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charity favors

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Re: charity favors

  • I'm not trying to convince you to use charity favors, and I wasn't soliciting advice on something I'd already done. I only wanted to talk about the topic with other people who were doing or had done charity favors because it's clearly interesting to some folks.  My original post was never intended to be combative.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Thanks, I appreciate that. I looked around some also and the New York Times posted about wedding favors too: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/21/fashion/weddings/heartfelt-donations-replace-wedding-party-favors.html  It's a popular idea.

    Perhaps a photo wasn't the best, but that was just so they'd have something less generic.  I figure most of the cards get thrown away after they're used, but some might be kept -- just like a few people kept the programs afterward (while most went to recycling). 



    For the umpteenth time, "popular" =/= "appropriate."


    justsieInLoveInQueenslevioosa
  • And for the umpteenth time, I'm not trying to convince you (or anyone else) to do it if you don't like the idea or consider it inappropriate. Just to let people who want to do it (clearly plenty of people out there in the world) talk about it.
  • Okay, I'm done with this as I need to work. It's clear that this topic is too controversial.  I would have appreciated the chance to discuss charity favors with folks who used or planned to use them, rather than having people telling me what a terrible idea it was (as if that was somehow helpful after the fact). But, even if you think it's a bad idea, please recognize that lots of people DON'T think that, and that their opinions and thoughts matter also. These are all opinions -- not facts -- regardless of how you phrase your point of view. Lots of people will give charity gifts because they see it done and because some magazines (like the Brides) suggest it. Personally I hope it becomes a trend because I think it's a good thing (though again that's an opinion).
    Glasshalfempty
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Our posts were aimed at lurkers: Don't do charity favors. Regardless of what the OP thinks, they violate etiquette and many people will side-eye them.
    MesmrEwe
  • kvrunskvruns
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    Just curious, what happens to the money if someone never redeems their charity card? Does the giver get notice so you follow up with them? Is that just lost money? Does it eventually go somewhere? 
    southernbelle0915
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    kvruns said:

    Just curious, what happens to the money if someone never redeems their charity card? Does the giver get notice so you follow up with them? Is that just lost money? Does it eventually go somewhere? 


    I don't think the OP gets charged unless the card is used. I'm not 100% on that though.
  • edited June 1
    Well, I'll answer that since it's just factual. On the particular card I mentioned, the funds don't expire. If a person doesn't use them in a few years, those funds move into the organization's general budget (but will still be honored if a person suddenly uses the card). Or if you don't want that to happen (I don't care for that idea), you always have the option of donating any unused funds on your own (to whatever charities you pick yourself). You have a webpage where you can see which cards were spent and which ones weren't.  In my case, I'll wait a year and see if any are still left unused -- if so, I'll donate them to charities I pick. I'd probably let whoever still had cards know before I did that though.
    JediElizabeth
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    kvruns said:


    Just curious, what happens to the money if someone never redeems their charity card? Does the giver get notice so you follow up with them? Is that just lost money? Does it eventually go somewhere? 




    I don't think the OP gets charged unless the card is used. I'm not 100% on that though.


    I'm wrong. The FAQ's say that you get an email whenever one is used. I would assume then that after a certain amount of time, the purchaser would be able to use those funds another way, but it doesn't say.
  • edited June 1
    Yes, that's how it works. See my thread above yours. I do like that none of the donation is ever lost. I'll just check on my first anniversary (I think that's long enough) and see if any is left and donate it if so.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited June 4
    Vendor post and alert removed.


  • I think this is a good idea. People seem to have two problems with the charity donation. One is that you don't get to pick the charity - well, this problem is solved. The second is that it's "showy", but IDK, I think edible favors are kinda dumb. Like you want to give me a cookie to take home after you served me desert? I'd rather have $2 to donate to a charity. I think the OPs statement that a little bit of giving back with a lot of opulence is a good way to think about it. 

    Some things are opinions and some things are facts. You can dislike an idea, but you can't unequivocally state it's a bad idea like it's a fact. Your opinion is not a fact. And declaring to speak for a whole forum is pretty obnoxious. We're all individuals with various levels of tolerance for lots of things. One person does not speak for everybody.


