Moms and Maids

MOH vs. Dresses

2

Re: MOH vs. Dresses

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    geebee908 said:
    Brooke, change your username to something more anonymous for the sake of internet safety.
    Based on the Knot FAQ, it's impossible to change. Has anyone had success with changing it before?
    Go to tools then account settings and you can change it there.
    honey-brooke
  • SIB??  

    This is just a general response, not specifically to OP.  

    I know it's considered ok in the US to make bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, but I just don't understand that.  I agree with PP's that one option would be to give a color and length and let people pick whatever they want that way they can spend whatever they want or borrow, or whatever.  If the bride is going to dictate what dress they want you to wear though, I really think they should pay for it!  This applies to anything else (shoes, jewelry, accessories, etc) so I don't get why the dresses are different.  Where did this dumb "tradition" come from, does anyone know?

    I think brides would 1) be more reasonable about dresses if they paid for the BM's and 2) it would eliminate SO MUCH DRAMA....i don't gaf what ugly (to me) color or style you pick if I don't have to pay for it.  

    sorry to hijack, this is a topic that just really really drives me batty. 
    JediElizabethSP29short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Casadena said:
    SIB??  

    This is just a general response, not specifically to OP.  

    I know it's considered ok in the US to make bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, but I just don't understand that.  I agree with PP's that one option would be to give a color and length and let people pick whatever they want that way they can spend whatever they want or borrow, or whatever.  If the bride is going to dictate what dress they want you to wear though, I really think they should pay for it!  This applies to anything else (shoes, jewelry, accessories, etc) so I don't get why the dresses are different.  Where did this dumb "tradition" come from, does anyone know?

    I think brides would 1) be more reasonable about dresses if they paid for the BM's and 2) it would eliminate SO MUCH DRAMA....i don't gaf what ugly (to me) color or style you pick if I don't have to pay for it.  

    sorry to hijack, this is a topic that just really really drives me batty. 
    Yeah, I did the color/fabric pick your own style thing, and more and more I just wish I'd let them wear whatever. I know some BMs would be lost without guidance until they wrapped their head around the fact that the bride really did not care, but they'd get there. For the guys, we did "We're wearing black tuxes. If you have one already, wear that. If you don't, here's a place we found that will give you a solid deal." That seemed super laid back at the time but I wish we hadn't bothered with a specific dress code for them either. I can see the perspective that if it's truly so important TO YOU that I wear this, it's something you should be paying for.

    Anniversary

    geebee908
  • I've said this more than once on here, but I definitely feel that dictating any part of a person's clothing is using that person as a piece of the decor and don't see how people can still be okay with telling their closest loved ones what to wear. How much easier would it be if everyone just took care of clothing themselves?
    InLoveInQueens
  • Casadena said:
    SIB??  

    This is just a general response, not specifically to OP.  

    I know it's considered ok in the US to make bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, but I just don't understand that.  I agree with PP's that one option would be to give a color and length and let people pick whatever they want that way they can spend whatever they want or borrow, or whatever.  If the bride is going to dictate what dress they want you to wear though, I really think they should pay for it!  This applies to anything else (shoes, jewelry, accessories, etc) so I don't get why the dresses are different.  Where did this dumb "tradition" come from, does anyone know?

    I think brides would 1) be more reasonable about dresses if they paid for the BM's and 2) it would eliminate SO MUCH DRAMA....i don't gaf what ugly (to me) color or style you pick if I don't have to pay for it.  

