Update on our no soda wedding

Maggie0829

Of all the things your guests could compliment you on about your wedding, they chose to compliment you on not having sodas. Yeah, I call bullshit on that one.

kmmssg

OwningAHome1981 said:

Guarantee our friends and family don't bitch but thanks for thinking everyone is just like you.

Everyone talks. Maybe not to your face, but believe me, I guarantee at least 1 person out of 200 had something to say.

My BFF's DD and SIL decided they could plan their wedding all by themselves and let her parent's in on everything 2 weeks out from the wedding.  I helped everywhere I could as well as others, but it was a royal, major shitshow.  The bride and groom have NO idea what was being said by their guests who were crammed like sardines in a room that was far too small with way too many tables and not anywhere NEARLY enough food.  People never tell the bride and groom their wedding sucked.  That wedding sucked big time but the couple things everything went swell.

I can buy that some guest came up to you and maybe commented on how they appreciated a lack of caffienated soda for their children but no way in Hell did you get compliments from the overwhelming majority about how happy they were to see no soda.

Like I said, the couple above thinks they had a great wedding and everybody gushed about it.  Didn't happen.

ElcaB

Your wedding sounds like it was great, minus the chair debacle. 

We are not having soda at our wedding either, and I don't think it's a big deal. We'll have coffee, iced tea, lemonade, water, beer, wine, and one to two signature drinks. 

I don't see why you're being attacked for not having chairs since you did your part by ordering them. It's not your fault your vendor dropped the ball. I doubt anyone would tear down the entire ceremony and relocate it the day of the wedding because a vendor failed to bring enough chairs. To do so would probably make for a delayed wedding and recruiting your guests to assist --- which are both no-nos. 

tcnoble

serena569 said:

JoanE2012 said:

serena569 said:

Steven Covey talked about the circle of control. This was outside our control. We could choose to let it wreck the whole day or we could choose to adapt. We adapted. As far as consideration of guest needs - they understood there was not a thing we could do about it.

Actually, it was in your control.  You said you decided THE DAY BEFORE to move the ceremony outside.  If you couldn't get enough chairs, why not keep it wherever it was originally planned with enough seating?   Lemme guess, the vision of having your wedding outdoors was more important than the comfort of 200 guests?

We ordered the chairs. They were not delivered. Our original plan was to have the ceremony inside then have our hired helpers move all the chairs and set up the tables for dinner. When we decided to hold it outside, we set up for dinner right away. To move back inside we would have had to tear all that down and set up for a ceremony. Our guests would have been standing for at least an hour if we went that route. Or they could stand for a 15 minute ceremony. Seemed like a logical decision to me but thanks for your judgement.

I sure am glad I am laid back and able to find a plan b so we could continue with the fun of the day instead of becoming a bridezilla and wrecking it for everyone.

Guess what? I also didn't get upset when my brand new sister-in-law put dinosaur hats on 6 kids and sent them stampeeding through our first dance. Instead I threw my head back and laughed.

I have nothing to add except that I think this is awesome. I love Jurassic Park so I probably would have laughed and enjoyed the spectacle!! I'm sure the kids loved it too haha

singinchick13

I personally take issue with the rootbeer thing. In my opinion it is absolutely DISGUSTING, and saying you are not going to serve soda and then having that available, of all the possible sodas, was a poor decision and hypocritical. Also, the last wedding I attended was when I was six months pregnant. If I had not had a chair to sit in, or somewhere to sit with my FI then I would have been pretty annoyed and we would have been out of there pretty quickly. Not serving the option of a diet pop, for example, leaves all guests drinking sugary drinks or water, so this in no way made the options any healthier unless you had served sugar-free lemonade or iced tea as an option. I missed the original thread and don't know what the reasoning behind it was, but I can assure you substituting for healthy and nutritious alternatives was clearly not part of it.

climbingsingle

Sounds like a fun time, except for the whole standing part. That sucks. And I would have been pissed at having to stand. You had an original plan that had everyone seated. You should have stuck with that. 

