say "No thanks but can I have the cash instead?" 

I'm sorry if you didn't like the tone of some of the responses, but not matter how anyone says it the underlying fact is true that they are rude. Honestly, it's no big deal to just not register for anything. I'm not having a shower and I'm not registering. Many, many of us have established homes and don't need showers. That's fine. People are free to give you cash or whatever they see fit, you don't need to give any suggestions. 

Jells2dot0

There isnt much in life that we have a right to and that includes fancier weddings and honeymoons. In fact, some people do not have the right to marry at all. If you really wanted a honeymoon, you should have budgeted for that upfront or consider scaling back in some areas (without breaking proper etiquette) when you realized you'd fall short in the honeymoon area.

As pps mentioned, traditional registries are set up as a guide for guests if they want to provide a gift. The thought was that couples would be setting up a new home after getting married and would need towels, dishes, pots, etc to properly run a household. If you already own everything you need, you should have not had a shower nor should you have had a registry. People will get the hint that you prefer money if they are unable to find a registry. If someone asks about a registry, simply state that you did not set up one, but you are trying to save up for a honeymoon.

At this point, you'll have to wait to see how much money you receive as  wedding gifts. If you have no other debts that need to be paid, you can then take the money from the wedding and plan a honeymoon that fits that budget. I realize that you would not be able to take a trip the day after the wedding, but at least you will get to take a trip. As I said, honeymoons (and vacations) are not a right. Many people, including some of your guests, may never get to take vacations because of the cost or time required. In reality, the whole point of a honeymoon is to spend private time with your new spouse, so if all you can afford is a night at a local hotel, then you are still fulfilling the point of a honeymoon. It's about starting off your new marriage on the right foot, and going into debt or potentially offending your guests by asking for money is not the way to do that IMHO.

Maggie0829

@nberthelot - Lets just take the HM fund out of the equation for a minute.  Your OP asked how you can remind your guests (basically pestering them) that you have a registry and that they should buy off of it.  No matter if it is a HM registry or a traditional registry including that information into your invite and then getting pissed because no one has bought off of it thus you wanting to remind everyone about it is just rude.  How can you not see that?

As for the HM fund, did you read any of the posts that state that you don't get the item that you actually registered for?  Instead you get a check from the website, MINUS a fee (typically about 7%). That is it.  You don't get a reservation for a kayaking adventure.  You don't get a reservation for a beach side dinner.  All you get is a check.  This kind of think is deceitful to your guests. They think they are getting you something specific but they really aren't, plus you aren't even receiving the full amount that they wanted to give you in the first place.

I don't know about you, but I would rather happily take a check from my guest directly then lose out on some of their monetary gift to just receive a check from a website.