Wedding Tattoos

loveislouder

I found this on Buzzfeed today : http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/wedding-ring-tattoo-ideas

I like the sentiment behind it, but all the comments are very negative because "What if you break up? Then you have a reminder of that all your life." Am I in the minority here where even if we didn't make it, we've had an amazing life together thus far and I wouldn't mind being reminded of all the good times, even if there were some bad times too?

I have a tattoo on my ankle that my ex got for me. It's simple, and obviously isn't his name or anything, but when I look at it I don't think of him... I think of my life at that time and how much I love the tattoo itself.

What are your thoughts on that?

ETA: I wouldn't get a tattoo on my finger. I don't think I could do that... plus that looks like it'll hurt more than most other places.

[Deleted User]

My only tattoo was GIVEN to me by an ex, who did some really, really, really, shitty things to me.  Like you, it's not his name, but I don't think about him when I see the tattoo.

I would not have a problem getting my fiance's name tattooed on me; I'm not planning on a divorce.  Doesn't mean it won't happen, but why let a "what if" guide every decision I make? 

Some people say don't, because what if he dies and you re-marry and it bothers the new person.  If new person can't accept that I've deeply and truly loved someone else, then I don't know if they would actually be the right person for me.

ETA:  Ironically, my fiance asked me on Saturday if I would be wierded out if he got a ring tattoo on his left ring finger, or my name there.  He wants to work in a hospital pharmacy and if you do compounding there, many times you can't wear jewelry, so he said he'd always want to have a ring on, even if he couldn't wear his wedding ring.

Maggie0829

I am not a tattoo person period (I don't judge people for getting them, I just personally don't like them), but I really dislike relationship tattoos.  Yeah you may have had good times, but will your future SO(s) be happy staring at your ring finger with your ex's name inked on it forever?  Do you really want to constantly tell people what that random symbol on your ring finger means when they ask?

I think one can remember the good times with someone without having it permanently etched onto them forever.

And if your marriage does end in an ugly divorce and you just want to be rid of everything that reminds you of that asshole, getting rid of a tattoo is a lot harder to do then taking off a ring and pawning it.

charlottesmom0626

I think I honestly would have no idea..

I think my concerns would be more like, if you planned on dating again and you always had a ring inked on your finger that could be hard...

I'm also getting a tattoo removed right now and its the most painful fucking thing. I've been to 6 sessions, close to $1000, and it's lightly faded from black to dark greyish.

So I don't think I would do it.

loveislouder

True. I wouldn't get a finger tattoo though. No fingers, hands, faces... nothing like that haha. I wouldn't get any kind of tattoo in those places.

novella1186

loveislouder. I got a matching tattoo with my sister years ago (actually in Vegas, for my 21st birthday). She and I don't get a long at all these days. When I look at the tattoo, I honestly don't think of her. I think of Vegas and turning 21, plus I wonder if the artist was super hungover that day cuz his line work is pretty messy. 

As long as it's a good solid happy relationship, and you don't get the person's name or initials or something, I don't see it as a negative thing. I've been thinking of getting an arrow tattoo because when FI and I first started dating we found out we both love archery (we both took classes in it, and we both own a bow and arrow and love to shoot at targets). Then we bought a real arrow from a Native American on our road trip out west and it's hanging in our living room. We're also using arrows in some of our wedding decor (that I've been making by hand and it's taking for freaking ever). So I might get an arrow somewhere on me. 

southernbelle0915

I might do it. None of the super bold stuff, but before even seeing this, H and I considered getting a tiny infinity symbol on the inside of our ring finger.

It's not like I wouldn't do it because I'm not certain we'll be together forever - I think we will. The reason I wouldn't do it is because I'm not sure I want ink on the inside of my ring finger.

climbingsingle

I have a "best friend" tattoo with someone I'm no longer friends with (remember Cassie who I posted about? She acted like a jerk at the wedding, and years ago took back asking me to be the godmother of her kid). Anyway, I don't hate the tattoo. I actually still really love it and think it's pretty. It's obviously not the same as having a tattoo with a spouse though. 