    sorry to hijack, this is a topic that just really really drives me batty. 
    I understand customs are different everywhere but in this instance, the only thing I'm asking them to purchase is the dress. I'm giving them flexibility on shoes, and I'm paying for them to have their hair done, giving them eye shadow palettes for them to do their own makeup, and gifting them their jewelry.
  • geebee908 said:
    I hope that you're not dictating a hair style or makeup, because everyone should be able to have the ultimate say in those. Also, if the jewelry is something you want them to wear with their outfit for the day, that's not a gift for them, it's for you and your vision. You should be getting them an actual gift to thank them for standing up with you that they would enjoy and suits their interests, and has nothing to do with the wedding.
    Everyone on the knot always says this about the gifts. Every one of my 5 bridesmaids have been married before and I have been in every one of their weddings. At every wedding, I was gifted jewelry. I like the jewelry and yes I did wear it in their weddings, but I also still wear this jewelry on a regular basis. I get what you're saying and your point, but since all of my bridesmaids gave me jewelry, I am also giving them jewelry. I got them each nice diamond necklaces and if they don't want to wear them in the wedding then that's fine by me but I don't see anything wrong with the gift of jewelry for bridesmaids. 
    honey-brookeshort+sassy
  • SP29SP29
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    geebee908 said:
    I hope that you're not dictating a hair style or makeup, because everyone should be able to have the ultimate say in those. Also, if the jewelry is something you want them to wear with their outfit for the day, that's not a gift for them, it's for you and your vision. You should be getting them an actual gift to thank them for standing up with you that they would enjoy and suits their interests, and has nothing to do with the wedding.
    Everyone on the knot always says this about the gifts. Every one of my 5 bridesmaids have been married before and I have been in every one of their weddings. At every wedding, I was gifted jewelry. I like the jewelry and yes I did wear it in their weddings, but I also still wear this jewelry on a regular basis. I get what you're saying and your point, but since all of my bridesmaids gave me jewelry, I am also giving them jewelry. I got them each nice diamond necklaces and if they don't want to wear them in the wedding then that's fine by me but I don't see anything wrong with the gift of jewelry for bridesmaids. 
    The catch here is- is it jewelry the bride expects her WP to wear on the wedding day, or is it jewelry the WP members actually like and would wear again?

    I did get my MOH and BM jewelry as part of their gift, but they got very different pieces and were not required to wear them on the wedding day (in fact they were part of my wedding dress "mail" that got lost, so they didn't get their thank you gifts until a month after the wedding- fortunately they knew how to accessorize themselves ;) ).
    short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • Too many people still think that getting all the bridesmaids the same necklace and earrings and whatnot that are obviously meant to be worn with their dress is a good thank-you gift and it's not. A gift of jewelry that was chosen for the individual with their taste in mind and isn't required for the wedding day is a good thank-you gift. I just tend to assume the worst with these posts.
    SP29charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • geebee908 said:
    I hope that you're not dictating a hair style or makeup, because everyone should be able to have the ultimate say in those. Also, if the jewelry is something you want them to wear with their outfit for the day, that's not a gift for them, it's for you and your vision. You should be getting them an actual gift to thank them for standing up with you that they would enjoy and suits their interests, and has nothing to do with the wedding.
    Everyone on the knot always says this about the gifts. Every one of my 5 bridesmaids have been married before and I have been in every one of their weddings. At every wedding, I was gifted jewelry. I like the jewelry and yes I did wear it in their weddings, but I also still wear this jewelry on a regular basis. I get what you're saying and your point, but since all of my bridesmaids gave me jewelry, I am also giving them jewelry. I got them each nice diamond necklaces and if they don't want to wear them in the wedding then that's fine by me but I don't see anything wrong with the gift of jewelry for bridesmaids. 

    As long as it is something that they would appreciate. I've received some jewelry from being in weddings (one where I had to wear it for the wedding and others where it was just the gift) and I have hated them all. I'm picky about my jewelry. I would say this is a know your crowd and never as a gift if you expect to wear it for the wedding.
    short+sassySP29charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • ernursej said:
    geebee908 said:
    I hope that you're not dictating a hair style or makeup, because everyone should be able to have the ultimate say in those. Also, if the jewelry is something you want them to wear with their outfit for the day, that's not a gift for them, it's for you and your vision. You should be getting them an actual gift to thank them for standing up with you that they would enjoy and suits their interests, and has nothing to do with the wedding.
    Everyone on the knot always says this about the gifts. Every one of my 5 bridesmaids have been married before and I have been in every one of their weddings. At every wedding, I was gifted jewelry. I like the jewelry and yes I did wear it in their weddings, but I also still wear this jewelry on a regular basis. I get what you're saying and your point, but since all of my bridesmaids gave me jewelry, I am also giving them jewelry. I got them each nice diamond necklaces and if they don't want to wear them in the wedding then that's fine by me but I don't see anything wrong with the gift of jewelry for bridesmaids. 

