Thank you shower vs wedding

Knottie09837419

If I go with a more personal touch on the shower gift thank you cards is it ok to do a blanket statement thank you card for the wedding gift thank you cards?

AddieCake

Knottie09837419 said:

If I go with a more personal touch on the shower gift thank you cards is it ok to do a blanket statement thank you card for the wedding gift thank you cards?

Why should people who give a gift at the shower get a "better" thank you than those who give at the wedding?

frenchiekin

Ditto @AddieCake - I don't get the argument of, "Well, I put in the effort for these people, so I think I'm covered for everyone else."  Writing lots of thank you cards is work, but it's worth it.  You are thanking your loved ones for their generosity.  I think they all deserve the same level of appreciation.  

I also give a major side-eye to the pre-typed, generic thank you notes from weddings.  Like really, I gave you a nice gift/sum of money and spent $XXX on just being at your wedding (I know this isn't what the thank-yous are for, but still), and you (general you) can't write a sentence to thank me personally?  Sorry, that one just grinds my gears.

lachattefatale

If by "personal touch" you mean "can I make awesome crafty DIY thank you cards for my shower guests and use premade boring cards for my wedding guests?" then yes. But the message inside every single one needs to be handwritten by you (or your partner) and each one needs to mention the specific gift the person gave you.

Viczaesar

Knottie09837419 said:

If I go with a more personal touch on the shower gift thank you cards is it ok to do a blanket statement thank you card for the wedding gift thank you cards?

Of course not.

Jen4948

lachattefatale said:

If by "personal touch" you mean "can I make awesome crafty DIY thank you cards for my shower guests and use premade boring cards for my wedding guests?" then yes. But the message inside every single one needs to be handwritten by you (or your partner) and each one needs to mention the specific gift the person gave you.

Well, yes and no.  Each thank you note, whether for shower gifts or wedding gifts, needs to be customized for its particular recipient and not have a generic "thank you for the x, it was lovely to see you and SO" message.  But I don't think it's necessary to mention the specific gift in each and every message.  That can create awkwardness in certain situations, like if you don't plan to keep the gift, or in some instances with group gifts.

Knottie09837419

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

mikenberger

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

You will need to find the time to send a thank you to every single person that gifted you at your wedding. Don't be that bride that feels they don't need to send a card to their guests because they thanked them in person. I did my thank yous in one afternoon and before our honeymoon. It shows your guest one last gesture of how you appreciate them.

Maggie0829

I received a blanket statement thank you card for a wedding I attended once.  I still roll my eyes at that couple for being lazy asses who seem very ungrateful for the gifts that were given.

Don't be that couple.  Write personalized thank you cards.

MairePoppy

You need to find time to hand write notes to those who take time to select a wedding  gift or send you some of their hard earned money. Your fi/spouse can write some of those notes, too.Writing extra special shower thank you notes doesn't excuse you from writing wedding thank yous.

Keep a box of thank you notes handy and as each gift comes in, open it and write the thank you note, check it off your list, and mail the note ASAP. 

[Deleted User]

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

If I don't get a thank you card, you will never again get another gift from me.  Went to a wedding on December 27th, 2014.  Wrote a check for $200 to put in the card.  Check was cashed right after the new year.  I haven't gotten a thank you note.  I remember.  This couple will never again get a gift from me, not for birthdays, not for housewarming, not for a baby shower.  Never again.  Went to my cousin's wedding on May 16th this year.  Same thing, wrote a check for $200, check was cashed a little under a month later, still no Thank you card.  I know the bride is pregnant.  They won't be getting a baby gift from me, I don't care if they are family.  It's just rude not to thank me.

Maggie0829

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

Then don't accept gifts.  Seriously.  If you don't want to write thank you cards then tell everyone to take their gift home.

When you thank people at the reception you are thanking them for coming to your wedding NOT for what they gave you because you have no idea what they gave you or if they even gave you a gift.

You make time to write thank you notes.  Because it is the proper and gracious thing to do.  These people took time out of their lives and money out of their pocket to attend your wedding and give you the gift.  The least you can do is take a minute to write them a thank you note.

Yes you do.  As someone who wrote out about 65 thank you notes coming up with personalized thank yous took hardly any time.  I got all of my thank yous written in 2 days (32 one day, 33 the next).  So if you are telling me that you don't have two days (over the course of a few hours while watching tv at night) to write thank you notes then I would be very interested in what keeps you so damn busy.