Root beer is soda. So, I'm not sure how or why you're insisting you didn't serve soda. 

And you're right - my wedding will not be perfect. But I will have a seat for every guest for the entire event. I personally don't like soda. I don't drink it and I don't keep it in my house. But if guests of mine enjoy it, I will provide it for free and that's what I plan on doing. 

grumbledore

Congratulations on your marriage!

That said, I would hardly say that you "got heat" for your decision not to serve soda. Rather, you asked for opinions and the prevailing opinion on this board was that it would be sensible to add soda to your list of beverages. I would give that same advice to anyone else in the future asking a similar question because it is indeed something that many guests would appreciate and that frankly would generally be expected at almost any party.

I'm glad your guests enjoyed it and congratulations again, but I don't really see the point of coming back and making a big deal out of it.

Maggie0829

grumbledore said:

Congratulations on your marriage! That said, I would hardly say that you "got heat" for your decision not to serve soda. Rather, you asked for opinions and the prevailing opinion on this board was that it would be sensible to add soda to your list of beverages. I would give that same advice to anyone else in the future asking a similar question because it is indeed something that many guests would appreciate and that frankly would generally be expected at almost any party. I'm glad your guests enjoyed it and congratulations again, but I don't really see the point of coming back and making a big deal out of it.

Because she wanted everyone who voted against her that she was RIGHT and we were WRONG!

OwningAHome1981

AddieCake said:

I don't buy for a second that there were compliments on the lack of soda. I just don't believe anyone would compliment that. As PPs said, it's just weird that anyone would think to compliment a beverage that wasn't there.

I am, however, on your side about the chairs, to some degree. If you ordered them and they didn't show, that is not your fault.  I guarantee you people were not ok with it, though.  

Vendors screw up, people make mistakes but in a situation like that, I feel you dont just deal with it and let the guests be inconvenienced. You figure out a suitable alternative. This is where I feel the OP went wrong.

LDay2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't buy for a second that there were compliments on the lack of soda. I just don't believe anyone would compliment that. As PPs said, it's just weird that anyone would think to compliment a beverage that wasn't there.

I am, however, on your side about the chairs, to some degree. If you ordered them and they didn't show, that is not your fault.  I guarantee you people were not ok with it, though.  

Vendors screw up, people make mistakes but in a situation like that, I feel you dont just deal with it and let the guests be inconvenienced. You figure out a suitable alternative. This is where I feel the OP went wrong.

Agreed.

Things go wrong.  But it's how you deal with it that's important.  Throwing your hands up and saying 'oh well, tough cookies' isn't dealing with it - it's ignoring the problem.  Why when seeing that almost 88% of your guests wouldn't be accomodated you didn't return to your original ceremony location is beyond me.

Yes, everything else does sound like it was lovely (minus the root beer floats at the soda-free wedding - and I'm with the PPs that nothing to me says Main Street USA like a fountain pop, but I digress).

The unfortunate thing is when you don't take your guests comfort seriously, they aren't going to remember your wedding for all the wonderful things, but rather it will be remembered as the wedding where they had to stand because there weren't enough chairs. 

VulgarGirl

Maggie0829 said:

Of all the things your guests could compliment you on about your wedding, they chose to compliment you on not having sodas. Yeah, I call bullshit on that one.

Well, when you've been standing around because someone made a last minute change that resulted in not having a chair for 175 people, you have to find something to compliment them on.

lyndausvi

MagicInk said:

Maggie0829 said:

Of all the things your guests could compliment you on about your wedding, they chose to compliment you on not having sodas. Yeah, I call bullshit on that one.

Well, when you've been standing around because someone made a last minute change that resulted in not having a chair for 175 people, you have to find something to compliment them on.

** SIB **

Snort.

