Bridesmaid with Tacky Highlights

smhubbel

My wedding date is set for about two years from now, but I have already asked some members of my family to be my bridesmaids. My cousin is the youngest of the 4 bridesmaids, just having graduated from high school recently. She is a very sweet girl, but sometimes does not realize when something is tacky. Recently, I was talking with her and looking at ideas for bridesmaid's dresses online when she mentioned that she is planning on getting red highlights put in her hair. Now, we are not talking red hair color highlights. We are talking koolaid-type red highlights. She said "oh it will match the dress" as my bridesmaids are going to be wearing red.

I am going for more of a traditional, classic look for everything in the wedding. I know that she may change her mind within the two years, but I absolutely do NOT want a bridesmaid in my wedding pictures with tacky, fake colored hair. She can highlight it all she wants, as long as it looks like a natural hair color. Is it unreasonable to tell my cousin that she cannot do that to her hair for the day of my wedding? (Or really any other major alterations to her appearance that would bother me like a lip piercing or something for example). I do not want to be a "Bridezilla" but I also want to be able to look at my wedding pictures for years to come and not think "her hair looks like crap" because honestly, she got the red highlights done before and it did not look good. 

beethery

Her haircolor is not your territory to control, plus the wedding is two years out. She will probably change her hair from her colorful hairstyle by then. 

ajsmith14

With the wedding being two years away, there is still a good chance she will go through with this, see it may not be the best or most mature look, and change it. Rather than refusing her the right to red highlights now, just start saying something a year down the road if she still has them. Talk about how you are going for a classic, timeless look for your photographs to show your children down the road. If she doesn't pick up on that, maybe point out some bad late 80's-early 90's wedding style and say "what were they thinking?" Hopefully she'll get the hint without you being frustrated by it. Best of luck!

JasperandOpal

It is her hair, so it is her choice.  She will most likely change her mind in the next two years anyway so I definitely would not bring it up.  If she doesn't change her mind in the next two years, still don't bring it up because it is her hair, so it is her choice.  One bridesmaid's highlights will not ruin your pictures and will not make your pictures look any less classy but telling a bridesmaid you hate her highlights will ruin your friendship and is totally not classy.

There is no nice way to tell someone that you think something about them is tacky.  

I promise, you will look at your pictures years from now and you will see how happy everyone was, including highlight-hair BM.  You will also notice things that make you think "what were we thinking" but it will probably not be the things you think it will be. For all we know, sweetheart necklines and strapless gowns could be the thing that 20 years from now earn that "yikes" currently given to permed hair and puffed sleeves.  

slothiegal

smhubbel said:

My wedding date is set for about two years from now, but I have already asked some members of my family to be my bridesmaids. My cousin is the youngest of the 4 bridesmaids, just having graduated from high school recently. She is a very sweet girl, but sometimes does not realize when something is tacky. Recently, I was talking with her and looking at ideas for bridesmaid's dresses online when she mentioned that she is planning on getting red highlights put in her hair. Now, we are not talking red hair color highlights. We are talking koolaid-type red highlights. She said "oh it will match the dress" as my bridesmaids are going to be wearing red.

I am going for more of a traditional, classic look for everything in the wedding. I know that she may change her mind within the two years, but I absolutely do NOT want a bridesmaid in my wedding pictures with tacky, fake colored hair. She can highlight it all she wants, as long as it looks like a natural hair color. Is it unreasonable to tell my cousin that she cannot do that to her hair for the day of my wedding? (Or really any other major alterations to her appearance that would bother me like a lip piercing or something for example). I do not want to be a "Bridezilla" but I also want to be able to look at my wedding pictures for years to come and not think "her hair looks like crap" because honestly, she got the red highlights done before and it did not look good. 

Yes.  

