How do you address your ILs?

Maggie0829

spockforprez said:

tfmrserwin said:

luckya23 said:

spockforprez said:

First names. I never used Mr & Mrs Last Name, just went straight for first names right from the start lol. 

I guess I don't understand this... we were all adults when we met, why on earth would I call them Mr and Mrs?

I can't imagine calling H's parents Mr. and Mrs. Lastname... Just seems so formal. But I grew up in a family where kids always called adults by their first names, and I always associate Mrs. Lastname with teachers. My best friend growing up's parents preferred to be called Mr. and Mrs. X, so I called them that, but it always seemed oddly formal, even when I was young. I cannot imagine anyone calling ME Mrs. Lastname, and I prefer if even young kids call me by my first name.

First bolded: beats me, but I saw a few people mention they started off using Mr & Mrs so thought I'd throw that in there. 

Second bolded: totally agree!

I use Mr and Ms because when I met them I was 17 and in my family kids always were taught to call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name.  And it just kind of stuck.  I still call my parents friends Mr. and Ms.  But I haven't used Mr. and Ms. Last Name since I was in school.

ericasm0703

I use Mr and Ms because when I met them I was 17 and in my family kids always were taught to call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name.  And it just kind of stuck.  I still call my parents friends Mr. and Ms.  But I haven't used Mr. and Ms. Last Name since I was in school.

Same in my family, although I feel weird when the kids around our new neighborhood call me Ms. Erica. I never called them Mr. or Ms. First name after the first time I said it because they told me I didn't have to be so formal; I just call them by their first names (or FIL's nickname that everyone calls him by). When referring to them to FI, I just use "your mom/dad/parents." FI calls my parents by their first names. Unless something happens where it's requested to call them (on either side) mom or dad, I think the way it is now is just fine.

Maggie0829

ericasm0703 said:

I use Mr and Ms because when I met them I was 17 and in my family kids always were taught to call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name.  And it just kind of stuck.  I still call my parents friends Mr. and Ms.  But I haven't used Mr. and Ms. Last Name since I was in school.

Same in my family, although I feel weird when the kids around our new neighborhood call me Ms. Erica. I never called them Mr. or Ms. First name after the first time I said it because they told me I didn't have to be so formal; I just call them by their first names (or FIL's nickname that everyone calls him by). When referring to them to FI, I just use "your mom/dad/parents." FI calls my parents by their first names. Unless something happens where it's requested to call them (on either side) mom or dad, I think the way it is now is just fine.

Our next door neighbors daughter calls me Ms. Maggie and I am all like "What?  I'm not an adult! There is no way I am old enough for that!"  But then I remember that I am.

ericasm0703

Maggie0829 said:

ericasm0703 said:

I use Mr and Ms because when I met them I was 17 and in my family kids always were taught to call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name.  And it just kind of stuck.  I still call my parents friends Mr. and Ms.  But I haven't used Mr. and Ms. Last Name since I was in school.

Same in my family, although I feel weird when the kids around our new neighborhood call me Ms. Erica. I never called them Mr. or Ms. First name after the first time I said it because they told me I didn't have to be so formal; I just call them by their first names (or FIL's nickname that everyone calls him by). When referring to them to FI, I just use "your mom/dad/parents." FI calls my parents by their first names. Unless something happens where it's requested to call them (on either side) mom or dad, I think the way it is now is just fine.

Our next door neighbors daughter calls me Ms. Maggie and I am all like "What?  I'm not an adult! There is no way I am old enough for that!"  But then I remember that I am.

Yes!!!! I love having all the kids around and we like having such a tight-knit community, but I die a little every time they call me Ms. Erica because I refuse to accept that I'm actually an adult. I blame my fellow firefighters for keeping me a forever 12 year old.

kmmssg

When I married into DH's family the wives of his 4 brothers and husbands of his 2 sisters called my ILs Mom and Dad.  I wasn't asked to - it was up to me on what to call them.  I hadn't had anyone to call mom and dad for almost 30 years so it felt wonderful to have someone I treasured to call mom and dad.  My MIL was a rockstar and My FIL is still going at 84 but much much much slower now.

My 3 sons-in-law call me by my first name and DH also.  My dds refer to their MIL's by first names.  I wouldn't have cared if they called them Mom, but that was in no way my business.

labro

ericasm0703 said:

Maggie0829 said:

ericasm0703 said:

I use Mr and Ms because when I met them I was 17 and in my family kids always were taught to call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name.  And it just kind of stuck.  I still call my parents friends Mr. and Ms.  But I haven't used Mr. and Ms. Last Name since I was in school.