FYI -   I think soda is a basic beverage most people like to drink.  I really don't drink any kind-of soda but I still suggest it as an option if people ask.  Especially club soda for diabetics (juices are too sugary). I can't stand coffee, but I also suggest that has an option because people seem to enjoy coffee.   

Bottom line is if asked I will always suggest that as an option.  However, if someone chooses not to serve it's not really a big deal.

Gerbertmcway

LDay2014 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't buy for a second that there were compliments on the lack of soda. I just don't believe anyone would compliment that. As PPs said, it's just weird that anyone would think to compliment a beverage that wasn't there.

I am, however, on your side about the chairs, to some degree. If you ordered them and they didn't show, that is not your fault.  I guarantee you people were not ok with it, though.  

Vendors screw up, people make mistakes but in a situation like that, I feel you dont just deal with it and let the guests be inconvenienced. You figure out a suitable alternative. This is where I feel the OP went wrong.

Agreed.

Things go wrong.  But it's how you deal with it that's important.  Throwing your hands up and saying 'oh well, tough cookies' isn't dealing with it - it's ignoring the problem.  Why when seeing that almost 88% of your guests wouldn't be accomodated you didn't return to your original ceremony location is beyond me.

Yes, everything else does sound like it was lovely (minus the root beer floats at the soda-free wedding - and I'm with the PPs that nothing to me says Main Street USA like a fountain pop, but I digress).

The unfortunate thing is when you don't take your guests comfort seriously, they aren't going to remember your wedding for all the wonderful things, but rather it will be remembered as the wedding where they had to stand because there weren't enough chairs. 

I doubt moving an entire ceremony plus the walk time there and back plus the time to get everyone reorganized would have been better than standing for 15 minutes. Things go wrong. She did not plan for her guests to stand. She did not order only 25 chairs. She did not intentionally order chairs from a shitty vendor. Everyone's being quite harsh for no reason.

Jen4948

Gerbertmcway said:

LDay2014 said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't buy for a second that there were compliments on the lack of soda. I just don't believe anyone would compliment that. As PPs said, it's just weird that anyone would think to compliment a beverage that wasn't there.

I am, however, on your side about the chairs, to some degree. If you ordered them and they didn't show, that is not your fault.  I guarantee you people were not ok with it, though.  

Vendors screw up, people make mistakes but in a situation like that, I feel you dont just deal with it and let the guests be inconvenienced. You figure out a suitable alternative. This is where I feel the OP went wrong.

Agreed.

Things go wrong.  But it's how you deal with it that's important.  Throwing your hands up and saying 'oh well, tough cookies' isn't dealing with it - it's ignoring the problem.  Why when seeing that almost 88% of your guests wouldn't be accomodated you didn't return to your original ceremony location is beyond me.

Yes, everything else does sound like it was lovely (minus the root beer floats at the soda-free wedding - and I'm with the PPs that nothing to me says Main Street USA like a fountain pop, but I digress).

The unfortunate thing is when you don't take your guests comfort seriously, they aren't going to remember your wedding for all the wonderful things, but rather it will be remembered as the wedding where they had to stand because there weren't enough chairs. 

I doubt moving an entire ceremony plus the walk time there and back plus the time to get everyone reorganized would have been better than standing for 15 minutes. Things go wrong. She did not plan for her guests to stand. She did not order only 25 chairs. She did not intentionally order chairs from a shitty vendor. Everyone's being quite harsh for no reason.

Sorry, but this was something she should have planned for.  A place to sit is one of the few amenities all guests at a wedding are entitled to.  Many of those forced to stand probably did need to sit.  Not all physical conditions requiring seats are visible.  Bragging about how many compliments she got for not serving soda on top of that just screams AW and other non-complimentary things.

Simply Fated

I don't get the big deal about not serving soda. It's just soda.


As for the chairs, she didn't plan for her guests to end up standing. She did what she could and it was very unfortunate. Hopefully not too many guests were put out. I know I would need a chair, so I'd be pissed. But I couldn't be able to hold it against her because someone else dropped the ball.

