Etiquette

Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

124

Re: Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

  • Why again can't you spend less money to have a simply but adequately hosted wedding in California? If you don't want the damn wedding and don't give a crap who comes then why the need to have it in Vegas?
    eileenrob
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited November 1
    If you and your FI are eloping, then your wedding is all about YOU.  If you invite guests, their comfort and convenience become the priority.  You seem to want the wedding to be about YOU.  Please elope.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • ashleymay44 said:

    I'm really not understanding the "entitlement" argument- I'm not saying you're wrong,  I'm just saying I don't understand how that's what you're getting from this.

    [...]

    we do have our vision of our venue and honeymoon, and I'm not letting [consideration of my guests' time, money, and feelings] take that from me. 
    Does that help you understand?


    Look, you asked for advice on how to avoid surprising your guests with the lack of meal. Folks offered additional advice on how to avoid offending your guests with the lack of meal.

    You've since stated you now know how to avoid the surprise and you don't care about avoiding the offence, so what more is there to say?

    OliveOilsMom
  • Look, I appreciate the input, but I got the answer to my initial question, so thank you to those that helped. To others: I’m not looking for someone to tell me how rude it is or question why I don’t change this and that. We’ve made our plans, and they’re set- and I don’t regret it, nor do I need to explain anything further.I understand this is an etiquette forum, and my initial question was etiquette-related. So thank you to those who helped me solve my question! 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited November 2
    Hi all,
    I realize this may have a world of negative pushback, but I'm just looking for advice here. My fiance and I are from California, but recently moved to Florida. We plan to have the wedding in Vegas. Our parents are not footing the bill- it's all us. We're 22 and 23- just starting in the workforce without a huge budget. The package we're looking at is at the MGM Grand and is all inclusive with a cake-only reception, and it's perfect for our budget. Guest list is about 45 people and consists only of close family and 3 friends. However, we don't see these friends/family often because we live so far away, so we'd love to keep the celebration going after the reception and head to a restaurant of some sort after the wedding- but there's no way we could afford to feed that many people, so irecommendations on how to word something like this on the invitation? f they decided to join us, it would be on them. Any We couldn't really only invite a few people because then the rest of the close-knit family will become offended.

    ALSO: It is a package-deal. It's not something we can "cut" as far as budgeting, because it's a single price for everything (ceremony, cake, photography, etc). It's just a take-it-or-leave-it package. 
    I believe that this was your original question.  You asked how to word a wedding invitation to inform guests that you will not be paying for their dinner after your destination ceremony.   Here is how I answered it:


    CMGragain said:
    I have been away for a couple of days, and I just saw this.  @ashleymay44 , you are asking us to help you do something that is against etiquette and is inconsiderate of your guests.  We cannot help you do this.

    Please have a simple ceremony in California.  Easy and no fuss.  My niece was married like this a few weeks ago.
    THERE IS NO POLITE WAY TO DO WHAT YOU ARE PROPOSING. Your plan is rude and socially unacceptable.  No wiggle room. 
    1.  You cannot expect your guests to pay for their own food at your reception.
    2.  Cake and punch receptions are not acceptable for destination weddings.  The hotel offers them for LOCAL weddings.

    Therefore, YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE A DESTINATION WEDDING!  Oh, wait!  You can afford it.  You are planning a honeymoon to Norway, one of the most expensive countries in Europe.

