This hot mess

PrettyGirlLost

ryanandjoe4 said:

banana468 first off I am stating the rule, and I never said exactly what I was saying to guests, so you don't know how or what I am actually saying to them, your again assuming I am going to be rude about it. I was asked to let them know, I am letting them know.

I think you have only read what offends you and you think is rude, and missed my point I have stated:

If I was not in this church with the restrictions I wouldn't be doing it.

I agree with all the speeches and making it your rule simply because you want it that way is rude.

I didn't miss the point in looking around, I am a different person than you, I am sure this is the general consensus, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I am sure there are others that took a moment to look around.. just because it is your experience doesn't mean it will be mine..

PrettyGirlLost so, one request and I am controlling bridezilla, it is easy to offend these days! I am focused on getting married, and this is something that you all have blown WAY out of portion.. this is only one tiny aspect of the wedding and frankly had not thought about in the last 5 months other than typing it on to the programs I printed..   I never said you were a bridzilla, nor that you offended me. 

But you *are* controlling if you are requesting no photography at all, when your church's policy is *only* that *no flash* be used.  So you're the one, not your church,  who is trying to push an unplugged ceremony on your guests. . . so that they can be in the moment with you.

every church has different rules that they stress even though they all have the same set. a friend got married in a catholic church and was allowed to have a secular song for the exit, while I am not able to. it is all depending upon the church, this church has signs already, and I added a line in my program to remind them. it is 30 minutes of the 5 hour wedding I think they will survive..

Yes, and your church's rule is that no flash photography be used.  NOT that all photography is prohibited.  There's a big difference.  And it's not about your guests being able to survive or not, it's about not presuming to treat them like children or morons when they are your guests and should be treated well at an event you are hosting. . . do you get it yet?  The day is not actually all about you.

and your comparing my actual opinion, to people that wont accept scientific studies, because etiquette is not a science, it is all based on a general consensus of opinions.. Science is backed by studies and data.. if you can throw data at me like 100% of all my guests will be totally put out that I made them put away their phones for 30 minutes then fine I will sharpie marker the shit out of some programs tonight... but no you can't, and I know my family and my FI knows his, we both know this will not be a problem.

Yeah the point of those articles was that  sometimes opinions are just flat out wrong.

So you personally asked each and every guest if they are ok with you trying to control their actions, and each and every guest honestly answered that they are totes cool with that?  I don't think so.

That's why these boards exist, to give you honest, blunt, unbiased input from a wide variety of women from all over the world.  We don't know you personally, so we have no need to try and give you the polite answer in order to spare your feelings, as your family and friends will likely do.  So if a majority of ppl here are telling you that your idea is rude, well you might want to get that Sharpie out.

ryanandjoe4

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

PrettyGirlLost

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

Who are you talking to?  Photokitty?

You also said in one of your posts your church's rule is that NO FLASH photography is permitted.  You did not state that their rule is that ALL photography is prohibited.

That would mean that you couldn't even use a pro photog.  So which is the church's actual rule- NO Flash photography or NO PHOTOGRAPHY?

photokitty

PrettyGirlLost said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the
officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not
appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap
like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

Who are you talking to?  Photokitty?

You also said in one of your posts your church's rule is that NO FLASH
photography is permitted.  You did not state that their rule is that ALL photography is prohibited.

That would mean that you couldn't even use a pro photog.  So which is the church's actual rule- NO Flash photography or NO PHOTOGRAPHY?




Whatever rule suits her, is my guess...

Holy sacrament (or some crap like that) is equally offensive. Its a wedding not a backdrop for a photoshooot. Your guests are not your *in the moment* props.

PrettyGirlLost

photokitty said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

Who are you talking to?  Photokitty?

You also said in one of your posts your church's rule is that NO FLASH photography is permitted.  You did not state that their rule is that ALL photography is prohibited.

That would mean that you couldn't even use a pro photog.  So which is the church's actual rule- NO Flash photography or NO PHOTOGRAPHY?

Whatever rule suits her, is my guess...