    As long as it is something that they would appreciate. I've received some jewelry from being in weddings (one where I had to wear it for the wedding and others where it was just the gift) and I have hated them all. I'm picky about my jewelry. I would say this is a know your crowd and never as a gift if you expect to wear it for the wedding.
    Fair enough. 
  •   
    Mircakes said:
    I can kind of understand your friend. I have anxiety about showing my arms because they have bad stretch marks and loose skin from when I was overweight. My first thought regarding being a bridesmaid is "will I have to show my arms?" If the answer is yes with no other options (like different styles for different bridesmaids), I'd probably opt out of being a bridesmaid because that is how bad my insecurity and anxiety is. 

    But, I would not expect the bride to change all the dresses specifically for me, especially since sleeveless dresses are really common for bridesmaids. For my own wedding, I plan to allow bridesmaids to choose their own style and color (from a set of potential colors). I think that the days of bridesmaids being expected to wear identical dresses are kinda over. 
    Thank you for your perspective. <3 I know anxiety manifests itself differently for everybody and I just need to keep that in mind for the rest of my wedding party, not just myself.
    JediElizabethSP29
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    CMGragain said:
    It is the MOH's duty to show up at your wedding, wearing the dress you have chosen.  If she doesn't want to do this, then it is up to her to either buy the dress and wear it, or to resign as MOH.  Her choice, not yours.  When SHE is the bride, it will be her turn to choose colors.  I hope she gets payback when the time comes!

    Personally, if my dearest friend asked me to wear a clown suit and stand next to her at her wedding, I would try to talk her out of it, but I would ultimately do as she wished.
    Image result for image clown female
    I wouldn't.  If I'm not comfortable in it, I'm not wearing it.  A real friend wouldn't ask me to.



    levioosacharlotte989875InLoveInQueensredoryx
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Mircakes said:
    I can kind of understand your friend. I have anxiety about showing my arms because they have bad stretch marks and loose skin from when I was overweight. My first thought regarding being a bridesmaid is "will I have to show my arms?" If the answer is yes with no other options (like different styles for different bridesmaids), I'd probably opt out of being a bridesmaid because that is how bad my insecurity and anxiety is. 

    But, I would not expect the bride to change all the dresses specifically for me, especially since sleeveless dresses are really common for bridesmaids. For my own wedding, I plan to allow bridesmaids to choose their own style and color (from a set of potential colors). I think that the days of bridesmaids being expected to wear identical dresses are kinda over. 
    From your lips to God's ear.......
    Viczaesarflantasticcharlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • geebee908 said:
    I hope that you're not dictating a hair style or makeup, because everyone should be able to have the ultimate say in those. Also, if the jewelry is something you want them to wear with their outfit for the day, that's not a gift for them, it's for you and your vision. You should be getting them an actual gift to thank them for standing up with you that they would enjoy and suits their interests, and has nothing to do with the wedding.
    Everyone on the knot always says this about the gifts. Every one of my 5 bridesmaids have been married before and I have been in every one of their weddings. At every wedding, I was gifted jewelry. I like the jewelry and yes I did wear it in their weddings, but I also still wear this jewelry on a regular basis. I get what you're saying and your point, but since all of my bridesmaids gave me jewelry, I am also giving them jewelry. I got them each nice diamond necklaces and if they don't want to wear them in the wedding then that's fine by me but I don't see anything wrong with the gift of jewelry for bridesmaids. 
    The catch here is- is it jewelry the bride expects her WP to wear on the wedding day, or is it jewelry the WP members actually like and would wear again?