MollyandD

One of my bridesmaids showed up with pink hair the day of my wedding. It was a surprise when I saw her, since she had bleach blonde hair the week before. My wedding colors were shades of pink, black, and white, but I let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses. She wore a green dress with pink hair, and I thought she looked precious. Reminds me of a pixie. I'll attach a picture so you can see if she ruined it or not. Ignore the red eye, this is from a phone camera while the photographer was positioning us.

slothiegal

Molly&Domenic said:

One of my bridesmaids showed up with pink hair the day of my wedding. It was a surprise when I saw her, since she had bleach blonde hair the week before. My wedding colors were shades of pink, black, and white, but I let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses. She wore a green dress with pink hair, and I thought she looked precious. Reminds me of a pixie. I'll attach a picture so you can see if she ruined it or not. Ignore the red eye, this is from a phone camera while the photographer was positioning us.

Adorable!  My BM just sent me a selfie to show me her latest hair experiment (I've known her for about five years, and I couldn't tell you her natural color--I think she was a redhead the last time I saw her, in November)--brunette, with the last three inches a hot pink.  Can't wait to see it in person in two weeks! 

offensivekitten2

You are trying to control a woman's hair two years out from your wedding?  Are you for serious?

OliveOilsMom

This is two years away.  You will give yourself an ulcer if you are going to be worrying about this stuff now.  Even when the wedding gets closer, you chose your cousin because she is your nearest and dearest. You should not care what she looks like, as long as she is standing up there next to you.

AddieCake

It's completely inappropriate for you to micromanage someone's appearance.

MobKaz

Molly&Domenic said:

One of my bridesmaids showed up with pink hair the day of my wedding. It was a surprise when I saw her, since she had bleach blonde hair the week before. My wedding colors were shades of pink, black, and white, but I let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses. She wore a green dress with pink hair, and I thought she looked precious. Reminds me of a pixie. I'll attach a picture so you can see if she ruined it or not. Ignore the red eye, this is from a phone camera while the photographer was positioning us.

Actually, I was more distracted by the adorable little peanut in the front pew!

OP, in addition to everything said by PP's above, you may very well find that YOU change your mind as well as far as your vision.  It is absolutely not cool to dictate personal appearance.

Viczaesar

smhubbel said:

My wedding date is set for about two years from now, but I have already asked some members of my family to be my bridesmaids. My cousin is the youngest of the 4 bridesmaids, just having graduated from high school recently. She is a very sweet girl, but sometimes does not realize when something is tacky. Recently, I was talking with her and looking at ideas for bridesmaid's dresses online when she mentioned that she is planning on getting red highlights put in her hair. Now, we are not talking red hair color highlights. We are talking koolaid-type red highlights. She said "oh it will match the dress" as my bridesmaids are going to be wearing red.

I am going for more of a traditional, classic look for everything in the wedding. I know that she may change her mind within the two years, but I absolutely do NOT want a bridesmaid in my wedding pictures with tacky, fake colored hair. She can highlight it all she wants, as long as it looks like a natural hair color. Is it unreasonable to tell my cousin that she cannot do that to her hair for the day of my wedding? (Or really any other major alterations to her appearance that would bother me like a lip piercing or something for example). I do not want to be a "Bridezilla" but I also want to be able to look at my wedding pictures for years to come and not think "her hair looks like crap" because honestly, she got the red highlights done before and it did not look good. 

You have absolutely no right to dictate the hair color, length, or style, piercings, or tattoos of your wedding party members.  They are human beings, not props for your photos. 

ohannabelle

smhubbel said:

My wedding date is set for about two years from now, but I have already asked some members of my family to be my bridesmaids. My cousin is the youngest of the 4 bridesmaids, just having graduated from high school recently. She is a very sweet girl, but sometimes does not realize when something is tacky. Recently, I was talking with her and looking at ideas for bridesmaid's dresses online when she mentioned that she is planning on getting red highlights put in her hair. Now, we are not talking red hair color highlights. We are talking koolaid-type red highlights. She said "oh it will match the dress" as my bridesmaids are going to be wearing red.