    Everyone here has tried to help you find a proper way to have your wedding, but you refuse any suggestions.  We cannot help you.  I used caps because you can't seem to hear us.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited November 2
    Look, I appreciate the input, but I got the answer to my initial question, so thank you to those that helped. To others: I’m not looking for someone to tell me how rude it is or question why I don’t change this and that. We’ve made our plans, and they’re set- and I don’t regret it, nor do I need to explain anything further.I understand this is an etiquette forum, and my initial question was etiquette-related. So thank you to those who helped me solve my question! 
    So put your fingers in your ears and sing la-la-la-la!  I don't think you are mature enough to get married.  You certainly show no consideration for your guest's feelings.  There are rules about weddings.  Your plans break every one of them.  Remember our advice when half of your family is no longer speaking to you.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • I wonder how it's decided who qualifies for financial aid for this wedding.  What if one of your three, oh-so-lucky select friends needs help buying a dress?  Is there an application process? Is FAFSA involved somehow?
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMomnightnerd
  • MRDCle Nope, just the two family members. That's it. No one else needs (or deserves) it. The three friends (the bridesmaids) all agreed on a dress they can all afford.
  • banana468 said:
    Let them eat cake! 
    But only cake. Unless they brought their wallet.
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueenseileenrobCMGragain
  • I love how many times OP has come back and changed the story. Please never stop updating this post, OP, the etiquette board has been lacking in juicy drama and this takes the cake!
    I see what you did there. 
    eileenrobthisismynickname2SP29LadyCatherineDB
  • Ro041 said:
    "Hey two family members - I know you are too poor to come to Vegas, so we are paying your travel, dresses, and meal.  Hey, other 40 family members and 3 friends - you make decent money so you don't deserve any hospitality whatsoever.  So, if you want to come with us to dinner, you best bring your wallet.  Otherwise stay home.  Actually, please stay home because we don't really want you here, which is why we didn't extend any hospitality in the first place.  But you are our closest family and friends and we knew you would be pissed if you weren't invited to this super sweet event."

    I summed it up for you.

    let it go eye roll GIF
    *********************************************************************

    thisismynickname2Ro041
  • Ro041 I mean yeah, pretty much. 
  • This reminds me of my asshole ex who didn't have the balls to break up with me himself so he kept doing shitty stuff in an effort to get ME to break up with HIM. 
    image
    short+sassycharlotte989875OliveOilsMomSP29
  • Ro041 I mean yeah, pretty much. 

    OP is obviously a troll or a sociopath.
    She needs to think of some new drama to throw in here soon or I'm going to become bored.

    MairePoppyCMGragain
  • OK, now I am convinced.  Troll.  Don't feed it.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragain said:
    OK, now I am convinced.  Troll.  Don't feed it.
    Well, I do hope she'll come back to ask what is the proper way to fire her MOH. It's been slow around here lately. 
    She won’t fire her. Just do small things to offend her till she quits. 
    scribe95justsieMairePoppy
  • I agree we shouldn't feed her @CMGragain… she wouldn't feed us
    It's a travesty that I can only 'love' this once.
    justsieMairePoppyCMGragain
  • CMGragain said:
    OK, now I am convinced.  Troll.  Don't feed it.
    Our responses are clearly nothing more than crappy cake...not like a proper meal or anything.

    Most baffling to me is that OP thinks little enough about her guests to conceive and execute this plan, and came here concerned about how to word it.  That’s the least of your worries!  Just be straight with them.  That’s the part she was struggling with??!
    MairePoppy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Ro041 said:
    southernbelle0915 Don't know what MUD is, anyone care to elaborate?
    Ro041 We couldn't care less about gifts, we've lived together for years and don't want/need anything at all. 
    MairePoppy Harsh is good! It cuts out unnecessary niceties. I don't mind coming off as cheap- because I very much am. I do think the idea will be we spread word during the reception that we'll be going to "x" after, and if someone wants to join us, they can. Just not on us.
    How can you be 23-24ish and not want or need anything and yet be too poor to properly host people?  Did you spend all of your money on nice sets of china or glassware instead of saving it?  
    And "lived together for YEARS"? 

    I find it hard to believe that someone would go to the time, trouble, and expense to have the "honor" to see you marry KNOWING they get a slice of cake and a token hour of your time.

    You are trying way too hard.  BS.
    InLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • I agree we shouldn't feed her @CMGragain… she wouldn't feed us
    Congratulations, you just won the Internet.
    image
    MairePoppy
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