I doubt any church would actually ban photography outright, as then no one would choose to get married there and they'd loose out on all that extra revenue.  Queue that one person who wasn't allowed any photographs of their ceremony in 5. . . 4. . . 3. . . .

The "holy sacrament" line is true, but it's used at ALL major masses, not just wedding masses, in order to drive home the point to any rubes who might be present that you shouldn't have your ringer on, be playing on your phone during mass, shouldn't be taking calls in the church during mass, shouldn't be reading magazines, etc.

ryanandjoe4

@photokitty there better?

PrettyGirlLost said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

banana468 first off I am stating the rule, and I never said exactly what I was saying to guests, so you don't know how or what I am actually saying to them, your again assuming I am going to be rude about it. I was asked to let them know, I am letting them know.

I think you have only read what offends you and you think is rude, and missed my point I have stated:

If I was not in this church with the restrictions I wouldn't be doing it.

I agree with all the speeches and making it your rule simply because you want it that way is rude.

I didn't miss the point in looking around, I am a different person than you, I am sure this is the general consensus, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I am sure there are others that took a moment to look around.. just because it is your experience doesn't mean it will be mine..

PrettyGirlLost so, one request and I am controlling bridezilla, it is easy to offend these days! I am focused on getting married, and this is something that you all have blown WAY out of portion.. this is only one tiny aspect of the wedding and frankly had not thought about in the last 5 months other than typing it on to the programs I printed..   I never said you were a bridzilla, nor that you offended me. 

But you *are* controlling if you are requesting no photography at all, when your church's policy is *only* that *no flash* be used.  So you're the one, not your church,  who is trying to push an unplugged ceremony on your guests. . . so that they can be in the moment with you.

every church has different rules that they stress even though they all have the same set. a friend got married in a catholic church and was allowed to have a secular song for the exit, while I am not able to. it is all depending upon the church, this church has signs already, and I added a line in my program to remind them. it is 30 minutes of the 5 hour wedding I think they will survive..

Yes, and your church's rule is that no flash photography be used.  NOT that all photography is prohibited.  There's a big difference.  And it's not about your guests being able to survive or not, it's about not presuming to treat them like children or morons when they are your guests and should be treated well at an event you are hosting. . . do you get it yet?  The day is not actually all about you.

and your comparing my actual opinion, to people that wont accept scientific studies, because etiquette is not a science, it is all based on a general consensus of opinions.. Science is backed by studies and data.. if you can throw data at me like 100% of all my guests will be totally put out that I made them put away their phones for 30 minutes then fine I will sharpie marker the shit out of some programs tonight... but no you can't, and I know my family and my FI knows his, we both know this will not be a problem.

Yeah the point of those articles was that  sometimes opinions are just flat out wrong.

So you personally asked each and every guest if they are ok with you trying to control their actions, and each and every guest honestly answered that they are totes cool with that?  I don't think so.

That's why these boards exist, to give you honest, blunt, unbiased input from a wide variety of women from all over the world.  We don't know you personally, so we have no need to try and give you the polite answer in order to spare your feelings, as your family and friends will likely do.  So if a majority of ppl here are telling you that your idea is rude, well you might want to get that Sharpie out.

to be fair, I didn't ask or need your answers, or opinions, your free to give them, but I originally was making a statement about what I am doing not looking for someone to change my mind.. and you won't

PrettyGirlLost

ryanandjoe4 said:

@photokitty there better?

PrettyGirlLost said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

banana468 first off I am stating the rule, and I never said exactly what I was saying to guests, so you don't know how or what I am actually saying to them, your again assuming I am going to be rude about it. I was asked to let them know, I am letting them know.

I think you have only read what offends you and you think is rude, and missed my point I have stated:

If I was not in this church with the restrictions I wouldn't be doing it.

I agree with all the speeches and making it your rule simply because you want it that way is rude.

I didn't miss the point in looking around, I am a different person than you, I am sure this is the general consensus, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I am sure there are others that took a moment to look around.. just because it is your experience doesn't mean it will be mine..

