BM shotgun wedding timing

klpeltie

Hi guys, so a little bit of background first... I had my girls take time to pick out a dress and vote on it. When they went to get to get their measurements done they notified me that that dress company is now going out of business and the girls have two weeks to get their measurement's and downpayments in and that was absolute last day. No biggie, I could I always help with the cost if need be. Well I had one BM that needed an extra push. She made me aware the last week of dress ordering that she had gotten pregnant. Alright no biggie once again, just let the bridal salon know I am sure they have dealt with this before. Im pretty chill.

Here's where it gets messy... she started asking if I was free and was trying to schedule stuff a month prior to my wedding date... I was like well I should be, thinking she wanted to just come visit. No, she wanted to plan my bridal shower and bachelorette party during the same exact weekend and they are already scheduled. I figured she was just being naive. Then the next week she ask about another weekend in the same month and I was like what it is up? Turns out that she was trying to plan her shotgun wedding the same weekend as my bridal shower and wedding shower. I put 2 and 2 together that she was trying to control my dates for her own benefit. So now she has her wedding, with the same friends invited, schedule 2 weeks prior to mine. I will have been planning/saving for this wedding for 13 months by the time I get married. And now she is going to going to do this. She recently texted me while in a meeting and I didn't get a chance to respond. And when I am not at work I have been moving into my new house. Plus I was away on a business trip last week. She just sent a message asking if I even care about her pregnancy or wedding... bottom line I am very supportive of her but think the timing of wedding is extremely inconsiderate and a bad friend move.

What should I do?

TL;DR - BM got knocked up and planning her shotgun wedding 2 weeks earlier than mine. I will have had been planning mine for 13 months and same friends are invited. I have been busy with buying a house/work/wedding. Now she thinks I don't care about her pregnancy or wedding. Pregnancy I am supportive of and wedding timing is extremely inconsiderate.

What should I do?

Thanks!

klpeltie

PS - I'm am on my phone and autocorrect may have screwed with my wording a little.

justsie

klpeltie said:

Hi guys, so a little bit of background first... I had my girls take time to pick out a dress and vote on it. When they went to get to get their measurements done they notified me that that dress company is now going out of business and the girls have two weeks to get their measurement's and downpayments in and that was absolute last day. No biggie, I could I always help with the cost if need be. Well I had one BM that needed an extra push. She made me aware the last week of dress ordering that she had gotten pregnant. Alright no biggie once again, just let the bridal salon know I am sure they have dealt with this before. Im pretty chill. Here's where it gets messy... she started asking if I was free and was trying to schedule stuff a month prior to my wedding date... I was like well I should be, thinking she wanted to just come visit. No, she wanted to plan my bridal shower and bachelorette party during the same exact weekend and they are already scheduled. I figured she was just being naive. Then the next week she ask about another weekend in the same month and I was like what it is up? Turns out that she was trying to plan her shotgun wedding the same weekend as my bridal shower and wedding shower. I put 2 and 2 together that she was trying to control my dates for her own benefit. So now she has her wedding, with the same friends invited, schedule 2 weeks prior to mine. I will have been planning/saving for this wedding for 13 months by the time I get married. And now she is going to going to do this. She recently texted me while in a meeting and I didn't get a chance to respond. And when I am not at work I have been moving into my new house. Plus I was away on a business trip last week. She just sent a message asking if I even care about her pregnancy or wedding... bottom line I am very supportive of her but think the timing of wedding is extremely inconsiderate and a bad friend move. What should I do? TL;DR - BM got knocked up and planning her shotgun wedding 2 weeks earlier than mine. I will have had been planning mine for 13 months and same friends are invited. I have been busy with buying a house/work/wedding. Now she thinks I don't care about her pregnancy or wedding. Pregnancy I am supportive of and wedding timing is extremely inconsiderate. What should I do? Thanks!

Your friend did not plan her wedding for 2 weeks prior to yours to spite you, or to be rude to you. You get one day to have a wedding, your friend gets to have one day. Neither of you have a monopoly on a whole week/month/year, so as long as her wedding is not the same day as yours its no big deal. Have you told your friend congratulations? It sounds like your friend it picking up that you are upset at her and is trying to find out what is going on. I took the liberty of taking out the points in your post that shouldn't matter. Hope on the phone and actually talk to your friend. 

climbingsingle

First of all, stop calling it a shotgun wedding. Do you live in the year 1970?

So, let's see. Someone that is supposed to be one of your best friends is pregnant and engaged. She's also trying to throw you a shower and a bach party. And you're angry about that. And you're pissed that she's getting married before you.

Who cares? So what if she gets married before you? My cousin got married 3 weeks before me. It was not an issue whatsoever. I think you need to get over yourself and try being a better friend to this woman.

