Moms and Maids

MOH vs. Dresses

I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)

When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time. 

Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."

Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.

She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.

I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:

  • Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
  • I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
  • I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.
«13

Re: MOH vs. Dresses

  • I guess I see your point, but she's your best friend so I'd just pick a different color for everyone. 
  • I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)

    When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time. 

    Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."

    Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.

    She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.

    I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:

    • Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
    • I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
    • I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
    Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.
    You don't have to appease your friend/change your wedding color if you don't want to, but I'm curious if you know she only wears blue, purple, black, and grey clothing why would you now ask to her to wear a different color, in front of people? 

    I think the easiest solution is to have her wear a separate color dress, or change all the dresses. It's not uncommon to have the MOH wear a separate color so she could wear grey and the remaining BMs wear green. 
    SP29ernursejshort+sassy
  • I guess I see your point, but she's your best friend so I'd just pick a different color for everyone. 
    I want to incorporate the green dresses somehow. It's my favorite color as well as my fiance's and the other 3 BMs and college BF/MOH are on board with all green. I don't want to pick a different color entirely because I know their opinions matter too. I just don't know how to make a compromise with my other MOH. (Changing my wedding colors completely isn't a compromise.)
  • I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)

    When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time. 

    Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."

    Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.

    She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.

    I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:

    • Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
    • I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
    • I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
    Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.
    First off, I am using green as my BM dresses too. I'm using a few different shades. When I was deciding on colors, a lot of people told me they thought green was ugly. I went back and forth and finally decided to go with it since green has ALWAYS been my favorite color. 

    Have you thought about letting your MOHs wear a gold sequined dress? There are some really cute pictures you can find on Pinterest with this color scheme of Emerald green and sequin gold. Or you could choose another complimentary color for the MOHs to wear and keep your other BMs wearing the emerald. 

    In my opinion, it sounds like your MOH is just being dramatic and doesnt like the green. But of course I don't know her or how bad her anxiety is. I don't think that her simply not liking the color you chose is a good enough excuse though if that's the case. 

    As far as your alternative solutions go, the only one I would consider would be switching from green to grey. Don't change the order or not have her walk. Those are bad ideas. 
    short+sassyknottief16b91b9887217a6
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)

    When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time. 

    Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."

    Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.

    She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.

    I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:

    • Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
    • I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
    • I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
    Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.
    First off--there is no such thing as "MOH duties." The only thing your WP has to do is show up on time, sober, and in the correct attire. 

    Secondly--did you ask your WP for their budget's privately before picking this dress? Maybe there is more to it than anxiety over the color green. Maybe she is stressed about the cost. 

    Third--do you want your vision of what your wedding "should look like" to trump your friendship? What is more valuable to you--having your WP look identical, or having one of the people you love most standing up next to you, regardless of what color they are wearing? 

    Options: let her pick her own color. I usually see the MOHs in different dresses now so it's not odd that she would have a different dress.  Or have the WP pick colors from a color pallate that is complementary. Let people pick dresses that fit their own personal body types and style. Giving fabric type, length, and color options are a good way to have a cohesive look while taking your WPs comfort and style into account. 

    Oh, and you can only do so much to make everyone happy. As long as you either select a dress in your WPs budget, or you give them parameters and let them buy their own dress, that's all you need to do. While you can dictate that "this is the dress and deal with it," just know that it might harm your relationship. 

    Ftr--I was in a wedding where yellow was the dress color. I'm not a person who looks good in yellow. I didn't complain, but I also seriously wasn't happy about it. It was a useless dress purchase for me at a time where money was really tight. The bride was a close friend, but I didn't feel comfortable with telling her I'd rather have a different color. If our relationship had been a little different I would have tried to persuade her to get a different color, maybe not in the way your MOH did, but I would have let her know I wasn't comfortable with it. Take this in stride, OP. Go have a margarita and take a deep breath. This really isn't a big issue. It just feels like it because you are eating, drinking, and breathing wedding right now. 


    image
    SP29short+sassy
  • I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)

    When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time. 

    Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."

    Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.

    She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.

    I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:

    • Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
    • I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
    • I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
    Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.
    You don't have to appease your friend/change your wedding color if you don't want to, but I'm curious if you know she only wears blue, purple, black, and grey clothing why would you now ask to her to wear a different color, in front of people? 

