I'm getting married November 2017 and I have two MOHs, one is my high school best friend and the other is my college best friend. My high school MOH is the "problem" bridesmaid. (I also have three other bridesmaids.)
When I picked the color emerald/forest green two months ago she said she was concerned about that I was using "way too much green in the wedding" since I'm getting married indoors at a location that happens to be in a park. There are large windows in the venue and her concern was that things would be "too green." I told her I had thought about that but being November, I wasn't too concerned since it's late fall and things are pretty well brown by that point in time.
Yesterday we (myself and my two MOHs) finally found what we think is the perfect dress and they had the perfect shade of green, but I decided to wait on officially deciding on the dress until all of my BMs could try the dress on and see if it was flattering. I get home and received a text from my HS MOH telling me that the color I've chosen will make her "look like a swamp monster or crocodile" and that the color is "ugly and gross."
Two hours later and a lot of fretting over my response and ugly crying, I finally text her and tell her that her comments are extremely hurtful and I had talked to my fiance, mom, and MIL about the color and I still want to go with green.
She has always had anxiety but she's always been high-functioning. She only wears blue, purple, grey and black clothing and she's now telling me that the real reason she doesn't want to wear green is that it gives her such bad anxiety that it makes her physically sick and just thinking about wearing it she knows she'll likely bolt from the ceremony once she starts walking down the aisle.
I have anxiety, too, so I'm trying to be sympathetic but I don't know where to go from here. I also don't know which excuse I've heard is real ( a sort of "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" ordeal. Did her anxiety cause the hatred of green or did the hatred of green cause the anxiety?). I've considered a few alternatives if the anxiety really is the issue:
- Alternating with green and grey and putting her in grey.The problem with this one is the rest of the BMs prefer all green (as do I, obviously).
- I could also offer to let her stand at the far end so that she wouldn't feel like she had so many eyes on her but ask her to wear green with the rest of my BMs. The "proper" bridal party order would be off but it might ease the drama about the green dress.
- I could let her fulfill her MOH duties but ask her not to walk if it will cause her so much anxiety and stress. Obviously not the ideal choice, but if it means that she can avoid a full blown panic attack, I'm willing to consider it.
Ladies, what should I do here? What would you do? Are there any alternatives I haven't thought of? I've been friends with her for almost 10 years but I'm at my wits end with trying to appease everyone.