Same in my family, although I feel weird when the kids around our new neighborhood call me Ms. Erica. I never called them Mr. or Ms. First name after the first time I said it because they told me I didn't have to be so formal; I just call them by their first names (or FIL's nickname that everyone calls him by). When referring to them to FI, I just use "your mom/dad/parents." FI calls my parents by their first names. Unless something happens where it's requested to call them (on either side) mom or dad, I think the way it is now is just fine.

Our next door neighbors daughter calls me Ms. Maggie and I am all like "What?  I'm not an adult! There is no way I am old enough for that!"  But then I remember that I am.

Yes!!!! I love having all the kids around and we like having such a tight-knit community, but I die a little every time they call me Ms. Erica because I refuse to accept that I'm actually an adult. I blame my fellow firefighters for keeping me a forever 12 year old.

See, I am the total opposite. I actually prefer being called Ms. LaBro by kids. It doesn't make me feel old or anything, but it feels...I dunno less respectful to me to be called by my first name by a really young kid. But we were also raised to call everyone Mr. Mrs. Ms. first name or last name growing up. My best friends parents were always Mr. and Mrs. Last Name and younger adults (like babysitters) were always Ms. First name.

I think if I had met H's parents while I was still in college or high school I would've called them Mr. and Mrs. Lastname, but since we didn't start dating until much later I called them by their first names. I introduced my H to my mom and dad by their first names too the first time they met.

fyrchk

I was brought up in a military family where all of my parents friends were called, "Mr or Mrs." In fact, 30 years later and I still call them that.

As I got older my friends kids either called me "Miss Myfirstname" because the South or just my last name because that's what they heard all the time at the firehouse.

I call FI's mom by her first name but she signs everything (including text messages) "mom." FI calls my parents by their first names. But they live out of state so he doesn't see them nearly as much as I see his mom.

madamerwin

WinstonsGirl said:

First names, but probably cos that's what I called them when we were dating and it stuck.  Mil signs things as Mom  and her first name in brackets too, in case I wasn't sure if it was her or my Mom.  

My parents called my grandparents Granny and Grandpa, though Dad sometimes used Mom or Dad with them. 

My dad signs cards/emails to us as DadFirstName - all one word (like DadJohn for example). We started addressing cards to him as such as well.

ShesSoCold

tfmrserwin said:

WinstonsGirl said:

First names, but probably cos that's what I called them when we were dating and it stuck.  Mil signs things as Mom  and her first name in brackets too, in case I wasn't sure if it was her or my Mom.  

My parents called my grandparents Granny and Grandpa, though Dad sometimes used Mom or Dad with them. 

My dad signs cards/emails to us as DadFirstName - all one word (like DadJohn for example). We started addressing cards to him as such as well.

MY MIL does this for H's stepdad. She'll sign cards to H from "mom and Bobdad" or "Dad Smith". I think she's trying to get H to call him his dad. 

cgss11

Just first names. I don't know them very well. I've actually only seen them in person 3 times (DH isn't close with them either).

DH sees my parents a little more, but just calls them by first names too. I could see him transitioning to Mom and Dad over time though.

lpeanut0610

I am sure my FMIL would love it if I called her mom, I don't think my FFIL would care either way. My parents passed away years ago, so I just don't know how I feel calling them mom and dad. At least not yet. First names it is.

spockforprez

Agreed on the posts about "Miss/Ms Firstname" - it's very common where I'm from. I was actually called that at church, even as a child - I guess I just have one of those names that goes well with the honorific. We still do this at work for older women... Ms. Angela, Ms. Colleen.

Spinning off a bit, do you know anyone whom you address by their first and last names together? There are just certain names that seem to be a package deal. "Hi Sally Smith!" I try not to get into this habit anymore as an adult, especially at work, but as a teenager I recall 4-5 people I always referred to by their full names.

ShesSoCold

spockforprez said:

Agreed on the posts about "Miss/Ms Firstname" - it's very common where I'm from. I was actually called that at church, even as a child - I guess I just have one of those names that goes well with the honorific. We still do this at work for older women... Ms. Angela, Ms. Colleen.

Spinning off a bit, do you know anyone whom you address by their first and last names together? There are just certain names that seem to be a package deal. "Hi Sally Smith!" I try not to get into this habit anymore as an adult, especially at work, but as a teenager I recall 4-5 people I always referred to by their full names.

