Thursday Chit-Chat

lavenderfields13

@Dignity100 vent away! Wow that is really messed up. I don't blame you at all for being ragey!

beanbot2002

@bethsmiles A women in one of the mom groups I joined on FB actually asked if it was cool to take her baby trick or treating. She will be 6 months old when Halloween finally gets here. Six. Months. If she had an older kid going trick or treating, I can see getting the little one dressed up to tag along, but not to actually go to the door and get candy. THEY CAN'T EAT IT! (Although she said "I know she can only eat a little." NO.) If Bean decided to go again this year, I might put Noah in a pumpkin onesie or something and roll him around in the stroller while Elijah gets goodies, but that's it. Maybe I'm being super judgy, but the women on that board make me wonder big time. 

Another mom freaked out yesterday after finding a small box turtle in her yard and said (and I qoute), "HELP MAMAS! I found a baby turtle and I can't find it's mommy anywhere!! What do I do??" Nothing. You do nothing. Even now, I'm shaking my head back and forth and the shit.

Ok rant over!

eilis1228

@Dignity100 I am SO sorry your parents and your brother are making your life more difficult. I really hope your dad at least comes out. Like you said earlier, it reflects poorly on them, not you. I had a very... estranged... relationship with my father after I turned 13, and I remember having to convince him to come to my high school graduation instead of going camping for my step-mom's birthday. In the end, he did come to my graduation, but since I graduation in the top 10, the school had me walk before every else. He left as soon as my name was called and then drove an hour home... he actually called me to congratulate me right as the ceremony ended. It was unreal. He passed away five years ago, and even though my blood still boils remembering some of the things he said and did to me, I do regret holding such a grudge. I really hope you and your family are able to work everything out one day. *hugs*

I was going to respond to everyone else, but I feel like poo. I'm sorry I'm such a bad friend! I promise I read everyone's posts and am invested in what's happening in your lives. I've got a low grade fever, am really achy, have a bad sinus headache, and can't stop sneezing. I've got tissue stuffed in my nose right now because my nose is so runny. I am seriously the epitome of beauty and sophistication.

I went to the ENT this morning, and he gave me Ceftin for 3 weeks plus a nasal spray. Here's to hoping these antibiotics kick in fast... I would really love to work in the office tomorrow... plus my mom and I have plans to see Phantom of the Opera tomorrow night. She's been promising to take me for YEARS, and she surprised me with tickets a few months ago. I would really hate to miss it. :-\ I've got to send about 30 emails for work, and then I'm signing off and laying on the couch and watching Netflix for the rest of the day.

Blue & White

@beanbot2002 But is it cool for me to refuse to give a 6 month old candy on Halloween?  Because for the first time EVER, I OWN my house and like..kids might come?  I dunno - in Virginia, kids didn't really go trick or treating due to safety issues (they went at the mall) and I know in Sarasota, kids don't trick or treat until like 9 PM, which is obviously past my bedtime.  What can I expect here, @ollie08?

Also, I would totally watch the box turtle all day.  I love turtles.  I pretty much love most amphibians and reptiles - they're so cool!  I NEED to have a stereotypical male child - or maybe an atypical female child (like me, who likes foooootball and creepy crawlies)

Blue & White

@ashleybunny8 without being too much of a creeper, where are you in FL?  If you stick around, I'm going to have to add you to my southerners' location spreadsheet lol.  Particularly if you are in the 321 area code, we should be friends, since I basically have no friends here.

In addition, I am watching The Simpsons marathon and it's amazing.  marge is knitting.  I love it.

Peaseblossom55

@eilis1228 I'm sorry you feel so bad. I hope you get better soon. I hope you are feeling better to see Phantom of the Opera, I saw it a few years ago and it was wonderful.  When I studied voice my teacher used to make me sing from it all the time. I loved it.

ashleybunny8

@blue & white I am in Jacksonville- the 904 area

Ollie08

@Blue - It really depends on your neighborhood honestly. My neighborhood is full of kids. Tons of them. And the community throws a pizza party at the park at 5:30. Afterwards, everyone starts trick-or-treating. Last year we had about 400 kids. We're expecting more this year (other people in the more rural areas come to us). It's usually from like 6-9pm here. I usually turn off the lights and sit at my mom's down the block if I don't have the girls. There's no way I'm buying candy for 400+ kids!