Jen4948

Just let her know what dates work for you, the same as you would if she weren't pregnant. If they don't work for her for whatever reason, move on. She doesn't have to host anything for you. If she insists on dates that don't work for you, tell her, "I'm sorry, but those dates don't work for me. If it isn't possible for you to do these things, I understand." And let it go.

MyNameIsNot

First, stop being so judgmental! "Knocked up" and "shot gun wedding" are not how you talk about someone you care about. 

Second, get over yourself and your wedding. Her wedding date has nothing to do with yours. There is nothing inconsiderate or bad friend about planning a wedding within two weeks of someone else's. Stop acting like her pregnancy and marriage are some personal attack on you. 

Do you even care about her wedding or her pregnancy? It seems pretty clear to me that the answer is no. 

banana468

This is so sad.   Your BM is pregnant and trying to plan her wedding.   Instead of being excited that she's going to be a mom and a wife, you're focused on how she wants to get married around the same time as you.

I can tell you as someone who is now married for over 8 years that the parties and the wedding day fanfare don't matter.   But years later,  after DH and I have each lost a grandparent, welcomed two kids, dealt with baby blues, parent issues in our own marriage, we also see friends going through the trials of losing their own parents, parents with mental illness, cancer and genetic testing to see if they're at high risk of cancer all while dealing with their own lives.

Girl, I think you need some perspective here.   

ShesSoCold

Yeah I'm with PPs here. She's trying to accommodate you. She's bending over backwards to still have a shower and a bachelorette for you while still planning her own rushed wedding (WHILE PREGNANT!!) Do you realize how difficult this must be for her? And you're pissed at her? What, do you think that she got pregnant and is now planning a wedding for the sole purpose of "stealing your thunder"? You should tell her how you feel so she can find better friends than you. 

arrrghmatey

So what? You get one day, she gets one day. Maybe you should be a more supportive friend towards her rather than so judgmental. 

Get over it.

missa011

I'm also confused as to why it matters that she wanted to throw your bridal shower and bachelorette the same weekend? I had both of mine this past Saturday and it was glorious.

lyndausvi

Why do no people think others can only celebrate one event during a certain amount of time?

New flash:  People can celebrate multiple events on the same day, same week or month.

True story.  Back when I was younger I went to 8-9 weddings in one year.   4 of them in about 8 weeks.   It's not a big deal.  It happens.

Your friend is bending over backwards to throw you a shower, plan her own wedding all while being pregnant.     The least you can do for her is be supportive of her wedding.

klpeltie

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter.

And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

klpeltie

She's not even involved the planning of the Shower and/or the Party.

sparklepants41

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

You do get a day - your wedding day. Which is two weeks after hers.

Sounds to me like you want two days - your wedding day and hers. What is more important? Being supportive of a pregnant friend who wants to get married before the baby comes? Or losing an (I would imagine important, since she is in your WP) friend because you want to have your bridal shower on her wedding day?

banana468

klpeltie said:

She's not even involved the planning of the Shower and/or the Party.

So is she trying to schedule her wedding for the weekend of your shower in the hopes that she attends both?    I am not understanding this. 

arrrghmatey

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

That was your own damn choice to forgive someone who screwed you over and remain good friend with them. Own up to your own choices.

And you DO get ONE day! Your wedding days are not on the same day, for crying out loud! If you're so concerned that people will choose to go to her wedding over your because they can't afford to attend both, then you should send out Save the Dates and Invites ASAP.

But if you always act this entitled and spiteful towards your friends, then I could see why guests would choose the other wedding over yours. Again, get over yourself.

ShesSoCold

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

klpeltie

ShesSoCold said:

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter.

And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

You my dear are way out of line. And how dare you even have the audacity to even say such cruel things. It's the principal of the matter. She is not due til well after my wedding which is 5 months away. You just don't know her nor her track record. I am in no way shape or form mad about her pregnancy. I actually planned on knitting stuff for the baby why on plane to my honeymoon. It is in fact the timing and the fact she was irritated that I cannot go. It Has Nothing to do with the attention either. I could care less. It's about being inconsiderate to the fact that the same people are invited and will now have to choose. I also wouldn't be irate if she wasn't able to make it to the shower or party. Things come up....I understand. I work a lot and travel all the time. I am very understanding. I have been there for all of my friends in need and never judge.

You guys don't know me and that is fine. I was just looking for help/advice and it was ignorant to go to the Internet, especially when you guys don't have the full context.

Good day.

