Whaaaaaat is going on here?

VulgarGirl

julieanne912 said:

Maybe I'm weird, but I try to approach interactions here just like I do "in real life".  If I wouldn't say something to somebody's face in person, I'm certainly not going to say it here. 

Oh honey. I ain't said shit on here I wouldn't say IRL either.

mikenberger

MagicInk said:

julieanne912 said:

Maybe I'm weird, but I try to approach interactions here just like I do "in real life".  If I wouldn't say something to somebody's face in person, I'm certainly not going to say it here. 

Oh honey. I ain't said shit on here I wouldn't say IRL either.

Ditto. I'm actually this abrasive IRL. And people still want to be my friend. Weirdos.

KatWAG

mikenberger said:

MagicInk said:

julieanne912 said:

Maybe I'm weird, but I try to approach interactions here just like I do "in real life".  If I wouldn't say something to somebody's face in person, I'm certainly not going to say it here. 

Oh honey. I ain't said shit on here I wouldn't say IRL either.

Ditto. I'm actually this abrasive IRL. And people still want to be my friend. Weirdos.

Same. I have no problem telling someone they are acting like a child.

VulgarGirl

jenna8984 said:

I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board. I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone? But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.

Gender and sex are two different things. Gender inclusive language is important.

I get it. You a nice heterosexual lady. You don't know what it's like to not be cis gendered and straight. Well I'm not gonna shut up about it just because it annoys the majority to be reminded everyone is not like them.

I find it so interesting that all of a sudden you want sunshine and rainbows.

jenna8984

MagicInk said:

jenna8984 said:

I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board. I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone? But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.

Gender and sex are two different things. Gender inclusive language is important.

I get it. You a nice heterosexual lady. You don't know what it's like to not be cis gendered and straight. Well I'm not gonna shut up about it just because it annoys the majority to be reminded everyone is not like them.

I find it so interesting that all of a sudden you want sunshine and rainbows.

Never said that at all, but by all means continue putting words in people's mouth.

bethsmiles

I don't get all the Ashley hate. And I really don't get the sudden want for a board where people aren't called out on their bullshit.

We all say things that didn't come out the way we meant it or we just didn't realize were offensive. Being called out on that is a good thing. I'd much rather someone tell me that something I said was offensive than have them just let me continue to be an offensive ass just to spare my feelings. I always appreciated Ashley and @MagicInk (and others but those two really stick out in mind) for calling people out for stuff like that. It sucks to hear that something you said was offensive but that's how you learn and become a better person.

VulgarGirl

jenna8984 said:

MagicInk said:

jenna8984 said:

I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board. I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone? But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.

Gender and sex are two different things. Gender inclusive language is important.

I get it. You a nice heterosexual lady. You don't know what it's like to not be cis gendered and straight. Well I'm not gonna shut up about it just because it annoys the majority to be reminded everyone is not like them.

I find it so interesting that all of a sudden you want sunshine and rainbows.

Never said that at all, but by all means continue putting words in people's mouth.

You did say: I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ".

So you want us to speak a certain way to new members. A sweet nice passive way.

I'm not ever gonna be passive to people who make racist comments, sexist comments, transphobic comments, homophobic comments, classist comments. I'm not going to say "Oh hey, could you maybe if possible, not say that, it's sort offensive if you don't terribly mind". 

Cause its 2015. And people shouldn't have to be explained to WTF is wrong with the bullshit they are saying when they are making judgments about race/sex/class/sexuality/ect. By this point in the story you know what is and what is not fucked up to say.

Like...suicide jokes. Not funny. Never funny. But some people have to have that spelled out for them. I don't think I need to be especially nice to those people. 

[Deleted User]

.

PrettyGirlLost

pinkrevenge said:

mikenberger said:

So what if all the snark and meanness moved to the Snarky Brides board. Is that acceptable since that board comes with a disclaimer?

So a select few can tralala all over Tk and anyone deemed "snarky" gets a whole board? Wow, that seems totally fair.

I'm pretty sure Mike was being sarcastic with that comment.

TrixieJess

MagicInk said:

jenna8984 said:

I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board. I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone? But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.

Gender and sex are two different things. Gender inclusive language is important.

I get it. You a nice heterosexual lady. You don't know what it's like to not be cis gendered and straight. Well I'm not gonna shut up about it just because it annoys the majority to be reminded everyone is not like them.