PrettyGirlLost so, one request and I am controlling bridezilla, it is easy to offend these days! I am focused on getting married, and this is something that you all have blown WAY out of portion.. this is only one tiny aspect of the wedding and frankly had not thought about in the last 5 months other than typing it on to the programs I printed..   I never said you were a bridzilla, nor that you offended me. 

But you *are* controlling if you are requesting no photography at all, when your church's policy is *only* that *no flash* be used.  So you're the one, not your church,  who is trying to push an unplugged ceremony on your guests. . . so that they can be in the moment with you.

every church has different rules that they stress even though they all have the same set. a friend got married in a catholic church and was allowed to have a secular song for the exit, while I am not able to. it is all depending upon the church, this church has signs already, and I added a line in my program to remind them. it is 30 minutes of the 5 hour wedding I think they will survive..

Yes, and your church's rule is that no flash photography be used.  NOT that all photography is prohibited.  There's a big difference.  And it's not about your guests being able to survive or not, it's about not presuming to treat them like children or morons when they are your guests and should be treated well at an event you are hosting. . . do you get it yet?  The day is not actually all about you.

and your comparing my actual opinion, to people that wont accept scientific studies, because etiquette is not a science, it is all based on a general consensus of opinions.. Science is backed by studies and data.. if you can throw data at me like 100% of all my guests will be totally put out that I made them put away their phones for 30 minutes then fine I will sharpie marker the shit out of some programs tonight... but no you can't, and I know my family and my FI knows his, we both know this will not be a problem.

Yeah the point of those articles was that  sometimes opinions are just flat out wrong.

So you personally asked each and every guest if they are ok with you trying to control their actions, and each and every guest honestly answered that they are totes cool with that?  I don't think so.

That's why these boards exist, to give you honest, blunt, unbiased input from a wide variety of women from all over the world.  We don't know you personally, so we have no need to try and give you the polite answer in order to spare your feelings, as your family and friends will likely do.  So if a majority of ppl here are telling you that your idea is rude, well you might want to get that Sharpie out.

to be fair, I didn't ask or need your answers, or opinions, your free to give them, but I originally was making a statement about what I am doing not looking for someone to change my mind.. and you won't

To be fair, I don't give a flying rat's ass what you need, wanted, or asked for.

You understand how a discussion forum works, right?  People say things, then other people respond to them, whether they were directly asked for an opinion or not.  You're the one who opened yourself up to criticism and discussion by commenting on this thread.

photokitty

ryanandjoe4 said:

to be fair, I didn't ask or need your answers, or opinions, your free to give them, but I originally was making a statement about what I am doing not looking for someone to change my mind.. and you won't

Whew...That doesn't sound at all like something a bridezilla might say...that was a close one...

PamBeesly524

ryanandjoe4 said:

@photokitty there better?

PrettyGirlLost said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

banana468 first off I am stating the rule, and I never said exactly what I was saying to guests, so you don't know how or what I am actually saying to them, your again assuming I am going to be rude about it. I was asked to let them know, I am letting them know.

I think you have only read what offends you and you think is rude, and missed my point I have stated:

If I was not in this church with the restrictions I wouldn't be doing it.

I agree with all the speeches and making it your rule simply because you want it that way is rude.

I didn't miss the point in looking around, I am a different person than you, I am sure this is the general consensus, but there are exceptions to every rule, and I am sure there are others that took a moment to look around.. just because it is your experience doesn't mean it will be mine..

PrettyGirlLost so, one request and I am controlling bridezilla, it is easy to offend these days! I am focused on getting married, and this is something that you all have blown WAY out of portion.. this is only one tiny aspect of the wedding and frankly had not thought about in the last 5 months other than typing it on to the programs I printed..   I never said you were a bridzilla, nor that you offended me. 