I am going for more of a traditional, classic look for everything in the wedding. I know that she may change her mind within the two years, but I absolutely do NOT want a bridesmaid in my wedding pictures with tacky, fake colored hair. She can highlight it all she wants, as long as it looks like a natural hair color. Is it unreasonable to tell my cousin that she cannot do that to her hair for the day of my wedding? (Or really any other major alterations to her appearance that would bother me like a lip piercing or something for example). I do not want to be a "Bridezilla" but I also want to be able to look at my wedding pictures for years to come and not think "her hair looks like crap" because honestly, she got the red highlights done before and it did not look good. 

Then stop. 

Because you're starting the Bridezilla act really early. And two years of stressing over what pictures might look like, and how other people will look in your pictures, and if other people will look the way you want them to and not how they actually look, and if you can tell people what they're allowed to do to their own heads, is two years too many. 

Actually, one day of this is too much. So stop. 

You get to decorate rooms to match your taste. Not other people. And not other people's heads. 

larrygaga

The only correct answer is that no matter how far out the wedding is or how tacky the color is, it's her hair and not yours to control.

[Deleted User]

Right now you are putting yourself in Bridezilla mode. Unfortunately it's too late to advise you to wait until closer to your wedding date to ask people to be in your bridal party because relationships change. Hopefully her mind will change by then. One of my bridesmaids had her hair some pretty funky colors when I asked her to be a BM. But right before my wedding she changed it to a nice dark red/auburn. I didn't ask her, I told her I loved her for who she is and it wouldn't have mattered to me what her hair color is. You can't control what she does to her hair or body. If she does piercings, you can politely ask her if she would mind taking them out for the day, but if she refuses, you have to be ok to live with that. You also can't control her if she wants to get tatoos. Her hair may be red right now, but chances are it won't be in two years. An unless you are willing to pay for the cost of the hair color change, you can't require it. Who knows, maybe her mom will go "honey, maybe for Jane's wedding you should color it something a little more natural & go back to whatever you want afterwards" In the meantime, don't worry about your cousin, that's a minor detail in the big scheme of things.

[Deleted User]

One of the quickest ways to ruin a relationship with someone is by dictating what they can or can't do with their hair/body so if you want to ruin a friendship/relationship with your cousin by telling her that she can't have "tacky" highlights, just be aware that action will have consequences.

BMoreBride6

Erikan73 said:

Right now you are putting yourself in Bridezilla mode. Unfortunately it's too late to advise you to wait until closer to your wedding date to ask people to be in your bridal party because relationships change. Hopefully her mind will change by then. One of my bridesmaids had her hair some pretty funky colors when I asked her to be a BM. But right before my wedding she changed it to a nice dark red/auburn. I didn't ask her, I told her I loved her for who she is and it wouldn't have mattered to me what her hair color is. You can't control what she does to her hair or body. If she does piercings, you can politely ask her if she would mind taking them out for the day, but if she refuses, you have to be ok to live with that. You also can't control her if she wants to get tatoos. Her hair may be red right now, but chances are it won't be in two years. An unless you are willing to pay for the cost of the hair color change, you can't require it. Who knows, maybe her mom will go "honey, maybe for Jane's wedding you should color it something a little more natural & go back to whatever you want afterwards" In the meantime, don't worry about your cousin, that's a minor detail in the big scheme of things.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure even the bolded are appropriate.  While I don't love the look of facial piercings, it is not my face and I don't think I have the right to ask someone to remove them.  Also, even if you are paying for it, I don't think you can required her to change her hair color.  Pying for a hairstyle is one thing because at the end of the night they can take it out and their hair is back to how they perfer.  Asking her to change the color is much more involved. 