    I did get my MOH and BM jewelry as part of their gift, but they got very different pieces and were not required to wear them on the wedding day (in fact they were part of my wedding dress "mail" that got lost, so they didn't get their thank you gifts until a month after the wedding- fortunately they knew how to accessorize themselves ;) ). 
    Agreed. I have received jewelry twice for weddings I was in. The first, we all got bracelets individualized to our taste. One of the BMs wore hers to the wedding because it "went" but at least two of the other pieces wouldn't have even gone with the dress. The second, we all got identical necklaces that matched the dress and we were expected to wear them. I've worn the bracelet dozens of times since, in fact, I wore it yesterday. The necklace hasn't been worn since the wedding. 

       
    Mircakes said:
    I can kind of understand your friend. I have anxiety about showing my arms because they have bad stretch marks and loose skin from when I was overweight. My first thought regarding being a bridesmaid is "will I have to show my arms?" If the answer is yes with no other options (like different styles for different bridesmaids), I'd probably opt out of being a bridesmaid because that is how bad my insecurity and anxiety is. 

    But, I would not expect the bride to change all the dresses specifically for me, especially since sleeveless dresses are really common for bridesmaids. For my own wedding, I plan to allow bridesmaids to choose their own style and color (from a set of potential colors). I think that the days of bridesmaids being expected to wear identical dresses are kinda over. 
    Thank you for your perspective. <3 I know anxiety manifests itself differently for everybody and I just need to keep that in mind for the rest of my wedding party, not just myself. 
    Personally, I don't think your situation, @honey-brooke, and @Mircakes situation are very similar. I think bridesmaids' modesty should be taken into account when choosing a dress. I think there is a huge difference between asking someone to wear a color they aren't a huge fan of and asking someone to wear something that violates their modesty standards.

    I think the MOH is just being a pain, and I really think she's over exaggerating by saying a color, a COLOR! (which isn't even an overly bad color like fluorescent yellow or the clown costume cmg posted), gives her anxiety enough to make her physically ill and run away from the ceremony. If you want to be really nice, sure, go ahead and have her wear tan or whatever neutral you were talking about for the MOHs instead, but I don't think you have to, and I don't think you'd be being a bridezilla if you told her the dress is green and that's what you're sticking with.
    Bridezilla behavior or not, I don't see why anyone would do the bolded. I would never put my foot down and tell my friend she has to wear something she hates (with the implication of her not being in my bridal party if she doesn't). That's poor behavior in every other situation, so why is it ok here? Pictures?
    STARMOON44geebee908charlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited April 2017
    My daughter chose medium/light blue for her bridesmaids.  Two of them were not thrilled with the color, but they found dresses in that color and purchased them.  She gave them their choice of styles, and wasn't picky about the shade.  I can't imagine someone having a hissy-fit about a color.  you can always sell the dress later if you really hate it.
    A few years ago, brown was in fashion.  I remember an episode of Two and a Half Men where a bridesmaids referred to her dress as being "the color of shit"!  Now brown is a color that really looks terrible on some people.  Emerald green - fine!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
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    geebee908 said:
    I hope that you're not dictating a hair style or makeup, because everyone should be able to have the ultimate say in those. Also, if the jewelry is something you want them to wear with their outfit for the day, that's not a gift for them, it's for you and your vision. You should be getting them an actual gift to thank them for standing up with you that they would enjoy and suits their interests, and has nothing to do with the wedding.
    Everyone on the knot always says this about the gifts. Every one of my 5 bridesmaids have been married before and I have been in every one of their weddings. At every wedding, I was gifted jewelry. I like the jewelry and yes I did wear it in their weddings, but I also still wear this jewelry on a regular basis. I get what you're saying and your point, but since all of my bridesmaids gave me jewelry, I am also giving them jewelry. I got them each nice diamond necklaces and if they don't want to wear them in the wedding then that's fine by me but I don't see anything wrong with the gift of jewelry for bridesmaids. 
    The catch here is- is it jewelry the bride expects her WP to wear on the wedding day, or is it jewelry the WP members actually like and would wear again?

