Whaaaaaat is going on here?

southernbelle0915

@teddygirl9 - I agree and disagree.

There was a streak for a while where the threads were getting kind of....obvious? Like stuff people could easily google/ask their physician/figure out by thinking/etc. KWIM? 

Obviously people could have just not commented and let those threads die a natural death surrounded by the crickets they deserved, but people can comment on whatever they want.

I do see your point about the "we" versus "you outsider over there" though.

teddygirl9

She received great advice actually, which was wonderful. But as a new person, to see someone being told 'eh, we don't know you, don't care' was disheartening. So when I was reading about the new TOS about 'negative environment' that's what came to mind. I'm not super active, so I was not aware of a flood of threads similar in nature. Anyways, just wanted to add my $0.02!

PrettyGirlLost

So I have this rash. . .

[Deleted User]

.

FiancB

pinkrevenge said:

I'm not going to befriend someone who introduces herself with her poor mental stability and then play armchair therapist. That is a fool's errand for someone who wants to be turned into a rug.

That's a job for tarpon. 

southernbelle0915

PrettyGirlLost said:

So I have this rash. . .

You need to have a serious talk with your SO. From what you posted, it's obvious he gave you this rash and doesn't respect you. Divorce may be the only option at this point....

photokitty

PrettyGirlLost said:

So I have this rash. . .

We'll need a photo before we can give proper advice

 /creepy

lyndausvi

teddygirl9 said:

She received great advice actually, which was wonderful. But as a new person, to see someone being told 'eh, we don't know you, don't care' was disheartening. So when I was reading about the new TOS about 'negative environment' that's what came to mind. I'm not super active, so I was not aware of a flood of threads similar in nature. Anyways, just wanted to add my $0.02!

    

 I totally understand what you are saying and thank you for speaking up.  Even though that specific thread was pretty extreme, I would image as a newbie the "we" verse the "outsider" to be unwelcoming, .   I'm sorry you felt that way.

TrixieJess

@teddygirl9 - There are lots of threads on here of people looking for advice in personal situations. One of the differences being is that the people who start the threads aren't usually lurkers, they are people who have been active and have posted on the boards previously. 

I remember the one above, it was a therapy session from hell. I think most people's reaction was, WTF. She did get good advice, which she rejected and that's when she got slightly nastier comments.

For a good thread on how supportive this particular community is:

Most of the people who replied were supportive and caring. 

Edited: Because we can't link to old threads...

[Deleted User]

.

teddygirl9

@trixiejess Absolutely! And I've read those as well, and that sense of community is great...for the regs. Do these posters have a rapport with each other? Certainly, and that would obviously mean more support for someone they know. But my point was when people are unknown they shouldn't be treated rudely or feel unwelcome. If a newbie posted that thread, and someone said 'Look, this is a non-wedding related forum on a wedding website with a bunch of people who have rapport with each other. Not sure why you're bothering to post this when you aren't part of this community' that would be very negative. One way to make sure lurkers DON'T come out of hiding and start being part of the community are things like that.

I'm not saying everyone/thread/etc is negative, very much the opposite. This particular type of thread was just what stuck out in my mind.

TrixieJess

teddygirl9 said:

@trixiejess Absolutely! And I've read those as well, and that sense of community is great...for the regs. Do these posters have a rapport with each other? Certainly, and that would obviously mean more support for someone they know. But my point was when people are unknown they shouldn't be treated rudely or feel unwelcome. If a newbie posted that thread, and someone said 'Look, this is a non-wedding related forum on a wedding website with a bunch of people who have rapport with each other. Not sure why you're bothering to post this when you aren't part of this community' that would be very negative. One way to make sure lurkers DON'T come out of hiding and start being part of the community are things like that.

I'm not saying everyone/thread/etc is negative, very much the opposite. This particular type of thread was just what stuck out in my mind.

I'm fairly new and I've never been treated unfairly or negatively. I've asked questions and I've posted remarks. I've even disagreed with a few regs. Meh. The difference maybe is that at the end of the day, I don't take it personally. Sometimes in the "snark and nastiness" is where the truth lay. I lurked for a bit to see how the forum worked and to see what the "Hot Button" issues are. 

