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Etiquette

Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

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Re: Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??

  • OliveOilsMom because we're paying for it ourselves and appreciate experiences over things? And I'm really not understanding the "entitlement" argument- I'm not saying you're wrong,  I'm just saying I don't understand how that's what you're getting from this. Selfish and cheap? Maybe. But I don't feel entitled to anything- we are having an event, and people can go if they want. We aren't expecting anything, gifts or otherwise. And yes, we do have our vision of our venue and honeymoon, and I'm not letting a single meal take that from me. 
  • Ro041 We're not poor- we make good money. I just can't fathom spending an extra $1500 just on food. That's 6 months of car payments, a month's rent, an amount I could send to struggling family to help them financially for an entire year, etc. Not worth a meal to me. 
  • Ro041 We're not poor- we make good money. I just can't fathom spending an extra $1500 just on food. That's 6 months of car payments, a month's rent, an amount I could send to struggling family to help them financially for an entire year, etc. Not worth a meal to me. And we don't have a large savings because we just graduated college and started in the workforce in the last year (22 & 23). Our savings is an emergency fund, not "feed people" fund. 
  • Ro041 When I say "struggling family" I mean my own. And I send them far more than that each year. 
  • banana468 People not attending for those reasons aren't a deterrent to me- if enough people don't go, we can actually feed the few that do. And as I mentioned before, we're not going for gifts- we've lived together for years and don't need or want anything. Gifts would just be clutter.
  • MRDCle I've been working full-time for years, I've only recently graduated college and joined the "official" 9-5 workforce in the last year.
  • Ro041 When I say "struggling family" I mean my own. And I send them far more than that each year. 
    And yet you don't care that you are asking them to drive/fly to Vegas, spend money on hotels, and buy their own dinner on the day of your wedding?  You - a person who sends so much money because her family is struggling and is poor and needs in excess of $1,500 a year from you just to stay afloat - care so little about them that you actually ask them to spend whatever little money they have on a weekend in Vegas on their own dime?  I am not buying it.  

    Umm Confused GIF - Umm Confused Wtf GIFs



    ei34charlotte989875InLoveInQueensSP29
  • southernbelle0915 I'll be paying their travel expenses. 
  • Ro041 same as I said above, I'm paying for those members' travel expenses. Obviously I can't expect them to afford it themselves. 
  • MRDCle I've been working full-time for years, I've only recently graduated college and joined the "official" 9-5 workforce in the last year.
    You're 22 or 23 and have been working full time for years?  Can you count those years on one hand? 

    Why would you ask families with financial struggles to travel to Vegas for your wedding? 

    Why would you bait and switch the guests?   If more people decline then if anyone in your imaginary family shows up they might get a dinner?  Did you set a threshold in your imaginary budget where the switch flips from cake to meal?   




    charlotte989875nightnerd
  • Ro041 same as I said above, I'm paying for those members' travel expenses. Obviously I can't expect them to afford it themselves. 
    Don't you think they would prefer the money, if they are so hard up they have been asking their teenage/young 20 something relative for over $1,500 for years?  And I think it's fascinating that this convenient fact only now made its way out into your story.  

    What about the night of your wedding?  Are you paying for their dinner?  Dinner in Vegas is much more pricey than ramen at home.  Or do you not care if they eat once they are there?

    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2017
    I have been away for a couple of days, and I just saw this.  @ashleymay44 , you are asking us to help you do something that is against etiquette and is inconsiderate of your guests.  We cannot help you do this.

    Please have a simple ceremony in California.  Easy and no fuss.  My niece was married like this a few weeks ago.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • 22 and 23 years old. Been living together for years, have everything you need, been working full time for years, just graduated from college? MUD
    ei34InLoveInQueensahoyweddingPrettyGirlLost
  • Ro041 Didn't bring it up because it wasn't relevant to my ORIGINAL question, which was simply how to bring it to guests attention that there FI and I are going somewhere after. That's all I was asking. And yes, those few members will be paid for by me. I don't plan on extending the offer any further unless it can easily be done.

    STARMOON44 You're misinterpreting (as is everyone else, which is why I clarified) what I meant by "struggling family." I'm referring to my own family, whom I regularly help.

    banana468 Because I am paying for those particular members, so I don't see it to be an issue to invited them. Not an extra part of the budget, just that if we have enough saved up come the time of the wedding, we'll feed who is there- but it's not guaranteed. 
  • southernbelle0915 I'll be paying their travel expenses. 
    So you'll be telling them that because they're too poor to afford your wedding you'll treat them to an all expenses paid long weekend in Vegas and they can ignore the comments in the invitation that some of the guests won't get fed? 

    I bet they'll love to feel like a charity.
  • Ro041 Didn't bring it up because it wasn't relevant to my ORIGINAL question, which was simply how to bring it to guests attention that there FI and I are going somewhere after. That's all I was asking. And yes, those few members will be paid for by me. I don't plan on extending the offer any further unless it can easily be done.

    STARMOON44 You're misinterpreting (as is everyone else, which is why I clarified) what I meant by "struggling family." I'm referring to my own family, whom I regularly help.

    banana468 Because I am paying for those particular members, so I don't see it to be an issue to invited them. Not an extra part of the budget, just that if we have enough saved up come the time of the wedding, we'll feed who is there- but it's not guaranteed. 
    This is even worse.  Now you are singling people based on whether they can afford food, in your opinion.  Wow wow wow.  I would hate to be either of these groups of people - "Mom, we know you are too poor to afford to eat here, so we are paying.  Everyone else, you have decent jobs so get out your cash."  

  • ILoveBeachMusic & southernbelle0915  Yes, we started college at 17- I'm a year older. I had to work full-time in school to support family. FI and I lived together through college. I graduated last year and got a job and moved to Florida. FI graduated this May and moved out here with me once he got hired. So we did a year apart, but yes, we have everything we need. We have cookware, furniture, etc. Anything we'd register for would be purely frivolous and clutter up the place. We don't need china or a mixer.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2017
    If you and your FI are eloping, then your wedding is all about YOU.  If you invite guests, their comfort and convenience become the priority.  You seem to want the wedding to be about YOU.  Please elope.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
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