    I did get my MOH and BM jewelry as part of their gift, but they got very different pieces and were not required to wear them on the wedding day (in fact they were part of my wedding dress "mail" that got lost, so they didn't get their thank you gifts until a month after the wedding- fortunately they knew how to accessorize themselves ;) ). 
    Agreed. I have received jewelry twice for weddings I was in. The first, we all got bracelets individualized to our taste. One of the BMs wore hers to the wedding because it "went" but at least two of the other pieces wouldn't have even gone with the dress. The second, we all got identical necklaces that matched the dress and we were expected to wear them. I've worn the bracelet dozens of times since, in fact, I wore it yesterday. The necklace hasn't been worn since the wedding. 

       
    Mircakes said:
    I can kind of understand your friend. I have anxiety about showing my arms because they have bad stretch marks and loose skin from when I was overweight. My first thought regarding being a bridesmaid is "will I have to show my arms?" If the answer is yes with no other options (like different styles for different bridesmaids), I'd probably opt out of being a bridesmaid because that is how bad my insecurity and anxiety is. 

    But, I would not expect the bride to change all the dresses specifically for me, especially since sleeveless dresses are really common for bridesmaids. For my own wedding, I plan to allow bridesmaids to choose their own style and color (from a set of potential colors). I think that the days of bridesmaids being expected to wear identical dresses are kinda over. 
    Thank you for your perspective. <3 I know anxiety manifests itself differently for everybody and I just need to keep that in mind for the rest of my wedding party, not just myself. 
    Personally, I don't think your situation, @honey-brooke, and @Mircakes situation are very similar. I think bridesmaids' modesty should be taken into account when choosing a dress. I think there is a huge difference between asking someone to wear a color they aren't a huge fan of and asking someone to wear something that violates their modesty standards.

    I think the MOH is just being a pain, and I really think she's over exaggerating by saying a color, a COLOR! (which isn't even an overly bad color like fluorescent yellow or the clown costume cmg posted), gives her anxiety enough to make her physically ill and run away from the ceremony. If you want to be really nice, sure, go ahead and have her wear tan or whatever neutral you were talking about for the MOHs instead, but I don't think you have to, and I don't think you'd be being a bridezilla if you told her the dress is green and that's what you're sticking with.
    Bridezilla behavior or not, I don't see why anyone would do the bolded. I would never put my foot down and tell my friend she has to wear something she hates (with the implication of her not being in my bridal party if she doesn't). That's poor behavior in every other situation, so why is it ok here? Pictures?
    And I would never put my foot down and tell my friend her choice of colors is ugly, and I can't wear a color I don't prefer for one day. I would say that's also poor behavior. Two of the three bridesmaid dresses I've worn were not what I preferred. One of them actually was a dark green, which isn't a color I wear, and everything about the dress I disliked from the sleeve style to the fabric to the length to the neckline to the silhouette. I still wore it, didn't say a word to the bride about disliking it, and I never wore it again and gave it to a thrift store during our last move. 

    MobKazDrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueens
  • CMGragain said:
    My daughter chose medium/light blue for her bridesmaids.  Two of them were not thrilled with the color, but they found dresses in that color and purchased them.  She gave them their choice of styles, and wasn't picky about the shade.  I can't imagine someone having a hissy-fit about a color.  you can always sell the dress later if you really hate it.
    A few years ago, brown was in fashion.  I remember an episode of Two and a Half Men where a bridesmaids referred to her dress as being "the color of shit"!  Now brown is a color that really looks terrible on some people.  Emerald green - fine!
    I think it can be about really listening to the friend and filtering through what's anxiety and what's being really picky.   