ETA: Some neighborhoods that have a lot of vacant houses don't get very busy at all (like XH's old neighborhood). Oh, and avoid Celebration at all costs. I shit you not, there are thousands of people that go to the neighborhood to trick or treat from all over CFL. You couldn't get me on that side of town if you paid me. 

Ollie08

ashleybunny8 said:

@blue & white I am in Jacksonville- the 904 area

@ashleybunny8 - Seriously, every time I've been through Jacksonville, it smells like an airplane bathroom. WHY?! My dad thought it might be from some paper plants out there, but seriously, it stanks! (Or at least it has the handful of times I've driven through the city)

Blue & White

@ashleybunny8 yay!  my old roomie from FSU was from Jacksonville (and a friend from HS lives there!)  I could totally rope you into a future St Augustine FL/GA NEY G2G so I approve of Jacksonville

Swazzle

I posted and then fell off the planet! Playing catch up now......

@Dignity100 - I'm so sorry that you're parents are being immature with the email thing. That's ridiculous. I'd be very hurt if my parents (mom and stepdad) didn't attend my wedding and I honestly would probably not want to have a relationship with them at all anymore. That said, you say your mom has social anxiety issues and a hard time spending money. From that point of view it really does sound like attending a DW would be very difficult for her. I'm not saying she's right and I obviously don't know the whole backstory but just knowing that I can kind of understand where she is coming from a little bit.

@Ollie08 - YAY FOR SALES!!! I demand pictures IMMEDIATELY when it arrives!

@LaPeanut1018 - I have to get bloodwork done for my physical too. She didn't mention anything about fasting though. I have to call to find out if it's ok for me to be on antibiotics when I come in so I guess I should ask about that too. I have a wonky thyroid also

@justbeingme93 - I can't take Nyquil for the same reasons you mentioned. I still don't sleep great when I take it and I wake up the next day feeling worse. I hope you feel better soon!

@beanbot2002- I WANT DAT.

@lavenderfields13 - I know what you mean! We considered buying a house before the wedding but with what we had in savings (and living in New Jersey) it was either have a wedding now and buy a house later or vice versa. We decided we wanted to get married sooner rather than later so now we're onto the house bit. 

@CLoGreenEyes - Sending study vibes your way! I remember when my mom was studying for the NCLEX. No fun at all. 

@eilis1228 - I hope the antibiotics start working quickly and you feel better ASAP!

ashleybunny8

@ollie08 yes we actually do (or at least used to) have paper plants here. we also have a nuclear power plant and a really nasty smelling river (the St. Johns- some people actually swam in it a few years ago and got some sort of flesh eating disease!! EW!!!). I blame those things. Anyway, I've lived here my whole life so it's home to me- I think I have just gotten used to the smell...

@blue & white a g2g would be awesome!

Dignity100

@Swazzle - Honestly, I think my mom uses her anxiety issues as a bit as a crutch to allow her to get out of things.  She is the one who suggested a DW and we talked about her feelings on coming to our wedding before we talked to anybody else to see if it was do-able.  FMIL wasn't entirely happy that her family was not being included for our wedding (inviting FIs aunts/uncles/1st cousins, plus my family and then friends would have resulted in 150+ people; this was explained to my mother when picking out our wedding type/venue). It wasn't until AFTER we got our date and put money down that my mom started playing games.  Had she told me from the start that she was uncomfortable and would not be able to attend no matter what type of wedding I had, I think things would have been better - but FI and I feel we bent over backwards for her.  I did not dream of a Disney wedding, it became my dream because it was more important to have immediate family there.  I wanted a "rustic Fall wedding" -- <<THIS>> was my original venue choice, I had 2-3 backup locations as well in case they didn't have any fall dates.  That's why I'm not letting it go that easily.

CLoGreenEyes

@bethsmiles‌ OMG I thought you were kidding about Halloween stuff being out but my grocery store had candy and everything! I mean I love Halloween but this is ridiculous!