TrixieJess

klpeltie said:

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

You my dear are way out of line. And how dare you even have the audacity to even say such cruel things. It's the principal of the matter. She is not due til well after my wedding which is 5 months away. You just don't know her nor her track record. I am in no way shape or form mad about her pregnancy. I actually planned on knitting stuff for the baby why on plane to my honeymoon. It is in fact the timing and the fact she was irritated that I cannot go. It Has Nothing to do with the attention either. I could care less. It's about being inconsiderate to the fact that the same people are invited and will now have to choose. I also wouldn't be irate if she wasn't able to make it to the shower or party. Things come up....I understand. I work a lot and travel all the time. I am very understanding. I have been there for all of my friends in need and never judge. You guys don't know me and that is fine. I was just looking for help/advice and it was ignorant to go to the Internet, especially when you guys don't have the full context. Good day.

Umm...she doesn't have to go to the shower or Bachlorette party. 

If you are talking all this smack about your BM, why on God's green earth would you invite her to be a bridesmaid? Oh I know, you needed even sides.

Good luck keeping your friendships after your wedding.

Maggie0829

klpeltie said:

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

You my dear are way out of line. And how dare you even have the audacity to even say such cruel things. It's the principal of the matter. She is not due til well after my wedding which is 5 months away. You just don't know her nor her track record. I am in no way shape or form mad about her pregnancy. I actually planned on knitting stuff for the baby why on plane to my honeymoon. It is in fact the timing and the fact she was irritated that I cannot go. It Has Nothing to do with the attention either. I could care less. It's about being inconsiderate to the fact that the same people are invited and will now have to choose. I also wouldn't be irate if she wasn't able to make it to the shower or party. Things come up....I understand. I work a lot and travel all the time. I am very understanding. I have been there for all of my friends in need and never judge. You guys don't know me and that is fine. I was just looking for help/advice and it was ignorant to go to the Internet, especially when you guys don't have the full context. Good day.

But what you aren't understanding is that your friend has EVERY RIGHT to get married when she wants.  Even if it is two weeks before your wedding.  You each get ONE day.  That is it.

And I am sorry but you are being very judgmental about your friend, her pregnancy and her upcoming marriage.  Please reread your posts and you will find many instances of judgment.

Please just kick this girl out of your wedding because she deserves a much better friend then you.

arrrghmatey

klpeltie

TrixieJess said:

klpeltie said:

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter.

And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

You my dear are way out of line. And how dare you even have the audacity to even say such cruel things. It's the principal of the matter. She is not due til well after my wedding which is 5 months away. You just don't know her nor her track record. I am in no way shape or form mad about her pregnancy. I actually planned on knitting stuff for the baby why on plane to my honeymoon. It is in fact the timing and the fact she was irritated that I cannot go. It Has Nothing to do with the attention either. I could care less. It's about being inconsiderate to the fact that the same people are invited and will now have to choose. I also wouldn't be irate if she wasn't able to make it to the shower or party. Things come up....I understand. I work a lot and travel all the time. I am very understanding. I have been there for all of my friends in need and never judge.

You guys don't know me and that is fine. I was just looking for help/advice and it was ignorant to go to the Internet, especially when you guys don't have the full context.

Good day.


Umm...she doesn't have to go to the shower or Bachlorette party. 

If you are talking all this smack about your BM, why on God's green earth would you invite her to be a bridesmaid? Oh I know, you needed even sides.

Good luck keeping your friendships after your wedding.

You guys are truly a sad and horrible group of individuals. I did not pick her for even sides. She was like my little sister while she was in college. I have always looked after her, defended her, and had her best interests in mind.

Like I said you guys don't know me or her, nor do you know the full context.

arrrghmatey

C'mon, bingo….

climbingsingle

Wow. You sound incredibly judgemental of someone you call a friend.

kkitkat79

klpeltie said:

You guys are truly a sad and horrible group of individuals. I did not pick her for even sides. She was like my little sister while she was in college. I have always looked after her, defended her, and had her best interests in mind. Like I said you guys don't know me or her, nor do you know the full context.

If that's the case, don't stop now that she is pregnant and getting married. So some mutual friends might choose to go to her wedding, so what? It's not a competition, you will still be married. Chill. 

Also, if you don't want people to "use" you, don't let them. No one is holding a gun to your head, right?

ShesSoCold

Maggie0829 said:

klpeltie said:

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

You my dear are way out of line. And how dare you even have the audacity to even say such cruel things. It's the principal of the matter. She is not due til well after my wedding which is 5 months away. You just don't know her nor her track record. I am in no way shape or form mad about her pregnancy. I actually planned on knitting stuff for the baby why on plane to my honeymoon. It is in fact the timing and the fact she was irritated that I cannot go. It Has Nothing to do with the attention either. I could care less. It's about being inconsiderate to the fact that the same people are invited and will now have to choose. I also wouldn't be irate if she wasn't able to make it to the shower or party. Things come up....I understand. I work a lot and travel all the time. I am very understanding. I have been there for all of my friends in need and never judge. You guys don't know me and that is fine. I was just looking for help/advice and it was ignorant to go to the Internet, especially when you guys don't have the full context. Good day.