Jen4948

Simply Fated said:

I don't get the big deal about not serving soda. It's just soda.


As for the chairs, she didn't plan for her guests to end up standing. She did what she could and it was very unfortunate. Hopefully not too many guests were put out. I know I would need a chair, so I'd be pissed. But I couldn't be able to hold it against her because someone else dropped the ball.

Not serving soda isn't a big deal, but the need to brag about it doesn't make sense to me.  It's like bragging that you didn't serve coffee, tea, or water either.  So what?

I realize that she didn't plan for her guests to have to stand, but still, given how important it is to make sure that everyone has a seat, this is an area where a Plan B would have helped.  Sometimes, especially with something this crucial, it really is important to make sure that there's a backup available if the original plans fall through.

Simply Fated

Jen4948 said:

Simply Fated said:

I don't get the big deal about not serving soda. It's just soda.


As for the chairs, she didn't plan for her guests to end up standing. She did what she could and it was very unfortunate. Hopefully not too many guests were put out. I know I would need a chair, so I'd be pissed. But I couldn't be able to hold it against her because someone else dropped the ball.

Not serving soda isn't a big deal, but the need to brag about it doesn't make sense to me.  It's like bragging that you didn't serve coffee, tea, or water either.  So what?

I realize that she didn't plan for her guests to have to stand, but still, given how important it is to make sure that everyone has a seat, this is an area where a Plan B would have helped.  Sometimes, especially with something this crucial, it really is important to make sure that there's a backup available if the original plans fall through.

The bragging is bizarre, but so is the fact that people are commenting like they can't believe she isn't serving soda. Someone in the previous thread suggested she should not even bother serving hard liquor because of the lack of soda. Bizarre on both ends.


I do agree there should have been a Plan B for the chairs. Food and drinks, too. But we don't know the whole story, so we don't know whether or not her Plan B or even Plan C would have even worked. I think it really sucks there wasn't enough seats and, like I said, I would have been pissed because I'm one of those people who can't stand for long period of time, but I'm glad for her that the rest of the day went better.

Maggie0829

Wouldn't the easiest solution with the lack of chairs would have been to just get married at the already set-up reception where all guests would have had a seat at their dinner tables?

LDay2014

Maggie0829 said:

Wouldn't the easiest solution with the lack of chairs would have been to just get married at the already set-up reception where all guests would have had a seat at their dinner tables?

Exactly.

There's always options...as in, not changing LOCATION the night before your wedding.  She made that choice, and it was a really shitty thing to do to her guests.

How did all the guests know about the new location? I'm assuming they were close to the original one, just outside...so why not just go back to where it was supposed to be in the first place so everyone could sit down? Or, like @Maggie0829 said - have the ceremony at the reception location.

Alyssa18o6

I missed your original post about no soda. It wouldn't of bothered me, especially if you had sangria haha! I attended a wedding this year where they only had punch to drink. Which was no biggie, until they ran out, and then there was a water main break so we legit had NOTHING to drink as they didn't purchase bottled water. Yeah that kind of sucked, but it was whatever. I personally would of never dreamed of complaining about that to bride/groom. Aslong as you offered your guests something thats all that matters in my book.

Alyssa18o6

Oh and as far as the no sitting thing. One of the locations I was considering for my ceremony didn't allow chairs on the lawn (it was a garden), and let me tell you it's super hard to get into this location. It books like CRAZY! We didn't go with that location because it didn't offer a back up for weather, and you lost out the cost. But if I was I was going to keep it intimate and just immediate family cause I would of felt bad about people having to stand. But clearly some people just don't care since this location books up!