    Color example: yellow looks great on some people but I will not wear it near my face.    It makes me look tired and washed out.   If you picked a yellow dress I'd make a face and might try to convince you to do something else I hate it that much.   
    charlotte989875
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    When I got married I told my BMs I was considering pink or purple. One said either was fine, the other said pink would wash her out. We went with purple. The wedding I was in was much the same. Orange or Red? Preferably neither, but red is better. Red it was. 

    It's a color. She's not asking you to be topless during the reception, wear a clown suit, or dance down the aisle. 
    AddieCake
  • Yeah I have to agree that you have to draw the line somewhere. Yes the bride should be considerate of her bridesmaids preferences, body shapes, and modesty but the bridesmaid should also be considerate of the brides wishes as well. It's a COLOR. To me, if you hate a color so much that you would rather not be in the wedding than wear the color for ONE DAY then you probably don't care that much about the bride. 
    DrillSergeantCat[Deleted User]
  • Hallelujah to the trend of identical BM dresses dying!!

    I think there's a spectrum of "uniform" guidelines for every bride/groom. They range from specifying: identical dresses, to specifying a designer/color/length/fabric, to just a length/color, to just a color, to no color but a certain level of formality, to literally no guidelines at all. We all fall somewhere on here, right? 

    Wherever someone personally falls on that spectrum, the important thing should be that the bride/groom talk to each WP member privately about: 1) their budget and 2) deal-breakers and comfort (e.g. uncomfortable in strapless, panic attacks in green, etc.). 

    IMHO, if you do those two things before choosing anything, whether you're in camp "whatever you want! jeans and a tank are fine" or camp "David's bridal, chiffon, petal pink", you're fine.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    SP29eileenrob
  • Yeah I have to agree that you have to draw the line somewhere. Yes the bride should be considerate of her bridesmaids preferences, body shapes, and modesty but the bridesmaid should also be considerate of the brides wishes as well. It's a COLOR. To me, if you hate a color so much that you would rather not be in the wedding than wear the color for ONE DAY then you probably don't care that much about the bride. 
    This is true too.  I wouldn't turn down being a BM if a dear friend picked a color that I thought wouldn't flatter me.   But I would say, "Hey bride to be would you consider a different color?   Can I show you what I look like in that shade before you make that choice? 

    For a dear friend I would wear a clown suit.   But I might have a camp fire in honor of her wedding the following day too. 
    charlotte989875greeninspringSP29
  • I've been following this thread and maybe someone can give some insight so I can better understand OP's bm dress issue ...

    I have anxiety but I've never had anything affect me colour related so I'm just having a hard time grasping what is happening with the dress colour.
    I get what PPs have said about feeling self conscious about showing arms, etc but OP said the bm said about the colour.


    Could someone explain to me this situation? I've personally never heard of it, and it's really giving me a hard time understand the issue at hand.
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    I've been following this thread and maybe someone can give some insight so I can better understand OP's bm dress issue ...

    I have anxiety but I've never had anything affect me colour related so I'm just having a hard time grasping what is happening with the dress colour.
    I get what PPs have said about feeling self conscious about showing arms, etc but OP said the bm said about the colour.


    Could someone explain to me this situation? I've personally never heard of it, and it's really giving me a hard time understand the issue at hand.
    CoMOH is having a fit because she's claiming the color green causes her such severe anxiety that she'll be unable to walk in the processional. I guess you could have anxiety tied to a color, but as pp pointed out, as a BFF you'd think you'd be aware of such a strong negative reaction.
    MissKittyDanger
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I've been following this thread and maybe someone can give some insight so I can better understand OP's bm dress issue ...

    I have anxiety but I've never had anything affect me colour related so I'm just having a hard time grasping what is happening with the dress colour.
    I get what PPs have said about feeling self conscious about showing arms, etc but OP said the bm said about the colour.


    Could someone explain to me this situation? I've personally never heard of it, and it's really giving me a hard time understand the issue at hand.
    I look awful in yellow, as do quite a lot of white people. I'd say that I might feel as ugly in a yellow dress as I would in one that accentuated a "problem area." That's about all I've got.