Swazzle

Dignity100 said:

@Swazzle - Honestly, I think my mom uses her anxiety issues as a bit as a crutch to allow her to get out of things.  She is the one who suggested a DW and we talked about her feelings on coming to our wedding before we talked to anybody else to see if it was do-able.  FMIL wasn't entirely happy that her family was not being included for our wedding (inviting FIs aunts/uncles/1st cousins, plus my family and then friends would have resulted in 150+ people; this was explained to my mother when picking out our wedding type/venue). It wasn't until AFTER we got our date and put money down that my mom started playing games.  Had she told me from the start that she was uncomfortable and would not be able to attend no matter what type of wedding I had, I think things would have been better - but FI and I feel we bent over backwards for her.  I did not dream of a Disney wedding, it became my dream because it was more important to have immediate family there.  I wanted a "rustic Fall wedding" -- <<THIS>> was my original venue choice, I had 2-3 backup locations as well in case they didn't have any fall dates.  That's why I'm not letting it go that easily.

Your mom suggested/agreed with a wedding at Disney World when she has an anxiety disorder? Those two things should repel each other like oil and water. 

bethsmiles

@beanbot2002 - Some people really need to get a grip! Who takes a 6 months old trick or treating (if they don't have an older kid?) This would be my expression if someone came to my door on Halloween with a 6 month old:

Blue & White

@Dignity100 Is your mom undergoing treatment for anxiety?  Usually if I'm at the point where my anxiety is stopping me from doing things, I need some time with a shrink or something.

@swazzle I feel like you are on a "doctor parade".  H has a chronic condition (and has since he's 2) that is rather rare - and since he's feeling good right now, he refuses to go on a "doctor parade" lol.  His new primary care doctor wants him to see a specialist but H said he's one and done, he's not going to all of them.  I hope your "doctor parade" is over soon and you're better soon!

Dignity100

Swazzle said:

Dignity100 said:

@Swazzle - Honestly, I think my mom uses her anxiety issues as a bit as a crutch to allow her to get out of things.  She is the one who suggested a DW and we talked about her feelings on coming to our wedding before we talked to anybody else to see if it was do-able.  FMIL wasn't entirely happy that her family was not being included for our wedding (inviting FIs aunts/uncles/1st cousins, plus my family and then friends would have resulted in 150+ people; this was explained to my mother when picking out our wedding type/venue). It wasn't until AFTER we got our date and put money down that my mom started playing games.  Had she told me from the start that she was uncomfortable and would not be able to attend no matter what type of wedding I had, I think things would have been better - but FI and I feel we bent over backwards for her.  I did not dream of a Disney wedding, it became my dream because it was more important to have immediate family there.  I wanted a "rustic Fall wedding" -- <<THIS>> was my original venue choice, I had 2-3 backup locations as well in case they didn't have any fall dates.  That's why I'm not letting it go that easily.

Your mom suggested/agreed with a wedding at Disney World when she has an anxiety disorder? Those two things should repel each other like oil and water. 

She suggested a DW - I said 'how about Disney' (FI's parents have a time share in FL so I figured we'd go during that week to try to accommodate them), she agreed.  Later (after contracts were signed on money kissed-goodbye) she said she thought I'd pick somewhere closer like a 3-4 hour drive. . . things do not add up at all as I wouldn't really consider 3-4 hours away a DW.  Honestly, she didn't start making a stink until after contracts were signed and deposits were made, she sat on the phone with me the night before me wedding-date-lottery venting with me about other brides going for the same time slot as I was.

Dignity100

@Blue - She refuses treatments.  I mentioned it and I also mentioned it to my dad that she had options and could even go to a regular doctor and request anxiety pills - she declined.  My mom has not been to a doctor's office in YEARS, I bet I was still in high school the last time she went (I graduated over 15 years ago).  When I brought up getting treatment she lashed out at me saying that I was making her out to be some kind of crazy person.  It's truly a messy situation.

Dignity100

Just going to add more - Honestly, at this point I feel that my mom never had any intention on going to my wedding and was just trying to look for excuses out of going.  If I did a wedding local, it would be 'too many people'; if I did a DW it would 'be a waste of $$ to travel'; if I did a small family only wedding here - she wouldn't have had an excuse (however I know I wouldn't have been able to do a small local wedding because FMIL would guilt me into inviting friends/family).

Swazzle

Blue & White said:

@Dignity100 Is your mom undergoing treatment for anxiety?  Usually if I'm at the point where my anxiety is stopping me from doing things, I need some time with a shrink or something.

@swazzle I feel like you are on a "doctor parade".  H has a chronic condition (and has since he's 2) that is rather rare - and since he's feeling good right now, he refuses to go on a "doctor parade" lol.  His new primary care doctor wants him to see a specialist but H said he's one and done, he's not going to all of them.  I hope your "doctor parade" is over soon and you're better soon!