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I do think it that instance it would be too painful. I've been through a divorce, and I wouldn't want a permanent reminder of my ring on my finger. 

cupcait927

SIL and her ex-wife talked about the idea and ultimately decided not to. They ended up getting divorced and I know that SIL is happy that they didn't go through with it. It was an ugly breakup and she's very happy not to have the reminder in her face every day.

 

H and I have discussed it and will never get matching tattoos or tattoos symbolic of our relationship. He's paid for the tattoos on my right arm as anniversary presents, but god forbid we're ever not together I won't think of him when I look at them. I've seen too many good relationships take a turn for the worse and end badly. I wouldn't want a constant reminder of my past like that on my body. Plus having to explain it to people, because EVERYONE asks what tattoos mean, would be equally as hard.

hellohkb

FH took me for a milkshake on our first date, so for my birthday he offered to get me a tattoo and I wanted a milkshake. If we don't work out, I still got a cute tattoo that I love.

larrygaga

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

VulgarGirl

I have a pinup girl tattoo of Wifey on my back. If we break up, it's a pin up girl tattoo.

I'm not a fan of name tattoos in general. But we do plan on getting matching tattoos, we want to get the claddagh ring, Wifey wants it on the back of her neck, I'm not sure where I'll put mine yet.

If my potential future partner is bother by the fact that I had a serious relationship with someone prior to them....well I think we're going to have other problems. I'm gonna have a kid with this chick. No matter what happens, no matter what ink we have, we're bonded for life through that kid. So clearly someone who can't handle that I had a prior relationship, ain't the one for me.

loveislouder

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

cupcait927

loveislouder said:

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

Well there's always the chance your spouse could pass away too. It's not necessarily just a break up that can split up a once happy couple. I don't know how I would feel having a constant reminder of H on my hand or anywhere on my body if he were to pass away. I'm extremely emotional and already have a hard enough time letting go of the past. I don't know how healthy it would be for me and future relationship if I was always reminded of my husband. And again, having to explain the tattoo to anyone who asked, even if I chose not to answer, would bring up the memories. I certainly don't fault people who get tattoos for their SO and their relationship, I just know that I personally couldn't do it and I know others that are happy they didn't.

peachy13

A few days after my FI proposed he showed me a tattoo he had gotten the same day he proposed -- a skeleton key with my name. He has many tattoos so it wasn't crazy that I didn't notice it at first. But when I saw it, I really loved it. 

I think many tattoos are all about living in that moment. Obviously I don't think anyone getting a tattoo that relates to a significant other is thinking at the moment ooo but we what if we break up. Obviously they're crazy enough about that person that the tattoo is a good idea in that moment.

I do like the idea of a tattoo under my wedding band but it would have to be the perfect size, I think. I know someone with his wife's first initial (J) tattooed on his ring finger and it's a huge letter, much bigger than the width of the band, so it kind of looks weird in my opinion.

larrygaga

cupcait927 said:

loveislouder said:

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

Well there's always the chance your spouse could pass away too. It's not necessarily just a break up that can split up a once happy couple. I don't know how I would feel having a constant reminder of H on my hand or anywhere on my body if he were to pass away. I'm extremely emotional and already have a hard enough time letting go of the past. I don't know how healthy it would be for me and future relationship if I was always reminded of my husband. And again, having to explain the tattoo to anyone who asked, even if I chose not to answer, would bring up the memories. I certainly don't fault people who get tattoos for their SO and their relationship, I just know that I personally couldn't do it and I know others that are happy they didn't.

Well  you certainly aren't going to forget about him if that were to happen and you didn't have a tattoo!

Maggie0829

loveislouder said:

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

Then why are there prenups?  Why do people save for retirement?  Why do people go to doctors for regular check ups?  Because people plan for future things to happen (whether good or bad).  If everyone lived in the moment then there would be a lot of unprepared people in the world.