    Anniversary

  • I've been following this thread and maybe someone can give some insight so I can better understand OP's bm dress issue ...

    I have anxiety but I've never had anything affect me colour related so I'm just having a hard time grasping what is happening with the dress colour.
    I get what PPs have said about feeling self conscious about showing arms, etc but OP said the bm said about the colour.


    Could someone explain to me this situation? I've personally never heard of it, and it's really giving me a hard time understand the issue at hand.
    I look awful in yellow, as do quite a lot of white people. I'd say that I might feel as ugly in a yellow dress as I would in one that accentuated a "problem area." That's about all I've got.
    That's exactly how I feel.  I think I look sick in it.   Dark under eye circles look pronounced, skin looks washed out and it's unpleasant.

    And I don't often talk about it but you'd be hard pressed to find the color in my wardrobe. 
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    edited April 2017
    I've been following this thread and maybe someone can give some insight so I can better understand OP's bm dress issue ...

    I have anxiety but I've never had anything affect me colour related so I'm just having a hard time grasping what is happening with the dress colour.
    I get what PPs have said about feeling self conscious about showing arms, etc but OP said the bm said about the colour.


    Could someone explain to me this situation? I've personally never heard of it, and it's really giving me a hard time understand the issue at hand.
    CoMOH is having a fit because she's claiming the color green causes her such severe anxiety that she'll be unable to walk in the processional. I guess you could have anxiety tied to a color, but as pp pointed out, as a BFF you'd think you'd be aware of such a strong negative reaction.
    This isn't always how anxiety works. A lot of the time there's an obsessive component to anxiety, which can be triggered by going outside ones comfort zone. Sometimes, people with anxiety don't know what will trigger them until confronted with it. They will then sometimes engage in obsessive thoughts, which leads them to eventual panic. It may not be about the surface thing (dress color) but underlying issues (body image, for example). The surface issue is much easier to express though. 

    I assume CoMOH stays in her color comfort zone because of a combination of believing those colors look best on her and anxiety about not looking good. It may not even be conscious; she just buys what makes her comfortable. When given a new color she was probably uncomfortable but didn't want to say anything (anxiety) and thought it would be NBD. When OP chose the dress, she probably tried to pretend it was ok, but then engaged in obsessive thoughts until she *had* to say something (via text). And now I'd bet she feels bad because she doesn't want to be a bother and she made this scene, triggering more anxiety. 

    Of course I don't know that for sure. My anxiety has never been triggered over the color of a dress; it's more likely to be triggered by the size of a crowd, and very rarely even then. But I and other friends/family of mine with anxiety have gone through that same script with other things often enough that I can surmise where OP's friend is coming from. 

    edited for autocorrect/typos
    charlotte989875ernursejflantasticredoryx
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I've been following this thread and maybe someone can give some insight so I can better understand OP's bm dress issue ...

    I have anxiety but I've never had anything affect me colour related so I'm just having a hard time grasping what is happening with the dress colour.
    I get what PPs have said about feeling self conscious about showing arms, etc but OP said the bm said about the colour.


    Could someone explain to me this situation? I've personally never heard of it, and it's really giving me a hard time understand the issue at hand.
    I think I mentioned (in this thread) that I had to wear a yellow dress for a wedding.  I hated it.  I don't own any yellow, I don't look good in yellow.  The dress color wasn't even supposed to be yellow--the bride chose coral and then a BM-zilla went out and bought a mustard yellow dress with the excuse that it was the only dress that came in her size (same dress came in the exact coral the bride wanted).  So then all BM dresses changed to yellow because the bride was conflict avoidant and she couldn't bring herself to tell the BM to take the dress back. To add to the annoyance, yellow was not in that fall so it was super hard to find yellow dresses.  Then BAM, the spring after the wedding there were like a million of them for a year.  


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