How do you address your ILs?

loro929

DH and I got married 2 months ago today (yay!). We were together for 5 years before we got married, so I really go to know his family. However, we live a plane ride away from them, so we see each other probably around 5 times a year (which we are very fortunate to be able to do considering the distance). So, DH is away on business and I have been sitting here and thinking about my ILs. We get along great and I  really love them. What got me thinking was how I address my ILs . Personally, I address my ILs by their first names, but my parents, for instance, address their ILs (my grandmothers) as "mom". I address my ILs with their first name because... I really don't know, it feels most comfortable to me.

So, I was curious if there is any type of standard. How do you all address your ILs? Any reason for that particular choice?

ShesSoCold

My MIL signs cards "mom & stepdad last name" so I think she wants me to call her mom. But fuck that. I call her Linda, if anything. 

lovemesomemonster

I either address them as mom and dad or by their first names. We're not married yet but been with the guy for 7 years and lived with his parents for 6 months when we were in college so I got to know them really well (we were all sharing one bathroom that was in their room the first time I visited thanks to a remodel on the house). My dad calls my grandpa by his first name, I think it's just a preference thing.

labro

By their first names. I grew up with my mom and dad referring to their respective ILs by their first names and that's how I was introduced to them when H and I were dating. I know they've mentioned I can call them mom and dad but I'm really not comfortable with that. My H's parents called their ILs mom and dad so I think that's the standard in their family...but I just can't bring myself to do it.

loro929

My ILs sign cards with their names, so I guess they aren't expecting anything more but it just got me thinking whether calling your ILs "mom" and "dad" is becoming an antiquated tradition; especially because I know other family members and family friends from my parent's generation pretty much all address their ILs as such.

PandaNikki

I call them by their first names, but I call DH's grandfather Grandpa. FIL will sign emails with "Dad" but most of the time it's an email to both of us. DH calls my parents by their first name (or, most of the time, he calls my mom "Nikki's Mommy", because it's funny). I think he calls my paternal grandmother "Memere" but I'm not sure what he calls my maternal grandmother, come to think of it.

My dad calls my mom's parents by their first names, but called my mom's grandparents "Memere" and "Pepere". Growing up I remember my mom calling my dad's mom "Mrs. Lastname", but my dad's dad was "Pops" to everyone. My MIL calls her FIL "Dad".

princessleia22

I refer to them as mom & dad sometimes when talking to DH, but if I'm talking to them directly I usually call them by their first names.  But, then there's the occasional time where I'll be like, "thanks, mom".  It kind of depends on my mood and the context, I guess. 

cupcait927

By their first names. It would be way too weird to call them mom and dad.

julieanne912

Just their names.  I only have one mom and dad.  

Maggie0829

Ms. First Name and Mr. First Name.  I don't know why but I feel strange not using the titles.  But definitely not Mom and Dad because they aren't my Mom and Dad so why would I call them that?

kvruns

loro929 said:

My ILs sign cards with their names, so I guess they aren't expecting anything more but it just got me thinking whether calling your ILs "mom" and "dad" is becoming an antiquated tradition; especially because I know other family members and family friends from my parent's generation pretty much all address their ILs as such.

BOXBOXBOX

Ditto all of this

TNDancer

I call his parents by their names. My FI calls my mom "mom" and my dad by his name. I think it is just the level of comfort/familiarity we have with each person.

MrsMack10612

I call my ILs by their first names (if I call them anything).  We only see them a few times a year.  When my parents died they signed the cards MIL First Name & FIL First Name.

When they send us cards, it's signed mom & dad.

H also called my parents by their first names, but I think my mom signed cards just to him as mom.  She grew up where all of our friends always called her mom and most of my SIL/BIL have also called her mom, though some it was her first name.  

PamBeesly524

I call mine Mil and Fil, at their requests. They told me to use whatever I was comfortable with, but gave that as a suggestion. I thought it was a nice way of acknowledging that we are close, but that they aren't my "mom and dad." I'm still getting used it it but I like it!

littlemushroom

I call them by their first names, but will likely switch to calling them mom and dad once we reach that level of familiarity. I honestly can't recall my parents ever referring to their in laws by their first names OR mom/dad. It was always "your mom/dad" or grandma X/y, whatever. In person, we rarely use names with family as there is little need. My cousins' spouses refer to their in laws/my aunts/uncles as mom/dad though.

Growing up, I called my BFF's parents mom and dad when I was there. She did the same with my parents. We referred to each others parents in front of our own as mom 2 and dad 2. We just had such a level of familiarity with each other's family that it was normal. We went on vacations together and hung out almost every day. That's why I think eventually I will refer to in laws as mom and dad one day once we reach a certain level of closeness.

OliveOilsMom

I call MIL by her first name.  When I first met her, I called her Mrs. Lastname.  Once, while at a big dinner, I kept saying Mrs. Lastname over and over again, trying to get her attention.  Finally, I stopped and said her first name.  She immediately stopped and turned towards me.  From then on I've called her by her first name.

When we did get married, I had H ask her prior if she would prefer I call her mom.  She said she didn't care and to do what I was comfortable with, so I keep up with the first name. 

For my parents, my mom has told H that he can call her by her first name, mom or still Mrs. Lastname, so he sticks with Mrs. Lastname.  But my dad said for my H to call him by his first name or a variation of Lastname which is a nickname my dad uses.  H felt a little weird about those options at first (he is a bit old fashioned) but he has come to call my dad that variation of Lastname.  I do think my mom signs birthday cards to H as "Mom & Dad Lastname" though.