Lurkers shouldn't be afraid to "come out of the woodwork", this forum is pretty much like any other. If you can internet, it's a very welcoming and open community. 

FiancB

So apparently wringing hands over Puerto Rican neighborhoods is okay, as is complaining about thug looters, but jokingly saying cracker is not. 

Go home TK, you're drunk. 

[Deleted User]

.

esstee33

***Removed for TOS violation***

KatWAG

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

So I have this rash. . .

You need to have a serious talk with your SO. From what you posted, it's obvious he gave you this rash and doesn't respect you. Divorce may be the only option at this point....

Gauc? Is that you?

sheknows6

I have no dog in this race whatsoever, but as a general human being you don't go up to a community of strangers, online or IRL and just start unloading your personal issues.

What response would you honestly expect if the first time you met someone they started telling you their horror stories?

esstee33

***Removed for TOS violation***

mikenberger

esstee33 said:

sheknows6 said:

I have no dog in this race whatsoever, but as a general human being you don't go up to a community of strangers, online or IRL and just start unloading your personal issues.

What response would you honestly expect if the first time you met someone they started telling you their horror stories?

Your sig is basically my face when reading that OP. 

Ditto

I wish someone would've quoted it. Morbid curiousity and whatnot.

southernbelle0915

KatWAG said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

So I have this rash. . .

You need to have a serious talk with your SO. From what you posted, it's obvious he gave you this rash and doesn't respect you. Divorce may be the only option at this point....

Gauc? Is that you?

lol - whatever happened to her?

JCbride2015

Ugh.  Hi Everybody.  This will probably be a post and run because I'm on my lunch break and reading this mess just got me down to the bottom of my bowl of fried rice.

I think it's bullshit that Ashley got banned.  It seems to me like a personal vendetta by the admins and potentially a few over-sensitive users, not based on real actual TOS violations.  Yes, her posting style was abrasive sometimes, but it was usually in response to people making insensitive or ignorant comments.  And if you can't handle some blunt realness, the internet is not for you.  I've been called out before for saying stupid shit (thanks @bethsmiles).  Was I rubbed the wrong way at first?  Hell yeah.  But I didn't go whining to the admins.  I put on my big girl panties and thought about what I said and then moved on.

But you know what else is bullshit and indicative of a much larger problem?  That the admins have STILL not responded to any of our questions about the TOS.  It's unclear whether the TOS has changed or just the enforcement of it, but something is definitely different and direct calls for answers from me and other users have been ignored.  I tried by PM, I tried in @MagicInk's thread, and it's crickets.  Don't fucking ask me if I "have any questions" and then don't respond to me for the next week.  That's shitty customer service, shitty board administration, and generally shitty human interaction.

Oh look, I just got logged out again.  Need to copy this message, save it, log back in, and paste it into a new message.  The admins are obviously doing such a great job of listening to our concerns.

southernbelle0915

sheknows6 said:

I have no dog in this race whatsoever, but as a general human being you don't go up to a community of strangers, online or IRL and just start unloading your personal issues.

What response would you honestly expect if the first time you met someone they started telling you their horror stories?

This. 

IRL, I don't imagine someone waltzing into a group of strangers who are talking about weddings (or babies, or classic cars, or conspiracy theories, or whatever) and start offloading their personal baggage. It's just a weird thing to do IRL and it's a weird thing to do in online communities. 

And the IRL response would likely be that this group of strangers would be like "hey...wow. that's a little beyond our scope - there might be a better place to start." The delivery may vary, but I think the way it would go down anywhere is pretty similar.

KatWAG

southernbelle0915 said:

KatWAG said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

So I have this rash. . .

You need to have a serious talk with your SO. From what you posted, it's obvious he gave you this rash and doesn't respect you. Divorce may be the only option at this point....

Gauc? Is that you?

lol - whatever happened to her?

Jesus took her to the promise land.

mikenberger

JCbride2015 said:

Ugh.  Hi Everybody.  This will probably be a post and run because I'm on my lunch break and reading this mess just got me down to the bottom of my bowl of fried rice.