I find it so interesting that all of a sudden you want sunshine and rainbows.

Gender and Sex are two VERY different things. Go on the pregnancy boards and use gender when you mean sex, and you will be corrected...by hormonal bitchy women!

And Gender Inclusive language is important. People are getting married, some people on these boards have had a longer trip to a legal marriage than others.Calling out people who use language that is offensive to any group of people is important, I do it IRL so why not on the interwebz. 

Every Forum has their regs who call people out and disagree with other people (I'm sure that not everyone agrees with you* IRL either) you need those people, they make things interesting.

*you = plural, not directed at one person lest someone get offended

mikenberger

PrettyGirlLost said:

pinkrevenge said:

mikenberger said:

So what if all the snark and meanness moved to the Snarky Brides board. Is that acceptable since that board comes with a disclaimer?

So a select few can tralala all over Tk and anyone deemed "snarky" gets a whole board? Wow, that seems totally fair.

I'm pretty sure Mike was being sarcastic with that comment.

Mike is a sarcastic bitch.

PrettyGirlLost

MagicInk said:

jenna8984 said:

MagicInk said:

jenna8984 said:

I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board. I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone? But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.

Gender and sex are two different things. Gender inclusive language is important.

I get it. You a nice heterosexual lady. You don't know what it's like to not be cis gendered and straight. Well I'm not gonna shut up about it just because it annoys the majority to be reminded everyone is not like them.

I find it so interesting that all of a sudden you want sunshine and rainbows.

Never said that at all, but by all means continue putting words in people's mouth.

You did say: I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ".

So you want us to speak a certain way to new members. A sweet nice passive way.

I'm not ever gonna be passive to people who make racist comments, sexist comments, transphobic comments, homophobic comments, classist comments. I'm not going to say "Oh hey, could you maybe if possible, not say that, it's sort offensive if you don't terribly mind". 

Cause its 2015. And people shouldn't have to be explained to WTF is wrong with the bullshit they are saying when they are making judgments about race/sex/class/sexuality/ect. By this point in the story you know what is and what is not fucked up to say.

Like...suicide jokes. Not funny. Never funny. But some people have to have that spelled out for them. I don't think I need to be especially nice to those people. 

USUALLY, people DO kinda say, "Hey that's offensive and here's why" before getting really brash and nasty like Jenna and some others are suggesting, at least based on what I have seen.

People don't typically get really bitchy and aggressive right off the bat.  That seems to happen when other people respond and are getting defensive.  The attitude goes both ways.

And a good way to de-escalate a situation is to just stop engaging.  Or say "Sorry, my bad" and then move on.

FiancB

The whole wahhh, it's just too haaard to remember correct terminology and pronouns really makes me think of white people that cry about not being able to say the N word. Like just don't, k? 

I used to say retard a lot. I then realized that's not okay and I stopped. It's not that fucking hard. I don't whine on and on about how it's totes not ableist because other people say it.

When those threads come up, people go OMG I'm not racist!

You know who else I've heard say that? 

My client that says "I don't like blacks", then immediately follows it up with "but I'm not racist". My husband's uncle who says the N word allll the time, working it into the most random of conversations. My parents that told me to never date any middle eastern guys. Heck, I think I even found a KKK website once that said it's just soooo not about race. 

Literally have never met someone say "yep, I'm super racist, I hate all nonwhites no matter what and I don't care". It's just not that obvious. We all say/do/think problematic things, the difference is whether we regulate ourselves. Those that scream they aren't the loudest are usually the most- it's the willfully ignorant that are the scariest. 

That's what people can't stand. I was not always aware of things like transgender pronouns and microaggressions. It's when you make it clear you do not give two shits that people get mad. 

KatieinBkln

I think it's a little suspect that people want to be coddled when someone else calls them out, rather than I don't know...not saying inflammatory shit?

People can get cranky around here, yes. But usually when someone "blows something out of proportion" it's not because they have a stick up their ass; it's because the first person said something shitty, (and then usually doubled-down and refused to just say "Oops, my bad, I didn't realize but I'll stop saying that in the future," as PGL said). 

People don't get "mean" on these boards right off the bat. Usually, a SS (and no, I don't just mean newbs) has to say dumb/offensive shit, refuse to accept being called out, then start whining incessantly about being "attacked" before a reg (such as Ashley or me, or PGL, or Climbing, or hell, even Annabelle, who everyone loves the mostest!) will get really salty with them.

