Cake and Punch Reception Ettiquette

jnrsgirl

FI and I are planning a small wedding of maybe 30 - 40 close friends and family. We are wanting to do a small, intimate wedding on a budget and have opted for a cake and punch reception. Neither of us have much experience with this style of reception. My family has a tradition of the dreaded potlucks, and FI's family loves a big blowout 5 course affair. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and have trimmed the guestlist to only our nearest and dearest that we want to share our day with (with much grumbling from our large and infrequently seen extended family).

FILs are really pushing for a bigger affair, but we don't want to overextend ourselves or get into any debt. (Finally became debt free this year. Yay to no more student loans! Lol) But at the same time I want our guests to have a good time.

Is there any requirement as to what must be served? We had planned to have cake and a couple different beverages (still deciding on a sugar free option for cake).

FILs are pushing for chocolate fountains, fondue, and sundae bars as well as various options in addition to cake. Is it considered rude to guests if only cake and a sugar free option are served?

Jessie42613

Cake, chocolate, fondue and a sundae bar is an awfully desert-heavy reception. Pair that with a glass of wine and I'd be in a coma within 30 minutes lol. Really, you're perfectly fine with cake and punch, but if your budget allows, I'd consider doing a small selection of appetizers, or a cheese/cracker/vegetable table.

lilacck28

Knottie44294618 said:

FI and I are planning a small wedding of maybe 30 - 40 close friends and family. We are wanting to do a small, intimate wedding on a budget and have opted for a cake and punch reception. Neither of us have much experience with this style of reception. My family has a tradition of the dreaded potlucks, and FI's family loves a big blowout 5 course affair. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and have trimmed the guestlist to only our nearest and dearest that we want to share our day with (with much grumbling from our large and infrequently seen extended family). FILs are really pushing for a bigger affair, but we don't want to overextend ourselves or get into any debt. (Finally became debt free this year. Yay to no more student loans! Lol) But at the same time I want our guests to have a good time. Is there any requirement as to what must be served? We had planned to have cake and a couple different beverages (still deciding on a sugar free option for cake). FILs are pushing for chocolate fountains, fondue, and sundae bars as well as various options in addition to cake. Is it considered rude to guests if only cake and a sugar free option are served?

No. As long as there is enough cake, and you have done your best to accommodate food allergies/ religious diets/ vegetarians and vegans, you are fine. 

CMGragain

Required:  cake, punch, coffee, tea.  Optional: trays of tea sandwiches, veggie trays with dip, cheese and crackers, ice cream, mints, nuts, ice tea (required in the South!).  Chocolate fountains are waaayy over the top.  (Costco and Sam's Club are great places to buy the trays of food cheaply.)
I do hope that this is an afternoon wedding?  Miss Manners' daughter had a wedding like this.  So was my own.

jnrsgirl

Of course! The ceremony is planned to start around 2-2:30pm with the reception immediately after at the same location.

CMGragain

It sounds perfect!

annathy03

What you're planning is totally etiquette approved.  Cake and punch at 2-2:30 is great!  If you want to add anything veggies and dip and cheese and crackers would be nice things to have, but I agree a chocolate fountain is over the top.

erollis

Cake and punch is fine in between meal times. We did this.

We had a gluten free cake, grooms cake, and the wedding cake. Food was different cheeses, crackers, fruits, and nuts. Drinks were tea, soda, punch, water, beer, and wine.

Some guests arrived late due to transportation issues. There was still cake for them to eat when they arrived. We had plenty of cake.

vt&dt

OP, THANK YOU for doing it right!

My cousin had a cake and punch reception for their 1:00 pm wedding and it was lovely.  Cake, punch, coffee, tea, mixed nuts, and cream cheese mints.  Everyone had a nice time.  And they left for their honeymoon that evening!

bethsmiles

As long as there is cake and something to drink I'd be happy! Cake and punch receptions may seem pretty simple compared to the crazy blow-out weddings the wedding industry is always pushing but there's nothing wrong with a simple celebration!

pinkshorts27

My parents had a cake and punch and two of my cousins. They were perfectly lovely weddings. I would suggest light apps (cheese and crackers are easy to do yourself and cheap) but totally not required.

CMGragain

Just had a thought!  Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit. 

Simply Fated

CMGragain said:

Just had a thought!  Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit. 

I was just going to say... throw some fruit in there and you'll have several bases covered. Low in sugar and carbs (for the diabetics), gluten free, nut free, AND vegans and I'm sure more, but I can't remember at 4 in the morning....

phira

Big thumbs up from me.

RebeccaFlower

Your wedding sounds lovely OP. Honestly, I'm a little sick of carving out a whole day for peoples 6+ hour ceremonies & receptions. 

phira

RebeccaFlower said:

Your wedding sounds lovely OP. Honestly, I'm a little sick of carving out a whole day for peoples 6+ hour ceremonies & receptions. 