But you *are* controlling if you are requesting no photography at all, when your church's policy is *only* that *no flash* be used.  So you're the one, not your church,  who is trying to push an unplugged ceremony on your guests. . . so that they can be in the moment with you.

every church has different rules that they stress even though they all have the same set. a friend got married in a catholic church and was allowed to have a secular song for the exit, while I am not able to. it is all depending upon the church, this church has signs already, and I added a line in my program to remind them. it is 30 minutes of the 5 hour wedding I think they will survive..

Yes, and your church's rule is that no flash photography be used.  NOT that all photography is prohibited.  There's a big difference.  And it's not about your guests being able to survive or not, it's about not presuming to treat them like children or morons when they are your guests and should be treated well at an event you are hosting. . . do you get it yet?  The day is not actually all about you.

and your comparing my actual opinion, to people that wont accept scientific studies, because etiquette is not a science, it is all based on a general consensus of opinions.. Science is backed by studies and data.. if you can throw data at me like 100% of all my guests will be totally put out that I made them put away their phones for 30 minutes then fine I will sharpie marker the shit out of some programs tonight... but no you can't, and I know my family and my FI knows his, we both know this will not be a problem.

Yeah the point of those articles was that  sometimes opinions are just flat out wrong.

So you personally asked each and every guest if they are ok with you trying to control their actions, and each and every guest honestly answered that they are totes cool with that?  I don't think so.

That's why these boards exist, to give you honest, blunt, unbiased input from a wide variety of women from all over the world.  We don't know you personally, so we have no need to try and give you the polite answer in order to spare your feelings, as your family and friends will likely do.  So if a majority of ppl here are telling you that your idea is rude, well you might want to get that Sharpie out.

to be fair, I didn't ask or need your answers, or opinions, your free to give them, but I originally was making a statement about what I am doing not looking for someone to change my mind.. and you won't

PrettyGirlLost

photokitty said:

to be fair, I didn't ask or need your answers, or opinions, your free to give them, but I originally was making a statement about what I am doing not looking for someone to change my mind.. and you won't

Whew...That doesn't sound at all like something a bridezilla might say...that was a close one...

The use of the smiley emoticons is key.  That let's you know that one isn't really being bitchy.

Notice the lack of emoticons in my response, lol!

ryanandjoe4

photokitty said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

Who are you talking to?  Photokitty?

You also said in one of your posts your church's rule is that NO FLASH photography is permitted.  You did not state that their rule is that ALL photography is prohibited.

That would mean that you couldn't even use a pro photog.  So which is the church's actual rule- NO Flash photography or NO PHOTOGRAPHY?

Whatever rule suits her, is my guess... Holy sacrament (or some crap like that) is equally offensive. Its a wedding not a backdrop for a photoshooot. Your guests are not your *in the moment* props.

@photokitty there better?

yes I said it in the first post that I quoted... your missing that I am not banning this, or harshly demanding everyone leave their phone in this basket, I am simply asking, requesting, how ever you want to put it, that they not use their cameras for the ceremony..

Also said this:

"While all these pictures are lovely, it isn't going to change my decision, nor do I need your support. and if all it does is make people turn off the flash and "hide" it better than I accomplished my goal, and made sure the rules of the church were followed.."

I was asked to make sure the rule was followed, I did what I was asked of the me by the church, and let it go.. 

your grasping at straws to find offense, in to way have I acted or said that this is a mememe moment, and these people are props..

ryanandjoe4

awesome your out of arguments so we are just going straight to the ooooohhh she is a bitch, guess it was good it took this long for you to figure it out..

random stranger on the internet thinks I am a bridezilla because I don't want or need their unsolicited opinion damn guess I am one..

PrettyGirlLost

ryanandjoe4 said:

awesome your out of arguments so we are just going straight to the ooooohhh she is a bitch, guess it was good it took this long for you to figure it out..

random stranger on the internet thinks I am a bridezilla because I don't want or need their unsolicited opinion damn guess I am one..

Who are you talking to?!  Me?  Use the quote function!

You keep putting words in people's mouths.  Please quote for me where I said you were a bridezilla or a bitch?  I said you were being controlling, because you are.  And a tad passive aggressive with your use of smiley faces.