And if someone decides that getting a tattoo on their finger that represents a current marriage because that marriage may end in the future doesn't mean that they aren't ready to get married, just means that they may not want a permanent reminder if for some reason their relationship does end.  And I think wondering what you would do if your marriage does end is not a horrible thing.  It also doesn't mean that they expect their relationship to end.  It just means that they think about the future and all the possibilities (good and bad) that could come from it.

beethery

I mentioned this twice in the tattoo thread.

My bestie and her husband each have a full sleeve. They had each other's names integrated into the design with negative space. It is really cool looking, and if anything happens, it would be easy to cover up.

Done and done.

climbingsingle

I wouldn't be opposed to a tattoo that was meaningful to my husband and me. In fact, my next tattoo will probably be something he designed. But I definitely wouldn't get the ring tattoo. 

loveislouder

Maggie0829 said:

loveislouder said:

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

Then why are there prenups?  Why do people save for retirement?  Why do people go to doctors for regular check ups?  Because people plan for future things to happen (whether good or bad).  If everyone lived in the moment then there would be a lot of unprepared people in the world.

And if someone decides that getting a tattoo on their finger that represents a current marriage because that marriage may end in the future doesn't mean that they aren't ready to get married, just means that they may not want a permanent reminder if for some reason their relationship does end.  And I think wondering what you would do if your marriage does end is not a horrible thing.  It also doesn't mean that they expect their relationship to end.  It just means that they think about the future and all the possibilities (good and bad) that could come from it.

I see tattoos as commemorative art. I feel like pre-nups and stuff are good for planning, but when I'm getting a tattoo to  commemorate something, I'm not thinking about the future. I'm thinking about how I'm feeling right then and there.

Maggie0829

loveislouder said:

Maggie0829 said:

loveislouder said:

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

Then why are there prenups?  Why do people save for retirement?  Why do people go to doctors for regular check ups?  Because people plan for future things to happen (whether good or bad).  If everyone lived in the moment then there would be a lot of unprepared people in the world.

And if someone decides that getting a tattoo on their finger that represents a current marriage because that marriage may end in the future doesn't mean that they aren't ready to get married, just means that they may not want a permanent reminder if for some reason their relationship does end.  And I think wondering what you would do if your marriage does end is not a horrible thing.  It also doesn't mean that they expect their relationship to end.  It just means that they think about the future and all the possibilities (good and bad) that could come from it.

I see tattoos as commemorative art. I feel like pre-nups and stuff are good for planning, but when I'm getting a tattoo to  commemorate something, I'm not thinking about the future. I'm thinking about how I'm feeling right then and there.

See as someone who doesn't understand tattoos, I can't imagine getting something permanently inked on me without thinking about how I may feel about it in the future.

theycallmelinz

@beethery What is negative space? FI is covered in tattoos so I should know this already, but alas, I do not

[Deleted User]

jenna8984

I have a lot of tattoos so I'm pretty open to them. Many people who don't have them say they just couldn't possibly think of something they love THAT much to have it on them. They act like it must be this Earth-shattering meaningful thing. I agree it should be important to you but I guess I (and other tattooed people) have a lower bar for what's important to me. I just got my frigen cat's face on me. Sure it's just a cat and other people probably think it's ridiculous but to me it is important. It doesn't have to be like THE most important thing in the world in order to go on my body.

That being said, I would probably get something spouse related someday (not ring finger). I have my nephew's initials on me and I certainly want my future kid's names on me. DH actually mentioned the other day that he wants to work on his sleeve and get icons from places that we've been (like Chitzen Itza, Great Wall, Vegas, etc). And I said "You only went on those trips for me, you bitched half time. And now all of a sudden you want tattoos of them?" And he looked me in the eye and said "It's not about the places- it's about you. Places I've been and good memories I've had traveling with you." I thought that was really sweet!!

I also agree with other's. If he passed away and a new lover was jealous or uncomfortable of that, they have fucking issues. I would never be jealous if someone had their late spouse on them.

lovedryn

FI really wants us to do ring tattoos. I think it could be great, but I'm a huge baby about needles. And a finger being repeatedly poked with a needle as a first tatoo experience is definitely not what I have in mind! Lol

theycallmelinz

Just wanted to add a quick humorous story. I once was dating slept with a guy and when it was over, he got up and I saw a huge tattoo of the named "Paige" with some tribal (I guess)stuff  across his back. My exact thoughts were, "Well, this isn't going to work."

