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Moms and Maids

I hate my sister's haircut :(

Just a vent:
My sister is one of my BM's. She's shaved her head on both sides and left a strip down the middle that she parts on either side. It's hideous.
I get that my sister is gender fluid and wants to be comfortable in the summer. I don't even care that her hair is short. But this particular style I don't like at all :/
I know she can do whatever she wants since I'm not paying for her hair.
I just want to say on tk. I really hate it!!!!!

Re: I hate my sister's haircut :(

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am not a fan of what I consider to be "extreme" hair fads either.  As a teacher I see a lot of changes and fads, particularly as summer approaches.  I was more than surprised to see a fairly quiet student come to school the last day sporting a mohawk.  Seeing "buzz cuts" doesn't make me blink, although I find few kids that can actually "rock" it.  I get that it's more about ease and comfort.  What surprised me is that I thought the mohawk "phase" had died out.

    I'm glad you vented on TK.  It's OK to dislike yet respect someone's choice.
    ahoywedding
  • @MobKaz That's exactly it. It's a fad. If she looks at the wedding photos in 20 years, she'll probably say WTF was I thinking?!
    MesmrEwe
  • edited June 2018
    **edited for tact**
  • eileenrob said:
    Just a vent:
    My sister is one of my BM's. She's shaved her head on both sides and left a strip down the middle that she parts on either side. It's hideous.
    I get that my sister is gender fluid and wants to be comfortable in the summer. I don't even care that her hair is short. But this particular style I don't like at all :/
    I know she can do whatever she wants since I'm not paying for her hair.
    I just want to say on tk. I really hate it!!!!!
    I mean, gross :/
    Definitely smart to keep the venting and calling it gross here. Your tone may be getting lost in the text but the words alone are rude. It’s not my particular style but hair is really personal, the beauty of it is everyone gets to decide for themself what they like.  
  • @eileenrob
    Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
    She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.
  • I don't like the hairstyle either, but she's an adult and can wear her hair however she chooses. You are right not to say anything to her about it or let it affect her role in your wedding. Keep your venting here; even if someone you know IRL makes a negative comment about your sister's hair, do not join in.  And yes, she may hate it years from now and ask what she was thinking, but that is her problem, not yours. 


    image
    MesmrEweahoywedding
  • My vote goes for the internal laugh of "She's going to wonder WTF she was thinking 20 years from now and *I* got it in photographs for a lifetime!" ... Anyone remember the big hair and bubble bangs from the late 80's/early 90's... And let's not forget - the Royal Crown Mullet!  Business in the front, party in the back!  Yes, we rocked it, but DANG!  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    thisismynickname2ahoyweddingknottie6f05dc9f7907d7daOliveOilsMom
  • I am not homophobic; but I am allowed to say that I think her haircut looks terrible. She cut it herself.
    And I know my sister. I did tell her she could wear a tux. But that I would buy her the dress, unless she wanted  to pay for the tux rental herself, simply because the tuxedo rental was more expensive.The other party members purchased their own dress or rented their own tux. 
    Clothing choices aside; my sister likes to make a statement whether it concerns her sexuality or not. She's artistic. Marches to the beat of her own drum. She can think I'm boring because I follow gender stereotypes. I don't care. 
    But she could have at least had a professional cut her damn hair. I'd rather it was completely shaved off because it looks awful. 
  • @eileenrob
    Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
    She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.
    Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
    I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
    I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
    Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 
    AND. A good friend who--is transgender--and who is the hairdresser for my wedding even said that my sister took the cut up too high on her crown. 
  • PP at the end of the day, you can think whatever you want about her hairstyle. Whatever you think, keep it to yourself. Whatever reason she decided to cut it is hers and she will live with the consequences (if there are any). Venting on a forum like this is probably okay.

    Be the better person if you do think she is doing this to stir the pot and don't let it get to you. Be kind and considerate. I've found that people that tend to stir the pot are actually very uncomfortable and the best thing we can do for that is to show they that they belong and we care for them.