Cause and effect, people. Nobody gets nasty until an OP refuses to play nicely. I fail to see how policing the responders makes for a more "polite" board. That's like punishing a kid for fighting back when someone else tripped him first. Like, okay, maybe they should have worked it out without violence, but you don't blame the kid who got tripped for "overreacting" without also blaming the tripper.

The only way it'll be super "polite" around here is if no one posts dumb/offensive/racist/rude shit in the first place. 

FiancB

^ Yep. No one decides from afar to pick screennames out of a hat and decides to like/not someone for no good reason. If you're not well liked and you feel like people are constantly picking you apart, it's for a reason. You have a consistent pattern of posting that rubs people the wrong way. Gee, kind of like ashley, except ashley has 2+ brain cells that actually get along. 

See also: SBmini. Basically I direct people to that big ol' mess whenever they can't figure out why people aren't nice to them. Maybe if you can't see it in yourself, you can in someone else's ridiculous behavior? Maybe? 

Probably not. I tried. Gold star for me. 

mikenberger

I will say, these boards have helped me change my personal verbage from assuming that every woman is marrying a man and every man is marrying a woman. Of course that's not how it is. Duh. And I know that. But I will admit, if someone on here said they're a bride (when I first joined), I was automatically using male pronouns to explain their partner. 

Duh. Definitely don't do that now. Because that was dumb. And narrow minded of me. Even though, that's not what my heart is -- that's what my first inclination was. So thanks, outspoken members of TK I'm definitely more conscious of that type of stuff that I'm putting out there because everybody deserves love. And to have it acknowledged.

ETA: More mush 

loveislouder

mikenberger said:

I will say, these boards have helped me change my personal verbage from assuming that every woman is marrying a man and every man is marrying a woman. Of course that's not how it is. Duh. And I know that. But I will admit, if someone on here said they're a bride (when I first joined), I was automatically using male pronouns to explain their partner. 

Duh. Definitely don't do that now. Because that was dumb. And narrow minded of me. Even though, that's not what my heart is -- that's what my first inclination was. So thanks, outspoken members of TK I'm definitely more conscious of that type of stuff that I'm putting out there because everybody deserves love. And to have it acknowledged.

ETA: More mush 

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

I'm going to call myself out because I keep fucking it up. I said something dumb in a thread (I don't remember which one) about sex/gender and got called out by a lot of people and I was like "Oh shit. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I'll try to do better" because what else can I say? And even after that I think I fucked up again, the same people called me out and I said the same thing. I can only try to do better, right? 

doeydo

Gender versus sex is definitely not the same thing, and yay for educating people who are unaware that they are talking in a way that is homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, etc.  In "regular" threads, not with any bigots or newbie SSs, sometimes users pick apart every word and kind of dog pile on a person who disagrees with them on something.  I get it, this is a discussion forum for discussion, etc. but TBH I could see why some might not want to post anything all together because they fear that a big group of regs could come onto their post just to belittle them in some way.  And then, years later, still bring up and reference that post the person made, even though said person might regret ever having that opinion in the first place.  I love this forum and its users, I just think things get carried away sometimes.

themosthappy91

doeydo said:

Gender versus sex is definitely not the same thing, and yay for educating people who are unaware that they are talking in a way that is homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, etc.  In "regular" threads, not with any bigots or newbie SSs, sometimes users pick apart every word and kind of dog pile on a person who disagrees with them on something.  I get it, this is a discussion forum for discussion, etc. but TBH I could see why some might not want to post anything all together because they fear that a big group of regs could come onto their post just to belittle them in some way.  And then, years later, still bring up and reference that post the person made, even though said person might regret ever having that opinion in the first place.  I love this forum and its users, I just think things get carried away sometimes.

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

Exactly. It's one thing to freak out at some newbie or SS because you really have no reason NOT to believe the absolute worst about them and their intentions, if that's how you want to be about it. What seems so unnecessary to me is doing that to people who are legitimately pleasant parts of the community and have always seemed relatively sane and sensitive to other issues on here. And what REALLY pisses me off is when people throw that shit back in their faces every chance they get when the original thread has already been settled.

Also whoever said it was "a bit much" to refer to Ashley as the Wicked Witch of the West- 1) I was obviously speaking hyperbolically and 2) I was very direct with Ashley many times about the fact that I did not like her, so you can hop off your high horse about "talking behind people's backs".