I have two or three friends who I call by their full names. Most people in my circle do. I don't know why but their names just can't be Amy or Ben. It's gotta be Amy Jones and Ben Smith. 

emmaaa

spockforprez said:

Agreed on the posts about "Miss/Ms Firstname" - it's very common where I'm from. I was actually called that at church, even as a child - I guess I just have one of those names that goes well with the honorific. We still do this at work for older women... Ms. Angela, Ms. Colleen.

Spinning off a bit, do you know anyone whom you address by their first and last names together? There are just certain names that seem to be a package deal. "Hi Sally Smith!" I try not to get into this habit anymore as an adult, especially at work, but as a teenager I recall 4-5 people I always referred to by their full names.

DH and I have a good friend from high school that everyone calls by his first and last name all at once.

PrettyGirlLost

I've known my IL's for almost 14 years now.  When we were dating it was "Mr. and Mrs. LastName" so I still revert to that, even though they have told me to call them by their first names now.  It's hard to break a 14year habit!!!

FrankensteinBride

I don't actually talk much to my future in laws.  We don't see his father and his step mother at all, they've pretty much cut ties at this point (It apparently happens on and off with SO and them throughout the years). We did briefly live with his mother and step father, both I address by their first names. I'd feel awkward otherwise, his step father would most likely find it rather funny if I called him Mr Knight.

NowIamMrsKlein

I call them by their first names. My MIL always signs cards and things to me 'Mom Klein' so i know she would love it if I called her mom. But I have a mom and dad. They've raised me. I feel like it would be disrespectful to them to call my in-laws mum and dad. 

H jokingly refers to my mum as 'New Mom' now and then when he texts her about something but I know she would never want him to call her mom. Heck my SIL has been with my brother for 15 years, since they were 15 and she doesn't call them mom and dad so it would sure be weird for H to start doing it;)

DarthV8r

 Ma and dad ( because that's what they wanted) or Mumie and Bapo because that's what  our kids call them. F.I. refers to my mother by her first name or Nanie because that's what our kids call her. 

loro929

On a side note: my ILs are from and live in Italy. I fluently speak Italian so there was never a language barrier for me, but sometimes there can be a cultural barrier. I don't know if that has anything to do with it either. However, in Italian, children call their parents "mama" and "pappa" or "babbo" - which is definitely very colloquial and intimate, to me at least, - hence, another reason why I prefer to be on a first name basis. So, to spin-off a bit: anyone else have ILs from a different country or culture? How did you deal with any language/cultural barrier?

WinstonsGirl

My IL's are from Chile (DH was born there).  They moved to Canada when he was about 10 or so and learned French (Quebec).  They were planning on going back to Chile (FIL was in Uni here) so eventually put the kids in English school but ended up staying.  

I'm pretty lucky that there's no major language barrier.  Both speak English very well, pretty much fluently, but I also speak French, so we could have made it work.  DH's family sill all speak Spanish to each other.  

Cultural, there isn't much difference.  Maybe they've been in Canada long enough??  MIL still does 3 course meals, which are amazing, all on china and with proper setting cos that's how she was raised.  And she does bug us for kids, but it's in a nice way, so it doesn't really bother me.  I know part of that is from growing up Catholic in a country where family values are very important, in comparison to here.  More traditional I guess I'm trying to say.  

Basically, my IL's basically said that I make their son happy, so they like me and we all get along with no problems.  I got pretty lucky in terms of IL's

Wegl13

I call MIL and SFIL by their first names when I am talking to them, or when I am talking about them to anyone other than my husband. If I am talking about them to my husband, I call them by Mommy and Hisfirstname. She signs cards/texts to us "Mommy/Herfirstname." I call his grandparents by the same thing he calls his grandparents- Papa and Grandma. He calls my parents by their first names, unless he is talking to me, in which case it is "your mom and dad." I actually have no idea what he calls my grandparents.
My parents got married quite young in the South, and my dad said it was very stressful to figure out what to call my grandparents, because he wanted to be respectful but also acknowledge that he was also an adult now. He said he was so thankful why I was born because it gave him something to call them- and he has called them "Grandma and Gradndpa" ever since.

lhill128

My future MIL and I are very close and I call her by her first name or as a joke sometimes I'll say Mama Joanne.  Our kids call her Nanny so I'll refer to her as Nanny in front of our children.  But when I speak to her I call her by her first name.  I only have 1 Mom and Dad.. it'd be too awkward to call her that.

lyndausvi

We both call each other's parents by their first name.     As far as cards they send to us:

If it's to both us it's signed how they address their own child.  So a xmas card from MIL would sign it "mom"

If it's individual then it's how they address us.  So a birthday card from MIL to me would be her first name.