    ShesSoColdknottie6f05dc9f7907d7da
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Welp. You'll have your wedding photos to memorialize her choice for the rest of your days. However, like we tell anyone else who's having kittens over "the photos!!" remember what you're likely to frame in your home. You are likely to frame one portrait of you and your spouse. And that's probably it. 
    If you're going to frame photos of your family, of the hundreds you'll receive I'm sure you can find one of you and sis that you like- more because of the expressions of happiness and love and celebration, that will overshadow any hair choices. 
    ________________________________


    ernursejahoyweddingOliveOilsMomshort+sassy
  • MobKaz said:
    @eileenrob
    Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
    She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.
    Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
    I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
    I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
    Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 

    @eileenrob
    Okay, calling her hair "gross" is a bit much. I'm not going to say anything to her about it, or anywhere else except for the safety of this thread. I just really, really dislike it. And you would have to know my sister; it's not just her personal style...she likes to be passive aggressive when it comes to making a statement. And her buzzing her hair off this close to the wedding means she is trying to prove a point or protest something. She had asked about wearing a suit, for example. I told her, "you wore a dress to 2 of our friends' weddings. I will buy you your bm dress, but if you want a suit, you have to rent/buy the same color tux as the guys, out of your own pocket."
    She's wearing a dress. I feel like her hair choice is her way non-conforming.  *sigh* good for her. But. I won't show my dissatisfaction to start an argument with her, or hurt her feelings. Not worth it.
    Honestly, this is really shitty of you.
    I'm a butch lesbian. I've worn dresses in friends' weddings before. It was incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable and awful for me, but wasn't out at the time. My mother insisted that I wear a dress as her bridesmaid as well, after I came out. The result? All the pictures with me in them just look awkward and awful because it is unmissably visible how uncomfortable I am. Do you want to look back at your wedding and at your photos and see how miserable you made your sister, out of spite?
    I've had parts of my head shaved at various times and 90% of the time have a buzz cut. I think it looks hot and it makes me feel attractive and comfortable. Your issue is that you're judging your sister by heterosexual beauty standards when those probably don't apply to her. 
    Honestly, you are being very shitty to your sister and I'm sorry that she was cursed with such a homophobic family. 
    That last sentence of yours was a harsh and unwarranted judgment.  I am not a huge fan of the hairstyle, either.  It hardly makes me homophobic.  I wear my hair incredibly short and literally do not own a dress or skirt.  That hardly makes me butch, either.
    no one said you were butch. 
  • I'm still confused by the whole tux vs. dress issue. Everyone in your wedding party except your sister is responsible for paying for their own attire, BUT you will only pay for hers if she wears a dress because the tux is more expensive. If you were paying strictly to help your sister out because she was strapped for cash and you weren't, then the cost of the tux wouldn't matter so much. I just can't help thinking that this is more about your sister conforming to what you're comfortable with her wearing than anything else.
    image
    InLoveInQueensahoywedding
  • levioosa said:
    So, I saw this a few days ago and it really rubbed me the wrong way. Your issues with your sister's haircut seem to go far beyond its appearance. You mention several times her gender preferences and "non-comformity" in a way that is judgy and mean. The haircut itself is not my cup of tea, but if she likes it and it makes her feel attractive, then that's what matters. I also think it is, to use your word, "gross" that you are forcing her into a dress. Come on. What harm does it do if she wears a suit? You'll buy her a dress but not a tux rental? Really?
    Yeah, I would have felt a lot better about this aspect if the cost of the dress that OP had originally budgeted for had at least been offered to reduce the cost of the tux.  Like, "Sure, sis.  I definitely don't mind you wearing a tux like some of the other WP members.  But the tux rental is $160 and I had only budgeted $100 for the BM dress.  Do you mind paying the difference?"  (I made the numbers up, as an example)
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    knottie6f05dc9f7907d7daInLoveInQueens
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