I made a joke and referred to myself as being bitchy.

Did you ever clarify what your church's actual rule is?  No flash or no photography?

ShesSoCold

I think we should argue about this for 7-8 more pages.

spockforprez

I think there's too much being made of the word "request" here, like, Oh, I'm just asking them, not forcing them. Whether they're being forced or not (as in the original post where crazybride was going to have her brother stop the ceremony if photos were being taken), making requests for certain things is rude. 

For example, requesting your guests to wear a certain color is RUDE. Yes, it's just a "request" - you're asking them, not forcing them - but it's still rude. 

Long story short, don't boss your guests around. If your church wants to boss them around, fine, but it's rude to invite and host people but give them a list of pointless rules made up for the purposes of aligning with your vision.

ryanandjoe4

PrettyGirlLost said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

awesome your out of arguments so we are just going straight to the ooooohhh she is a bitch, guess it was good it took this long for you to figure it out..

random stranger on the internet thinks I am a bridezilla because I don't want or need their unsolicited opinion damn guess I am one..

Who are you talking to?!  Me?  Use the quote function!

You keep putting words in people's mouths.  Please quote for me where I said you were a bridezilla or a bitch?  I said you were being controlling, because you are.  And a tad passive aggressive with your use of smiley faces.

I made a joke and referred to myself as being bitchy.

Did you ever clarify what your church's actual rule is?  No flash or no photography?

In my initial post I also quoted it here recently..  I think I was being pretty straight forward when I said I didn't ask or care about your opinions.. but I also said your free to give them..  implying I am aware that I can not stop you from giving them. you all are repeating the same thing acting like it is a new argument..

spockforprez

Your church's rule is no flash photography. There are signs, a line in the program, and your priest will make an announcement. So, chances are, no one will use flash photography. That totally invalidates your "it will mess with the professional photographer!" argument.

So now, let's assume everyone graciously abides by your request not to use their phones during the ceremony. 

There's still NO guarantee they'll be "in the moment." A poster above detailed everything s/he thinks about during weddings other than how sacred and special the moment is. Someone might have something on their mind. They might be distracted by the scenery. Their asshole might itch. Not having their phones out is NOT a guarantee of their "present"ness. 

And I think you know that... 

PrettyGirlLost

spockforprez said:

I think there's too much being made of the word "request" here, like, Oh, I'm just asking them, not forcing them. Whether they're being forced or not (as in the original post where crazybride was going to have her brother stop the ceremony if photos were being taken), making requests for certain things is rude. 

For example, requesting your guests to wear a certain color is RUDE. Yes, it's just a "request" - you're asking them, not forcing them - but it's still rude. 

Long story short, don't boss your guests around. If your church wants to boss them around, fine, but it's rude to invite and host people but give them a list of pointless rules made up for the purposes of aligning with your vision.

Exactly!

It comes off as laughable and self absorbed because "requests" like unplugged ceremonies are not enforceable, and it makes it seem like the bride and groom expect everyone to treat them as the absolute center of attention 100% of the time. . . because typically the unplugged requests are accompanied by phrases such as "fully present" and "in the moment."

ryanandjoe4

spockforprez said:

Your church's rule is no flash photography. There are signs, a line in the program, and your priest will make an announcement. So, chances are, no one will use flash photography. That totally invalidates your "it will mess with the professional photographer!" argument.

So now, let's assume everyone graciously abides by your request not to use their phones during the ceremony. 

There's still NO guarantee they'll be "in the moment." A poster above detailed everything s/he thinks about during weddings other than how sacred and special the moment is. Someone might have something on their mind. They might be distracted by the scenery. Their asshole might itch. Not having their phones out is NOT a guarantee of their "present"ness. 

And I think you know that... 

The "it will mess with the professional photographer!" was a point my mother who is a wedding photographer brought up and made it yet another point where I would do this, I also stated that if I was in another venue with out the restrictions I wouldn't even thought of doing it. 