    I think the easiest solution is to have her wear a separate color dress, or change all the dresses. It's not uncommon to have the MOH wear a separate color so she could wear grey and the remaining BMs wear green. 
    Everybody has their "go-to" colors they wear more often than anything else in their closet. I didn't purposefully pick a color I knew she hated; I had no idea she hated it so much before I picked it and I didn't know she had anxiety regarding colors. I haven't seen a bridal party before with two MOHs in different dresses. Do you have any examples? I'm open to it but I've never seen it done with 2 MOHs, only 1.
  • levioosa said:
    I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)

    When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time. 

    Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."

    Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.

    She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.

    I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:

    • Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
    • I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
    • I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
    Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.
    First off--there is no such thing as "MOH duties." The only thing your WP has to do is show up on time, sober, and in the correct attire. 

    Secondly--did you ask your WP for their budget's privately before picking this dress? Maybe there is more to it than anxiety over the color green. Maybe she is stressed about the cost. 

    Third--do you want your vision of what your wedding "should look like" to trump your friendship? What is more valuable to you--having your WP look identical, or having one of the people you love most standing up next to you, regardless of what color they are wearing? 

    Options: let her pick her own color. I usually see the MOHs in different dresses now so it's not odd that she would have a different dress.  Or have the WP pick colors from a color pallate that is complementary. Let people pick dresses that fit their own personal body types and style. Giving fabric type, length, and color options are a good way to have a cohesive look while taking your WPs comfort and style into account. 

    Oh, and you can only do so much to make everyone happy. As long as you either select a dress in your WPs budget, or you give them parameters and let them buy their own dress, that's all you need to do. While you can dictate that "this is the dress and deal with it," just know that it might harm your relationship. 

    Ftr--I was in a wedding where yellow was the dress color. I'm not a person who looks good in yellow. I didn't complain, but I also seriously wasn't happy about it. It was a useless dress purchase for me at a time where money was really tight. The bride was a close friend, but I didn't feel comfortable with telling her I'd rather have a different color. If our relationship had been a little different I would have tried to persuade her to get a different color, maybe not in the way your MOH did, but I would have let her know I wasn't comfortable with it. Take this in stride, OP. Go have a margarita and take a deep breath. This really isn't a big issue. It just feels like it because you are eating, drinking, and breathing wedding right now. 
    I did ask for the budget beforehand and everyone agreed that the cost of the dress we picked was within their means. I also asked if they wanted the shorter version (it was cheaper and would cut alterations costs) and everyone agreed they wanted and could afford the long style.

    I'm leaning towards a different MOH color. I can still tell I'm going to need a few margaritas through this planning process though.
    MairePoppy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I see both sides.  As long as the dress you picked is under the lowest budget of your BMs, you're good.  I've hated a lot of the BM dresses I've had to wear (sometimes color, sometimes cut/style).  But I lived to tell the tale.  You know your friend best and know how much her anxiety will affect her well being.  
    For my own wedding, I asked my WP (my two sisters and a good friend) to wear whatever black dress they liked.  They all love black and have very different body types, and it just didn't feel right trying to get them into matching dresses.  The wedding color was pink, but it came through in the flowers, venue uplighting, the favor's wrapping, the invitation a bit...WP shouldn't really be props.
    geebee908
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    This is probably awful of me, but I would be digging through photos of her on FB to see if this green thing is really a thing. That seems like something you'd know about your BFF - like she can't wear green without puking and running away as soon as she hits the aisle? 

    And why didn't she mention this when you had the "BM dress deal breakers" or "too much green discussions"? She's your BFF right? And she couldn't tell you wearing green makes her physically sick and frantic? Sorry, but I'm calling a little BS on this one. It sounds like she just doesn't like the color and is making a super wild excuse about it. 

    That said, if you want to avoid any issues, you could just pick a new color. You might want to see how far this green aversion goes though...like can she wear a corsage with green in it? Can she carry green flowers? Can she ride in a green car? Can you serve green vegetables? If you have this color as overlays or napkins at the reception, is she going to ghost? If she's serious about this aversion, these are worthwhile conversations.
    I'm with you on this one. 