[Deleted User]

BMoreBride6 said:

Erikan73 said:

Right now you are putting yourself in Bridezilla mode. Unfortunately it's too late to advise you to wait until closer to your wedding date to ask people to be in your bridal party because relationships change. Hopefully her mind will change by then. One of my bridesmaids had her hair some pretty funky colors when I asked her to be a BM. But right before my wedding she changed it to a nice dark red/auburn. I didn't ask her, I told her I loved her for who she is and it wouldn't have mattered to me what her hair color is. You can't control what she does to her hair or body. If she does piercings, you can politely ask her if she would mind taking them out for the day, but if she refuses, you have to be ok to live with that. You also can't control her if she wants to get tatoos. Her hair may be red right now, but chances are it won't be in two years. An unless you are willing to pay for the cost of the hair color change, you can't require it. Who knows, maybe her mom will go "honey, maybe for Jane's wedding you should color it something a little more natural & go back to whatever you want afterwards" In the meantime, don't worry about your cousin, that's a minor detail in the big scheme of things.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure even the bolded are appropriate.  While I don't love the look of facial piercings, it is not my face and I don't think I have the right to ask someone to remove them.  Also, even if you are paying for it, I don't think you can required her to change her hair color.  Pying for a hairstyle is one thing because at the end of the night they can take it out and their hair is back to how they perfer.  Asking her to change the color is much more involved. 

I don't think the bolded are appropriate at all. If you're paying to have hair styled a certain way on the day of, that's one thing but you can't change that person's hair color even if you're paying for it.

southernbelle0915

BMoreBride6 said:

Erikan73 said:

Right now you are putting yourself in Bridezilla mode. Unfortunately it's too late to advise you to wait until closer to your wedding date to ask people to be in your bridal party because relationships change. Hopefully her mind will change by then. One of my bridesmaids had her hair some pretty funky colors when I asked her to be a BM. But right before my wedding she changed it to a nice dark red/auburn. I didn't ask her, I told her I loved her for who she is and it wouldn't have mattered to me what her hair color is. You can't control what she does to her hair or body. If she does piercings, you can politely ask her if she would mind taking them out for the day, but if she refuses, you have to be ok to live with that. You also can't control her if she wants to get tatoos. Her hair may be red right now, but chances are it won't be in two years. An unless you are willing to pay for the cost of the hair color change, you can't require it. Who knows, maybe her mom will go "honey, maybe for Jane's wedding you should color it something a little more natural & go back to whatever you want afterwards" In the meantime, don't worry about your cousin, that's a minor detail in the big scheme of things.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not sure even the bolded are appropriate.  While I don't love the look of facial piercings, it is not my face and I don't think I have the right to ask someone to remove them.  Also, even if you are paying for it, I don't think you can required her to change her hair color.  Pying for a hairstyle is one thing because at the end of the night they can take it out and their hair is back to how they perfer.  Asking her to change the color is much more involved. 

I don't think either are appropriate. If I were in a wedding and the bride said "I'd like it if you'd dye your hair for my wedding, so I made you an appointment - don't worry, I'm taking care of the bill" I'd be like "thanks for the offer, but I won't be changing my hair color" Same with a piercing. I have my nose pierced and would not take it out for anyone's wedding. Not in a mean way, just wouldn't do it and wouldn't expect someone else to either.

I think when you ask someone to stand up for you, you ask "the person" not "the appearance". So whoever they are, it's just important that they're with you. Hair, tattoos, piercings, and all.

mrsmagicgeek

Yeah, I think if you are more concerned with how the pictures will look than you are that people who love and support you are standing with you, that's a problem.

Also, a lot can change in two years.

thelastdreamer

Dude, people are people. Love them for exactly the way they are! If she's your cousin and she has neon green highlights, cool. Because that's HER and you asked HER to be in your wedding.

My MOH has tons of tattoos. My mom actually had the nerve to tell me that I should ask her to use tattoo cover up for the wedding. I told my mom to shut up and never mention it to me again. 

thisismynickname2

She's not a prop and how she looks in photos is none of your concern. If you love her, you'll look back on photos and think of yourself being surrounded by your nearest and dearest.

NavyBlue143

I really need to tell my H that he ruined our photos with his facial piercings. I need a PPD do-over!

SRSLY he looks awful...