Not once did I say that the guests being "in the moment" is my main and most important goal. IMO (warning it may be different than others) people are less distracted and enjoy/remember events more if they are not on their phones or behind a camera, but I also said if all I did was make them "hide it better" then great.. I am not standing up there giving a grand speech like the original poster had described, nor am I making it a rule I just saw on pintrest and decided to do. I was asked so I did.. so yes thank you I am aware that I do not center around everyone's universe nor do I want to it would be exhausting..

PrettyGirlLost

ShesSoCold said:

I think we should argue about this for 7-8 more pages.

I'm game.

spockforprez

ryanandjoe4 said:

spockforprez said:

Your church's rule is no flash photography. There are signs, a line in the program, and your priest will make an announcement. So, chances are, no one will use flash photography. That totally invalidates your "it will mess with the professional photographer!" argument.

So now, let's assume everyone graciously abides by your request not to use their phones during the ceremony. 

There's still NO guarantee they'll be "in the moment." A poster above detailed everything s/he thinks about during weddings other than how sacred and special the moment is. Someone might have something on their mind. They might be distracted by the scenery. Their asshole might itch. Not having their phones out is NOT a guarantee of their "present"ness. 

And I think you know that... 

The "it will mess with the professional photographer!" was a point my mother who is a wedding photographer brought up and made it yet another point where I would do this, I also stated that if I was in another venue with out the restrictions I wouldn't even thought of doing it. 

Not once did I say that the guests being "in the moment" is my main and most important goal. IMO (warning it may be different than others) people are less distracted and enjoy/remember events more if they are not on their phones or behind a camera, but I also said if all I did was make them "hide it better" then great.. I am not standing up there giving a grand speech like the original poster had described, nor am I making it a rule I just saw on pintrest and decided to do. I was asked so I did.. so yes thank you I am aware that I do not center around everyone's universe nor do I want to it would be exhausting..

BOXAROONI

I don't really disagree. I am a stickler for limiting camera use during concerts and seeing people recording the whole thing through their phones makes me very irritated. I also recently watched a documentary about REM and there were photos of the band meeting a bunch of fans and it was absolutely incredible to see the fans looking eye to eye with the band instead of looking through their cameras or even with their back to them trying to get selfies like "kids these days" Jesus I can't believe I just said that.

The thing is, there's just no way not to have people do that, and to make the request knowing there's no way you can make them comply is pointless, and it makes you look rude for trying to control guest behavior. No, you are nowhere near the insane level of crazybride in the OP of this thread. But it's still not cool IMO.

ryanandjoe4

spockforprez said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

spockforprez said:

Your church's rule is no flash photography. There are signs, a line in the program, and your priest will make an announcement. So, chances are, no one will use flash photography. That totally invalidates your "it will mess with the professional photographer!" argument.

So now, let's assume everyone graciously abides by your request not to use their phones during the ceremony. 

There's still NO guarantee they'll be "in the moment." A poster above detailed everything s/he thinks about during weddings other than how sacred and special the moment is. Someone might have something on their mind. They might be distracted by the scenery. Their asshole might itch. Not having their phones out is NOT a guarantee of their "present"ness. 

And I think you know that... 

The "it will mess with the professional photographer!" was a point my mother who is a wedding photographer brought up and made it yet another point where I would do this, I also stated that if I was in another venue with out the restrictions I wouldn't even thought of doing it. 

Not once did I say that the guests being "in the moment" is my main and most important goal. IMO (warning it may be different than others) people are less distracted and enjoy/remember events more if they are not on their phones or behind a camera, but I also said if all I did was make them "hide it better" then great.. I am not standing up there giving a grand speech like the original poster had described, nor am I making it a rule I just saw on pintrest and decided to do. I was asked so I did.. so yes thank you I am aware that I do not center around everyone's universe nor do I want to it would be exhausting..

BOXAROONI

I don't really disagree. I am a stickler for limiting camera use during concerts and seeing people recording the whole thing through their phones makes me very irritated. I also recently watched a documentary about REM and there were photos of the band meeting a bunch of fans and it was absolutely incredible to see the fans looking eye to eye with the band instead of looking through their cameras or even with their back to them trying to get selfies like "kids these days" Jesus I can't believe I just said that.