I think it's bullshit that Ashley got banned.  It seems to me like a personal vendetta by the admins and potentially a few over-sensitive users, not based on real actual TOS violations.  Yes, her posting style was abrasive sometimes, but it was usually in response to people making insensitive or ignorant comments.  And if you can't handle some blunt realness, the internet is not for you.  I've been called out before for saying stupid shit (thanks @bethsmiles).  Was I rubbed the wrong way at first?  Hell yeah.  But I didn't go whining to the admins.  I put on my big girl panties and thought about what I said and then moved on.

But you know what else is bullshit and indicative of a much larger problem?  That the admins have STILL not responded to any of our questions about the TOS.  It's unclear whether the TOS has changed or just the enforcement of it, but something is definitely different and direct calls for answers from me and other users have been ignored.  I tried by PM, I tried in @MagicInk's thread, and it's crickets.  Don't fucking ask me if I "have any questions" and then don't respond to me for the next week.  That's shitty customer service, shitty board administration, and generally shitty human interaction.

Oh look, I just got logged out again.  Need to copy this message, save it, log back in, and paste it into a new message.  The admins are obviously doing such a great job of listening to our concerns.

They're obviously working with the devs to fix the log in problems.

emmaaa

@JCBride2015 and others who want to publicly ask questions: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1058705/updated-tos-rumors?new=1

They should be around to answer questions for y'all.

ohannabelle

teddygirl9 said:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1057146/sorry-i-delete-the-post

This is the more recent one. I can't find the older one I was thinking of.

 

"You cannot be serious with this shit. "

"This is the Chit Chat board on a wedding planning forum, with a group of posters who already have a rapport with one another for the most part. This post has nothing to do with wedding planning, and you're not really a member of the community, so it's hella weird to just walk into a random forum and just lay out all your personal problems and expect... whatever it is you're expecting"

 

 

 ***********BOXES!***********

I remember this message really well. 

It was an obvious troll. There was nothing even vaguely believable about it. A complete invention. 

 

KatieinBkln

emmaaa said:

@JCBride2015 and others who want to publicly ask questions: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1058705/updated-tos-rumors?new=1

They should be around to answer questions for y'all.

Thanks for that link. I wondered when/whether they'd ever bother addressing us like adults.

VulgarGirl

southernbelle0915 said:

KatWAG said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

So I have this rash. . .

You need to have a serious talk with your SO. From what you posted, it's obvious he gave you this rash and doesn't respect you. Divorce may be the only option at this point....

Gauc? Is that you?

lol - whatever happened to her?

We kept talking about the queers and people who had abortions and strippers in non-condemning ways.

Upset her delicate sensibilities.

FiancB

KatieinBkln said:

emmaaa said:

@JCBride2015 and others who want to publicly ask questions: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1058705/updated-tos-rumors?new=1

They should be around to answer questions for y'all.

Thanks for that link. I wondered when/whether they'd ever bother addressing us like adults.

I'll get excited when she actually responds to the thread. 

VulgarGirl

pinkrevenge said:

FiancB said:

So apparently wringing hands over Puerto Rican neighborhoods is okay, as is complaining about thug looters, but jokingly saying cracker is not. 

Go home TK, you're drunk. 

WTF - Fix the boxes - it's been YEARS ---------

I have certainly gotten the impression that TK does allow for bigotry. Not flat-out N-words and gay-bashing, but it's there.

Oh hells yes it is, and not just the forums.

The Knot rarely if ever features interracial couples, I've openly called them on the fact they for the month of JUNE they talk about "gay pride" but for the other 11 months it's a fucking lot of happy heteros with the occasional "LOOK AT THE GAY COUPLE" posting.

They use exclusively heteronormative language and nothing is gender inclusive. The Knot is for upper middle class white women marrying upper middle class white men. The women are planning the weddings while the men's cocks are getting stuck in lint traps.

Off beat bride might give some shitty ass etiquette advice but somehow they manage to use all gender inclusive language, the feature poly relationships, gay relationships, relationships with kids before marriage, all fucking races, and pretty diverse backgrounds/classes of people. Somehow they figured out how to fucking do this.

The Knot would never tolerate someone calling me a dyke. But someone asking me about my husband is par for the course. Because OF COURSE I am a woman. And OF COURSE I am married to a man. Those assumptions are as fucked up and stupid and rooted in hate as calling me a fucking muff diving dyke is.