LondonLisa

Have any of you seen that episode of "30 rock" where Liz gets stuck going to Jenna's crap plays? She doesn't want to hurt her feelings when asked what she thought about her horrible acting, so Liz always compliments her on really obscure things like "the lighting was great" or "I love the font of the programmes". Yeah, I'm thinking "I'm glad my child couldn't get a coca cola" might have been in this vein. OP-no one gave you grief about not having soda, you just asked IF you should have it, and people said they would prefer it. That is hardly being berated about not having fizzy drinks!

QueerFemme

I don't think that it is possible that no one knew about the vendor not showing up until right before OP walked down the aisle. Someone had to have noticed at least an hour or two before the ceremony.

There WAS time to make a different decision instead of holding the ceremony outside with no chairs.

KatieinBkln

Jen4948 said: serena569 said: I sincerely hope that every one of you who are judging have everything go perfectly at your wedding. The reality is that won't happen and you'll have to adapt. Unfortunately I see that some of you will adapt but will also make the decision to let that control your emotions for the day. Good luck with that.
On that note,  I'm off to enjoy my honeymoon knowing that I made the right decisions. No, you made the wrong decisions and we're not impressed by your patting yourself on the back over it.

Your wedding guests may not have said anything to you, but don't take their silence for approval. The people you forced to stand may hate your guts right now and quite possibly you'll be getting a lot less invitations in the future because you treated your guests like shit.  We don't have to endorse it, so stop snarking at us for judging you about it, because by posting here, you invited judgment from us. 

Yeah, for a second I was like, "Shit, what's done is done, no need for us to pile on." But then I re-read the OP and realized that she opened the door by coming back here just to brag about how great her choices were. Don't get me wrong, the reception sounds like it was fun and cute as can be, soda or no. But there's something karmic-ly delicious about someone coming back to the boards to "stick it" to the regs and then revealing that, Oh, actually we didn't have enough chairs, but it was totes fine and NBD! 

cantwaitforthefuture

I cannot believe how mean the people on this board are.  I came to TheKnot for help planning our wedding, and now I'm sorry that I did because I'm just depressed about how catty women are.

theartistformerlyknownas

cantwaitforthefuture said:

I cannot believe how mean the people on this board are.  I came to TheKnot for help planning our wedding, and now I'm sorry that I did because I'm just depressed about how catty women are.

@cantwaitforthefuture nobody here says anything to each other that other people wouldn't say behind one's back. Isn't it better to hear up front when something is a bad idea, rather than have your friends and family bitch about how badly you hosted them? Getting told 'no' is far more helpful than people blowing rainbows and sunshine up your butt. That's not mean, that's just the truth. 

What is NOT helpful is dragging up a month old post to whine about people being mean.

cantwaitforthefuture

Her wedding already happened.  It's also not helpful to criticize it after the fact.

southernbelle0915

cantwaitforthefuture said:

Her wedding already happened.  It's also not helpful to criticize it after the fact.

A lot of people lurk on these boards and IMHO it's helpful to be able to read about others' experiences and learn from them. I've been to lots of weddings/heard about others' weddings and said "I really want to do that" or "yikes, I really don't want to do that". 

For me, it's helpful to read about others' insights whether the wedding is 2 years away or happened 2 years ago.

Liatris2010

Then why revive this thread? No one has criticized after the fact since June 3, and now you've brought it back to the top of the page so more people can add their two cents. Do you think the OP is happy about this, that you've done her a favor by dredging this up just to voice how mean everyone is?

Also, no one was mean to her in the original post. A few people suggested she include soda and gave ideas of how to keep it cool, since that was her reason for not providing it in the first place.

Jen4948

cantwaitforthefuture said: Her wedding already happened.  It's also not helpful to criticize it after the fact. @cantwaitforthefuture, much of this forum is about weddings that already happened.  We get asked for our feedback, so apparently the askers and other posters do find our "after the fact" criticism helpful.

What isn't helpful is for one poster, whether or not it's the OP, to take it upon himself or herself to decide what is or isn't "helpful" or "appropriate" and lecture the rest of us about how to post accordingly.