Viczaesar

Erikan73 said:

Right now you are putting yourself in Bridezilla mode. Unfortunately it's too late to advise you to wait until closer to your wedding date to ask people to be in your bridal party because relationships change. Hopefully her mind will change by then. One of my bridesmaids had her hair some pretty funky colors when I asked her to be a BM. But right before my wedding she changed it to a nice dark red/auburn. I didn't ask her, I told her I loved her for who she is and it wouldn't have mattered to me what her hair color is. You can't control what she does to her hair or body. If she does piercings, you can politely ask her if she would mind taking them out for the day, but if she refuses, you have to be ok to live with that. You also can't control her if she wants to get tatoos. Her hair may be red right now, but chances are it won't be in two years. An unless you are willing to pay for the cost of the hair color change, you can't require it. Who knows, maybe her mom will go "honey, maybe for Jane's wedding you should color it something a little more natural & go back to whatever you want afterwards" In the meantime, don't worry about your cousin, that's a minor detail in the big scheme of things.

Even then you can't require it!

abbyj700

Why...oh why...

did you ask your bridal party so early? 

Two years is way to early. WAY too early. 

And what PP's said - you don't get to dress and style people as props. Period. Her hair - her choice.

kmmssg

I'm wondering about some MUD here.  First post, 2 years out, BM's already picked.  I'm thinking MUD.

lyndausvi

Who in the world worries about the color of someone's hair, let alone what it will look like 2 years from now?

Is there really nothing else in your life to worry about or do you just like to make up something to complain about?

schallerre

smhubbel

I personally think people are being a little too harsh in their responses. With the wedding being two years out, of course you are worry about little details that you probably won't care much about as your wedding gets closer. Its because you are excited to get married but the wedding is too far out to really start planning.

I don't think its unreasonable to ask your cousin not to have bright red hair extension on your wedding day. If it is that important to you then she should respect your wishes as your friend and bridesmaid. Plus its not like you are asking all of your bridesmaid to dye all of their hair brown or something crazy like that.

manateehugger

schallerre said:

smhubbel

I personally think people are being a little too harsh in their responses. With the wedding being two years out, of course you are worry about little details that you probably won't care much about as your wedding gets closer. Its because you are excited to get married but the wedding is too far out to really start planning.

I don't think its unreasonable to ask your cousin not to have bright red hair extension on your wedding day. If it is that important to you then she should respect your wishes as your friend and bridesmaid. Plus its not like you are asking all of your bridesmaid to dye all of their hair brown or something crazy like that.

Being excited about getting married should not equal freaking out about bridesmaid hair. Two years out from my wedding, I freaked out about finding the perfect reception venue. 

And asking someone to change their physical appearance for a wedding is crazy - whether that's to undye hair or dye hair. Every time she feels the urge to change someone else's hair, I recommend she go look up hair styles for herself - you know, the person she can actually control.

Also suspecting MUD though. 

VulgarGirl

I'm three months out from my wedding and we have a total of six people in our wedding party (three on each side). The three girls: one has a shaved head (not bald but buzzed down), one has dark brown hair she just put bright purple streaks and the last one has long blonde hair. The three guys: one has dark brown hair with blue streaks, one is blonde with maroon streaks, and one has just past his shoulder's light light blonde hair but he may or may not cut it before the wedding.

Wanna know how many shits I give about their hair? It's a negative number of shits. I'm not even sure what I'll do with my hair day of. Like I have time to worry about their's? 

AddieCake

schallerre said:

smhubbel

I personally think people are being a little too harsh in their responses. With the wedding being two years out, of course you are worry about little details that you probably won't care much about as your wedding gets closer. Its because you are excited to get married but the wedding is too far out to really start planning.

I don't think its unreasonable to ask your cousin not to have bright red hair extension on your wedding day. If it is that important to you then she should respect your wishes as your friend and bridesmaid. Plus its not like you are asking all of your bridesmaid to dye all of their hair brown or something crazy like that.

Why? What a bridesmaids's hair looks like affects nothing and nobody. It's ridiculous to ask someone to change their hair for your wedding.