The thing is, there's just no way not to have people do that, and to make the request knowing there's no way you can make them comply is pointless, and it makes you look rude for trying to control guest behavior. No, you are nowhere near the insane level of crazybride in the OP of this thread. But it's still not cool IMO.

Like I have said if I wasn't asked to do it I wouldn't, if the restrictions were not there it also wouldn't be a thought. and this is not a big deal to me or anyone IRL I have talked to about it, and believe me my friends/family is not one to hold back for your feelings, neither is my FI's family.... soo strangers on the internet will not be changing my mind..

ETA: yes I hate going to concerts and seeing them on TV and all you see are phones.. so I am 100% with you there that would be awesome to see a large concert like that with few phones out and fans enjoying the show.. 

Maggie0829

banana468

I love that someone here is arguing about "how it is" to people who have been there / done that.

What do I know?   I had a wedding in a Catholic Church WITH a photographer, didn't make any requests of my guests other than to be there and sit at their assigned tables at the reception AND I have great shots of the wedding ceremony from both our photographer and the guests.

So I must not know what I'm talking about having already been married and having dealt with this situation.

And as a grown adult who talks to other adults, I should be fine with being told what to do if a bride says so.

And if a bride tells me that she wants ME to be in the moment she's more than welcome to ask me not to take photos so I can make sure I pay special attention to exactly what's going on.   Because we know that you can't multitask.

But it's more than fine for that bride to look around to other guests to make sure that they're having a great time and respectfully adhering to her request.   Because a bride is perfectly capable of multitasking.   It's just the guests who can't.

Good to know. 

YogaSandy

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the
officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not
appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap
like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

Who are you talking to?  Photokitty?

You also said in one of your posts your church's rule is that NO FLASH
photography is permitted.  You did not state that their rule is that ALL photography is prohibited.

That would mean that you couldn't even use a pro photog.  So which is the church's actual rule- NO Flash photography or NO PHOTOGRAPHY?

Whatever rule suits her, is my guess...

Holy sacrament (or some crap like that) is equally offensive. Its a wedding not a backdrop for a photoshooot. Your guests are not your *in the moment* props.


Thank you. Using the church's rule because it takes away from the sacraments - fine. Adding in "or some crap like that" makes it sound very sacreligious. Makes me wonder why someone with this attitude is getting married in a church.

Heffalump

PrettyGirlLost said:

spockforprez said:

I think there's too much being made of the word "request" here, like, Oh, I'm just asking them, not forcing them. Whether they're being forced or not (as in the original post where crazybride was going to have her brother stop the ceremony if photos were being taken), making requests for certain things is rude. 

For example, requesting your guests to wear a certain color is RUDE. Yes, it's just a "request" - you're asking them, not forcing them - but it's still rude. 

Long story short, don't boss your guests around. If your church wants to boss them around, fine, but it's rude to invite and host people but give them a list of pointless rules made up for the purposes of aligning with your vision.

Exactly!

It comes off as laughable and self absorbed because "requests" like unplugged ceremonies are not enforceable, and it makes it seem like the bride and groom expect everyone to treat them as the absolute center of attention 100% of the time. . . because typically the unplugged requests are accompanied by phrases such as "fully present" and "in the moment."

I was about to post the same thing.  How self-involved are you if you think it's cool to "request" that your guests put away any distractions so they can focus on you-you-you, nothing but you, for the duration of your ceremony? 

The photographer thing always makes me roll my eyes, too.  I've posted this before, but one of my best friends is a photographer:  she's done weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, lots of events.  She's had all kinds of minor mishaps she's had to work around (in one memorable instance, she had to photoshop eyes onto a boy from another shot, because his glasses picked up a flash).  And you know what?  She does it, because it's her job.  She charges enough to cover her time retouching the photos.  She knows how and where to shoot to minimize any interference.  She takes tons of photos so even if a handful are "ruined," she still has lots of great ones.  You know what she doesn't do?  Encourage the bride and groom to make stupid little speeches trying to enforce certain behaviors on their guests.   

ryanandjoe4

Heffalump said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

spockforprez said:

I think there's too much being made of the word "request" here, like, Oh, I'm just asking them, not forcing them. Whether they're being forced or not (as in the original post where crazybride was going to have her brother stop the ceremony if photos were being taken), making requests for certain things is rude. 