Jen4948

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

Not apparently, definitely. If someone takes the money, time, and effort to obtain and give you a gift, at the very least you owe them a gracious, prompt thank you note.  And yes, it needs to be specific to everyone who gave you a gift.  Being "busy" excuses no one from the obligation.  If you hate it so much, then don't invite people or accept gifts from them.

frenchiekin

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

To the bolded, why??  Sorry, this just makes you sound super ungrateful and entitled.  Just think about how your guests would feel if they read what you just wrote, after spending all of that time and money on your life event.

Ditto PPs - we haven't received thank you notes from a couple of weddings we've attended in the last few years and I am still miffed about it.  One of my cousins didn't send thank yous to anyone, after some very generous gifts were given (and the wedding was cash bar, but I digress).  My grandmother STILL talks about the lack of thank you note, and it was 2 years ago.

banana468

I'm not sure what you do for a living that means TY  notes are going to take OMG SO MUCH TIME that you don't have but you WILL have the time to USE the things that you took the time to unwrap.

AddieCake

It truly disturbs me that writing thank you notes seems to be such a bother and a burden to you.

Viczaesar

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

WTF?  Grow up and make the time to hand-write thank you notes.  This is not an optional thing.

ILoveBeachMusic

Maggie0829 said:

I received a blanket statement thank you card for a wedding I attended once.  I still roll my eyes at that couple for being lazy asses who seem very ungrateful for the gifts that were given.

Don't be that couple.  Write personalized thank you cards.

ILoveBeachMusic

This! I might not remember the exact wording of handwritten thank you notes I receive but I remember the blanket statement thank you card I received! Good grief, if I take the time to pick out a gift you can at least take the time to write a thank you note.

CMGragain

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

Oh, for heaven's sake!  If they had time to choose a gift for you and to send it, then you have time to write a few sentences on a blank card and put it in the mail!
 I think you win the tacky, entitled bride of the year award.

My daughter sent a Christmas gift to her uncle a few years ago.  She received a thank you note written by his secretary.  They haven't spoken since.

lovegood90

adk19 said:

If I don't get a thank you card, you will never again get another gift from me.  Went to a wedding on December 27th, 2014.  Wrote a check for $200 to put in the card.  Check was cashed right after the new year.  I haven't gotten a thank you note.  I remember.  This couple will never again get a gift from me, not for birthdays, not for housewarming, not for a baby shower.  Never again.  Went to my cousin's wedding on May 16th this year.  Same thing, wrote a check for $200, check was cashed a little under a month later, still no Thank you card.  I know the bride is pregnant.  They won't be getting a baby gift from me, I don't care if they are family.  It's just rude not to thank me.

This. I gave a baby shower gift, then months later a baptism gift, for the new baby to close family members.

The shower gift went unacknowledged with no thank you note. The baptism gift got a quick text from the adult daughter of the family who I'm closest to- "so-and-so got the gift, they say thanks!" Yeah, no. Take the time to write me a freaking note, don't get your daughter to text me.

Needless to say, the baby's first birthday was last week and I didn't send them anything but a "happy birthday!" text to the daughter. I'm petty, but whatever- rude behavior has consequences. If you don't take the time to show appreciation for your loved one's generosity, then don't be surprised when the generosity dries up.

justsie

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

Jen4948

justsie said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

justsie

Jen4948 said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Jen4948

justsie said:

Jen4948 said:

justsie said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Etiquette isn't decided by whether any one person has a problem with the rules.

justsie

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Etiquette isn't decided by whether any one person has a problem with the rules.

I don't know why you decided to argue with me. I am agreeing with you. It wasn't my shower so get off my D.  

jacques27

Knottie09837419 said:

Thank you for the information. I honestly hate the idea of even doing thank you cards. I am going to thank each person in person at the wedding. I don't know if I'm going to have the time to hand write each and every one of them but apparently I will need to at least prepare specific thank yous for everyone.

Well, you somehow managed to find the time to come on here and write two posts about it.  Are you on Facebook at all?  Watch tv?  Read?  I'm pretty sure you can cut internet/tv/reading time by a half hour and manage to knock out a few thank you cards a night for a couple of weeks.  You're writing 2-4 sentences per card, not War & Peace.  Plus, you're presumably marrying another person, so right there you've got someone to take half of the workload for you.