 

That being said, even though I mentioned in the other tattoo thread that I'd considered getting FI's name on me somewhere really small, I don't know how I'd feel about dating someone who had someone else's name tattooed on them. Which is completely hypocritical, I understand.

tcnoble

Maggie0829 said:

loveislouder said:

larrygaga said:

My thought is that if you don't do it because you might break up, then maybe you shouldn't marry? I mean I thought you go into a marriage with the idea that it's just as permanent as a tattoo. I would rather have a bad tattoo than a bad husband.

I thought I wanted to tattoo under our bands, but I'm still not sure and I haven't even asked FI if he thought it was a cool idea.

This. Why plan for a break up? Live in the moment.

Then why are there prenups?  Why do people save for retirement?  Why do people go to doctors for regular check ups?  Because people plan for future things to happen (whether good or bad).  If everyone lived in the moment then there would be a lot of unprepared people in the world.

And if someone decides that getting a tattoo on their finger that represents a current marriage because that marriage may end in the future doesn't mean that they aren't ready to get married, just means that they may not want a permanent reminder if for some reason their relationship does end.  And I think wondering what you would do if your marriage does end is not a horrible thing.  It also doesn't mean that they expect their relationship to end.  It just means that they think about the future and all the possibilities (good and bad) that could come from it.

This.

When I turned 18 I got my horse's name tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. It's tiny and in a pretty script. At 18 I had no clue I would ever NOT own that horse. My parents got him for me 10 years prior. I sold him two years later. I have the tattoo, and it's not that I don't like it or it makes me sad, I just really wish I had thought about the future a little bit more before doing something so permanent. Granted I was only 18 and yay tattoos buuuut.... let's just say I'm not getting any more names tattooed on me, be it FIs or a pet.

I have three tattoos now, and the other two are things that I got just for ME... nobody else. Tattoos are totally a personal thing, and everyone gets them for different reasons. Some people might not think they'd ever regret one, some people want a million tattoos, some people don't want any. I'm not one to judge someone for their tattoo choices.

beethery

@theycallmelinz‌ negative space is, generally, the space between or around the subject or central focus point of the art you're looking at. Sometimes the shapes it makes are unintentional. Sometimes it is purposely used to add a secondary focal, sometimes it's used as the primary focal point.

ETA: Sorry art nerd tangent. Anyway, in my friends' case, their artist designed their tattoos with the idea in mind to fill everything in except the shape of the letters, so that the un-tattooed part makes it up. Here is what my bestie has:

Small, but it says 'ANTHONY' in there.

thisismynickname2

When I think of this, I think of Real Housewives of Orange County. Not long after Tamra tattooed her love of Simon on her ring finger, they got divorced. 

I believe they didn't actually laser off the tattoo...they cut it off. Her finger had stitches on it in the next season. 

I have one tattoo and that's enough for me. DH has none. Getting tattoos for each other has never crossed our minds.  

VulgarGirl

Whatever you do, don't do this.

That's just fucking crazy.

Also I will say ring tattoos/finger tattoos, tend to fade faster then other tattoos. And when they have a lot of detail and are that little they can look...smudged after awhile. The detail just fades. Things to keep in mind to anyone thinking about getting a finger tattoo.

I have tattoos on myself that have like...next to no meaning, other then pretty me like. I also have my really shitty done at home by someone who made their own gun tattoo. Or my bad idea tattoo as I like to call it. Because I'm fucking lucky all I got was a shitty tattoo and not HIV or hep A/B/C or some other disease.

VulgarGirl

pinkrevenge said:

I am personally against getting tattoos that are about someone else on my body, but that's me.

So I read this as "I am personally against getting tattoos, but that's me" and I was like WTF? Since when do you have a problem with tattoos?

Then I was like "No wait, other words, read all the words", I'm sleepy.