But what you aren't understanding is that your friend has EVERY RIGHT to get married when she wants.  Even if it is two weeks before your wedding.  You each get ONE day.  That is it.

And I am sorry but you are being very judgmental about your friend, her pregnancy and her upcoming marriage.  Please reread your posts and you will find many instances of judgment.

Please just kick this girl out of your wedding because she deserves a much better friend then you.

MairePoppy

Do people still use that term 'shotgun wedding?' I grew up in the '70s and remember older women  talking about shotgun weddings and counting the months between weddings and babies. Those small minded women were pretty snide.

klpeltie - your friend gets one day for her wedding, you get one day. If she chooses to get married on the date of your shower, there's nothing you can do about it. Some of your  friends in common will probably choose to attend her wedding over your shower.  That's what I would do. If you can't change the shower date, then you'll have to accept that you will get some declines. 

MairePoppy

arrrghmatey said:

C'mon, bingo….

Wait for it.......

MrsMack10612

Did it occur to you that maybe she was trying to schedule it for the same weekend as your shower/bachelorette so your friends didn't have to choose?  A lot of folks would have been in the same place at the same time.

It's not an ideal situation, but she was trying to make it work.  

You're selfish and judgemental and she's better off without that kind of negativity in her life.

Pupatella

Be there for your friend and support her!! If the situation is how you describe, she really needs a good friend. If she is feeling pressured to get married because she is pregnant, I'm imagining she needs a lot of support and long talks from a good friend.

Her wedding has no impact on yours and vise versa. She isn't getting married before you because it's a competition.

As for your shower or bach, it sounds like your friend is trying to be as considerate as possible to your plans, and trying to schedule around your plans.

Please take a step back and put yourself in your friends' shoes. It sounds like she just wants you to be there for her, and support her.

TrixieJess

klpeltie said:

klpeltie said:

klpeltie said:

No no, these dates were already planned and reservationa have been made by my mom and maid of honor and wanted to control them to fit her schedule.... sooo...sure bending over backwards yeah. And I have been nothing but supportive. Really the only one bc she hasn't been with/known him very long and goes through BF's like nobody''s business. I have spent my entire friendship bending over backwards for her...she took advantage of me before and I forgave her. I just wanted one day that was mine. The only friends I am inviting now have to choose between mine and hers...they can't afford to fly to both since they are so close together (same pay period) in the heart of winter. And for all you haters..."Shotgun wedding" was her terminology not mine. And if I was in her shoes I wouldn't do this... I would have a little more respect and consideration for the one person that was always there for them.

 First bolded - Stop being so selfish and dramatic. She was likely not trying to "control the dates" for malicious reasons as much as she knew you'd be totally unwilling to look outside of your own ego and self-absorption to be happy for her and understand that she's got her own life happening. I'd be willing to bet that you'd be irate with her if she didn't come to your shower at all. So here she is, trying to make it all work.

Second bolded - oh, yeah, sure, you sound SUPER supportive. 

Third bolded - What, exactly, is she supposed to do here? What do you think would be the best course of action for her? Should she terminate the pregnancy and break up with her fiance in order to ensure that all of the attention is on you at all times? 

You my dear are way out of line. And how dare you even have the audacity to even say such cruel things. It's the principal of the matter. She is not due til well after my wedding which is 5 months away. You just don't know her nor her track record. I am in no way shape or form mad about her pregnancy. I actually planned on knitting stuff for the baby why on plane to my honeymoon. It is in fact the timing and the fact she was irritated that I cannot go. It Has Nothing to do with the attention either. I could care less. It's about being inconsiderate to the fact that the same people are invited and will now have to choose. I also wouldn't be irate if she wasn't able to make it to the shower or party. Things come up....I understand. I work a lot and travel all the time. I am very understanding. I have been there for all of my friends in need and never judge. You guys don't know me and that is fine. I was just looking for help/advice and it was ignorant to go to the Internet, especially when you guys don't have the full context. Good day.

Umm...she doesn't have to go to the shower or Bachlorette party. 

If you are talking all this smack about your BM, why on God's green earth would you invite her to be a bridesmaid? Oh I know, you needed even sides.

Good luck keeping your friendships after your wedding.

You guys are truly a sad and horrible group of individuals. I did not pick her for even sides. She was like my little sister while she was in college. I have always looked after her, defended her, and had her best interests in mind. Like I said you guys don't know me or her, nor do you know the full context.

And you, my dear, are a terrible friend. I have known people like you and guess what, the operative word is "Known". Please keep espousing how horrible we are, while you are at it, could you tell us that you feel sorry for our future/current spouses @arrrghmatey would really like to fill her BINGO card