Or, maybe you'll get really lucky and people will get wind of just how put out you feel about expressing gratitude to people who spend time and money getting you gifts and they'll do you a favor by just not getting you a gift at all so you don't have to go through that wretched experience.

Jen4948

justsie said:

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Etiquette isn't decided by whether any one person has a problem with the rules.

I don't know why you decided to argue with me. I am agreeing with you. It wasn't my shower so get off my D.  

The bolded is not something you're entitled to.

As to why I responded as I did, when lots of people start saying how "they don't have a problem" with rules of etiquette, unfortunately the rules themselves become undermined.  Sometimes with small issues that don't really affect anyone, it doesn't matter, but thank-you notes are not among them.

huskypuppy14

Jen4948 said:

justsie said:

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Etiquette isn't decided by whether any one person has a problem with the rules.

I don't know why you decided to argue with me. I am agreeing with you. It wasn't my shower so get off my D.  

The bolded is not something you're entitled to.

As to why I responded as I did, when lots of people start saying how "they don't have a problem" with rules of etiquette, unfortunately the rules themselves become undermined.  Sometimes with small issues that don't really affect anyone, it doesn't matter, but thank-you notes are not among them.

Why are you being difficult? Justsie was just saying that she even addressed the damn envelope and they still couldn't send her a thank you card. You are correct, it's tacky to have shower guests address their own thank you note, but that wasn't the point of the comment. She never said it wasn't against etiquette, just that she didn't have a problem doing it. She does have a problem with not receiving a thank you note. 

Jen4948

huskypuppy14 said:

Jen4948 said:

justsie said:

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Etiquette isn't decided by whether any one person has a problem with the rules.

I don't know why you decided to argue with me. I am agreeing with you. It wasn't my shower so get off my D.  

The bolded is not something you're entitled to.

As to why I responded as I did, when lots of people start saying how "they don't have a problem" with rules of etiquette, unfortunately the rules themselves become undermined.  Sometimes with small issues that don't really affect anyone, it doesn't matter, but thank-you notes are not among them.

Why are you being difficult? Justsie was just saying that she even addressed the damn envelope and they still couldn't send her a thank you card. You are correct, it's tacky to have shower guests address their own thank you note, but that wasn't the point of the comment. She never said it wasn't against etiquette, just that she didn't have a problem doing it. She does have a problem with not receiving a thank you note. 

Because admitting to "not having a problem" with some rule of etiquette leads people to believe that they can break it along with others.  Slippery slope.

justsie

Jen4948 said:

huskypuppy14 said:

Jen4948 said:

justsie said:

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

I went to a baby shower and they had a place to write your address on the envelope to make it easier for the mom. I had no problem doing that at all, but I never received a thank you. That kid is almost 10 months old now, and I still remember that. Thankfully I haven't been asked to any additional gift giving events by that person since. 

It's not appropriate to expect shower guests to address their own thank-you notes. That's the shower honoree's job-period. The "convenience" of this doesn't cancel out the rudeness, because the guests already too the trouble, time, and money out of their own lives to get the honoree a nice gift. The least the honoree can do in return is thank them politely-which includes addressing the envelopes themselves.

I didn't say it wasn't rude to begin with, just that I personally didn't have a problem doing it. 

Etiquette isn't decided by whether any one person has a problem with the rules.

I don't know why you decided to argue with me. I am agreeing with you. It wasn't my shower so get off my D.  

The bolded is not something you're entitled to.

As to why I responded as I did, when lots of people start saying how "they don't have a problem" with rules of etiquette, unfortunately the rules themselves become undermined.  Sometimes with small issues that don't really affect anyone, it doesn't matter, but thank-you notes are not among them.

Why are you being difficult? Justsie was just saying that she even addressed the damn envelope and they still couldn't send her a thank you card. You are correct, it's tacky to have shower guests address their own thank you note, but that wasn't the point of the comment. She never said it wasn't against etiquette, just that she didn't have a problem doing it. She does have a problem with not receiving a thank you note. 

Because admitting to "not having a problem" with some rule of etiquette leads people to believe that they can break it along with others.  Slippery slope.

Next time I'll make sure to yell at the host about how bad etiquette this is. I'm sure my boss (who was the host of this event) would like that. There are reasons why I chose to not say anything and write my damn name and address on an envelope.