My parents are called by their first name by my DH and SIL#1.   SIL#2 calls them mom and dad.   BIL doesn't call them anything or grandma or Pop if he is around the kids.    

My parents said the only thing to do not want to be called is "Mr" or "Mrs".    BIL didn't want to call them mom and dad, but not their first names either.   20 years later he has pretty much stuck to nothing.

My sister's inlaws want her to call them mom and dad.  She refuses and like her husband pretty much calls them nothing or grammy and poppy around the kids.

My brothers both call their in-laws by their first name.   Honestly SIL#2 calling my parents mom and dad is weird to all of us.   My brothers doesn't call her parents mom and dad, no one else does, not sure why she like too.   ::shrugs:: 

arrrghmatey

Right now I am referring to them by their first names. Not sure what will happen after we're married next month, but I have a feeling I wills tiller ever to them by their first names, as I think they will still refer to themselves by their first names when addressing me.

My mother has made it perfectly clear that I am NOT to call FMIL 'Mom' under any circumstances. It obviously bothers my mom to hear her daughters call another woman 'Mom', especially when we are close to our MILs (both personally and in terms of physical distance). And I wouldn't mind acknowledging her wishes to not call FMIL 'Mom'….but my mom always referred to her ILs as 'Mom' and 'Dad'. So her being incredibly hypocritical really makes me roll my eyes. But whatever. At the very least I won't call FMIL 'Mom' in front of Mom.

lyndausvi

Maggie0829 said:

ericasm0703 said:

I use Mr and Ms because when I met them I was 17 and in my family kids always were taught to call adults Mr. or Ms. First Name.  And it just kind of stuck.  I still call my parents friends Mr. and Ms.  But I haven't used Mr. and Ms. Last Name since I was in school.

Same in my family, although I feel weird when the kids around our new neighborhood call me Ms. Erica. I never called them Mr. or Ms. First name after the first time I said it because they told me I didn't have to be so formal; I just call them by their first names (or FIL's nickname that everyone calls him by). When referring to them to FI, I just use "your mom/dad/parents." FI calls my parents by their first names. Unless something happens where it's requested to call them (on either side) mom or dad, I think the way it is now is just fine.

Our next door neighbors daughter calls me Ms. Maggie and I am all like "What?  I'm not an adult! There is no way I am old enough for that!"  But then I remember that I am.

this.

So all of our friends are really informal.     I went to visit my sister and my nieces had friends over, they tried to address me as "Mrs xxx".  I didn't respond.  Mostly because NO ONE ever calls me Mrs XX.  No where in my life do people call me Mrs anything.  I'm just first name or first and last name.      It sounded so strange.  Then they just started calling me "aunt first name".   Makes sense since that is how my nieces refer to me.     

 I have a bunch of friends who call my aunts "aunt so-n-so".  Mostly, because they is how I refer to her.   That is also why my parents are anti- Mr and Mrs.   My mom is like if you are going to call my older sister Aunt so-no-so, then you can call me by my first name too.

doclago

I call his Mom Momma XXXX  and his Step dad by his first name(as does he. mom remarried when DH was an adult).  DH calls my parents mom and dad. 

knottie93f96a98e60cf4f2

I them by their first names and since we have a 2 year old, i also call them Mimi and Papa.
My mom would be so offended if i called my FMIL "mom"-- probably especially because we are currently closer than i am with my mom.

I too called my friends parents Mr and Mrs Last name growing up (except with my best friends mom who immediately gasped and said "Mrs Smith is my mother in law! Call me by my name or Mom or anything but that". So over the years it evolved and she is still Mama Gise.)

I never did that with Future ILs cause i was an adult and they introduced themselves by their first names. Though if I run into the parent of a childhood friend or school mate i still say Mrs/Mr Lastname.

FMIL and I also call each other by pet names if we are being silly (things like "lady" "ma'am" "girl" and "hun")

southernbelle0915

We both call each others' parents by their first names. We dated for a few years before we were engaged/married and during that time it was first names. There was talk on both sides of "mom and dad" but we just didnt. For two reasons: 1) change was awkward and 2) we both already have a mom and dad, so..

charcoalandblush

I call them by their first names most of the time, but sometimes Mama and Papa (what DH calls them).