    QFT.

    Maybe this is why the boards are dying...people shut each other down with the unfailing truth of stickies (/sarcasm) instead of allowing for debate. 

    In the example @MesmrEwe gave, someone was using guests' money for a charity of their choice. Tacky to announce, agreed; it seems like a marketing ploy for 10% bigger gifts.

    In OP's example, funds to be used toward charity were paid for by the bride and groom but directed by guests. I just don't see how saying "here's $10, give $8+ of it to the charity of your choice (minus fees)" is rude. 

    Maybe if you're a Christian you have beliefs based on the quoted verse (I'm not and don't), but I don't assume religiosity of my guests or friends, and I don't think etiquette should be dictated by a book that not everyone thinks is even relevant. I'd certainly never use a religious text in an argument with an internet stranger unless I knew their beliefs....that seems way more rude, IMHO. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited June 5










    I think this is a good idea. People seem to have two problems with the charity donation. One is that you don't get to pick the charity - well, this problem is solved. The second is that it's "showy", but IDK, I think edible favors are kinda dumb. Like you want to give me a cookie to take home after you served me desert? I'd rather have $2 to donate to a charity. I think the OPs statement that a little bit of giving back with a lot of opulence is a good way to think about it. 

    Some things are opinions and some things are facts. You can dislike an idea, but you can't unequivocally state it's a bad idea like it's a fact. Your opinion is not a fact. And declaring to speak for a whole forum is pretty obnoxious. We're all individuals with various levels of tolerance for lots of things. One person does not speak for everybody.






    QFT.

    Maybe this is why the boards are dying...people shut each other down with the unfailing truth of stickies (/sarcasm) instead of allowing for debate. 

    In the example @MesmrEwe gave, someone was using guests' money for a charity of their choice. Tacky to announce, agreed; it seems like a marketing ploy for 10% bigger gifts.

    In OP's example, funds to be used toward charity were paid for by the bride and groom but directed by guests. I just don't see how saying "here's $10, give $8+ of it to the charity of your choice (minus fees)" is rude. 

    Maybe if you're a Christian you have beliefs based on the quoted verse (I'm not and don't), but I don't assume religiosity of my guests or friends, and I don't think etiquette should be dictated by a book that not everyone thinks is even relevant. I'd certainly never use a religious text in an argument with an internet stranger unless I knew their beliefs....that seems way more rude, IMHO. 




    The problems with expecting guests to pick charities for couples to donate to instead of donating one's own funds to charities of one's own choice have been outlined above.

    If you want to "debate" every aspect of etiquette then you're setting up a slippery slope: Is there any act that's truly "rude" and shouldn't be done because "rudeness" is "just opinion"? If that's the case, then you could excuse just about any form of rudeness, like cash bars, PPDs, firing wedding party members, or treating them as your personal servants, because "in your opinion" you haven't been rude.

    So I think etiquette goes beyond "opinion." Shocking as it may seem, while the impulse to be charitable to others is laudable, some forms of charitable giving are, indeed, rude, which include making an announcement that you are doing it "in lieu of" spending the money on your wedding guests (or for that matter, anything else). And giving the guests a "choice" of charities doesn't mitigate the rudeness. They didn't accept your wedding invitation to be told that you want to do something else with your money.


    OurWildKingdom
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    banana468 said:

    I remember when I was in my 20s 10 years ago and I saw this and thought it was a nice idea.   

    Then I started to think more about it.   I'm not against a couple who does this because they think they're going a good thing.   And in general, those I see who have done this are couples who have lost an immediate family member and the donation benefits a cause near and dear to them.  I appreciate that.

    But in general I now have to agree that it's always "in lieu of favors" and not "In lieu of limos" or "in lieu of honeymoon".   It's saying that you could have spent more money on your guests but opted not to.

    Is this going to bother me like a cash bar does?  Not in the least.   But I don't think it's a thing to be lauded either. 