CMGragain

Conservative lady here.  Even I used first names with my in-laws, but after my children were born, they became Grandma and GrandDad.

lovesclimbing

Their first names. Or I'll often talk about "your mom" or "your dad" or "your parents." H calls my parents by their first names as well. I could never call my in laws mom and dad. I told H that once, and he was a bit hurt. I told him I really like them. I chat with his mom on the phone every so often. I enjoy visiting them. I've even said I love you to them, and I cried the last time we hugged goodbye and left on the plane.

But they're not my parents. I have amazing parents, and I would feel so weird calling anyone else mom and dad.

They sign mom and dad in emails and such, but that's because they're either going to both of us or just H.

I do expect to call them grandpa and grandma when talking to my kids, but that's different because they will be our kids grandparents.

My parents called their inlaws by their first names.

luckya23

My parents are plenty for me, so I will always call them by their first names. 

spockforprez

First names. I never used Mr & Mrs Last Name, just went straight for first names right from the start lol. 

madamerwin

I call H's parents by their first names most of the time, though I call MIL "mother dearest" in a tongue-in-cheek way sometimes (to her face, not in a snarky, behind-the-back way). And I guess I call her "mother" sometimes. But mostly just first name. I can't imagine EVER calling FIL dad - we are not very close to him or his wife.

I call one of my BILs "little bro" sometimes, and he calls me "little sis" - because he's younger than me, but I'm smaller. So we call each other little.

To me, calling the IL's mom and dad would be like calling my dad's wife mom, which seems odd to me. But hey, different strokes for different folks.

luckya23

spockforprez said:

First names. I never used Mr & Mrs Last Name, just went straight for first names right from the start lol. 

I guess I don't understand this... we were all adults when we met, why on earth would I call them Mr and Mrs?

madamerwin

luckya23 said:

spockforprez said:

First names. I never used Mr & Mrs Last Name, just went straight for first names right from the start lol. 

I guess I don't understand this... we were all adults when we met, why on earth would I call them Mr and Mrs?

I can't imagine calling H's parents Mr. and Mrs. Lastname... Just seems so formal. But I grew up in a family where kids always called adults by their first names, and I always associate Mrs. Lastname with teachers. My best friend growing up's parents preferred to be called Mr. and Mrs. X, so I called them that, but it always seemed oddly formal, even when I was young. I cannot imagine anyone calling ME Mrs. Lastname, and I prefer if even young kids call me by my first name.

spockforprez

tfmrserwin said:

luckya23 said:

spockforprez said:

First names. I never used Mr & Mrs Last Name, just went straight for first names right from the start lol. 

I guess I don't understand this... we were all adults when we met, why on earth would I call them Mr and Mrs?

I can't imagine calling H's parents Mr. and Mrs. Lastname... Just seems so formal. But I grew up in a family where kids always called adults by their first names, and I always associate Mrs. Lastname with teachers. My best friend growing up's parents preferred to be called Mr. and Mrs. X, so I called them that, but it always seemed oddly formal, even when I was young. I cannot imagine anyone calling ME Mrs. Lastname, and I prefer if even young kids call me by my first name.

First bolded: beats me, but I saw a few people mention they started off using Mr & Mrs so thought I'd throw that in there. 

Second bolded: totally agree!

MairePoppy

My SIL addresses us by our first names, which is fine with us. 

My own MIL never said 'please call me ....' so I didn't call her anything until my first child was born and I was able to address her as grandma. Strange, isn't it? My husband calls my parents Ma and Pops, the words he used for his own parents. To me, they are Mom and Dad.

luckya23

MairePoppy said:

My SIL addresses us by our first names, which is fine with us. 

My own MIL never said 'please call me ....' so I didn't call her anything until my first child was born and I was able to address her as grandma. Strange, isn't it? My husband calls my parents Ma and Pops, the words he used for his own parents. To me, they are Mom and Dad.

My dad took almost 30 years to call my mom's parents anything!

WinstonsGirl

First names, but probably cos that's what I called them when we were dating and it stuck.  Mil signs things as Mom  and her first name in brackets too, in case I wasn't sure if it was her or my Mom.  

My parents called my grandparents Granny and Grandpa, though Dad sometimes used Mom or Dad with them. 

loro929

It seems like the majority trend is to call ILs by their first name. However, what I was also thinking about is that I call my DHs aunts and uncles "Zia DH" or "Zio DH". I guess out of respect? When discussing aunts and uncles with MIL, she always referred to them to me as such, so I guess I just always responded as such and it stuck.

ILoveBeachMusic

I call my ILs Mom and Dad. Being raised in the south, I would never call an older adult by their first name unless told to do so. Mr. and Mrs. Lastname seemed too formal so for 32 years it has been Mom and Dad. Of course, after the kids were born, it became Grandma and Grandpap around the kids. H called my parents by their first names even though he was much closer to my mom than I am to his.

l9i

When we met it was Mr. & Mrs. Lastname (I was 17).  I grew up where all my friends parents were addressed this way and it was what I was used to.  Even now I find it weird to address some of those friends' parents by their first name, when most of my life they were Mrs. X, etc.  

I now call my ILs by their first name, although I don't think they'd care if I used Mom and Dad, but to me that is almost too comfortable.  DH also calls  my parents by their first names.  Between us, we'll use "your mom and your dad" etc.  To them, they are addressed by their first name, although I find it's very infrequent that I need to address them with their name unless I'm trying to get their attention.

emmaaa

I've know DH's parents since I was five, so for the longest time they were Mr. Mrs. LastName. When DH and I started dating in high school they asked me to call them by their first names (except when we were at school for MIL as she worked there). Once we were married they told me that I could call them Mom and Dad if I wanted. I am trying to get in the habit to do so but it'll take some getting use to. DH calls my parents by their first names now and my mom has requested he call her mom, so he is working on that.