Yeah. I think there's definitely a new trend of giving up the whole day or weekend for weddings. I want to make it easy for my guests to have a fun wedding weekend if they'd like, but goodness.

blabla89

Congratulations on being debt free! That's awesome! The only etiquette requirement is that you have enough cake and beverages for everyone, and if you aren't serving a meal (which is totally fine) then your wedding shouldn't be over a meal time. I second the PP's suggestion for fruit and cheese and crackers, which you can get inexpensively from any grocery store. It doesn't have to be fancy at all. Chocolate fountains and whatnot are nice, but definitely not necessary.

scrunchythief

If you wanted something that looks a little more formal like your in-laws have been suggesting (emphasis on you wanting it), maybe you could try making chocolate covered strawberries?  As long as the berries are completely dry before you start, they're actually super easy to make.  What you've got planned so far sounds lovely though, I just got stuck on dessert ideas after reading this post:)

wandajune6

This sounds like a lovely wedding! And I agree with the PPs!

Inkdancer

This sounds awesome!

jnrsgirl

I love the fruit tray idea instead of the sugar free cake! Thank you! We are thinking we will add the fruit and veggie tray and maybe doing a baked brie and crackers tray. FI does this yummy brie wrapped in puff pastry with apricots or raspberries. It is so delicious. Thank you ladies! :-)

Inkdancer

Knottie44294618 said:

I love the fruit tray idea instead of the sugar free cake! Thank you! We are thinking we will add the fruit and veggie tray and maybe doing a baked brie and crackers tray. FI does this yummy brie wrapped in puff pastry with apricots or raspberries. It is so delicious. Thank you ladies! :-)

I would do more shameful things for baked brie than I would for a Klondike bar. Super jealous!

NYCMercedes

I'm just totally amazed that the FIL's are pushing for anything!!!

CrazyCatLady3

phira said:

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RebeccaFlower said:

Your wedding sounds lovely OP. Honestly, I'm a little sick of carving out a whole day for peoples 6+ hour ceremonies & receptions. 

Yeah. I think there's definitely a new trend of giving up the whole day or weekend for weddings. I want to make it easy for my guests to have a fun wedding weekend if they'd like, but goodness.

We're having a dinner and dancing wedding, but the ceremony doesn't start until 7 pm on a Saturday night with reception immediately following at the same venue (5 hours total).  I'm happy that our guests will pretty much have their entire Saturday free and don't have to give up the whole day for our wedding.  Some people asked, why is it starting so late, because they are used to 3 pm ceremony, then gap, then 6-11pm reception where guests pretty much give up their whole day.  I think that sucks.

tcnoble

CrazyCatLady3 said:

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phira said:

RebeccaFlower said:

Your wedding sounds lovely OP. Honestly, I'm a little sick of carving out a whole day for peoples 6+ hour ceremonies & receptions. 

Yeah. I think there's definitely a new trend of giving up the whole day or weekend for weddings. I want to make it easy for my guests to have a fun wedding weekend if they'd like, but goodness.

We're having a dinner and dancing wedding, but the ceremony doesn't start until 7 pm on a Saturday night with reception immediately following at the same venue (5 hours total).  I'm happy that our guests will pretty much have their entire Saturday free and don't have to give up the whole day for our wedding.  Some people asked, why is it starting so late, because they are used to 3 pm ceremony, then gap, then 6-11pm reception where guests pretty much give up their whole day.  I think that sucks.

Ditto this!!

CMGragain

Many of the young people at my daughter's wedding said that they were happy to have their Saturday evening free to make their own plans.  The older guests liked the timing so they wouldn't have to drive home in the dark, or spend the night in a hotel.
Mmmmm....brie!

[Deleted User]

Hey, do me a favor and have TWO plates of baked brie, because that stuff is AWESOME!!!

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Just had a thought!  Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit. 

As a diabetic, I'd appreciate some sugar-free cake.  I've been to too many occasions where the only thing I could eat was fresh fruit, and after a while I got sick of having nothing else to eat while everyone else there got to eat trays of desserts.

RebeccaB88

Jen4948 said:

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CMGragain said:

Just had a thought!  Instead of sugar free cake, have a fruit tray with fresh fruit. 

As a diabetic, I'd appreciate some sugar-free cake.  I've been to too many occasions where the only thing I could eat was fresh fruit, and after a while I got sick of having nothing else to eat while everyone else there got to eat trays of desserts.

While I totally agree with having a yummy sugar free option for those who need it, don't assume that all diabetics must have sugar free everything.  I'm diabetic and I also have a severe intolerance to artificial sweeteners. I'd be hella disappointed if you went to great lengths to plan a special sugar free dessert for me, and then I couldn't eat it.  The only cake I can eat is the real thing!  (I've learned how to fit the real stuff into my diabetic diet just fine. Most diabetics aren't nearly as restricted to only sugar free things as they used to be. Treatment is so much better now.)  So, I'd probably ask around and see who might need something sugar free before you commit to buying it.

jnrsgirl

There are only two diabetics on our guestlist currently. FI's uncle and my grandma (who has an issue sneaking sweets and ending up comatose). FI's uncle usually doesn't do desserts so fruit should be good for him. Just have to keep an eye on grandma.

kitty8403

Most cake/punch receptions I've attended have been one cake choice, homemade punch, and maybe coffee or tea. The fact that you're even thinking about what diabetics can eat or considering adding in apps or other desserts is fantastic. It all sounds lovely.

Although, re chocolate fountain: I have one. It isn't huge or overly expensive (mine was a gift but I've seen them on sale for under $50), and it takes like 2-3 bags of good chocolate chips to run. No biggie. Adding biscotti, almond wafers or Milano cookies; fresh fruit; marshmallows; angel food slices, etc as dippers makes for an easy but fun/inexpensive dessert presentation. They can get a little messy though.