    It's the in lieu of other things that I don't like, but in this OP's case it wasn't in lieu of it was with other stuff. The one a couple weeks ago wanted to print cards saying they were making a donation in lieu of favors.

    I looked into this company a little and they don't pass on the donation every time they get one. I think I read that donations are done on a quarterly basis, which erases the micro-donation complaint. 
    Australian_girl_in_Parisshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    banana468 said:


    I remember when I was in my 20s 10 years ago and I saw this and thought it was a nice idea.   

    Then I started to think more about it.   I'm not against a couple who does this because they think they're going a good thing.   And in general, those I see who have done this are couples who have lost an immediate family member and the donation benefits a cause near and dear to them.  I appreciate that.

    But in general I now have to agree that it's always "in lieu of favors" and not "In lieu of limos" or "in lieu of honeymoon".   It's saying that you could have spent more money on your guests but opted not to.

    Is this going to bother me like a cash bar does?  Not in the least.   But I don't think it's a thing to be lauded either. 




    It's the in lieu of other things that I don't like, but in this OP's case it wasn't in lieu of it was with other stuff. The one a couple weeks ago wanted to print cards saying they were making a donation in lieu of favors.

    I looked into this company a little and they don't pass on the donation every time they get one. I think I read that donations are done on a quarterly basis, which erases the micro-donation complaint. 


    Does the company donate all of the contributions? Or does it help itself to a cut the way honeyfunds do?
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    Jen4948 said:

    Does the company donate all of the contributions? Or does it help itself to a cut the way honeyfunds do?


    They do keep part of it. I'm not saying this is a great idea. In fact, I think it's inappropriate for a wedding. It goes back into, if you spend money to give money, you're not very good with money and I get that. I'm just speaking to the micro-donation aspect of it.
    MesmrEweSP29
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
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    Jen4948 said:








    banana468 said:



    I remember when I was in my 20s 10 years ago and I saw this and thought it was a nice idea.   

    Then I started to think more about it.   I'm not against a couple who does this because they think they're going a good thing.   And in general, those I see who have done this are couples who have lost an immediate family member and the donation benefits a cause near and dear to them.  I appreciate that.

    But in general I now have to agree that it's always "in lieu of favors" and not "In lieu of limos" or "in lieu of honeymoon".   It's saying that you could have spent more money on your guests but opted not to.

    Is this going to bother me like a cash bar does?  Not in the least.   But I don't think it's a thing to be lauded either. 






    It's the in lieu of other things that I don't like, but in this OP's case it wasn't in lieu of it was with other stuff. The one a couple weeks ago wanted to print cards saying they were making a donation in lieu of favors.

    I looked into this company a little and they don't pass on the donation every time they get one. I think I read that donations are done on a quarterly basis, which erases the micro-donation complaint. 




    Does the company donate all of the contributions? Or does it help itself to a cut the way honeyfunds do?


    Of course they keep a cut!!!  They are a BUSINESS not a "charity".  Also - not everyone has internet to choose from these 300 "charities" - no one has mentioned that aspect of the scam since the money is soaked into the "organization" if not used for a certain amount of time which is how they make their money (think gift/prepaid card fees, they bank on people NOT using and then losing them).  
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  • MesmrEwe said:




    -snip-






    Of course they keep a cut!!!  They are a BUSINESS not a "charity".  Also - not everyone has internet to choose from these 300 "charities" - no one has mentioned that aspect of the scam since the money is soaked into the "organization" if not used for a certain amount of time which is how they make their money (think gift/prepaid card fees, they bank on people NOT using and then losing them).  


    This is a really good point! I work for a company that often assumes all of our customers have internet access, and I feel like I'm constantly reminding my boss of that fact. There are way more people who don't have internet than is often assumed. I would hope that company had a phone number or something to call but my goodness listening to a list of 300 charities over the phone would be enough to make me just pick something so I could hang up!
  • I went to a wedding where the B&G donated to a charity in our names. I didn't like that! I didn't want my name associated with that particular charity (b/c some charities are not actually doing what they say they do). If you want to donate, donate... do it in private. You don't have to announce that you did it.
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