Whatever- some people are glad Ashley is gone, and that doesn't mean they just want everything to be all sunshine and rainbows. If a lot of people can enjoy and appreciate the advice and conversation of literally everyone but Ashley, snark/sarcasm/bitchiness included, to me that says she was the problem. Doesn't mean I want anyone else to change, just that I am honestly happy she's gone. 

PrettyGirlLost

themosthappy91 said:

doeydo said:

Gender versus sex is definitely not the same thing, and yay for educating people who are unaware that they are talking in a way that is homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, etc.  In "regular" threads, not with any bigots or newbie SSs, sometimes users pick apart every word and kind of dog pile on a person who disagrees with them on something.  I get it, this is a discussion forum for discussion, etc. but TBH I could see why some might not want to post anything all together because they fear that a big group of regs could come onto their post just to belittle them in some way.  And then, years later, still bring up and reference that post the person made, even though said person might regret ever having that opinion in the first place.  I love this forum and its users, I just think things get carried away sometimes.

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

Exactly. It's one thing to freak out at some newbie or SS because you really have no reason NOT to believe the absolute worst about them and their intentions, if that's how you want to be about it. What seems so unnecessary to me is doing that to people who are legitimately pleasant parts of the community and have always seemed relatively sane and sensitive to other issues on here. And what REALLY pisses me off is when people throw that shit back in their faces every chance they get when the original thread has already been settled.

Those are pretty subjective terms :-P

To the highlighted, I thikn the reason people have and continue to have an issue with you personally, themosthappy, is because you say things that others find offense, perhaps unwittingly, and then rather than just saying, "I'm sorry" and moving on, you seem to get defensive and try to argue and convince people why what you said isn't really offensive.  I'm just throwing this out there as a third party who has witnessed some of this in action.  I have no dog in this particular fight.

Also whoever said it was "a bit much" to refer to Ashley as the Wicked Witch of the West- 1) I was obviously speaking hyperbolically and 2) I was very direct with Ashley many times about the fact that I did not like her, so you can hop off your high horse about "talking behind people's backs". 

I took issue with it, because, well please refer to my damn signature!

Whatever- some people are glad Ashley is gone, and that doesn't mean they just want everything to be all sunshine and rainbows. If a lot of people can enjoy and appreciate the advice and conversation of literally everyone but Ashley, snark/sarcasm/bitchiness included, to me that says she was the problem. Doesn't mean I want anyone else to change, just that I am honestly happy she's gone. 

themosthappy91

PrettyGirlLost said:

themosthappy91 said:

doeydo said:

Gender versus sex is definitely not the same thing, and yay for educating people who are unaware that they are talking in a way that is homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, etc.  In "regular" threads, not with any bigots or newbie SSs, sometimes users pick apart every word and kind of dog pile on a person who disagrees with them on something.  I get it, this is a discussion forum for discussion, etc. but TBH I could see why some might not want to post anything all together because they fear that a big group of regs could come onto their post just to belittle them in some way.  And then, years later, still bring up and reference that post the person made, even though said person might regret ever having that opinion in the first place.  I love this forum and its users, I just think things get carried away sometimes.

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

Exactly. It's one thing to freak out at some newbie or SS because you really have no reason NOT to believe the absolute worst about them and their intentions, if that's how you want to be about it. What seems so unnecessary to me is doing that to people who are legitimately pleasant parts of the community and have always seemed relatively sane and sensitive to other issues on here. And what REALLY pisses me off is when people throw that shit back in their faces every chance they get when the original thread has already been settled.

Those are pretty subjective terms :-P

To the highlighted, I thikn the reason people have and continue to have an issue with you personally, themosthappy, is because you say things that others find offense, perhaps unwittingly, and then rather than just saying, "I'm sorry" and moving on, you seem to get defensive and try to argue and convince people why what you said isn't really offensive.  I'm just throwing this out there as a third party who has witnessed some of this in action.  I have no dog in this particular fight.

Also whoever said it was "a bit much" to refer to Ashley as the Wicked Witch of the West- 1) I was obviously speaking hyperbolically and 2) I was very direct with Ashley many times about the fact that I did not like her, so you can hop off your high horse about "talking behind people's backs". 

I took issue with it, because, well please refer to my damn signature!