I am TOTALLY on a doctor parade! That's the perfect terminology for it. In the past 2 weeks, I've had an MRI on my ankle, been to the gynecologist for a breast exam, had blood work done to test a hormone, been to the orthopedic surgeon about my ankle, had a physical with my PCP, and a root canal at the dentist. 

Did you get all that? 

I'm not done. 

This Monday, I have to get the crown put on my tooth, a breast ultrasound, a thyroid ultrasound, and I have physical therapy for my ankle. The following Tuesday, I finally see the breast specialist. I also need to have blood work done from when I had my physical and to check my thyroid but I think I need to wait until I'm done with this antibiotic to go for that. I finally get my mooshoe aka das boot off on the 11th and I'm hoping to GOD that by then I am all healed/fixed/healthy and if so I'll be throwing a badass motherfucking PARTY.

KeptInStitches

@Dignity100, I'm sorry your parents are acting like that.

I guess UO: I love seeing little kids/babies in Halloween costumes, and I have no problems dropping a fun-size candy bar into the bucket. I figure the parents are eating at least some of the Halloween candy, even from the older kids, anyway.

lavenderfields13

@beanbot2002 I think you need to get out of thatFB group! I would definitely judge someone taking their 6 month old trick or treating. And has anyone told her that she should NOT be giving her baby candy?

 One Halloween a few years ago when FI lived at home we were leaving his house to go out and three moms (probably 17 or 18 years old) were pushing baby carriages going trick or treating. They didn't even have any toddlers with them! Just NO.

Dignity100

As far as kids in halloween costumes - In my neighborhood most of us sit out since the houses are stacked on top of each other. Most parents will just push their kids around. I had one family do 'reverse trick or treating' and came around and gave us a pencil just to show off their kid. I also had another family came by and request the type of candy bar their infant got (I usually have a clear glass bowl so they can see what I'm giving away). I have no problem giving away candy to infants, but I do generally give out the 'less popular treats'.

Swazzle

@Dignity100 - I hope it doesn't come off like I'm not on your side or anything. I was just trying to look at the situation from a different perspective. You know better than anyone here about what's going on. I'm sorry that you have this added stress at all let alone so close to your wedding day. Just remember that it's going to be the best day of your life and they're the ones that are missing out. 

phira

@dignity100 Yeah, from what you had said already, it really does sound like your mom is looking for any excuse. I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better than this!

[Deleted User]

If a kid came up to us asking for specific candy I would probably be like, "NOPE! But here is some FRUIT!"

Ollie08

ashleybunny8 said:

@ollie08 yes we actually do (or at least used to) have paper plants here. we also have a nuclear power plant and a really nasty smelling river (the St. Johns- some people actually swam in it a few years ago and got some sort of flesh eating disease!! EW!!!). I blame those things. Anyway, I've lived here my whole life so it's home to me- I think I have just gotten used to the smell...

@blue & white a g2g would be awesome!

@ashleybunny8 - I'm sure I would too eventually.

And don't let @Blue fool you, we only live like 30 min away and we still haven't had a g2g! We were even at the same movie theater on the same night and didn't meet up!

Dignity100

@Swazzle - It's fine, none of it really makes sense to me to be perfectly honest. I get that the day is about me and my FI. If FI wasn't so family oriented I probably would have pushed for eloping, but I knew he wanted his family there... was just hoping my family would be there as well. It's just disappointing and brings up a lot of past feelings where I haven't felt entirely supported by my family (my mother specifically). I know FI and I will have a fantastic trip and we will have lots of fun and in the end the whole marriage thing will be accomplished ) . Now if I could only get back and concentrate on work instead of being so upset right now.

bethsmiles

Dignity100 said:

@Blue - She refuses treatments.  I mentioned it and I also mentioned it to my dad that she had options and could even go to a regular doctor and request anxiety pills - she declined.  My mom has not been to a doctor's office in YEARS, I bet I was still in high school the last time she went (I graduated over 15 years ago).  When I brought up getting treatment she lashed out at me saying that I was making her out to be some kind of crazy person.  It's truly a messy situation.

That makes me really sad. There are so many people who don't get the help they need just because of stigmas in our society surrounding mental health.