For example, requesting your guests to wear a certain color is RUDE. Yes, it's just a "request" - you're asking them, not forcing them - but it's still rude. 

Long story short, don't boss your guests around. If your church wants to boss them around, fine, but it's rude to invite and host people but give them a list of pointless rules made up for the purposes of aligning with your vision.

Exactly!

It comes off as laughable and self absorbed because "requests" like unplugged ceremonies are not enforceable, and it makes it seem like the bride and groom expect everyone to treat them as the absolute center of attention 100% of the time. . . because typically the unplugged requests are accompanied by phrases such as "fully present" and "in the moment."

I was about to post the same thing.  How self-involved are you if you think it's cool to "request" that your guests put away any distractions so they can focus on you-you-you, nothing but you, for the duration of your ceremony? 

The photographer thing always makes me roll my eyes, too.  I've posted this before, but one of my best friends is a photographer:  she's done weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, lots of events.  She's had all kinds of minor mishaps she's had to work around (in one memorable instance, she had to photoshop eyes onto a boy from another shot, because his glasses picked up a flash).  And you know what?  She does it, because it's her job.  She charges enough to cover her time retouching the photos.  She knows how and where to shoot to minimize any interference.  She takes tons of photos so even if a handful are "ruined," she still has lots of great ones.  You know what she doesn't do?  Encourage the bride and groom to make stupid little speeches trying to enforce certain behaviors on their guests.   

Your arguing points that I have already stated, that I am not asking the church is asking them to not use photography, there are strict rules in the ceremony space...

Also, I have said that the advise my mother gave me was as a mother, not something she says to anyone, and in helping her edit, I have seen photos that were ruined, but is always able to make up for it.

you all are wanting to make this like I am some bridezilla, demanding my day be all about me, when I have said over and over again, that it is a request coming from the church, and if the ceremony was in a different place, that didn't request it, then I would have not said anything.

you don't know how the request is worded, you all have assumed that I am using some cute poem, assumed that I am going to make a big deal out of it..

but please lets keep these same arguments going and going, because your all perfect, and have never had to enforce rules that are not yours. So please lets bring up how rude I am being by reminding guests of the CHURCHES RULES... that my mother gave me advice because the church asked me to, and when I talked to her about it she gave me her opinion, why she liked the idea.

I believe I also said "if all I do is make them hide it better, I achieved my goal"  SO please get over it, move on..

Sherbie25

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

You do realise this board is called 'snarky brides'? And that you're inviting other opinions? Just checking

ryanandjoe4

Sherbie25 said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

OOHH you're offended, fun..

"I will say the speech posted above is to far, and will have the officiant remind them they are in church so phones and flash are not appropriate since it distracts from the holy sacrament (or some crap like that) "

Is exactly what I said, and was in the first post I made, I was referring to the reasoning of no photography not the actual sanctity of marriage so if your quoting me please do it accurately so i did state the church has a rule and it was not just my bridezilla mememememememememe rule..

I think said "bragging" was a few posts in, and I put in my opinion of her yes, so shoot me if I think my mom is a great photographer..

it is your opinion that it I am biased, you do not know my relationship with my mother well enough to know if IMO her photography is the only good that comes of her, or if she farts rainbows and shits skittles.. it is your mind that automatically thinks that if I share blood with someone that I am going to think that they are just wonderful because I said so!!

You do realise this board is called 'snarky brides'? And that you're inviting other opinions? Just checking

Yes, and I also said they could give them, but I have repeated that a few times as well..

sparklepants41

I'm sorry. I can't let this go on any longer.