Whatever- some people are glad Ashley is gone, and that doesn't mean they just want everything to be all sunshine and rainbows. If a lot of people can enjoy and appreciate the advice and conversation of literally everyone but Ashley, snark/sarcasm/bitchiness included, to me that says she was the problem. Doesn't mean I want anyone else to change, just that I am honestly happy she's gone. 

To the italicized- I don't actually know what you are referring to, as I wasn't aware people had an issue with me personally? Like I wasn't referring to myself at all with that comment because to my knowledge no one has ever thrown something back at me... I'm genuinely curious what you are talking about? Because seriously no one has ever brought up something I said or did in a previous thread in a different thread to my knowledge.

novella1186

themosthappy91 said:

doeydo said:

Gender versus sex is definitely not the same thing, and yay for educating people who are unaware that they are talking in a way that is homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, etc.  In "regular" threads, not with any bigots or newbie SSs, sometimes users pick apart every word and kind of dog pile on a person who disagrees with them on something.  I get it, this is a discussion forum for discussion, etc. but TBH I could see why some might not want to post anything all together because they fear that a big group of regs could come onto their post just to belittle them in some way.  And then, years later, still bring up and reference that post the person made, even though said person might regret ever having that opinion in the first place.  I love this forum and its users, I just think things get carried away sometimes.

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

Exactly. It's one thing to freak out at some newbie or SS because you really have no reason NOT to believe the absolute worst about them and their intentions, if that's how you want to be about it. What seems so unnecessary to me is doing that to people who are legitimately pleasant parts of the community and have always seemed relatively sane and sensitive to other issues on here. And what REALLY pisses me off is when people throw that shit back in their faces every chance they get when the original thread has already been settled.

Also whoever said it was "a bit much" to refer to Ashley as the Wicked Witch of the West- 1) I was obviously speaking hyperbolically and 2) I was very direct with Ashley many times about the fact that I did not like her, so you can hop off your high horse about "talking behind people's backs".

Whatever- some people are glad Ashley is gone, and that doesn't mean they just want everything to be all sunshine and rainbows. If a lot of people can enjoy and appreciate the advice and conversation of literally everyone but Ashley, snark/sarcasm/bitchiness included, to me that says she was the problem. Doesn't mean I want anyone else to change, just that I am honestly happy she's gone. 

---------------------come on, boxes!-----------------------------------------

Hi I'm the one who said it was a bit much. I just felt like the general attitude of the thread was getting hypocritical and shitty. To me, there was an attitude of "there's too much meanness around here!" while at the same time, people were saying really negative stuff about someone who isn't even here anymore to stand up for herself, and I see no need for that. If people don't like a "negative environment" or whatever the complaint was, then don't shit-talk someone who's gone anyway (not saying you were doing that, just saying I saw some of that happening in the thread). 

Was not trying to be on a high horse at all. People were stating lots of different opinions on the issue, and on how the culture of these boards and whatnot, so I threw in my opinion too. Wasn't trying to sound self-righteous or judgey. If people can say shit like "I'm glad Ashley is gone" and "There's a lot of bullies here" and such comments, I don't see why I couldn't say, "It's a bit much to refer to someone as the Wicked Witch" when-- like I said-- she's not even here to defend herself. Just rubbed me the wrong way. 

themosthappy91

novella1186 said:

themosthappy91 said:

doeydo said:

Gender versus sex is definitely not the same thing, and yay for educating people who are unaware that they are talking in a way that is homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, etc.  In "regular" threads, not with any bigots or newbie SSs, sometimes users pick apart every word and kind of dog pile on a person who disagrees with them on something.  I get it, this is a discussion forum for discussion, etc. but TBH I could see why some might not want to post anything all together because they fear that a big group of regs could come onto their post just to belittle them in some way.  And then, years later, still bring up and reference that post the person made, even though said person might regret ever having that opinion in the first place.  I love this forum and its users, I just think things get carried away sometimes.

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

Exactly. It's one thing to freak out at some newbie or SS because you really have no reason NOT to believe the absolute worst about them and their intentions, if that's how you want to be about it. What seems so unnecessary to me is doing that to people who are legitimately pleasant parts of the community and have always seemed relatively sane and sensitive to other issues on here. And what REALLY pisses me off is when people throw that shit back in their faces every chance they get when the original thread has already been settled.

Also whoever said it was "a bit much" to refer to Ashley as the Wicked Witch of the West- 1) I was obviously speaking hyperbolically and 2) I was very direct with Ashley many times about the fact that I did not like her, so you can hop off your high horse about "talking behind people's backs".

