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Actually I didn't say anything to folks about donating to a charity instead of a favor. I literally just gave out charity cards (in a little bag that also included wedding-bubbles and a thank-you note). People were free to not take one or leave it behind if they opened it and didn't like it. I have no idea what the venom is about, but I've discovered that this board gets angry about wedding favors.As far as edible favors, lots of folks have allergies and/or don't like certain foods. Goes into can't-please-everyone again. I did think about edible favors also at one point and decided I'd do better with charity in my group.
But then my guests wouldn't have been able to pick the charities. I wanted to support the ones that THEY like, not the ones that I like. And maybe I couldn't give them every single option in the world, but I could give them 300 to choose from.
I didn't privately donate the money because I wanted the people at my wedding to choose where it went. Because they have charities that are meaningful to them, and I wanted to support those. Many of them sent me personal notes saying how they appreciated it.
I think it's funny that people think it's fine to be as over-the-top as you want -- with dresses that costs thousands of dollars, open bar, 7-piece bands, stuff like that. As if that's not a huge cry for attention. But if you mention that you're giving to a charity, people on the Knot just want you to hush it up 'cause maybe you're trying to look good. Like doing something good is somehow vile and it should be all about indulgence. Sorry, but I don't feel that way.
But I'm not trying to convince you or anyone to give out charity cards. I just came on here to share the option that I found for those who *do* want to give charity favors -- so they'd know about the card option. Judging from the sticky thread about it, a lot of people want to do charitable donations as favors and they will. Even if you don't like it -- even if you think it's rude -- people are going to do it anyway. And my post was for those guys, not for you. Because it was helpful for me when I read some of the other ideas for charity favors, I thought it might similarly be helpful for someone else to read about the one I'd come across. Personally I hope that charitable giving at weddings becomes a common thing and that I see it at every wedding I attend. I'll be very glad if someone makes a donation to charity on my behalf. I'd prefer that to whatnots or treats any day.
What it is to you? If you don't want to give charity wedding favors, DON'T. I think it's a good thing. I'm glad I did it, and I'm glad other people do it. It's the only type of wedding favor I ever hope to receive. I couldn't care less about "appropriate manners." If you give away some little whatnot, there's a good chance that folks will hate it and throw it away. If they hated the charity card, they could do the same. So what difference does it make? In my case, it resulted in a lot of emails where people told me which charities they'd chosen and why. I really enjoyed learning about that and I do feel joyful about it. My original post is not for you -- it's for the folks out there who would like to do a charity option. I don't care whether you think that's good manners or not. Fortunately, not all of us are bound by silly rules.
1“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
ETA: In the immortal words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."
Thanks, I'm agnostic also and I don't find it applicable. But I often go by what I would personally like. And I would personally like it if someone gave to a charity on my behalf. People could do that all day long and I would never take offense. Actually, I would think it's great that I'd inspired them to do something good. One of my friends posts every Christmas (on Facebook) that she'll donate to charities her friends believe in if they tell her the charities. I think that's great. Maybe other people find it offensive. If they do, I can't relate to them. I think she's even raising awareness that there are others out there who are unfortunate. I'm not sure why folks want to beat up on something as insignificant as a wedding favor anyway. Why not just let those of us who want to give to charity do so without so much grief? It's not hurting anyone, and it might actually be doing some good in the world. Why not just let people have a conversation about the options without attacking the idea?
I read the sticky. It's clear to me that some people don't like charity gifts as wedding favors, but it's also clear to me that other people do (judging from the many responses to that sticky). I wasn't soliciting people's advice on whether it was a good idea -- I was stating that I had already done it and that my recipients appreciated it. It went over well, and I thought people might like to know about it. I thought people might be interested in the site that I'd found, but I'm sure anyone who was would have been afraid to speak up on this angry thread. Any discussion of the topic was completely shut down by people who think it doesn't follow the rules. That's just hateful.
Thanks Glasshalfempty, you were brave to say anything on this angry thread.
The main thing I notice about the sticky thread on this topic is that almost every single response to it was from someone who was doing some variation of a charitable favor (or charitable donation) at their own wedding. That is, until the topic was closed down (perhaps because the OP didn't like those responses?). It's a common thing and will keep happening regardless of how much people online try to shout it down or shame people for doing it. Threads like this just make sure they can't discuss it on here. It's a shame since that's what forums are supposed to be about and I suspect lots of people have ideas on how to do charity favors creatively. But they'll have to find somewhere other than the Knot to have civil discourse on the subject. The Knot forum overall is extremely combative and touchy with people constantly making announcements that they'll ignore you, etc. I've seen more polite boards on politics.
Actually, the responses on the sticky shows me that it's a popular idea, not an unpopular one. Even Brides magazine suggests it as recently as January of this year:http://www.brides.com/story/wedding-favors-that-give-backIt's clearly more acceptable than it might have been initially.But I'm not trying to make anyone support it. I just think people who are likeminded should be able to discuss it without being shouted down. But they can't because all the people on here are going to do is shout them down.