Cake and Punch Reception Ettiquette

annathy03

Oh yeah, that's not rude.  H and I live quite far from most of our family and have to fly for most family weddings, and it wouldn't be rude of them to do a C&P wedding.

It'll actually be interesting, because H's family is very judgey about people not coming to things "because it's FAMILY", but when the tables were turned the vast majority didn't come to our wedding because it was where we live.  We totally understand travel isn't cheap/PTO isn't unlimited and didn't make a stink about any of our declines, but will absolutely point it out if one of them makes another cheeky remark about us not coming to a cousin's wedding, being in town long enough at the holidays, etc.

And we wanted/could afford to do the "big shebang" so we did, but right or wrong b/c 80% of our guest list was OOT as a result of us moving our families would have judged the shit out of us if we'd done a C&P.

Knottie08558603

This answered a lot of my concerns, we are planning to have an afternoon service with cake and punch afterwards. Was wondering about etiquette.

Knottie69872581

I work in catering, and a lot of couples who don't want to spend a lot of money will choose cake, punch, and hot dips with pita bread. It's always a big hit. Make sure your wedding is not at a meal time though; your guests will be super hungry. I would go with some kind of appetizer (sausage balls, fruit and veggie platters, etc), so your guests will at least be somewhat fed. 

luckysnorkel

annathy03 said:

Oh yeah, that's not rude.  H and I live quite far from most of our family and have to fly for most family weddings, and it wouldn't be rude of them to do a C&P wedding.

It'll actually be interesting, because H's family is very judgey about people not coming to things "because it's FAMILY", but when the tables were turned the vast majority didn't come to our wedding because it was where we live.  We totally understand travel isn't cheap/PTO isn't unlimited and didn't make a stink about any of our declines, but will absolutely point it out if one of them makes another cheeky remark about us not coming to a cousin's wedding, being in town long enough at the holidays, etc.

And we wanted/could afford to do the "big shebang" so we did, but right or wrong b/c 80% of our guest list was OOT as a result of us moving our families would have judged the shit out of us if we'd done a C&P.

Yep, same here.  FI and I moved 3000 miles away and we're having our wedding where we live.  Pretty much 100% of our family guests are coming from the other side of the country.  So etiquette-approved or not, they would NOT have been happy to fly all that way only to be served cake and punch.

RebeccaB88

7651arty said:

OP, your wedding plans are simply lovely! My one suggestion- don't worry with sugar free cake. As a diabetic, I can promise you that we don't have to avoid all sugar. Fruit, cheese, and crackers are all wonderful options, and any diabetic should be more than able to eat those without any issues. Offering water and unsweet tea would be appreciated, as sugary drinks will affect blood sugar. And, let's be real...sugarless cake sucks. Like, bad sucks.

Truth spoken. In fact, almost all the diabetics I know do not avoid sugar at all. They limit it or monitor how much they get, indulge when they want to, and take adequate insulin to cover it when they want to.  For me, since I don't take insulin, I'll choose between eating bread from the bread basket on the table, or dessert. I know I can't have both, so I'll get what I prefer. Diabetics can handle themselves in this situation. And it's not like it used to be, when they had to avoid  ALL sugar. We know more now.

[Deleted User]

RebeccaB88 said:

7651arty said:

OP, your wedding plans are simply lovely! My one suggestion- don't worry with sugar free cake. As a diabetic, I can promise you that we don't have to avoid all sugar. Fruit, cheese, and crackers are all wonderful options, and any diabetic should be more than able to eat those without any issues. Offering water and unsweet tea would be appreciated, as sugary drinks will affect blood sugar. And, let's be real...sugarless cake sucks. Like, bad sucks.

Truth spoken. In fact, almost all the diabetics I know do not avoid sugar at all. They limit it or monitor how much they get, indulge when they want to, and take adequate insulin to cover it when they want to.  For me, since I don't take insulin, I'll choose between eating bread from the bread basket on the table, or dessert. I know I can't have both, so I'll get what I prefer. Diabetics can handle themselves in this situation. And it's not like it used to be, when they had to avoid  ALL sugar. We know more now.

Just wanted to echo the diabetic comments.  FI is a Type 2 and we have found as long as he's faithfully taking his medication on time when eating a meal that eating something sugary like a piece of cake doesn't raise the sugar as much as eating a lot of bread or drinking a sugary drink. He actually gets more annoyed if there's no water or unsweet tea options instead of being faced with sugary goodness like cake.


ETA: We're going down the cake and punch reception route where we are serving finger sandwiches, meatballs (mmm...is it lunchtime yet?), cheeseball/crackers, fruit/veggie tray, cake and punch for around 100 or so people that's following a 2pm ceremony.  While we don't have very many people traveling more than 2 hours away, everyone we've spoken with can't wait to try these meatballs I've been raving about.

Point being, don't worry about people being judgey.  As long as you're being a proper host, you've let your guests know by invitation about the arrangements and you're not doing the reception during a mealtime, you're fine.

bazingagurl320

I love this idea and I want to do it for my wedding but I can't decide! Here is my confliction: so when I was growing up I didn't have a sweet 16 party, or 18th birthday party or graduation parties from HS or college and I didn't go to prom (my fiancee didnt have any of those things either), so on one hand I feel like this is our one time to "splurge" on ourselves and when I say splurge I mean a wedding ceremony AND reception under $10,000. On the other hand, I cringe at the thought of spending that much money when we are still paying student loans and will probably need a new cars within the next year. We also want to buy a house and start a family and we are in our 30s so if we didn't do a cake and punch reception, we'd have to save for at least a year to accomodate 60+ guests. This should be a no brainer right? Am I just being a brat? lol

bazingagurl320

I love this idea and I want to do it for my wedding but I can't decide! Here is my confliction: so when I was growing up I didn't have a sweet 16 party, or 18th birthday party or graduation parties from HS or college and I didn't go to prom (my fiancee didnt have any of those things either), so on one hand I feel like this is our one time to "splurge" on ourselves and when I say splurge I mean a wedding ceremony AND reception under $10,000. On the other hand, I cringe at the thought of spending that much money when we are still paying student loans and will probably need new cars within the next year. We also want to buy a house and start a family and we are in our 30s so if we didn't do a cake and punch reception, we'd have to save for at least a year to accomodate 60+ guests. This should be a no brainer right? Am I just being a brat? lol p.s. sorry for the double post, I think I originally posted this reply in the wrong spot!

mimivac

blabla89 said:

Congratulations on being debt free! That's awesome! The only etiquette requirement is that you have enough cake and beverages for everyone, and if you aren't serving a meal (which is totally fine) then your wedding shouldn't be over a meal time. I second the PP's suggestion for fruit and cheese and crackers, which you can get inexpensively from any grocery store. It doesn't have to be fancy at all. Chocolate fountains and whatnot are nice, but definitely not necessary.

Yes. As someone who is flour and sugar free, I would really appreciate some fruit and cheese (or veggie plate) and maybe non-sweetened iced tea. I think your plan sounds great.

Mizzbouvier14

I am all about cake and punch receptions! That is what I am doing as well.

SP29

(Ugh, paragraphs not working!) OP- Your plans sound great! It would be *nice* if you can swing it, to include fruit, veggie, and cheese and cracker trays. Just to have something else to snack on. If you were considering a bit more (maybe to placate the ILs a bit, or because YOU wanted to), cocktail meatballs, pasta, pizza bread, bread and dips, and salads can all be done pretty cheap.