Whatever- some people are glad Ashley is gone, and that doesn't mean they just want everything to be all sunshine and rainbows. If a lot of people can enjoy and appreciate the advice and conversation of literally everyone but Ashley, snark/sarcasm/bitchiness included, to me that says she was the problem. Doesn't mean I want anyone else to change, just that I am honestly happy she's gone. 

---------------------come on, boxes!-----------------------------------------

Hi I'm the one who said it was a bit much. I just felt like the general attitude of the thread was getting hypocritical and shitty. To me, there was an attitude of "there's too much meanness around here!" while at the same time, people were saying really negative stuff about someone who isn't even here anymore to stand up for herself, and I see no need for that. If people don't like a "negative environment" or whatever the complaint was, then don't shit-talk someone who's gone anyway (not saying you were doing that, just saying I saw some of that happening in the thread). 

Was not trying to be on a high horse at all. People were stating lots of different opinions on the issue, and on how the culture of these boards and whatnot, so I threw in my opinion too. Wasn't trying to sound self-righteous or judgey. If people can say shit like "I'm glad Ashley is gone" and "There's a lot of bullies here" and such comments, I don't see why I couldn't say, "It's a bit much to refer to someone as the Wicked Witch" when-- like I said-- she's not even here to defend herself. Just rubbed me the wrong way. 

BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

I gotcha Novella- no worries, I just wanted to point out that like, it wasn't as if Ashley didn't know how I felt about her. I can't speak for anyone else saying anything else in this thread though.

And I'm totally with you about people crying "bullies"- I think that word is rarely if ever called for on here. People can be mean, people can be bitchy, but I've never really witnessed someone being a bully and I think throwing that word around trivializes it.

PrettyGirlLost

@themosthappy91

My bad, I got you confused with Jenna in this thread. ><

AddieCake

If everyone around here would just improve their personal quality, none of this would be an issue. 

teddygirl9

As a newbie, I'd like to add that there have been a few threads I've seen where another new person posts on chit chat, something non-wedding related, and a few people are all like 'OMG why would you even post here? We don't know you, and you want to come tell us all your problems?! GTFO!' and I think it's that sort of attitude that is the most harmful. Yes, being called out on BS is one thing, even if its not worded the nicest. But in trying to create an inclusive community that welcomes new members, that is not the way of going about it. Those are the threads that personally bother me the most, and yes, that does come off cliquey/mean girlsey.

 

And there was some real advice and 'welcoming attitude' in those threads, but there was alot of rude comments as well.

climbingsingle

teddygirl9 said:

As a newbie, I'd like to add that there have been a few threads I've seen where another new person posts on chit chat, something non-wedding related, and a few people are all like 'OMG why would you even post here? We don't know you, and you want to come tell us all your problems?! GTFO!' and I think it's that sort of attitude that is the most harmful. Yes, being called out on BS is one thing, even if its not worded the nicest. But in trying to create an inclusive community that welcomes new members, that is not the way of going about it. Those are the threads that personally bother me the most, and yes, that does come off cliquey/mean girlsey.

 

And there was some real advice and 'welcoming attitude' in those threads, but there was alot of rude comments as well.

Please link to these threads. I'd love to read them immediately. 

teddygirl9

I'll look

teddygirl9

This is the more recent one. I can't find the older one I was thinking of.

 

"You cannot be serious with this shit. "

"This is the Chit Chat board on a wedding planning forum, with a group of posters who already have a rapport with one another for the most part. This post has nothing to do with wedding planning, and you're not really a member of the community, so it's hella weird to just walk into a random forum and just lay out all your personal problems and expect... whatever it is you're expecting"

 

 

 

 

climbingsingle

teddygirl9 said:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1057146/sorry-i-delete-the-post

This is the more recent one. I can't find the older one I was thinking of.

 

"You cannot be serious with this shit. "

"This is the Chit Chat board on a wedding planning forum, with a group of posters who already have a rapport with one another for the most part. This post has nothing to do with wedding planning, and you're not really a member of the community, so it's hella weird to just walk into a random forum and just lay out all your personal problems and expect... whatever it is you're expecting"

 

 

 

 

Did you even read the original post? I remember that particular one, and it was all kinds of crazy, and it was posted by someone that obviously expected us to be her therapists. She also received good advice, like "Go talk to a therapist."

Now please, find more. I'm waiting.