    I also think there may be something else going on here. Asking your BP to wear a certain color is normal. What happens when the next color you pick isn't to her liking. The one "duty" your MOH has is to show up on the day, relatively sober, in the proper attire and she's basically refusing to do that. 
    CMGragainshort+sassyMesmrEwe
  • CMGragain said:
    It is the MOH's duty to show up at your wedding, wearing the dress you have chosen.  If she doesn't want to do this, then it is up to her to either buy the dress and wear it, or to resign as MOH.  Her choice, not yours.  When SHE is the bride, it will be her turn to choose colors.  I hope she gets payback when the time comes!

    Personally, if my dearest friend asked me to wear a clown suit and stand next to her at her wedding, I would try to talk her out of it, but I would ultimately do as she wished.
    Image result for image clown female
    I want to tell her this but I don't know how to go about it and preserve our 10 year friendship. Any ideas? (That clown is fantastic, by the way.)
  • "I understand that green isn't everyone's favorite color, but it is a color that FI and I love and want to be a part of our wedding. Do you have true anxiety related to the color green or is it just a color that you would prefer not to wear? I don't want to cause you any pain, but I love this color and these dresses and would really like to use them in my wedding. Would you be able to handle wearing a dress this color for one day or is that too much for you?" 

    Maybe something like that?...
    I think that's perfect. I'm going to give her a week or so to cool off about it (I'm in the final weeks of my last semester of college right now, so I have other stress I need to deal with first) and then bring it up with her.
    MobKazshort+sassy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is probably awful of me, but I would be digging through photos of her on FB to see if this green thing is really a thing. That seems like something you'd know about your BFF - like she can't wear green without puking and running away as soon as she hits the aisle? 

    And why didn't she mention this when you had the "BM dress deal breakers" or "too much green discussions"? She's your BFF right? And she couldn't tell you wearing green makes her physically sick and frantic? Sorry, but I'm calling a little BS on this one. It sounds like she just doesn't like the color and is making a super wild excuse about it. 

    That said, if you want to avoid any issues, you could just pick a new color. You might want to see how far this green aversion goes though...like can she wear a corsage with green in it? Can she carry green flowers? Can she ride in a green car? Can you serve green vegetables? If you have this color as overlays or napkins at the reception, is she going to ghost? If she's serious about this aversion, these are worthwhile conversations.
    I'm with you on this one. 

    I also think there may be something else going on here. Asking your BP to wear a certain color is normal. What happens when the next color you pick isn't to her liking. The one "duty" your MOH has is to show up on the day, relatively sober, in the proper attire and she's basically refusing to do that. 
    I think at this point I'm just going to put my 3 BMs in green and pick a different neutral color for the MOHs and say, "I'm not asking if you like it, will this color make you puke? No? Great. We're done here."
    Similar to @CMGragain's story, I once literally took a BM dress off and tossed it immediately in the garbage.  We do encourage brides to maintain some flexibility, and consider personal styles and tastes.  However, the ONE issue that should be a non-issue is your color choice.  It should be YOURS.

    Personally, I'm on Team KeepItGreen, but I applaud your efforts to compromise.  However, I would not offer any options.  Your friend only mentioned the color green as an issue.  I would say, "Friend, green will be the primary dress color, but I am willing to offer taupe (or whatever color you choose) as the dress color for you and other MOH.  Choose now". 

    I would also only select color options offered for the exact same dress.  There is no point in starting from square one. 
    SP29charlotte989875short+sassy
  • MobKaz said:
    Similar to @CMGragain's story, I once literally took a BM dress off and tossed it immediately in the garbage.  We do encourage brides to maintain some flexibility, and consider personal styles and tastes.  However, the ONE issue that should be a non-issue is your color choice.  It should be YOURS.

    Personally, I'm on Team KeepItGreen, but I applaud your efforts to compromise.  However, I would not offer any options.  Your friend only mentioned the color green as an issue.  I would say, "Friend, green will be the primary dress color, but I am willing to offer taupe (or whatever color you choose) as the dress color for you and other MOH.  Choose now". 

    I would also only select color options offered for the exact same dress.  There is no point in starting from square one. 
    Oh, no, it will be the same dress. No way am I going through this again. I'm going to look at the possible colors in person later this week to find my single "compromise color." If she doesn't like that color, she can suck it up and pick that or the green.
    MobKaz
  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2017
    CMGragain said:
    It is the MOH's duty to show up at your wedding, wearing the dress you have chosen.  If she doesn't want to do this, then it is up to her to either buy the dress and wear it, or to resign as MOH.  Her choice, not yours.  When SHE is the bride, it will be her turn to choose colors.  I hope she gets payback when the time comes!

    Personally, if my dearest friend asked me to wear a clown suit and stand next to her at her wedding, I would try to talk her out of it, but I would ultimately do as she wished.
    Image result for image clown female
    I completely agree, and I'd also say if my best friend said the only way she could stand up for me at my wedding was wearing this clown suit I'd buy it for her myself. For me regardless of who is being unreasonable I'd just want her there. 
  • Question - is other MOH comfortable wearing grey or would she rather wear green? i would rather wear emerald green than grey, so I can see that being disapointing for other MOH to be the one to miss out on the dress she prefers
    MairePoppyshort+sassy
  • Oh, no, it will be the same dress. No way am I going through this again. I'm going to look at the possible colors in person later this week to find my single "compromise color." If she doesn't like that color, she can suck it up and pick that or the green.
    I wouldn't even tell her that. I would pick some other color that goes with your scheme - say grey - and be like "ok, if you don't want to wear green, this IS the other color. Both you and (other MOH) will be wearing this color. Please order your dress by (date)." If she pitches a fit, and says grey will make her puke and abandon ship, then she can sit in the audience with the rest of the guests. 

    I mean, seriously? You asked for their budgets, you asked for their deal breakers (at which point she should have said green), you let them try stuff on, you picked something everyone liked.... short of choosing their own dresses, they've had much more say than most weddings. 
    I realize I wasn't super clear in my wording but I am absolutely having green at my wedding. New decision is both MOHs will be in grey, everyone else in green. If she doesn't like the grey, she can wear the green. If she won't wear either, she can take a seat in the audience in whatever color makes her happy. I'll be stealing your wording on the "order by date," FYI. Hadn't thought of that yet.
    levioosasouthernbelle0915Knottie1463755638
  • Question - is other MOH comfortable wearing grey or would she rather wear green? i would rather wear emerald green than grey, so I can see that being disapointing for other MOH to be the one to miss out on the dress she prefers
    She wants to wear green but she's being super understanding of the situation and said she will wear grey if it comes down to it. All of the other bridesmaids are unaware of the drama going on with the other MOH but they want to wear green as well.
    short+sassy
  • It sounds like you're dealing with someone who you know has some emotional/psychological/affective issues. Others have it covered, and it sounds like you're doing your best, but it bears repeating: come at this from a place of empathy, not from a bridal POV. She's going to be there for you long after your wedding, and you're honoring her. Don't get it backwards by putting her in a position where her anxiety is triggered to make you happy. 
    honey-brookecharlotte989875ernursejshort+sassy
  • It sounds like you're dealing with someone who you know has some emotional/psychological/affective issues. Others have it covered, and it sounds like you're doing your best, but it bears repeating: come at this from a place of empathy, not from a bridal POV. She's going to be there for you long after your wedding, and you're honoring her. Don't get it backwards by putting her in a position where her anxiety is triggered to make you happy. 
    Thank you for this reminder. <3<3<3 It's been a rocky few days and I really needed to hear it. I love her and sometimes it's just not easy to love someone.
    JediElizabethei34short+sassyViczaesar
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I do think it's odd that this person is your best friend and you had no idea she had an aversion to wearing certain colors. I also think it's weird that she couldn't just be upfront about all of this. I have some weird anxiety things, and while they might be embarrassing, I'd absolutely have a discussion about them with my very best friend. This all seems so bizarre to me. 

    Anyway, I'd just let her wear a grey dress. 

  • geebee908 said:
    Brooke, change your username to something more anonymous for the sake of internet safety.
    Based on the Knot FAQ, it's impossible to change. Has anyone had success with changing it before?
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Try messaging knotriley with the username you would like instead. That usually works. 


    image
  • levioosa said:
    Try messaging knotriley with the username you would like instead. That usually works. 

    I messaged knotriley to change it, thanks for the heads up! I didn't know I couldn't change it when I made my account. :(
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